In this heartfelt episode, Wendy Snyder dives into the power of community in parenting, inspired by Mother Teresaโs wisdom that peace begins at home. Parenting isnโt meant to be a solo journey, and Wendy warmly reminds us how vital it is to have a village of support. Through personal stories, uplifting client successes, and insights from thought leaders like Brenรฉ Brown, she reveals how connection can replace the isolation so many parents feel.
Wendy shares three transformational reasons why a strong support system is essential for positive parenting. You’ll learn how connection helps heal us, why relationships are key to learning, and how breaking generational cycles becomes possible when we lean on others. With practical examples and compassionate encouragement, this episode inspires parents to move beyond traditional autocratic styles and embrace the beauty of raising kids with kindness, courage, and a little help from their village.
Ready to ditch the hand-me-down parenting tactics that make you believe youโre failing as a parent?
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Episode Highlights:
- Importance of Connection in Healing: Wendy emphasizes that establishing connections can significantly help parents overcome feelings of isolation and shame.
- Diverse Perspectives Enhance Learning: Embracing diverse perspectives aids in providing richer experiences and wisdom for both parents and children.
- Cycle Breaking Requires Support: Successfully breaking generational cycles of fear and submission necessitates support from a community.
- Transformational Real-Life Stories: Wendy shares inspiring stories from parents who have positively transformed their family dynamics through intentional parenting and community support.
- Empowerment through Community: Engaging with a network of like-minded parents can provide essential motivation and affirmation in the journey of positive parenting.
Resources Mentioned:
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Not able to listen, or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
0:00:25 – (Wendy): Hello, families, and welcome back to a new episode. I’m so happy you’re here today. I want to chat about why it takes a village to raise a child with positive parenting today. So first off the bat, let’s just settle into the concept and the truth that we were never meant to parent alone. We were not meant to parent alone. And one of my favorite Mother Teresa quotes of all time. I love things all Mother Teresa. One of the kindest compliments I ever got in life was actually a dad who had done our programs with us, and he sent me a message one day and said, Wendy, you’re the coolest mix of, like, Mother Teresa and Brenรฉ Brown. And I was like, oh, my gosh, you just made my day.
0:02:18 – (Wendy): I don’t feel worthy at all to be compared to Mother Teresa, but I will take it. I was smiling for the rest of the night. It was just such a kind comment compliment. But I love Mother Teresa so much. And she had a quote that she said, if we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. How true is that? So today we are diving into why embracing a village is essential for. For positive parenting.
0:02:48 – (Wendy): And also, I’m gonna share with you just three transformational reasons. Maybe some real life stories of transformation or testimony. And then also how to lean into connection that really will change your life. Okay, so number one, when it comes to why does it take a village to raise a child with positive parenting? Number one is because connection truly does heal us. It truly does. And when it comes to parenting, oftentimes it can just feel so isolating.
0:03:22 – (Wendy): But the thing is, shame and struggle cannot survive in the light of connection. And so in general, no matter like what you’re doing as a parent, it can often feel really isolating, especially if every single one of your friends isn’t in the exact same season of life as you. Everyone’s busy, right? It’s really easy to lose touch and then when you add on top of that that when you practice POS parenting, you become very countercultural. The mass majority of our friends and family members are going to go down the standard autocratic parenting route.
0:03:57 – (Wendy): They’re really just not interested in upgrading the legacy. They’re not for them. They’re just. They’re okay repeating the same kind of generational cycles. And for those of us who feel really called to do things differently and find joy in the journey of upgrading our family legacy and learning new ways to discipline and communicate and influence our kids with relationship versus force, it is just a sure bet that you are going to feel alone a lot of the times.
0:04:29 – (Wendy): And so one of my favorite quotes from Brene Brown, she says that when it comes to shame, you know, she teaches so much about shame. Her work has really changed my life and helped me shed so much shame over the last. Gosh, it’s been like 14 years that I’ve been working on shedding shame that I can see really kind of became invested in me as a child due to a lot of the autocratic parenting strategies which we. We are so. Which is one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about helping parents here at Fresh Start Family do it different for their kids so they don’t have so much healing to do when they’re in their third, fourth decade of life. But Brene says that shame thrives in silence, growing stronger the more we ignore it.
0:05:15 – (Wendy): And she also said that shame can’t survive being spoken. And what happens is when are feeling very alone and isolated as a parent, like, maybe you don’t have a bunch of people to connect with that are like, heck, yeah, I’m gonna. I’m trying to stop yelling too. Or I love the idea of not threatening my kid to take away their iPad every day. How do I do it differently? When you’re not surrounded with that, it can be really easy to think like, oh, what am I doing wrong?
0:05:43 – (Wendy): Because the task of learning positive parenting, it’s exciting and it’s rewarding and it’s incredible. And a lot of it is freaking hard. It’s hard because you are unlearning so many patterns and so many, you know, you’re unpaving so many neural pathways, and a lot of times you are healing so much when it comes to your nervous system. And so there’s a lot of mistakes. It’s not like a instant, okay, I’m gonna stop yelling or stop hitting or stop shaming or stop threatening my kid in order to get them to do what they want or punishing whatever it may be.
