New Year Kickoff Challenge – Day 4 (Jan. 28th – Feb. 1st)

by | January 31, 2019 | 0 comments

New Year Kickoff Challenge – Day 4 (Jan. 28th – Feb. 1st)

by | January 31, 2019 | 0 comments

*This free challenge has ended, but please stay tuned for our next 5 day mini-course happening in January 2020​*

Ready for our 4th lesson? Remember these lessons are designed to be SHORT & DIGESTIBLE.

Consuming & finishing ALL 5 LESSONS is your goal that we WILL celebrate together on Friday Feb 1st.


The lessons inside of The Foundations Course & The Bonfire Membership program are built upon the psychology of Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs and two positive parenting programs: The Joy of Parenting & Redirecting Children’s Behavior … such good stuff!

But what does Redirecting even mean? I remember being a bit confused on this idea the first few years I studied this curriculum.

Redirecting is:

  • trying our best to point kids towards the light
  • focusing on the future of where we WANT our kids to go, instead of the past of where they’ve been & the mistakes they’ve made
  • asking for what we want & how we want our kids to behave, vs. complaining about misbehavior or shaming our children for how much they keep messing up
  • removing them from one situation to help them start stepping towards another more healthy & respectful scenario
  • trusting that our kids are designed to be innately respectful, kind, loving & well behaved … sometimes they just head down the wrong path & need their mentors (us) to help them pivot away from the darkness & back towards the light

Today I want you to start really looking at what you want from your kids, not what they’re doing wrong … so you can redirect them UP & OUT of misbehavior, towards the behavior you want.

Again, I think it helps to think of how we operate out in the world:

  • We don’t head into our local coffee shop & say “Do NOT give me the whole milk latte“. Instead we say “Please may I have an almond milk latte.
  • We don’t say to our waiter “Do NOT give me the steak dinner“. Instead we say “Please may I have the salmon dish?
  • We don’t say to the post office attendant “Do NOT keep sending my mail to my old house“. Instead we say “Please change my address & have my mail forwarded to my new address.”

Asking for what we want out in the world comes naturally to us, but for some reason, many of us have gotten into the habit of pointing out what we don’t want in our kids:

  • “Don’t pull the dogs tail”
  • “Don’t hit your sister”
  • “Don’t talk to me with an attitude”

Would you agree that some days feel like a never ending saga of “DON’T’s”?


Let’s take a break from the DON’T’s & engage our own critical thinking skills to think:

>>> What DO we want our kids to do?

>>> How DO we want them to behave?

>>> What IS it that I want to ask my kids to do (vs. NOT do)?

Then….when you see your kids misbehaving, point them towards the light & ask for what you want.

My kids back in the day when there was a LOT of temptation to say “don’t do this, don’t do that” all day long. Switching up my focus & making sure I asked them for what I wanted to point them in the direction I wanted them to go, helped SO much to decrease misbehavior!


Examples:

  • “Please show me how you pet the dog on his back gently.”
  • “Please keep your hands to yourself & go outside if you need to hit the baseball or kick something.”
  • “Please talk to me in a respectful, kind way using your big heart and I will do the same for you.”

Where you might get stuck:

It’s absolutely good to be FIRM with our kids, but firmness doesn’t have to always include pointing out our kids’ wrong doings & unacceptable behavior. Firmness can be with a strong, confident tone, reminding them of who they really are (kind, loving, responsible, respectful kids) while stating what your expectations / desires are.

Be firm, be kind. You don’t have to be mean to get your kids to listen. They WILL respond if you point them to the light, I promise!

BONUS: Work on your tone by using the “wall is white” exercise (discussed in today’s video lesson) to keep your tone nuetral.


ACTIVITY:

Take a break from telling kids all day long how they’re not listening, being naughty, doing things wrong & instead start asking for what you want & redirecting kids in the direction of behavior you want them to take.

  • Journal Prompt
    • What is one time today that you were tempted to nag & say “don’t do that, you know that’s not ok” and instead redirected your kids towards the light by saying something like “I’m not ok with that, please use your words to tell your brother that you’re not ok with him grabbing your toys. Please show your brother what a kind, respectful loving big brother you truly are!
    • What is one example of a time you got creative with thinking “what do I really want here” when you were worried that your brain couldn’t think fast enough & could only point out what you didn’t want?

WATCH:

The 10 min. video tutorial is no longer available since this challenge has ended. Stay tuned for the next FREE FSF Master Class, coming soon!


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