Ep. 133 – Our Greatest Superpower as Parents: Empathy with Jason Kreidman

by | June 22, 2022

Ep. 133 – Our Greatest Superpower as Parents: Empathy with Jason Kreidman

by | June 22, 2022

The Fresh Start Family Show
The Fresh Start Family Show
Ep. 133 - Our Greatest Superpower as Parents: Empathy with Jason Kreidman
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LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE

On this episode of the Fresh Start Family Show – Terry and Wendy have an insightful conversation with a long-time friend and founder of Dad University, Jason Kreidman. 

Jason discusses his journey through parenthood, which paved his way to founding an educational company dedicated to helping other dads gain confidence in their parenting. 

The focus of this conversation is the #1 tool for parents to add to their parenting toolkit … empathy and how a shift in perspective can truly save relationships and build connected families. 

Tune in to today’s episode to walk through all things empathy:

  1. What it is
  2. How to do it
  3. Why it matters

Episode Highlights:

  • The story behind Dad University
  • Definition of empathy
  • Power of empathy
  • Shifting our perspective from a “self-focus”
  • Holding empathy through disagreements
  • Encouragement for men
  • The ability to look within

Raising A Strong Willed, Intense or Sensitive Child? If yes, I have a FREE gift for you!

This free bundle comes with an extensive learning guide & FREE workshop with me, where I’ll teach you ways to build connection & methods to work WITH your strong willed kids instead of trying to MAKE THEM change. 

Inside this FREE learning bundle I’ll teach you:
*Firm & kind strategies to navigate challenging behavior with firm kindness & connection (vs. fear, force, yelling, threats & bribery)
*Ways to build connection instead of pushing your child away w/ heavy handed “hand me down parenting tactics”
*How to work WITH your kids instead of forcing them to comply or trying to MAKE them change


Click here to grab your free bundle now & start learning today!


Resources Mentioned:

Dad University on:
Facebook 

Instagram

www.daduniversity.com

Fresh Start Wellness Collective


Not able to listen or want to read along with us?

Here is the episode transcript!

Hello. Hello. Before we get started today, families, I want to make sure that you follow along with our show over on iTunes. I know the majority of you listen to us on iTunes. If you listen through the website or if you listen on Spotify or Google play, that’s okay too. But I have directions for you today to follow us over on iTunes since the majority of you are listening from there. So when you go to our main Fresh Start Family podcast show page on iTunes, you’re going to see a little plus button in the upper right hand side. All you need to do is hit that button and that will make sure that you are notified every single week. When we have new episodes drunk, you’ll get a little notification on your phone. Anytime you open up the podcast app that says, Hey, there there’s a new episode ready, and just waiting for you to listen over at the fresh Fresh start family show.

So make sure you follow along, if you haven’t yet just know that that little plus sign will show up when you’re in the main frustrated family show podcast page. Now, if you’re in an episode, sometimes you have to back out to get to the main Fresh Start Family Podcast show page, but anyways, follow along families, it’s just our honor. We love supporting you on a consistent basis with these new episodes. And when you follow along, it’s just a great way to consistently get updated when we have new episodes drop. All right, thanks for consistently and always supporting the fresh start family show I love and I’m so grateful for every single one.

Wendy:
Well, hello listeners. I’m so happy you’re here for a new episode. I’m your host, Wendy Snyder, positive parenting educator and family life coach. And today on the show, Terry and I got to chat with Jason Kreidman. He is the founder of dad university and just such an awesome dude. And I’m just really excited to chat with him today. We talked about how empathy really can be a super power in our parenting journey, especially for dads. So this conversation is just really meaningful to me because anytime I can find men in this space that are encouraging parents and really standing tall for gentle, respectful, connected parenting, I just get so excited.

And Jason’s actually a personal friend. You’ll hear a little bit about how he met and how his wife and I did some positive parenting work when we were just first learning this curriculum. And so I just loved Jason and his family. And I know you’re going to really enjoy this chat today about the really just the super power of empathy and humility and how it can really help you to be a confident, connected parent with your kids, especially if you’re a dad, but you’ll hear, you know, w whether, you know, you’re a dad listening right now. Thank you. By the way, if you’re a dad listening to this show, we are so passionate here at fresh sharp family about not just encouraging moms.

Of course, I think so many times it’s the moms who have a tendency to step into this work. First, they have a tendency to kind of lead the way and say, Hey honey, you know, I’m bringing this work into our home. I purchased a course, or I started listening to this podcast and I really want to learn more of these concepts and how we can implement them, or, you know, build them into our parenting daily lifestyle and the way we’re raising our children. But so many of you men are like, okay, whether it’s six months later or a year later, that you eventually end up listening to the course or listening to the podcast or taking part in the bond fair lessons and actually learning and implementing curriculum.

You know, thank you. Just thank you for all of you dads out there who step into this work and, and say, yes, I want to learn more. I want to understand how to implement these strategies and why they will really support our family and help us build a family legacy of our dreams. So, and if you’re listening and you’re a mama to this, you’re going to love this conversation too. Like I said, Jason’s just such an amazing educator. And we just had a really good chat, but don’t be afraid to, to sh to forward this on to your husband, shoot him an email with the link and just say, Hey, babe, this was a really cool episode. There’s some, you know, Wendy’s husband, Terry, who, co-hosts the show. And Jason, who’s an educator for dads who want to learn positive parenting.

Just had a really great conversation that I think you’ll enjoy or shoot him a text with the link to the podcast. And I always say, it’s very important that you ask for what you want mamas, you know, even if your husband has said, no, I don’t have enough time in the past. Keep asking, especially if it’s your birthday or mother’s day or something, but it’s just, it’s okay to keep asking. We’ve had, we’ve heard from a lot of men in the past that, you know, shoot us emails. We actually got an email from a dad once that was a bonfire member and he shot us an email. And he said, Hey, Wendy and Terry, I just want to thank you so much for the work that you’re doing, your podcast and the foundations course. And the bonfire has been pivotal for our family, said my wife, you know, when she brought this home, this work home about eight months ago, I think he said, I thought she was crazy.

