Influencing & Inspiring our Kids (vs. MAKING them comply)

by | February 21, 2019 | 0 comments

Influencing & Inspiring our Kids (vs. MAKING them comply)

by | February 21, 2019 | 0 comments

I often refer to my daughter as an angel … a gift from God … not because she’s easy going & soft spirited, but because she teaches me in such impactful, powerful ways what it means to be a TRUE leader.

What it means to be an influencer instead of a forcer, which is exactly what we discuss in episode 4 of The Fresh Start Family Show: Influencing Skills, an Interview with Pam Dunn of Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Company.

You see, my daughter is the type of kiddo (as I’m sure MANY of you are familiar with) that doesn’t respond well to fear, force & threatening.

If you push her hard, she’ll push back harder.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is content_stella_momma_beach_2009.JPG

I often refer to these kinds of children as “Cactus Kids” because they are beautiful for a gazillion reasons, but they are also at times:

  • hard to handle
  • a bit rough edged
  • sharp
  • hard to transition
  • capable of poking you & hurting you if you don’t handle them correctly

These strong “cactus kids” can be tough to understand & guide, but it’s crucial we learn how.

Think about it … besides being beautiful … cacti are valuable assets to our world! They serve in a unique, important way & they deserve to be respected.

Not everyone can be soft, fragile orchids.

The planet NEEDS strong, rigid, sharp, cacti just as much as it needs pretty fields of sunflowers.  

Our world NEEDS future adults who:

  • stand tall for what they believe
  • speak up for causes they feel are important
  • are able to operate outside of “the box”
  • go for what they want, even if everyone around them says “don’t do that”
  • are strong & able to whether storms of opposition
  • believe in themselves & operate with a humble heart

“Cactus Kids” as they grow up CAN put all of their strong-willed attributes to great use IF we can support them in ways where we INFLUENCE them instead of FORCE THEM TO COMPLY.

The strong-willed cactus kids ARE our future leaders.

Every second of every day, we are teaching them how to lead tomorrow, by how we lead them today.

I’m sure you’ve seen many of the books out there about “How to break a strong willed kid“? They never sat well with my heart or my faith.

Through raising our beautiful, strong, tenacious little girl, Terry and I have HAD to find a different way.

Thank God for Positive Parenting curriculum & mentors like Pam Dunn who have taught us to focus on influencing (breaking the false belief system that we need to force or control).

Learning to influence her with TRUE power (through empathy, connection, a mutually respectful relationship, trust, etc.) has been a continuous lesson that blesses me not just in my family life, but in every every of my life. 

White knuckling people to change doesn’t work. 

Overpowering others through fear & force or convincing them via bribery & rewards (to do what you want), JUST ISN’T SUSTAINABLE IN THE LONG RUN. PERIOD. 

As you listen to episode 4 about Influencing Skills, take notes & put some serious thought into how you can switch things up with your kids to be more influential, less overpowering.

For those of you who have strong-willed cactus kids, you will find that they respond SO much better when you lead them instead of force them.

Comment below with your thoughts after listening to Episode 4, or better yet, leave a review on I-tunes. We LOVE reviews here at Fresh Start Family & reward you monthly through our “review contest” (see episode 4 show notes page for more details).

​Always over here cheering you on!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

A community membership program for families looking for Positive Parenting support, guidance, inspiration, and connection.

The perfect place for all families to start when pursuing the work of positive parenting or desiring a review of the basic concepts.