Fresh Start 2019 Summer Challenge – Day #1

by | June 17, 2019 | 2 comments

Fresh Start 2019 Summer Challenge – Day #1

by | June 17, 2019 | 2 comments

*This free challenge ended on June 21, 2019, but please stay tuned for our next 5 day mini-course happening in January 2020*​

Make sure you’ve registered for the challenge through the sign up page, so you receive all the goodies (prep kit, lesson checklist, daily lessons, journal prompts, bonuses, etc.)
.
Click HERE to get registered! 

Alright families, ready for our first lesson? Remember these lessons are designed to be SHORT & DIGESTIBLE. Consuming & finishing ALL 5 LESSONS will be your goal that we WILL celebrate on June 21st!

PARADIGM SHIFTING & SEEING MISBEHAVIOR AS COMMUNICATION

Let’s talk PARADIGM SHIFTING and how seeing our kids misbehavior is essential to having success with this curriculum.

The work of positive parenting is derived from one incredible mid-century doctor by the name of Rudolph Dreikurs.

Dreikurs was an Austrian psychiatrist and educator who developed a practical method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible (cray cray!) behavior in children and for stimulating cooperative behavior without punishment or reward.

His overall goal was that kids would learn to cooperate reasonably without being penalized or rewarded because they would feel that they are valuable contributors to society and their families.

In essence, helping families understand how to motivate kids to:

  • WANT to cooperate
  • WANT to listen
  • WANT to be kind
  • WANT to be respectful and
  • WANT to be a valuable, contributing member of society

NOT because they are forced, bribed or rewarded to do so, but because doing so feels right & is completely in line with their moral compass (their heart!). Imagine that! Sounds crazy, but trust me, it really does work! Kids WANT to behave well, they really do!

I know many of you are laughing, saying, “Yea right, you haven’t met my kid…their “moral compass” is questionable”…ha ha! I get it, I’ve been there, but stick with me, STICK WITH ME!

In order to shift into this type of mindset (that our kids are capable of being influenced to do the right thing because it’s right & they were designed to be loving, magnificent, kind humans) takes SEEING their daily actions & behaviors in a whole new light.

Dr. Dreikurs teaches us to see misbehavior as communication and guides us to understand that when kids act out, they are trying to communicate to us that one of their needs isn’t being met.

Needs such as:

  • The need to feel loved
  • The need to belong
  • The need to feel valuable
  • The need to feel powerful (yes, I promise this is a healthy need!)
  • The need to feel understood
  • The need to feel safe

These needs are the same in kids as they are in adults. That means that adults, just like kids, have misbehavior when our needs aren’t met. (Ever been short with the coffee shop barista, or cut someone off on the freeway, or snapped at your spouse? Yes, we ALL have misbehavior!)

So today, we’re starting with just seeing things differently.

The world is often not how it really is, but how we have been conditioned to see it.

So grab your “inspector gadget” costume and throw it on because you’re going to need it for the next 5 days as we try to understand what’s underneath our kids misbehavior!


ACTIVITY:

Take a break from seeing kids as “naughty”, “selfish” or “out to get us” and start seeing them as little ones just trying to figure out this thing we call life. Start asking yourself “What could they be trying to communicate right now” and “What unmet need could I try to help them with?”

  • Journal Prompt
    • Write down 1 time from the day when your child started misbehaving and instead of jumping to “You’re just being bad”, you asked yourself “What could they be trying to communicate in this moment”?
    • Hypothesize which category of misbehavior your child might have been in (You WON’T have all the answers yet, this is just a guess right now.)

​​WATCH: 

Click HERE to watch today’s QUICK 10 min. video tutorial


SUPPORT:

10:30am (PT – California US time) Head to the private challenge facebook group for today’s live 15 min. coaching session & Q/A on this topic. Ask questions, be in community, get supported!


See you back tomorrow for Day #2’s Lesson! 

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    I’m not sure if I’m watching the right thing for the parenting coaching but I just watched switching the paradigm . You talk about when my kid misbehaves what is it that they are missing that I can help them with. For example my 12 year old daughter had a phone up until a couple months ago and it has been taken away… that’s another story: fast forward their is a brand new tablet that I have not opened out of the package because I was going to sell it. She knows this. I found it open in her room and she had been asking her dad for the WiFi password ( said it was for her chrome book . He never gave it to her but said if she brings her chrome book to him he would put it in. All of a sudden her chrome book worked and no need for the password . So I find this tablet in her room . That’s what she was up to. So I don’t think there is a deep secret to figure out why she is misbehaving . What she wants and what was missing and what she wanted to connect with was the internet. How could I help her fill her need? Do I let her have the iPad and the WiFi password ? Because that’s what she wanted ? Obviously I need help with this concept .

    Reply
    • Wendy Snyder

      Hi Sandy, I’ll email you and make sure you are registered for the free challenge that this lesson is part of! All of the coaching (where I can answer a question like this) is done in the private facebook group each day at 10:30am pacific. I’ll add you to the challenge now so you get all the info! p.s. sneak peak at an answer for you … she has a need to belong probably at the root of her misbehavior. If she’s not getting that need met in the home, yes, she will seek it other places (like the internet). Just an idea for you to ponder. I covered the basic human needs as defined by Dr. Rudolph Dreikers in Day 1’s lesson: The need to belong, The need to feel powerful, The need to feel valuable, The need to give love & receive love. Those are the needs that drive human behavior (and misbehavior).

      Reply

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