I told her that, you know, I didn’t think our family was that bad, or I wasn’t like, you know, feeling like we, what we were doing was that bad. Or I wasn’t interested in really learning a different way. And I just thought, you know, what kind of Kool-Aid is she drinking? And why does she have to like, bring this stuff home? We already have too much on our plate. And then he went on to say, but I’m so thankful that I didn’t listen to myself. I’m so thankful that she didn’t listen to me. And that she continued to bring home the work, to learn, to implement it into the daily fabric of our lives. Because here we are, you know, six, eight months later. And he said, he said, I just feel like our whole family has been transformed.

He said, the relationship I have with my daughters is absolutely so much better. He went on to share with us a situation that he had dealt with that day. His little girl had locked herself in the bathroom. And he said in the past he would have handled it with like anger and shame and just been super annoyed that he had to help her out of the bathroom by literally taking off the door knob. But he said, but not today, today, I was able to handle it with integrity and grace and forgiveness. And he said, I’m just, I’m just so thankful. So thankful to my wife, that she brought the work home thankful she didn’t listen to me and thankful just for all the work that you’re doing. And so that was a really touching email to get.

But the reason why I tell you that is it started with a mom who was courageous enough to share this work with her husband and, you know, forward a podcast, or ask him to listen to the foundations course or ask him to listen to a bonfire lesson. And, and now they’re just, their family is on a, a fully different trajectory than it was before. So anyways, well, I hope you guys love this episode. Make sure you go give Jason some love. He’s just a really great guy. And we just really appreciate every single one of you who listened to this show. If you haven’t subscribed yet, or if you haven’t followed along, make sure you do that over on iTunes while you’re there. If you could take three minutes to leave us a review, you guys we’d be so stoked and grateful.

Your reviews really make a difference in the iTunes world to help us get seen. And the more we are seeing, the more families we can support with this, you know, our, our life-saving and life-changing messages of encouragement and motivation and positive parenting and family life coaching support. So, all right, without further ado, help me welcome Jason to the shell.

Stella:
Well, Hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dads podcast the fresh start family show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus and rock and roll and believe deeply in the true power of loving kindness together. We hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.

Wendy:
Well, Hey there, families and welcome to a new episode of the fresh start family show. Terry and I are so pumped to be sitting here this morning with Jason Kreidman, who is the founder of dad university. Welcome Jason.

Jason:
Hey, how are you guys?

Wendy:
Good. We are good. It is 7:00 AM here in California. We got our coffee. We are pumped to talk to you and listeners. This episode is really one that I’m excited for because we have known Jason for years now, but yeah. Yeah. So actually backstory. So Jason’s wife, autumn. How is autumn?

Jason:
She’s wonderful. She’s doing good. Healthy. All the kids. The kids are healthy. Good.

Wendy:
Good. But, oh my goodness. Autumn and I, when we had our kids in preschool, we met each other when we were taking positive parenting classes. And I just remember loving her because she was this spicy little margarita, just like I have. And I was like, oh, you get me. And we were always like raising our hands and saying like, but what about this? And what about this? And we just had so much fun together for years there. And like, really we were, we were the ones that kind of kept coming back to class, like over and over again. And we, you could just tell she was really in it too, you know, like she, she was just in it and she dealt with so many of the same struggles I did. And so, yeah, that’s how, and then we met you and we started going through,

Jason:
Well, she was the reason she was really the reason that I started, you know, that I even entered a parenting class. She was like, Hey, listen, I went to this class. I think this is incredible. I think you should check it out. I’m like, I’m not going to a parenting class. Like I came from a great family. I know I’m good. You know, and that was my awakening. And you know, a little bit after that and we’re having, you know, we have our two young kids and I’m dry. I’m going crazy. I’m like you guys, those classes would be a great idea.

So that’s how it all works.

Wendy:
Yeah. Which is exactly what happened in our house too. So then I came home and said the same thing I sent Terry and his mom. And is that where you and Jason met or did you meet? Because we also things that really, oh my gosh. We’re like on the same exact timeline,

Jason:
We were the only two men in there.

Terry:
I think it might’ve been, yeah. Yeah. We were all looking around for our instruction manuals for our kids and realized that they weren’t, they didn’t exist. So that led us there.

Jason:
For sure.

Wendy:
Yes. And then we also got to know each other better as we started to go through personal development work with your infinite life training and coaching company. So I can’t ever remember, it’s been so many life coaching courses, but I know that we’ve been in a weekend course and probably shed many tears. I’ve gone through many limiting beliefs together, for sure.

Jason:
You know, and that’s where I learned so much about myself in these courses. And I think that’s what know we’ll get into the topics, but parenting, it wasn’t even so much about the kids. Like it was so much about myself and that’s what I, that’s what I’ve been trying to bring to dad university. It’s like so much of it is how we show up our mindset, all of these things. It’s not like a specific technique per se. It’s like, how are we showing up and how are we affecting our children? And so yeah, those courses were just incredible. They were, they really changed the course of how I now parent.

Wendy:
Yes. Oh my gosh, I love it. And so, as Jason just mentioned, he is the founder of dad university, which is an educational company dedicated to helping dads gain confidence in their parenting. And he has a course. He has a gazillion YouTube videos. He has podcasts social, and you’re just doing so much incredible work in the world to bring light and confidence to dads in their parenting walks. So, Jason, I love it. You, you mentioned a little bit about how you got there, but tell us a little bit more about that journey. I know you’ve been working your tail off over the last few years to develop this company. I know about feels like, and I just really admire your passion.

So tell us a little, just a little bit more about that journey and where you are now with dad university and who you’re helping and all that good stuff.

Jason:
Yeah, for sure. So, you know, it didn’t start with the thought that this was going be a company or that I was, you know, that it was going to be what it is now. I think when I first started, it was basically I had this journey and this journey was going from being like really frustrated and not understanding what I was doing with my kids to, oh, like this works and my kids are calmer. Now I’m calmer. You know, we still have our moments and everything, but to really understand my connection with my children. And so I just started producing content. I had a, a meetup group locally that I was, you know, getting together with some dads and then decided to start a podcast.