0:06:20 – (Wendy): And then tomorrow I’m like, cool, okay, that’s move on. It’s not the way it works. One of my favorite mentors, Kate Northrub, had sent an email earlier this week that said healing is like a spiral staircase and sometimes you just feel like you’re going round and round. And it’s also not a linear path, right? It’s not just a clear A to Z. So it can become, if you are not full of care, it can become really easy to think that something’s wrong with you when you’re doing things different than the most of society, when you’re oftentimes scared of judgment from the people who are doing things very differently and not shy to tell you that they think that positive parenting is weak or that gentle parenting is unbiblical, right? It can just be easy to fall into that pit of shame which we know really keeps human beings stuck thanks to Brene Brown’s research.
0:07:15 – (Wendy): And we don’t want you to stay there. So when we share our parenting struggles within a safe, supportive village, we create the space for courage and growth. And so I really want you to be thinking that if this work lights you up, like for me it is my life’s work. It is a joy to watch my 17 year old little girl operate in the world that she in the way that she does. As I watch her pursue this D1 beach volleyball position and as I watch her chase her dreams with tenacity as a strong willed kid, as I watch myself really continue to build my self compassion skills when I’m imperfect as a parent with my, you know, my ability to make amends even after I make a mistake and things get messy with her or the concept or the truth that my little boy has known nothing except for positive parenting his whole life.
0:08:14 – (Wendy): These are all things that fill me with, with such joy and purpose as a human being and so to be alone in that I just can’t imagine. And so obviously for someone like myself, I went and create hated the village so I wouldn’t be alone in that. And I, I actually just recently started attending a new church probably six months ago or so and became so entrenched in their community and just fell in love so much with what they’re doing that I decided oh my gosh, I’d like to rent an office space here and together with God co created this office space that came into fruition last week. And big news is I’m moving into my own office in my new church mid February. Which is.
0:09:00 – (Wendy): But for me, that change is so I can get out of the isolation of my home office, which I’ve spent a lot of time creating. This little home office that I have is so beautiful. But for me, being together with like minded people who have that same passion in life that can’t just sit and brush things under a rug. We’re going to talk about that in a minute. But like actually to be surrounded and as I say, have roommates, which will be our path pastors, our family pastor, there’ll be an Episcopalian priest next to me in the office next to me. And then just to be in an environment of like minded, social, justice oriented justice, joy and inclusion and Jesus centered people.
0:09:50 – (Wendy): Oh my gosh. I’m so excited because for me the isolation has become hard over the years as an entrepreneur and as a justice focused entrepreneur. So it’s kind of a fun little update as a side note for from my own life. But just when you build that support network, you just get reminded that doing things together is often so much easier than doing it alone. Okay. The shame melts away, the isolation disappears and you just start realizing that what you’re going for, it’s, it makes sense. You’re not taking crazy pills and what you’re doing is actually really admiring and seen and respected.
0:10:33 – (Wendy): Just today we had our as the day I’m recording this, it was our first day of our new year Kickstart challenge. So we had our lesson number one today. By the way, if you haven’t registered for that yet, there’s still time to catch up. Fresh startfamilyonline.com forward/kickstart. You can hop into the free challenge, get all five lessons, binge them in close to an hour. But we were having our daily Q and A session. That’s kind of a bonus for families who want to do that.
0:11:02 – (Wendy): Most of the lessons are delivered via email on demand style. But we also, I also host a daily Q and A session and someone was in the comments just asking about how they can be confident inviting people to do the challenge with them. Maybe it’s, you know, she was saying, it’s like, I think it was her extended family. It was someone in her life that she wanted to be able to feel more confident saying to them, hey, I’m doing things a different way. I think actually I’m remembering now her question was around like, what do you do if you were raised in the church and this whole concept of original sin has kind of been like shoved down your throat and now you know you have people in your life that really want to, like, that’s all they want to focus on.
0:11:50 – (Wendy): And basically the essence of her question was like, I know that they’re going to knock this work. They’re going to roll their eyes if they hear that I’m in this free challenge. And I got to tell her the story of a beautiful success we had in our group. We had actually had a few insane, beautifully insane successes lately. I’m going to try to just remember these off the top of my head because I didn’t put them in my notes today.
0:12:14 – (Wendy): But one just yesterday that came in was from a sweet mama named Katie, who together with her husband has been so courageous and intentional to upgrade their family legacy, end painful generational cycles and really be outspoken, especially in their church community. I think they’re in the Midwest somewhere to really, to gain that confidence to do things differently. And she said she was at, I think she was at like a Bible study or something midweek. And he. They had a little four year old who I think she was supposed to go to her classroom.
