Fresh Start 2019 Summer Challenge – Day #3

by | June 19, 2019 | 0 comments

Fresh Start 2019 Summer Challenge – Day #3

by | June 19, 2019 | 0 comments

*This free challenge ended on June 21, 2019, but please stay tuned for our next 5 day mini-course happening in January 2020*

Ready for Day 3? Remember these lessons are designed to be SHORT & DIGESTIBLE.

Consuming & finishing ALL 5 LESSONS is your goal that we WILL celebrate on June 5th.

Daily Instructions:

  • Read this email lesson
  • Watch the video lesson (link at bottom)
  • Check into the private facebook group & watch the live feed @ 10:30am (PT) … or watch later on the facebook page!
  • Do the daily assignment / journal prompt (info at bottom)

4 CATEGORIES OF MISBEHAVIOR – ATTENTION, INADEQUACY, REVENGE, POWER

~HOW TO WORK WITH KIDS WHO ARE

FEELING INADEQUATE OR ACTING OUT IN AVOIDANCE~


We’ve had 2 days now of practicing pausing when a stimulus (misbehavior) comes our way, how’s it going?

As we slow down to “seek to understand” what’s underneath our kids’ misbehavior, we have to be patient with ourselves and trust that the answers will come in due time. Right now is just all about slowing down to be “in learning”.

Slowly, we’re starting to adapt new strategies of redirecting our kiddos’ behavior into a more positive direction.


REVIEW:

Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs breaks down children’s misbehavior into 4 different categories:

Attention

  • Seeking attention from you in an inappropriate way
  • Any attention is deemed good by kids….even negative attention. We want to break this cycle.
  • Kids who misbehave in this category often have a mistaken belief that “the more you play with me or give me attention, the more you love me”
  • Parents will FEEL: IRRITATED, ANNOYED

Inadequacy / Avoidance

  • Not feeling capable of doing a task, doubting themselves, thinking they “just can’t on their own”
  • Often arises when a new task is being learned
  • Kids who behave this way NEED us to hold them in the light when they can’t hold themselves!
  • Parents will FEEL: PITY, THE DESIRE TO RESCUE

Revenge

  • When kids do something or say something that is revengeful
  • Kids who misbehave in this category often have a mistaken belief that “When I feel hurt, I have to hurt back….often because that’s what’s been modeled to me.” (ouch, I know…that one stings huh?)
  • Parents will FEEL: HURT, ANGRY

Power

  • When kids are in this category of misbehavior, they have a strong desire to FEEL powerful, but are seeking power in an inappropriate way.
  • Kids who misbehave in this category often have a mistaken belief that “In order to FEEL powerful, I must overpower others…often because that’s what’s been modeled to me!” (ouch, that one stings too, yikes!)
  • Parents will FEEL: PROVOKED, CHALLENGED

~HOW TO WORK WITH KIDS WHO ARE

FEELING INADEQUATE OR ACTING OUT IN AVOIDANCE~

Step #1: When a stimulus comes your way (misbehavior):
  • Pause
  • Ask yourself, HOW AM I FEELING? and What could my child be trying to communicate right now?
  • If the answer is “I feel sorry for or feel pity for my child, and am tempted to rescue them”….then try these strategies.
    1. Acknowledge what task they might feel is overwhelming or that they are feeling incapable about
    2. Help them break down the tasks into smaller sections, teaching them how to celebrate after they accomplish each section.
    3. Teach them in a calm time how to clean up negative self-talk.
      1. Modeling this (speaking out loud) is the best way to teach kids!

ACTIVITY:

  • Find ONE time today when your child starts to misbehave, when you stop to ask yourself:
    • “HOW AM I FEELING”
  • Journal Prompt
    • Write down your answer to the “feeling” question, as well as the misbehavior / stimulus that occurred.
      • Hypothesize which category of misbehavior your child may be in (You WON’T have all the answers yet, this is just a guess right now.)

BONUS : If you think they were seeking attention or inadequacy / avoidance: Try one of the strategies from yesterday’s attention lesson or today’s lesson above in Blue!


WATCH:

Click HERE to watch today’s QUICK 10 min. video tutorial


SUPPORT:

10:30am (PT – California US time) Head to the private challenge facebook group for today’s live 15 min. coaching session & Q/A on this topic. Ask questions, be in community, get supported!


See you back tomorrow for Day #4’s Lesson!

www.FreshStartFamilyOnlne.com

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