And, you know, that evolved. And I just, as I was going through the process, I could feel that I was becoming more and more confident. I was really enjoying what I’m doing. And then probably the most rewarding thing was just all the feedback I was getting, you know, to, to produce now videos and getting comments and messages and things of how great these guys feel when they hear this information. Even if it’s just, wow, you really understood what I was thinking. Or, you know what, I’m not alone feeling this way. Or, you know, yes, it was, I just got one this morning and it was guys, you know, him and his girlfriend are pregnant and he’s like, I was so scared. This video really made me feel at ease a little bit more at ease.

And so those little kinds of things it’s really, really wonderful. And that’s what keeps me going. I mean, I was here late last night, you know, doing recordings were up early this morning and I’ve got the energy to do it. You know? It, it, it feels really, really good. And so, yeah, dad, university has just evolved in that eventually, like you said, I I’ve created curriculum now we’ve launched this, this program. And so, yeah, I’m excited to just keep it going, you know, and it’s, it’s been, it’s been rewarding. And then now to, to have it financially be able to sustain that’s, that’s, what’s been exciting because this has just been kind of side gig all the time, you know, with not even having a business of any kind or anything, it’s just, I let it sort of organically evolve.

Wendy:
Oh, I love it. It’s not the best feeling when you’re so passionate about something. And it’s like, it is, you’re working tail off. It’s hard work, but you love what you do. Right. It’s the best feeling.

Jason:
And you do have to take a break every once in a while, I kind of look back, I, I was talking to an old assistant of mine not too long ago. And he was just asking, he’s like, so what are you up to? And, and I was telling them all the things I was doing. And he was like, his jaw dropped. He was like, you’re. Wow. And it’s funny because for me, I don’t see it. You know, I, in it, like you guys, it’s like every day, you’re doing two things. It’s like parenting, you don’t, you don’t even realize what you’ve built here. You know? And then once in a while, you’ve got to kind of take a step back and appreciate and enjoy what it is that you’ve built, you know? And I won’t take very much time to do that, but, but yeah, so it is, it is, it feels great.

It’s I enjoy it. It it’s my oxygen, it just keeps me going. So I love it.

Wendy:
I love it. And, and specifically this morning, you know, as we’re, we’re really talking to dads and encouraging dads, I remember the day I actually reached out to you. We had seen you at like a middle school tour one day and we said, Hey, but then I, you know, I came home, I forgot to reach out, but then I literally finished a live feed and contacted you because I had a dad. I am in one of my members in my membership group called the bonfire. And we’ve had some episodes with some incredible men, incredible PA parenting educators. And it always was a with a little bit of an angle to try to convince dudes that this work was not weak or permissive or to get, to get the guys on board, right.

Wendy:
To get the, the husbands on board. And because I get so many questions. Oh my goodness. Especially when people are thinking about investing in our programs, whether it be the foundations course or the membership program, they’re like, what do you do. Guess what, if he’s at a not, not only do I, like, how do I get him to do it? But like, what if he is not on board? Like, what if he is like, this is stupid, you know, just smack the kid. That’s how, like, whatever it may be, but it’s like a definite resistance. And so we’ve had so many episodes about how to help those men just feel more comfortable. And a dad one day in the training, I said, oh my gosh, you guys ha have to listen to this latest episode with our dear friend, Jim Jackson, he’s amazing from connected families. And he goes, cool. I love it. But you’re really like, you’re really seem to be talking to the guys that aren’t on board. How about the dudes that are like on board? Like I’m here. Like I just, I need encouragement.

And it reminded me like, oh my goodness. I want to have an episode where we just talk to the men who get it, like, who are willing, who are like, Hey, I want to learn. And I’ve got some cobwebs up in my mind or, you know, some stuff I inherited from my own journey growing up or whatever it may be, but I’m on board. Like you and Terry were when we came home that day and said, Gabe come to class and maybe at first you balked at it, but then you were like, cool. You know what, sign me up. Let me clear my schedule. I’ll be there. Right. And so today I really want to encourage the men who are like, okay, I just, you know, how help me understand basically, and we’re actually going to talk about empathy.

So start us off a little bit, Jason, with what is the power of empathy? Why is it so important and how do we use it? But let’s talk about like, why is this, what is empathy? Like, what do you, what do you think of when you talk, think about empathy.

Jason:
Yeah. The, the, the easiest way that I, you know, understood it was really just putting myself in the other person’s position and looking at the situation from their perspective, and then also really feeling it too, you know? And if, if we give the example of our children, you know, being empathetic to our child is like, you know, our child is four years old. I give the example of my, my daughter couldn’t find her shoes. Like for me, that’s not a big deal, you know? And so typical response is just find your shoes, like who cares, pick a pair of shoes and let’s go to a four-year-old or five-year-old that they’re not finding their favorite pair of shoes is a big deal.

You know, that is losing a job in our world. Or, you know, like some sort of financial is it is a big deal to them. And, and what I came to realize is how much I could connect and reduce tantrums and all the things that, those stages by deploying empathy and just saying, Hey, wow, you know what? I can see. You’re really upset with this. And so what I did is just, you put yourself in the position of this four or five-year-old child, you know, I’m a grown man. It doesn’t matter what I think. I look at it and say, Hey, how is she feeling right now? Like, what is it that she’s going through? And I tell you, for me, this was the number one, parenting change, impact tool, whatever you want to call it in a huge arsenal of potential things, you know, conflict resolution and communication, all these things being empathetic by far.

And I think by nature men, aren’t that empathetic. Like we just aren’t, we’re trying to solve the problem. We’re trying to give an answer. You know, we’re trying to one up, you know, if it says something, you know, it says, Hey, I just lost my job, your response. Well, I lost my job too. You know, like you don’t, we have a tendency not to really be empathetic to the people around us. And I think once I learned that skill, I just started really changing the relationship with my children. And I could see the tantrums go down. I could see me being more calm. You know, let’s talk about that. It’s the focus wasn’t about myself.

