One of the best ways positive parenting helps families is by teaching that for every "perceived negative quality", there is an absolute strength and attribute to celebrate. You could also look at this as trying to always see the "cup half full" (instead of half empty) when it comes to our children.
For me, and I think many, many parents, it's often easier to see the negative in our kids when misbehavior arises or situations get sticky. It actually takes a lot more work, self-control, internal processing and patience to identify the light and strength in our kids, BEFORE we act on the situation.
One of my favorite authors and positive parenting advocates...L.R. Knost, wrote this about attributes we often see as "challenging" in children, yet celebrate in grown successful adults.
An excerpt from the book The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline http://www.amazon.com/The-Gentle-Parent-Practical-Discipline/dp/0988995832
The Gift of a Strong-Willed Child
Take a look at some of the common descriptions used when referring to the characteristics of a strong-willed child:
*Demanding, Insistent, Stubborn, Bossy, Cocky, Difficult, Challenging, Fixated, Contrary, Rebellious, Defiant*
Now look at some of the common characteristics of adults who are world leaders, CEO’s, entrepreneurs, innovators, world-class athletes, and the like:
*Decisive, Determined, Persistent, Authoritative, Confident, Valiant, Gutsy, Committed, Resourceful, Nonconforming, Bold*
Note that the characteristics are the same, but the characterizations are negative when applied to a child and positive when applied to an adult.
LR goes on to discuss how children labeled "strong willed" are often seen negatively, yet actually have so many of these amazing qualities that can be used for such good in the world. Be sure to read the entire story http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/2013/11/29/the-gift-of-a-strong-willed-child/, & grab one of her books http://www.amazon.com/L.-R.-Knost/e/B009TW591U, LR is so so good!
Now you don't have to have what's often called a "strong-willed child" to know that all kids provide us with lots and lots of situations where we have to choose how we see their behavior and them in that moment. In the RCB classroom, we work through many situations with families to help them identify and practice how to see the strength and light in their children, no matter what behavior has happened. Parents love throwing out different situations and asking "How in the world could their be a positive attribute when my kid does x,y, or z"? We ALWAYS find the light and something to celebrate in the child, ALWAYS. And it ALWAYS helps families work through challenges to find solutions that work!
Join me for my next Redirecting Children's Behavior Class starting either Oct. 8th (Aspirations School of Learning) or Jan. 15th (Playwerx). Hope to see you there!
Wendy Snyder ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fresh Start Parenting 619-379-9379 FreshStartParentingRCB.com FreshStartParentingRCB@gmail.com
*"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!! ~Dr. Seuss"*