0:12:49 – (Wendy): And the little four year old like said it with an attitude of like, I’m going to that classroom alone. And I’m like, I don’t need daddy to help me. And she was like, you know, just had this sass about her, which is just, just so fun to look back and remember those moments with Stella where I’m like, wow, that is some sass in this girl. And she said her and her husband just kind of smiled and like they knew that they needed to make sure she got to her classroom safe. But they also like weren’t panicking, they weren’t freaking out. Right? They were just like, okay, this, our little one is a powerhouse. She’s a strong willed little girl and she’s got a lot. And she’s in this also in this power surge. She’s season of life, seeking autonomy and independence, all the things.
0:13:31 – (Wendy): But they, they had a mentor couple who glanced over, saw what was happening and I think it was the guy that said to them, ooh, that’s gonna be a problem when she grows up. And then she said the other mentor part of the couple, maybe it was the wife, I’m not sure. She just like kind of gave her a little bit of a side eye, like, you better be careful. You better get control of that now. That type of like side eye that a lot of us know what that looks like.
0:13:59 – (Wendy): And she just basically was sharing in her hashtag success in our community that that’s how we share Successes within the fresh start experience. And she was saying, man, it, my stomach sank because it never feels good to know that like people are judging you. But she also said in the past I would have jumped to defensiveness or, you know, yeah, defending, justifying, like really, like scrambling to make sure that people know that what we’re doing is smart. And especially in the church environment, like, like smart when it comes to like living as a godly parent.
0:14:33 – (Wendy): And she said, but you know what, I just didn’t have this rush and this need to defend myself. And she said, I thought of certain things that I could have like, said. And she said, but I didn’t say them. She’s like, I just decided to put them in my pocket and save them for next time. And she said the feeling of the confidence and the peace I had is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. She’s actually been in the fresh experience, I think for at least a year, maybe even two now.
0:15:06 – (Wendy): I mean she’s really been intentional about learning and growing and doing things differently and disciplining her children with compassion. And she just said she was able to let them own their judgment and their, their thinking that this was a problem, that this little girl was this powerhouse and she was seeking to feel powerful and, and she just went on to say, like, it just feels so good to have this peace and confidence within myself and just was expressing gratitude for the group and the program. So that was really cool to get.
0:15:38 – (Wendy): And then we had another success story just come in today, actually just, just like a half hour before. I’m recording this right now from another mama named Allison who said that her little girl this morning who’s four, all these four year old stories today. We help parents of all ages, by the way, so if you have teenagers come hang out because trust me, this, work, this for all ages. But this little four year old said to her today, hey mama, what’s, what’s a spanking?
0:16:09 – (Wendy): And this is a mama again, surprise, surprise, who grew up in like these deep like these harmful evangelical circles that believe hitting and harming kids is the way and that gentle parenting isn’t biblical. All the things like that had in our community that hap. That tends to be the parents who show like there’s so many parents, all different religions and belief systems and all the things. And it is often the parents who had that upbringing who are the most dedicated to unravel it and not repeat the generational cycle.
0:16:41 – (Wendy): But she said that she was like, oh my gosh, Wendy, this four year old that. And she has older kids, like, that are like 7 and 10 or something like that. 6 and 8, maybe. But she’s done a lot to, like, unravel with. But this little girl of her, she said she has no idea what being hit looks like to, like, because you’re being bad or you need to be better. Like, she’s like, how crazy is that? It’s just. She’s just said it was the most beautiful realization.
0:17:09 – (Wendy): And So I guess Ms. Allison has been in our programs for a long time. We’re celebrating seven years here at First Chart Family this year. But that was just so beautiful, right? So those are just some examples of people who really leaned in to changing their family legacy. And I know I. I can relate so much to that email, to that mama who just sent me that email this afternoon, because that’s how my little boy is, right? So Stella’s 17, Taryn’s 14.
0:17:36 – (Wendy): But Taryn knows nothing except for positive parenting. Now, remember, positive parenting doesn’t mean you’re perfect. There’s plenty of times where I’ve, like, screwed up, lost my mind with him, many stories. I’ve written an article called I Love Bruises, which was My Little boy One Night. But he. But I always knew that I didn’t have to do those things. Whereas with Stella, I thought that I had to timeout, punish, spank, force, like, not let it get. Let her get away with bloody murder, threaten her, like, take away her technology, not give her a jelly bean, like, all that. I just thought that was the way when Taran came, it was like, oh, hell no. I had gotten the memo.
0:18:19 – (Wendy): And he got to be born into a totally different paradigm, a totally different reality. And I just know it feels really, really good. So being scared of judgment can feel really dicey. But when you are in a community where you’re surrounded, I mean, we have a few hundred people in the Fresh Start experience that are like, oh, hell no. Like, you are not drinking Kool Aid. You’re actually really doing something admirable that is going to change the world. Just by bringing more peace into your home. It’ll bring peace into the world.
0:18:55 – (Wendy): So just remember, every time we connect with others, we’re building a softer place to land for ourself and our kids. Okay? Number two reason why learning why it takes a village to raise children with positive parenting, and that is that learning happens in relationships. Okay? So children and parents learn best when surrounded by diverse perspectives and wisdom. And just to make Mother Teresa the the star of our podcast episode today, here’s Another quote from her, she says, together we can do great things alone.