You know, I wasn’t come on, find your shoes. All of a sudden I switched the focus like, oh, she’s hurting right now. Like she’s not feeling really good, you know, and these are split second decisions of, you know, into yourself, but, oh, she needs me to respond to this differently. Like, if I really want the outcome that I desire, I better do something different because what I’ve been doing is not working, you know, yelling at her to go find her shoes or, you know, and so to me, that’s what empathy in general is. It’s just taking the perspective of the other person and just really feeling it, you know, that’s the other part too, is it has to be genuine. You know, you can start off faking it sometimes, you know, for the kid, like, you know, they like the shoe.

I didn’t care about the shoes. Like it wasn’t, you know, and the first time that I did it, I was not empathetic. And we had a huge meltdown all the way to school, you know, it was in kindergarten or whatever. The literally the same situation happened three days later. But luckily I had reflected back prior to that and was like, how I probably could have handled that a little bit better. Like that didn’t go very well. And of course I had my chance again, as we do as parents, you know, we have the chance every day to do something and I was able to then the next time, you know, what would it be? Hold she forgot where her shoes were again. And I was able to say, you know, Hey, look at that, that sounds like that really bothers you, you know?

And how, how, how can I help you? You know, let’s, let’s figure this out, that kind of thing. And you know, it took two minutes, we figured it out and she was calm. You know, there was no town, there was no craziness on the way to school with her and tears and getting out of the car. Like, and I wasn’t crazy either, you know, it just calmed me down. So short story long that’s that’s, that’s great. You touched on so many things that,

Hey, families taking a quick pause to chat with you for a few minutes about the bond fire support program. First off, congratulations to all of the families who said yes to this incredibly life changing program, I’ve been enjoying welcoming each and every one of you with open arms to the community and supporting you as you get accustomed to your learning cap form, lesson library, private group, and weekly coaching sessions. For those of you who didn’t join before the bonfire deadline ended. That’s okay. We’ll open the doors again for the full support program at the beginning of next year, but I have good news for you. I’ve decided to extend the bonfire express open enrollment window by a few weeks.

So you can get the support that you need through the giant library of video lessons, family activities, recipes for success and coaching call replace. The bonfire express is very similar to our bonfire support program. It just doesn’t come with access to the private community and doesn’t include access to us, me and my staff of positive parenting educators, questions or requests, coaching for your unique challenges as a parent. But what’s really important. You guys just get started with your learning journey lessons inside the bonfire express video library that await you when you join include sibling conflict and resolution strategies, compassionate discipline, a gazillion discipline ideas, preventing power struggles, dissolving power struggles, how to be on the same team as a parent.

Even if you disagree about discipline setting, strong limits and following through with consistency teaching kids to have self-control using charts to aid cooperation in your home. That’s our focus topic of the month right now, handling bully victim situations effectively, the list just goes on and on and on families. We have over 60 lessons that you can push on demand now in the bonfire express video library. So it is tight and you feel fully supported as a parent. So you know what to do with your kids, no matter what challenge presents itself. Joining the bonfire express today is your first step into gaining competence and building up your positive parenting toolkit.

So you can feel proud of how you parented each day. When you put your head on your pillow at night, knowing you are building a family legacy of your dreams head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/bonfireexpress to join. Now, enrollment for bonfire express will stay open through June 31st. Okay. Back to the show.

Terry:
You know, for the guys listening that have said yes to either a program or just listening to this podcast, or just, you know, opening their minds to stoked you’re here and hearing you talk about those things of like, there’s so many, but it was like a, I mean, fresh start family was named because there was a fresh start every day, like you said, so, you know, one of the parent paradigm shifting, you know, things you have to go through is that you have to hold this fixed position and you’re going to be the same today as you are throughout your whole parenting journey. If you do that, you’re not going to get a different result. Like you said, you went into a new day and approached it in a different way and humbled yourself to say, Hey, I think there’s something I can do differently in here.

And I also liked how you pointed out too. Even before that, it was like, you know, as guys we so badly, it’s like these extremes of like either one to be like, Hey, you deal with it yourself. Or I’m just going to fix for you. You didn’t, you didn’t go in and just say, okay, well, I’m going to, I’m going to get..

Let me find the shoes because we are trying to teach our kids life skills. And we’re trying to get them to a point where, you know, you probably did believe in your heart, like, you know, she should be able to find her shoes if this totally not important. So you, you didn’t go in and do that. You, you just decided to do it together.

Jason:
Well, my first, my first response was literally like, are you really crying over finding your shoes? Like, right.

You know, and that’s my, that’s my normal prior to doing all this work response that I think we all have. It’s like, I wouldn’t react that way. So why would, why would you react that way? And that goes the same for our spouse. It goes to this like, how are you getting so upset over this? Like, that’s not a big thing to get upset up, but

You know? And don’t even try saying that to your, you know, to your wife, like, how could you get upset that like, that’s the worst thing that you could say versus, wow, I could see that that really bothers you. Like, you don’t have to agree with it. You know, just being empathetic doesn’t mean, I think the exact same way has nothing to do with that. You know, just means I’m seeing what you’re feeling or I’m feeling what you’re feeling. And I see what you’re going through. That’s it. It’s just acknowledgement.

Wendy:
Yeah. Oh, and it’s so taps into human beings, our need to belong. Right. Which is like one of the basic needs we teach here at fresh start family. That’s underneath misbehavior. And it’s so true. Like when someone just says to you like, oh, I totally get why you’re bummed or I can see, like you said, I can see this as hard for you. And I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere. You just, all of a sudden are like, oh, I am not an alien. I belong. And then all of a sudden you’re need to misbehave or do whatever protection behaviors we ended up doing as adults. Like, it just goes down and you feel safe. And you’re like, okay, cool. Now you can then get in that front part of your brain and start to actually process things in a healthy way.

