New Year Kick Off Challenge – Day 5 (Jan. 28th – Feb. 1st)
New Year Kick Off Challenge – Day 5 (Jan. 28th – Feb. 1st)
*This free challenge has ended, but please stay tuned for our next 5 day mini-course happening in January 2020*
Ready for our 5th & final lesson of the week?
Your goal at the beginning of the week was to get through ALL 5 LESSONS & you are there! Just one last lesson to watch & one last coaching session to attend & you will have done what you set out to do!
If you’re interested in continuing your growth & learning with a community to support you & a coach to encourage you, click HERE to learn more about the Bonfire! The doors to this community only open twice a year, but the waitlist is always open!
DISCIPLINE THAT UNITES
Ahhhhhh discipline, such a fun, hot topic to discuss!
This is an area that everyone wants to jump right into:
- “What do we do when they just won’t listen?”
- “What will really make them learn?”
- “What should I take away so they really feel the pain of their mistake?”
- “What should I say to make them really change?”
- “Should I hit them, should I not? My parents swear that’s the only way they’ll learn.”
- “What kind of punishment will really get their attention?”
There’s a big reason why I saved this topic for our last day & it’s because in positive parenting curriculum, we FIRST focus on proactive methods (a lot of changing ourselves BEFORE we expect our kids to change), THEN we move on to discuss discipline when all of the proactive measures we try don’t work to prevent misbehavior.
Because yes, sometimes kids will still misbehave even after we’ve worked hard to fill their “needs bucket”.
Sometimes they will still try to get their needs met in inappropriate ways & it is our job to come beside them to support them with mentorship / teaching when needed. Our job is to guide them up & out of misbehavior vs. rubbing their face in the mud.
- Natural Consequences
- Logical Consequences
Together, these methods truly bring families TOGETHER instead of creating division, animosity & pain.
Since this is a just a mini-course, we can’t cover them all today, but Self-Calming is the BEST place to start, so that’s what we’re going to focus on today.
Self-Calming, as a form of discipline for the whole family, is SO incredibly important and ESSENTIAL to implement in our homes as the first go to discipline for everyone.
How many of you would say that you:
- Teach your kids that when they feel challenged … they should slow down & THINK about what they do before they react like a volcano?
- Tell your kids that they NEED to have self-control when they’re tempted to scream at their sister, or throw a toy when they are frustrated?
- Say to your kids things like “Use your words & respond with kindness when you’re tempted to do something disrespectful”
Situations like when:
- Their sibling is bugging them & they’re tempted to hit.
- You’ve asked them to come inside from playing & they’d rather keep climbing trees.
- You’ve said it’s time to leave the playdate when they’d rather stay for longer?
- They feel like their neighbor buddy isn’t sharing?
“Use your words, talk to me with kindness, walk away instead of throwing something, talk to others like you’d like to be talked to, calm down, be respectful, control yourself.”
Pretty common phrasing we say to our kids right?
But how many of you would admit that when YOU feel challenged by THEIR misbehavior, you have a tendency to do the OPPOSITE. That you often react like a volcano, instead of responding like an Emergency Medical Tech or Fireman …. freaking out & moving quickly to scolding, demanding, nagging, yelling, slamming doors, or using an irritated tone?
If you said “Oh yes, I definitely react, more than I respond“, THANK YOU for being honest.
Can you see where the disconnect is? Teaching our kids to do one thing, while modeling the opposite. Yikes, it just ain’t ever gonna work!
Kids see right through us when we act in ways that are hypocritical. This is actually GOOD NEWS because changing our own behavior as a super effective way of influencing others to change is WAY easier than trying to change other people. (Trust me, I tried for years to change my daughter & it just doesn’t work!)
Honesty & awareness about our own patterns is such a great launchpad to BEING the change you so desperately want to see in your family.
Here are some first steps on practicing & modeling self-calming when you’re tested or challenged today. Practice this FIRST, then teach your kids how to do the same. Modeling it FIRST will have your kids following along WAY faster than just telling them what to do (while doing something totally different!)
- When a misbehavior arises & you feel your blood starting to boil, slow down, put your hand on your heart & take a deep breath.
- Take a few seconds to think about a healthy intention (to teach, to model, to manage emotions in a healthy way, to mentor, to redirect, to leads towards light, etc.)
- If you need longer (if you still feel fire coming out of your chest & you still want to yell, scold, jump to punishment, etc.), allow yourself to go to the bathroom and lock the door for two minutes, or walk into the backyard, or put on your headphones for a few more minutes to practice a full self-calming break. Pull out things that help you calm down, a candle, your bible or other book of faith, magazines, meditation, fresh air, blue sky, deep breaths.
- When you’re feeling like you’re more ready to speak calmly, get on your child’s eye level, talk to them with a respectful tone & practice some of what we covered earlier this week, THEN come out & address the situation at hand.
To help you practice this concept, download a FREE “Heart Connector” Guide / Printable now by clicking HERE.
Take a break from jumping to consequences or punishment & start slowing down to self-calm. Practice a heart connector & do some things that will help you calm down, before you proceed with addressing misbehavior.
- Journal Prompt
- What is one situation from my day where I was tempted to yell, scold, nag, bicker, slam a door, jump to punishment, etc. …. but instead, I chose to step to the side & model self-calming?
- Where in the house will I post my Heart Connector Printable to remind myself that it’s ok to step to the side for a moment to gather my thoughts, calm the fire inside & take care of myself, so I can then proceed with integrity.