0:19:31 – (Wendy): We miss out on the richness of shared experiences and collective wisdom. So how beautiful is that when we come together as a diverse group of individuals with different backgrounds, right. We have some people within our community that feel like when they grow up, when they grew up they didn’t have a lot of trauma or they didn’t have that like toxic kind of religious like physical and emotional harm and fear of God that was put into them. And we have people who feel like they’ve got like a huge mountain to climb with changing the dynamics in their home. And then other parents who are just like, I just want to clean some things up. I just want to get help for this kid who’s getting notes sent home in school. Like we just have, have such a rich, diverse community.
0:20:24 – (Wendy): And I will say now that we’ve moved into our sacred private community space being off social media, we had our private group housed on Facebook for like seven years and we just switched into a private non social media app based community. It’s so exciting as a team because we’re seeing more and more of the dads come in to the collective and it just is lighting us up because now we’re realizing just what a hindrance it was to have to have our people log into social media to get into our private community. So that’s been a really cool big update for us that we’re just seeing the diversity expand and become bigger and bigger and we know that there is such power in diversity.
0:21:14 – (Wendy): I actually have been thinking a lot about the, the redwood forest. This week we really started teaching a lot more about nervous system regulation and healing within our Fresh Start experience. Last, last year we did a four month intensive, a four month pack of lessons and support for our Fresh Start experience. Families all around, nervous system healing and regulation. And since I’ve really done a lot with my own healing in that area, I’ve been incorporating and looking for more and more ways to bring in nature to every part of my life and especially my teaching.
0:21:53 – (Wendy): And lately I was actually helping together, together myself going through it, but also helping a sweet, sweet, very close family members of ours who lost a child at birth and we are all, as you can imagine, just devastated beyond belief. I’ll actually fly out to be with her in just a few days. But it, the, the idea of the redwoods really came to my mind and these trees, these are the famous trees like that you can, I think there’s, there’s one in north Northern California or it Might be up in Oregon or Washington that you can drive a car through. They’re so big.
0:22:37 – (Wendy): But when I started, when I got this itch or this divine whisper to like, hey, let’s go. Oh, let’s go. Just for some reason these trees were calling me after this tragedy happened to our family a few days ago. And I started researching these trees and what I found out is that they have actually a very like shallow root system. So I’ll read, I’ll read to you a little bit about them. Redwood forest roots are unique because they are shallow, spreading out horizontally over a large area and intertwining with the roots of other nearby redwoods, creating a network that provides a stability against strong winds and floods, essentially holding each other up in a community like structure.
0:23:22 – (Wendy): Unlike most trees, they lack a deep tap root taproot instead focusing on extensive lateral root growth. And I was like, oh my gosh. Watching my family member go through this tragedy, that is hard to even imagine. Her community has been one of the reasons why, like, they’re okay, they’re okay, they’re devastated, but they’re, they’re okay because of the community. And it’s just so apparent when you see it from the outside, right? And like, and that’s how I think of our community here at Fresh Jury.
0:24:03 – (Wendy): Family too is we are really a collective unit of parents who give a damn about their own family legacy and also each other. And it’s just been an honor to witness that over the years and to see how one person will bounce off another. Right. So when we have weekly coaching each week, I might be coaching someone around like a six year old struggles to keep his hands to himself. But yet somebody attending that coach teaching will get just, you know, incredible guidance that they needed to hear about self control or compassionate discipline or making sure you’re teaching after mistakes are made, whatever it may be. And it’s just always so beautiful to see people share aha moments when it wasn’t even their question being answered.
0:24:56 – (Wendy): And so I really do believe that we should all be like the redwood trees. As human beings. There is this lie that we are separate it. But really we are interconnected. We are. When one of us is suffering, all of us is suffering. Many of us are suffering. So it’s just so beautiful to be in community where that can start to change and you really feel like people are holding you up and helping you create the positive change that you want to have in your home.
0:25:30 – (Wendy): So lean on a village for advice, support and a break when needed. And that’s what we do inside the Fresh start experience with FCDone every time you need to ask a question and get individual individualized coaching with from our team of certified Fresh Start approach coaches hashtag successes. Help us within our private community focus, focus on the wins and, and what you focus on grows. So it’s like what you water grows.
0:26:01 – (Wendy): So when you bring attention to and show yourself it’s working. I’m doing it. This feels good. My child came down and apologized on their own for the first time today without being forced like and you celebrate that and you tell yourself how much courage it took for you to be the person that stopped requiring or forcing apologies. Right. With your children. Just some examples there. But, but yeah, just be willing to have a village around you to have diverse. This is why it’s so amazing if you can have extended, you know, family within your circle too. Like we have grandparents that are here Earthside still that were such a huge part of our kids lives growing up. And they all brought different perspectives to the table.