Instead of hanging out in the amygdala where you’re like, scared that you just don’t belong and that people think you’re an alien, that’s got a lie by the way. I’m interpreting that. All right.

Jason:
I know for sure. It is like that. And that I think with men, we’re just quiet about it. You know, like we, that’s why all these men suffers that they just they’re like unwilling to admit that they’re dealing with something. Or, and so yeah, the empathy part is like, oh, like someone gets me, like you said, it’s just, it’s that community part of feeling. And that’s why, I mean, if somebody watches my video and I’m talking about how angry I get, they’re like, oh yeah, that’s I, I do the same thing. You know, they get it. And yeah, just the idea of handling these situations in a different ways. It’s helped me. I mean, forget about my kids. It’s like,

Wendy:
Well, it’s that you mentioned that because you know, we know we all know that everything we talk about parenting completely translates to every relationship in our, in our life. Right. And like the current state of affairs here in America, as we’re recording this episode, it’s gosh, you know, what is it? Six days after the raid on Capitol hill where we saw some really scary stuff go down. But you know, you talk about patterns and I love talking about patterns. And it’s like, when you’re, when you’re thinking about your kids or the challenges you’re facing in your life and your community and your nation, like patterns to me are so exciting because it’s like you said, you know, you’re going to have a lot of opportunities to practice this.

So if you don’t get it right today, probably if there’s a pattern in your home where your kid, Every time, it’s time to eat dinner or whatever, then it’s an opportunity to try again and to try a different approach and to use empathy. And I think just so much about how this completely applies to our nation right now, too, because there’s some patterns, right. And instead of like blaming other people, I think this is a call to action. A lot of people need to stand up and hold the light and speak truth and, and be kind of that positive force of like taking action to help create change. But it all starts with empathy, right?

Like the pattern is that what we, a lot of what we’ve been doing, hasn’t been working, so let’s get creative, let’s bring empathy and more. And I think it just has such power for people to listen to one another. So I just think it’s,

Jason:
And the same thing, I mean, you mentioned about the, like even the politically it’s like, I don’t have to agree with you. I, even the people who were involved in this, I don’t agree with it. I don’t, you know, but to look at it and say, wow, these people think that they’re doing the right thing. Like that’s in their mind, that’s what they think. Bad idea, you know? But so it’s, it is, it’s like, you know, somebody who’s on the other political spectrum of you was like, I don’t have to agree with you, but like, I, same thing. I respect what you’re doing. Oh, I can see that. That’s important to you.

It’s not that I see. That makes sense. I see the important to you. And as a result of that, because I care about you, then that’s cool. You know, and that goes a lot of really far with our relationships. I mean, you know, if my wife says or feels a certain way, like, okay, but that’s not my, I don’t feel that way, but I can see that that’s really important to you. So then, and because I care about you, I’m listening, what is it that you, you know, you, you want to say, or do you want it? And so you’re right. I, I, there’s so many problems that can be solved, you know, in the workplace with friends, you know, all of that, it’s empathy is like the world healer.

Terry:
I, I, I think it’s also because traditionally, as guys like ha, there, there aren’t a lot of role models out there. And there hasn’t been a lot of modeling that goes on of like how to be really, you know, strong have beliefs, have a voice, but then also be humble enough to be empathetic in the same kind of like person. You know what I mean? I’m not saying that people don’t have moments in their life that, you know, they’re empathetic, but I don’t know how many, how many dads or how many guys can actually like, have this, like this strength and humility and empathy, like kind of like all together, you know, in their rafters.

Jason:
Yeah. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s like exercise or anything else. I mean, nothing happens overnight. You know, all of these things are things that you have to practice and practice and build those muscles. I call it like an empathy, muscle, empathy, muscle muscle. It’s an empathy, empathy, muscle. And it’s the same thing with all of these things. It’s like, you don’t just immediately get good at it, but you have to have that desire and that commitment, like you’ve said, if, if, if you are willing to do it, it’s pretty amazing the end result. So,

Wendy:
Yeah. And the, and the more like if you’re listening and it feels scary to like, if you’re at a football game and your son starts freaking out and all these dudes are watching, you just remember that, like every time you step up and model what it looks like to do this, there’s another man, I think in the crowd going, oh God, thank God. Like someone just did it. Like someone just did it. I thought it was impossible. I thought in, you know, like literally some of the rhetoric we’ve heard over the last week, like you, in order to be strong, you can’t back down or don’t, you know, you can’t be weak and for generations,

Jason:
Well, there’s a whole other topic of like really caring what other people are doing. You know, when you’re in your own lane, it like, none of that even matters either. Like, it’s great that if somebody else sees me being a certain way and they get that, but I’m in my own lane that re like, I’m not concerned of what the other parents are gonna think, or, you know, what they look at, what, like, if it involves my family, my kid or my internal stuff, like I’ve built up these muscles that I’m a bodybuilder in this, you know, this genre, like I’ve done so much work and feel so powerful about it, that it’s like, you can’t sway that like you can.

Jason:
And so that’s another thing I, you know, I don’t think that comes easy. That’s just,

Terry:
Well, I think you, you have a clear focus on like a, a for it too, you know, I think a lot of dads are probably don’t see the same thing that you saw at some point that made you say, oh, that’s my ultimate thing that I care about relationship first, or having, you know, this lifelong relationship with your kids. I think a lot of dads just, they don’t even, they don’t use that as their motivation to like, you know, drive them through these uncomfortable situations or to get them to the parenting class or, or what have you. So talk to me a little bit about like, you know, you described the, you know, the shoe situation, but like, like zooming out a little bit.

Like what, what motivates you to stick with this, to, to put relationship first and your family as a dad?

Jason:
Well, it’s selfish. It feels amazing. You know, it’s funny, you know, people do things for like either fear or greed, like there’s motivations for, and this is green. This is, I feel much better living this way. And so I was in a state where, you know, I was yelling at my children. I was at a very short fuse. I was much more stressed. You know, even some the, the disagreements with my wife would last way too long. I mean, there’s all kinds of examples. And in the end, I was like, this isn’t working like, this is not working for me.

You know, I’m getting frustrated. This is not healthy. I had high blood pressure. I’m like, I’m going to die. Like, this is literally that there were times where I felt like my heart beating, whether you call it an anxiety attack, whatever. I mean, I had anxiety too. And it’s, I said, I can’t live like this, you know? So it’s almost like hitting rock bottom. However you want to say it. I wouldn’t say that I was in severe depression, but I was certainly down and I started looking for solutions and that was, you know, I started doing meditation. I, you know, I went and saw an acupuncturist. I changed my diet. I, I, I’m one of those. It’s like, I’ll do whatever I need to do to try to feel better.

And when my kids came along and I saw like, okay, wait, this is for life like this, isn’t this isn’t changing. Like, you’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. I can’t just like, I’m not uncle, you know, or so how am I going to feel better? Because this is going to be a long-term thing for me. And so I think, you know, it’s, it’s really selfish in that sense that I did, you know, and I knew that the benefit was going to benefit everyone. My wife will say, wow, this we’re, we are so much better off now than we were a couple of years ago. You know, my kids, we have great relationship and they say, you know what, dad, I feel great.

You know, and we have check-ins and stuff. And they’re like, no, I like, I love everything. We’re we’re good. You know? So I think that for me, it was just a need for change, you know, and going from that, that feeling of like, sort of desperation in a sense of like, I don’t know what else to do, but I know I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to wake up stressed and wake up feeling like I don’t want to be around my family, you know, or I don’t want to hang out with my kids, you know, credit. We all get there, especially, you know, and it’s okay to feel that way.

Terry:
Yeah. I think it’s great. I mean, the, the, you know, the way you describe it as like being selfish, but like, you know, I think there’s a lot of people that would look at it and be like, I’m going to put in all this work, I’m going to do all this stuff. I’m going to humble myself. Is there anything in it for me? And what’s you’re saying is, is like, absolutely. It’s it’s, but it, you know, it’s, it’s like other things that, you know,

Jason:
I’m hearing people think it’s for everybody else. It’s like, no, no, it feels good to volunteer.

Terry:
Yeah. Or like extra exercising, putting in the work, doing all this stuff, like, you know, building something it’s like, it’s not always the funnest thing to like, get started, but like in the end, when, once you’ve done the hard work, it, it does come right back to you.

Wendy:
Yeah.

Jason:
And that’s, that’s something that comes with practice. Like if you’ve never really, if you have a personality that you might not be that way, I think I’ve just my DNA is that way, you know, since when I was younger, it may have gone a little bit too far into like the anxiety strive for perfection kind of thing. So, I mean, I worked on all of that as well, too. It’s like self-acceptance and understanding like mistakes are okay and you know, all of that, but that same thing of like trying to solve the problem and figuring out I’ll do whatever it takes, you know, like whatever it takes to do that. And I’ve always just had that attitude, like, you know, you guys say, Hey, we’re gonna do a podcast at 7:00 AM.

I was like, okay. Like A lot of people are like, whoa, that’s probably early, but you know what? I got up an hour earlier today, I worked out, I meditated, I’ve done. I mean, I’m ready to go. Like, yeah. And it’s that commitment in whatever it is that you do, you know? And, and I’ll commit to the, on the other side of saying, you know what I need rest, you know, I, I need to just take care of myself. And so I, yeah, it’s just that awareness. I think that sort of consistent awareness of like, this feels good for me.

Wendy:
Yeah. Well, and I would also add that I have a feeling this is probably in there for you and uteri, but this is what I’ve all always motivated by is like, I want results. Like, especially for the, you know, parents I work with, like, I know that this stuff equals results. Like when you have empathy for others, when you slow down, when you hold space, when take time to do this and to see things from another person’s view and just acknowledge them, help them feel like they belong. Like we know it gets results. Like you’re way more likely to be able to influence them to calm down or influence them to get in the car or eat their dinner, or influence your uncle to stop following the white supremacy group or whatever it is.

Jason:
You might not be able to work.

Wendy:
I know, but I’m telling you it’s powerful. It actually gets results.

Terry:
It’s a long long-term thing. It’s not just patching patching things together. It’s for the longterm.

Wendy:
There’s no patching here in positive parenting or any of this work. Like it is literally so influential on people. When you come from an angle of like, Hey, I see you. I get you. I am I’m with you. And I’m not going to try to fix you or make you not be sad or not disappointed or not upset or whatever. I’m just going to sit here with you for a second and make sure you understand what you’re feeling, what you’re going through. Totally makes sense. Again, doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. It doesn’t have to mean I have to condone it, but I’m just with you right now. So like, man, it’s just so powerful. And I did want to ask you this, Jason, because I think so many people get hung up in the, like the fixing, right?

And this, like, how do you hang in there with this process? And again, you know, sometimes this takes two minutes or not, I’m sorry, two seconds to show a kid empathy. Like I get you you’re upset. And sometimes it takes longer, right? Like Terry had a conversation with our 13 year old last night that was like an hour at bedtime. And it was beautiful, but it got messy towards the end, which is okay. But talk to us about like what you do to stay at a healthy mindset of just holding the space instead of thinking you need to fix and make sure like a child is not in a sad place, because I think it’s so important that we allow our children to just be not okay.

Sometimes like be sad sometimes. Like, you know, be scared that you’re disappointing someone be it’s okay. Like I don’t have to fix you. I don’t have to make you feel better. I just want to be here with you. No wonder you’re feeling like this. Yeah. This is hard. You’re navigating something really intense. Like our daughter right now is navigating, like being in a world where every single kid on the planet has social media and 17 accounts and iPhone untethered access to an iPhone with service everywhere. And we are the family who doesn’t allow it and it’s, and it is intense. I know

Jason:
Yeah.

Wendy:
Okay, perfect. So what are your thoughts on that?