0:26:54 – (Wendy): One of them being Terri’s mom who just like hands down from the beginning she was all on board to learn about positive parenting. These firm and kind connection based strategies. When I came out of my first class and I was like Terri, I want to send you and I might want to send your mom because at the time she had just moved to California and she was helping us so much with the kids while I was working and she was like, didn’t even like bud. She was like heck yeah, sure, I’ll go.
0:27:24 – (Wendy): And her and Terry went through a positive parenting class at Stella’s preschool and she’s just always been so on board but she brings different perspectives, right. And I think it’s so nice when you can have people in your life whether it’s your blood family or your chosen family because not all of us have immediate blood family that are, that are that supportive. Right? Like my own parents, I love them so much, but they, they really don’t inquire that much about what I do. I think they’re actually starting to a little bit more especially since they know I’m writing the book which, which feels really good to have them more interested in my work. But for the most part they’re not really, they’re not trying to change. Right.
0:28:07 – (Wendy): So I know not all of you have this blood family that is like super supportive, but you can create a bigger chosen family like for example, people within the Fresh Start experience or just within your community or church or school system or friendship group that will be that root system for you and will bring in those different perspectives. I think it’s always so interesting how much easier it is to see the integrity in a child and to get creative. Creative with, like, assuming integrity, basically, when it’s not your kid, oftentimes as a team.
0:28:44 – (Wendy): Because with my team of amazing women who work with me, work for me, it’s like, I just am so thankful that I have this team that I can just be myself and laugh with. But we. They will. Often we have a channel within our communication app called Slack, and sometimes we’ll come in and just share, like, real life woes from our own life, right? It’s like, oh, my gosh, this happened. Or, oh, really messed up. Gotta do a makeup today, whatever it is. Um, and one of our head coaches came in. She was like, oh, my gosh, my little boy. I think he’s 15 now. She was like.
0:29:16 – (Wendy): And he had broken his wrist and thank God he doesn’t need surgery and all the things. But she was like. She was like, he will not let me do anything. He won’t. He barely can tie a shoe, but he won’t let me help. And he keeps getting mad at me. And I just started laughing because it’s so. It’s always funny when it’s not your kid, right? But when you’re in it, you’re like, oh, my gosh, why. Why are you difficult? Right? But, like, some. You just need somebody else’s perspective to be like, hey, it’s okay. That’s normal.
0:29:47 – (Wendy): He’s frustrated, he’s scared he’s going to have to get surgery. And he’s a teenager, so he. The thought of giving up power and having, you know, like, sometimes you just need that perspective to help you calm your nervous system, realize that you’re safe, that there’s nothing wrong with you or your child. And so the diversity is really important to have in your life, right? Especially the people who understand the positive parenting perspective.
0:30:17 – (Wendy): One more thing about this and then we’ll. We’ll head to our next point. But I saw a clip on. I think it was Sunday morning. It’s one of my favorite shows. I’ve actually decided that I’ve quit the news this year after. Yeah, after the last few weeks, I. My little nervous system was not doing well with being so in the know about all of what was happening in the United States of America. And I actually even have decided to take a break from Instagram for 90% of, you know, involvement over there. I’ll still have my team do quite a bit and We’ll.
0:30:54 – (Wendy): We’ll probably figure out some different ways to stay involved over there that doesn’t involve me being on the app. But. But it was. Was a big kind of decision for me to step away from the news and Instagram because I could tell that even my beautiful friends and authors and social justice advocates and pastors and priests that I follow and teachers like I was still feeling frazzled from seeing the heartbreak and the.
0:31:23 – (Wendy): The deep, deep sorrow in the world. And so I did decide to step away. And those have been really, like, powerful for me. I’m just a week, and I feel like a totally different person. And I feel. I feel like God’s completely aligned it all because, as I mentioned, we took our. Our private group for our Freshfield experience students. We took that off of social media. So it was just like sometimes when it rains, it pours and you just.
0:31:49 – (Wendy): My word for 2025 was brave. I wanted to listen to my intuition without questioning myself. I also wanted to care less about what other people think and more about what I think and what God thinks. So. So I’m really doing it. I feel like I’m really doing it. And I’ve never felt more peace in my soul probably in a long, long time. Probably never. So, anyways, side note on that. But. So. But I do watch one little show of news each week, and that is Sunday Morning with Jane Pauley.
0:32:20 – (Wendy): And I absolutely love it. I squeeze it in before church, and it just makes me so happy. But there was a clip this last weekend on a NFL player, actually, his name is Ray Davis and he’s part of the Buffalo Bills. So they’ll be, I guess, going to the super bowl now, right? Because they won. No, they didn’t win. No, they didn’t win. Darn it. The Chiefs won again. If you’re a Chiefs fan, congratulations.