Jason:
Well, I, I think you answered, you know, you sort of answered it, it’s, it, it takes a lot of energy, a lot of process, I think with all of these things, it’s being okay with the mistakes, you know, and you know, that’s something that I, I have felt as I’ve practiced these things, the time gets shorter and shorter for let’s call it recovery, you know? So when I still get angry, I still get sad. I still, you know, all of these emotions are still there. They just don’t last as long. And I’ve noticed that, and that’s from the mindfulness work, it’s meditation, it’s all these things that I’ve noticed that I, I allow myself to feel.

And so I use those same techniques with my children and it’s like, no, this does suck. Like, like that feeling, you have allow yourself to feel that way and just that’s it. And guess what? And then we, we move on and we go to the next thing and we’re done and that’s just takes practice, you know? And when, if they’ve been doing it since they’re three years old, they’re pretty good. By the time they’re 12, you know, 13 getting into teens. And so I, you know, I think it’s just not having these expectations. Like you said, that you’re, you’re fixing problems all the time. It’s, it’s really like, Hey, I’m teaching you these tools that are gonna last forever, you know?

And I can see it in my children starting that it comes out where, you know, someone just fell the other day outside and you know, my son was like, Hey, can I get you anything, let me go get you an ice pack. Or, you know, it’s like immediately. And that’s just a Nick. Like, he didn’t have to think about it. That’s just what he’s been doing for so long. So I think it’s just this practice, you know, I, if that answers the question, I think it’s just, you make it okay to make mistakes. You make it okay. Like you said to feel, and you’re not trying to fix. I step out of a lot of situations on purpose, you know, even sibling rivalry, you know, between go there, you know, between the two it’s, let me see if they can handle this, you know, let me take a step back.

Let me, and for the most part they do, you know, when it gets real crazy, then you say, Hey, this isn’t working. How do we, how do we solve this? You know? And you still leave it up to them. But yeah. I mean, I hope that answers the question. It’s just leaving. Like you said, you leave the space, you allow it to happen. You know? And, and I empathize with my kids and say, oh, you know, I know you’re upset about that. No, that makes, that makes sense for you. And you know, is there anything I can do to help, you know? And we can just kind kind of work through it and you know, I’m coming up on the teen. So I know that there’s going to be more of those, more of those conversations, but you know, it’s not something it’s not to say that you can’t start when they’re 12 and 13, but I mean, this is something to start when they’re five or three or four, you know, it’s, these are lifelong things.

And so, you know, not that it’s ever too late, but you want to start these things early, you know,

Hey families, I want to take a few minutes out of this great conversation to think uplift kids for their support of the fresh start family show. We recently learned about the incredible work of uplift through our friends at Tonies another brand we love here at fresh start family. And since they were a personal recommendation, we knew we had to check out what they were up to, what Terry and I found is an organization doing wonderful work to help parents curate a family environment of spirituality, wonder resilience and compassion. So if you’re a parent who wants to create a culture of meaning, acceptance and reflection at home, head on over to uplift kids.org to learn more and try the week free trial, yes, they have a totally free two week trial.

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You guys were just wonderful resources and lessons to make it easy for you as parents to have conversations with your kids about the topics that matter most, once again, you can find them and learn more at upliftkids.org. All right. Let’s get back to the show.

Wendy:

Yes, absolutely. That’ll be as such a good episode for another day. I feel like there’s a gazillion extra episodes. We’re going to run a record with you, Jason. But that whole idea of like, just letting kids be upset sometimes. And I love it.

Jason:
This is the parent. I mean like you see your child upset, you know, it, even to the extent, like they’ve lost at a game or something and they’re crying, you said, you know what? It does suck to lose, but guess what? Play again tomorrow. Hopefully, you know, you can, what did you learn from this? How are you feeling right now? But, and as a parent, like you don’t like to see your children going through the emotion. Like you said, you have to let them Otherwise. You’re just, you know, you’re building this bubble that, you know, eventually they get to a certain age and it’s like, they explode or they do something to try to numb the pain. You know, that’s not what we want them to feel that emotion. And, and I learned that as an adult too, I went through grief counseling for my mother passing.

And that was one of the main things was like, no, feel it like relive moment. The last moment that you saw her, I’m like, really? I don’t want to go through that again. Just made me keep going through it to eventually it’s not like I didn’t have any tears left, but it was like, the more you go through it, same thing you build up the muscle. It’s like, oh, that’s not as painful. You know, I can tie back and look at it and go, okay, like it sucks, but it’s not as sharp. You know, the pain isn’t as sharp as whether that’s just going through those exercises over and over. Yeah. That’s not.

Wendy:
Oh. And I, you know, we, we actually are speaking with our good friend, Dan Segal. So they know he’s a mutual friend of both of ours on this particular subject. But I want to get your thoughts too, to encourage the guys. Oh my gosh. He’s amazing. He’s

Jason:
Funny. So that’s, I, you know,

Wendy:
Okay. So I’m hearing you just go down that kind of path. And, and when I, when you were speaking, as far as like being aware, building your muscles, and then often I think times there is this awareness that you realize like, oh, there’s some stuff underneath, there’s some healing that needs to happen. There’s some extra support that I need to get. Talk to us about what your, your encouragement for men is about actually stepping into a formal program, whether it’s parenting or grief counseling or marriage therapy, or just straight up therapist, or the incredible, your infinite life training and coaching work that we’ve done together over the last decade.

But talk to us about how that is so strong and how much that’s helped you in your own life. Because I think that’s like such a root cause of like a lot of the, if, if, say for, in the realm of empathy, if we find ourselves consistently not being able to hold this space, always wanting to fix never being okay with our kids being sad. I think for me, the light bulb goes off of like, oh, if that keeps happening, then there’s something that is a little bit deeper that needs to be uncovered. And I know so many men just aren’t comfortable with that. They’re like, dude, I’m fine. I don’t need to go to therapy. I don’t need,

Jason:
They are, if they are fine. Like if they really are fine, you know, that’s the question it’s like, are they really fine if they think so then maybe they don’t need it. You know, if they are happy, they are not complaining. It feel really good about their situation. Then they, they probably don’t. But if you find yourself coming to DePaul, the audience around them. Yeah. Yeah. But if you find yourself complaining about some things, or maybe there’s some question about how you can do something different or, you know what I like to do, and I tell guys is ask the question, why to yourself. And so I often will do that. Whether it’s jealousy, you know, whether it is anger, whether it’s like, why am I feeling this way?