0:32:44 – (Wendy): They didn’t win. They lost. It was really sad. It was very close, but Buffalo Bills player, he’s a rookie, I guess his name is Ray Davis. His parents were in and out of homelessness as a child, and he had a guy. His name was Patrick Dowley, who was part of a Big Brother organization. I think it’s called the Big Brother organization. And he stepped in and mentored Ray his entire childhood, and he got to honor him. I think it was at some event or maybe the football game last weekend or the weekend before. And it was so moving because you got to see that someone decided that they were going to be a root system to support somebody else. And then you had a family. And I think Ray’s family is doing better now, but you had this family and this child who didn’t have to do it alone. That there was people to be beside them and be those redwood root system to just kind of hold them up in the storm. And so just to see, to learn more about their relationship was really beautiful. So that’s the type of news I’m trying to watch these days because my little nervous system just can’t handle the heartbreak that continues to flood into our, our nation and the.
0:33:57 – (Wendy): So I’m not going to be just completely ignorant, but I am going to focus on what I can do and that is my work here at Fresh Start Family and with my own children in my own home. So cheers to that. Okay, so embrace the idea that others can teach your kids valuable lessons too that you might not be equipped to offer. Right. That idea of it’s easier for other people to seek the integrity in your children and know that. But there is beauty in leaning into a village. When we raise children in a village, we’re gifting them a world of mentors, allies and friends who shape them with love.
0:34:36 – (Wendy): And so all of our Fresh Start family, parents and kids, the kids actually get to experience this because they’ve had Stella as a mentor since Stella was like 8, 9 years old. She’s been recording and teaching our kids within our kids program for years. So these little kids all across the world, they know Stella, they know like she’s been teaching them about self regulation, how to make their own self calming kit, how to make amends after you’ve hurt someone’s feeling or made a mistake or how to do a makeup. Like she has so many lessons in our video library and they are part of her redwood forest. Right.
0:35:17 – (Wendy): So just so, so cool. So that’s tip number two. All right. Or reason number two. Okay. Reason number three of why it takes a village to raise kids in positive parenting is because it does quite often, most often, take a team to break cycles. So many, many, many parents, probably most parents in our freshroute experience community are are first time painful generational cycle breakers where they are deciding that they are going to break the cycles of fear, force, isolation, overpowering intimidation, forcing submission, high reactivity, unsafety and lack of trust, lack of emotional literacy in homes, all the things and, and that is hard work that takes a lot of courage.
0:36:17 – (Wendy): And again for me, I always try to be someone who models the joy in that when you live like a purpose filled, joy filled life and you know you are not just affecting the next generation, but you are affecting the entire future lineage of your family. It is just the best feeling in the world. As I was talking to my little cousin who just lost his child, her, her, her son. And we were talking about the redwood forest and also the beautiful prayer to pray like a rooster. I’ll have to maybe record another podcast episode on that. But we, it’s like I’m looking forward to in a few days really leaning in to talking about her great grandmother, which is Terry’s grandmother.
0:37:05 – (Wendy): He has a tattoo of her beautiful face on his arm. And we see her all the time. We always say that hummingbirds. We feel like Nana is with us. But she was really pivotal in our family legacy. She lost her son in Vietnam. He was a pilot, a reconnaissance pilot. He took pictures and he was shot down, pow, mia. And then she lost her husband a few years later very unexpectedly at like 56 or something. She lost a sister when she was very young, eight years old. And she, she just experienced a lot of tragedy.
0:37:43 – (Wendy): And the way that she responded to that tragedy, the things that she went on to do in her life to help other people. She ended up creating a incredible scholarship fund in Terry’s name. That’s who my Terry is named after. My son Terry is named after. And our new, our newest little nephew that’s no longer with us. His name was also had Taryn in it or I guess he’s not our nephew. He was our cousin. He was our little cousin. And that is now heaven side, not Earthside.
0:38:17 – (Wendy): And so the, the legacy of this woman that lost so much but chose to create a family legacy where people will remember that who she was and what she decided to do with her life and how she, he. She affected her lineage, her, her children, yes, but also her, her grandchildren and now her great grandchildren, which is our cousin who experienced this loss this week. And then her, her, her great grandchildren. Like it just keeps going when you have the courage to break cycles. Like it is just such a joy filled life. It is such a purpose driven life. It keeps you going.
0:39:07 – (Wendy): It is, it is the way to be human, at least in my circles and in my opinion. And so that’s what Nana was to us. And so she is going to be a light even though she is long gone. She passed away actually the week before Stella was born. So we always joke that her and Stella crossed right as Stella was coming into the earth. Nana was leaving. But she has a lot of significance. Significance. And she’s going to continue to offer strength and courage even as she’s heaven side now for her granddaughter who is going through this incredible tragedy that I get to be with this week.
0:39:46 – (Wendy): So when it comes to breaking cycles and upgrading your legacy and passing down a lineage that you’re proud of, it is just important work. But it is also hard work work. And when you do it together with others, it is just so much more joyful. And that thought pattern of your alone just melts away. And it becomes easier to break the cycles. It becomes easier to give yourselves grace and, and escape those shame cycles that keep people stuck in the same patterns over and over and over again.