Like really why? And if any of the answer happens to be the other person who you’re around, then you are unwilling to look within because it is never the other person. I just I’ll put that out there. Your problems are never, ever the other person. It is always ourselves. And so, you know, if I’m jealous of my wife for something, let’s just say, she goes out and she’s talking to someone. I mean, she’s talking to some guy and I find out he calls or something.

So why am I upset? Why? Because she did something she wasn’t supposed to know because there’s some part of me that probably feels insecure or that feels vulnerable or what. And so you have to look at all of these situations and realize it is always me. It’s always myself. And I think that’s hard for people and especially men to do. And so when you ask men to do that and say, Hey, I’m going to ask you to look within, it’s scary. It just is because like, I don’t, I don’t want to know what I’m going to find.

You know, I don’t want to know, or I don’t want to see that I am this still, this scared, little kid whose parent did X, Y, Z. And I don’t feel good enough. I mean, you go on and on it doesn’t matter what the subject is. And it always comes back to us. You know, when you get frustrated with your children, it’s your fault. You know, when you get angry with your children, it’s your fault. You have the power of the choice to decide how you respond. And so a ton of the work and all these things that I’m doing is us just stepping up and do that. And so I will say, though, if somebody is unwilling, you can’t force them. You know, all you can do is show them and say, Hey, it’s a little bit easier if you were willing to look within, I like to walk through the fire first, but it’s pretty clear on the other side, you know, because I don’t have to blame my wife.

I don’t have to blame my children. I don’t have to do any, I’ve got all this power to go, oh wait, maybe I can do something about this. You know, being really curious. You have to be curious, you know, that’s something the curiosity. So I don’t, that’s the other thing too. I don’t try to convince men that they need this ever have. You know, even when I started, like with my, my meetup sent out notice initially to like all my friends and all these people and nobody came,

I was like, oh, this is interesting. You know, nobody wants to look within they don’t. And if people were willing to look within and realize that all of the problems around them are them, then I think we would have some impressive, incredible communities and some incredible people and incredible society going on.

Wendy:
Oh, I love it. And I will say, I think that once you start the process of like stepping in and actually getting the support, the additional support that you need in my experience, it actually does become so joyful. Right? Like once you kind of break the seal and you’re like, oh, I just walked out of that therapy session or that life coaching weekend. And not only am I not like, like, I dunno, feeling weird. I feel freaking great. Like I remember when one of my assistants, one of my staff members, she started going through the like certification process to become a life coach with your infinite life. And in the very beginning, she was thinking about signing up for the like extended program. Right. Which is intense. Like we all know it was like 13.

It is like, you are, you are looking within, in the deepest capacity. And I said to her, I’m like, oh my gosh. It’s like, literally I feel like it’s going to the spa every weekend. It’s so relaxing. It’s it’s feels so good. And now I have my second assistant going through the program too, but I was like, oh my gosh, it it’s my favorite thing. I get away from the kids. I just go, I look, it’s like amazing. And she came back up to the first weekend and she’s like, Wendy, that was intense. She’s like, I get it. I get what you’re saying. Well, holy smokes, you didn’t tell me.

Jason:
I think that you do have to have a seeking personality too. You know,

Wendy:
That’s true

Jason:
There are people in my world where I just know would never don’t want to, are never going to. Okay. And if now looking at it from the outside, these are people that complain all the time. These are people look or seem very unhappy, but you know, it’s like, I mean, I’m not this way, but like even religion for some people is that way, you know, they say, wow, this changed me. This made me feel so good. You should do that too. And when people like, when you do that, people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, you know, and it’s the same for self-development. It’s kind of like, yeah, great. That worked for you.

Like, that’s your thing, you know,

Terry:
Does it take it to like a classic dad move? It’s like, it’s like the guy that will never like accept like directions. Like you’re like, you’re clearly lost, but there, there is a certain

Yeah. There’s a certain percentage of guys that like, you could even see that they’re lost. You’re like, oh, I could offer to help them. Or like give them a map or whatever. But like that guy had taken the map. He’s not taking your advice. You’re not doing ever. But for, I mean, I think this is a great segue because like, like we acknowledged the beginning. It’s not always like, like Wendy said, there is a cross section of dads out there that are saying I’m, open-minded, I’m committed to my family and I want to step forward. So Jason tell us where these brave and awesome dads can find you in your work.

Jason:
Yeah. Best way is daduniversity.com. That’s kind of has everything there. And that’s the easiest, you know, it’s got all the social channels and my YouTube and everything. Yeah. You know, I’m everywhere, you know, just like you guys, it’s kind of wherever they go. But so the website’s the easiest.

Terry:
You know. Awesome.

Wendy:
That’s incredible. Yes. And gosh, thank you so much for being here.

Jason:
Oh, for sure. This is fun. It’s a great way to start the morning. See? Yeah, I know.

Terry:
Yeah. And all the listeners out there, you know, just remember that motivation, you know, in the end, you, you know, you put in the hard work, it’s all going to come back to you. You’re going to feel better. You’re going to be, feel more like yourself.

Wendy:
Yeah. Yes. Yep. And so whether, you know, it’s, it’s learning more about Jason’s program and actually like pushing, go and starting to attend some of his classes that he’s offers or do your course, or, or if it’s with fresh or family, like actually sitting in with your wife to attend our weekly coaching sessions within our membership program, we’re actually doing and sitting in and going through the foundations course with her. We just encourage you to step forward and keep stepping forward. And it’s just such an honor, I think, to support all the families. So thank you guys for listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Jason, for filling us with all your wisdom.

Yay. All right. Thanks listeners.

Jason:
Take care guys.

Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening families have a great day.

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at [email protected] or connect with me over on Facebook @freshstartfamily & Instagram @freshstartwendy.

 

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