0:40:21 – (Wendy): Okay? So be willing to become part of a circle that gives you space to share your parenting vision for what you want in the future for you, your future legacy and lineage of your own family. Maybe it’s that you’re going to be the first in your family who doesn’t spank your children into admission submission. Right? Like, wow, that’s. That’s going to take some effort. That’s going to take some community.
0:40:44 – (Wendy): That’s going to take some mentorship. Or maybe it’s. You’re going to be someone who’s like, I’m going to raise daughters who feel confident to say no and stand up for what they believe in with dignity and respect that don’t believe the lie that they have to be submissive to someone. Or, or maybe for you, it’s the refusal to pass down cycles of unhealthy or absent conflict resolution. Right. Or lack of emotional literacy in your home. You’re just like, I’m not going to pass that down.
0:41:13 – (Wendy): My children are going to understand how to fight fairly and respectfully and how to use peaceful conflict negotiation and resolution instead of their hands to resolve their problems. Problems. They’re going to learn how to process the feeling of hurt without hurting back and consistently engaging in revenge cycles with people they love and don’t love. All of these things are just examples of when you are a cycle breaker.
0:41:41 – (Wendy): Doing that alone is a heavy walk. And you don’t have to. You don’t have to. Okay, maybe you’re going to be a cycle breaker in your family lineage where divorce is not going to be a thing anymore. Right? Like, divorce is absolutely beautiful in some situations and absolutely something that changes and, and makes things better for a lot of people and for others. There’s a family lineage that gets passed down of broken relationships and divorce that it just takes someone to decide.
0:42:15 – (Wendy): I’m going to be the one to learn about my emotions. I’m going to be the one to learn how to communicate effectively. I’m going to be the one to learn how to not brush under a rug anymore until it’s too late. Like, I just love cycle breakers. And so many of you who listen to the show are cycle breakers. So. So, yeah. So lean on accountability partners or mentors like our certified coaches who can remind you of your why on your hard days when you want to give up and also help you remember that you’re doing a great job.
0:42:49 – (Wendy): Even on the days that you worry that you’re failing and that it’s not working, it’s working, trust me. As long as you stay the course and you stay consistent and you’re actually doing positive parenting, boom. Trust me. The rewards are massive. It is important to also, I will say, be in an environment where there are. There are people, coaches, mentors, loving people beside you who are also willing to be honest with you when you think you’re doing positive parenting and you’re not. We actually had one of our beautiful students, students share a few weeks ago that she had had her son do an apology note, and she had joked that, look, he did this apology note. And she said somewhat begrudgingly.
0:43:37 – (Wendy): And as the team, we could kind of tell, oh, okay, this mama is just confused. She thinks that she’s doing positive parenting by having this kid write down that he’s sorry and that he did it and now he gets to get his toy back. And we got to lovingly come beside her in a coaching session and say, hey, great, you are on your way to changing the dynamics in your home, and you’re not quite there yet. This isn’t positive parenting anytime you’re forcing a child with a carrot being dangled over their head. He wasn’t allowed to get his. His toy back until he did this note.
0:44:13 – (Wendy): This is actually not what we’re teaching. Right? So let us help you by giving you a read direct here so you can actually come in and use a logical consequence in a way that’s going to actually be positive parenting. Right? And she was so receptive and is doing great work in her home. But you want to be in environments like that where people don’t just stay silent. They actually lovingly hold space for you and are willing to say, hey, let me support you here. This isn’t.
0:44:44 – (Wendy): This isn’t it. This isn’t it. Because a lot of people that listen to a podcast or read a book and they’ll just, they’ll think they’re doing it. Like, a lot of people think positive parenting, conscious parenting is like asking your kid to do something nicely over and over again. And it’s just not, it’s not like our body of work here is so rich and full of like all these different elements that often like really includes a lot of firmness. Right. So, okay, so one more Brene Brown quote for the day.
0:45:21 – (Wendy): She says if you put shame in a petri dish and cover it with judgment, silence and secrecy, you’ve created the perfect environment for shame to grow. So remember, many families hide that they’re suffering from screaming fights when the doors are closed, to explosive behavior, to anger issues, to people pleasing, to submissive behaviors that lead to unhappy marriages or bitter parenting walks. The honest truth is that most people will settle right into kind of what I often refer to as stable misery instead of just getting the help that they need to create the change.
0:46:01 – (Wendy): And that’s not going to be you, right? I was just talking with my beautiful mother in law the other day about how we were actually talking about Nana, which is her mom and again, the legacy that like got passed down through Gigi. No surprise that Nana, the person I was talking about, birthed Gigi, who has been like a rock here in San Diego. And she’s the one who was like always down to do the positive parenting work and learn the things and was the one who spent every single week with the kids growing up, right?
0:46:31 – (Wendy): But she was talking about how when Nana lost a sister when she was 8 years old. I think she was 8. I think she, she died of polio or something way back when. And she said, you know, looking back at the family history, we’re not totally sure, like everything that happened because back then you just didn’t talk. You didn’t talk about stuff, right? So that’s an example of like a family lineage of silence.
0:46:54 – (Wendy): Or you brush it under a rug and then you act like it’s not there. So the trauma, the grief, right? Like you just, if you just ignore it and you don’t talk about it, it’ll go away. And now we have, thank God, the science and the data and the social researchers like Brene Brown and the psychologists and all the things to show us that actually a suppression of emotions leads to depression, it leads to anxiety.
0:47:22 – (Wendy): It doesn’t just go away. And she was just saying, my mother in law was saying to me, like, I’m so excited for your book because you’re going to help so many families end that painful generational cycle of emotional. I forget what she called it, but it was like non emotional literacy, right? It was just like, that’s not the way we’re gonna do it anymore, right? When I head to visit my cousin in a few days, like, we’re gonna grieve together.
0:47:51 – (Wendy): We’re not gonna stay silent. We’re gonna talk. We’re gonna honor this little boy’s life. We’re gonna cry, we’re gonna sob. We’re gonna have moments of joy. We’re gonna have moments, moments of hardship. We’re going to talk about the darkest moments. We’re gonna, we’re gonna be together in this. And that in itself is such a legacy upgrader. So if you want to go fast, go alone. No. Is that right? Okay. Yes, it is. I was reading an African proverb and I’m like, is this the way? I guess this still applies. Let me read it and then we can, we can, we can riff on it. The African proverb that I have in my notes. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
0:48:35 – (Wendy): I love this because I just actually recorded a podcast last, last week. If you didn’t listen to it yet, it was all around how to get positive parenting to stick in 2025. And the fast fixes aren’t sustainable long term, right? And again with me, now that my kids are 17 and 14, I get to see this all the freaking time in real life. All the parents, parents who thought that punishing and just forcing their kids to do what they want or bribery rewards other things, those are the kids that are struggling the most in school and risky behaviors and all the things.
0:49:10 – (Wendy): And so the fast fixes often don’t work long term, but if you want to go far, go together. And so what a beautiful African proverb. When I first started to read that, I was like, is that right? But yes, it is right. It is right. And that, that is how we operate here at Fresh Start Family. And, and again, it’s so what an honor to hold the position that I do now as our, you know, as our, our movement leader, so to speak, here at Fresh Start Family, and to have these kids in these later teenage years and having watched the, the journey of 14 years of really doing the 180 in my family legacy and deciding I was going to be the one to change so many things, it has been hard as hell and it’s been joyful as heck. Right? Like, to be able to do this together with a like minded parents and now a team and coaches and people who just really get it and find the same type of joy has just been absolutely beautiful. So parenting is not about perfection, you guys.
0:50:12 – (Wendy): It’s about showing up with intention, connection and courage alongside others who believe in your journey. The most powerful feeling in the world is knowing you have helped raise a human soul with pure dignity, connection and influence versus pressure, overpowering and force. And if you want to be surrounded by other parents who embrace imperfection by admitting they’ve got some things to work on, we would love to have you inside of our community. It’s actually open for a very, very limited time right now. Doors will close very soon. So if you’re interested, we’ve got some very special offers that we are offering during this week of open enrollment. Right now you can head to fresh startfamilyonline.com
0:50:52 – (Wendy): forward forward slash. Join today to learn all about the FreshRoad experience, the weekly coaching calls, the video library lesson of over 116 lessons. We have our foundations course which is the best thing that you can ever do for your family because you will have that learning for life. There’s the kids program, There is the sacred non social media based community. There’s just so much that awaits you. Okay. And in case you’re listening and you want to hop in to the New Year Kickstart challenge, go see if it’s still open.
0:51:25 – (Wendy): Fresh startfamilyonline.com forward/kickstart. When you are listening to this podcast episode, it should be open for a few more days. You can download those five lessons, binge them in right around an hour so you get that core information, that five day free mini course that’s going to teach you really the whole gamut of kind of the A to Z of the drone view of positive parenting from paradigm shifting to healthy communication to compassionate discipline versus punishment to becoming aware of cycles within your own parenting journey.
0:51:58 – (Wendy): It’s really, really good. So you can register@fresh startfamilyonline.com KickStart okay, so you are never alone in this. Together we are rewriting the story for our families and our future. Thanks for being here today. If you are listening on one of our Audible apps, so one of our podcast apps, whether that’s itunes or Spotify, if you could please take a moment to just hit subscribe, give us a quick follow and leave a review on itunes. You can leave a review. It is the best way of giving me a virtual hug.
0:52:29 – (Wendy): If our work inspires you and we are so grateful for every review that comes in. And then if you’re watching on YouTube, hello and we’d love to have you subscribe and put a comment down below. What has been an aha moment for you from today’s episode. And as always, please share out on your socials, making sure that you tag me. Fresh start, Wendy. All right, thanks for listening. I’ll see you in our next episode. Also in the New year Kickstart challenge lessons, and also inside, our fresh Start experience community.
0:52:58 – (Wendy): Ciao.
