On this enlightening episode of the Fresh Start Family Show, Wendy welcomes educator, coach, and host of the Enlightening Motherhood Podcast, Emily Hamblin, for a heartfelt discussion about impulsivity in neurodivergent kids — and what actually helps.
Drawing from both her professional work with families and her own parenting journey, Emily explains simple brain science concepts that every parent can understand. She breaks down how wiring, conditioning, and emotions interact — and shares playful, connection-based tools that help kids build self-control without shame.
Together, Wendy and Emily explore practical gentle parenting strategies for:
• Setting firm and kind boundaries that stick
• Reframing challenging behaviors with compassion
• Recognizing the hidden strengths inside “impulsive” moments
• Supporting kids in developing emotional regulation and confidence
This episode is filled with hope, empathy, and real-world ideas you can try today to bring more calm, connection, and confidence into your home.
Raising A Strong Willed, Intense or Sensitive Child? If yes, I have a FREE gift for you!
This free bundle comes with an extensive learning guide & FREE workshop with me, where I’ll teach you ways to build connection & methods to work WITH your strong willed kids instead of trying to MAKE THEM change.
You’ll learn:
*Firm & kind strategies to navigate challenging behavior with firm kindness & connection (vs. fear, force, yelling, threats & bribery)
*Ways to build connection instead of pushing your child away w/ heavy handed “hand me down parenting tactics”
*How to work WITH your kids instead of forcing them to comply or trying to MAKE them change
Grab your FREE bundle now & start learning today!
Episode Highlights:
- Understanding neurodivergence helps parents connect, guide, and support kids more effectively.
- Impulsivity often comes from a mix of wiring and environment—both nature and nurture matter.
- Emotional intelligence is a stronger predictor of success than grades or test scores.
- Neurodivergent kids often experience and regulate emotions differently, and that’s okay.
- Playful, hands-on strategies are some of the best ways to teach impulse control.
- Boundaries work best when parents see the world through their child’s eyes.
- When parents model humility and compassion, kids learn that mistakes are opportunities, not failures.
- Impulsivity can be a strength—creativity, courage, and energy often live there, too.
- Self-awareness starts with parents noticing their own impulsive moments.
- A calm, safe environment helps every child’s brain and heart learn, grow, and thrive.
Resources Mentioned:
Enlightening Motherhood Podcast
Emily’s website
Wendy’s episode on Enlightening Motherhood
Register to save your spot for Emily’s Emotionally Healthy Neurodivergent Families Summit and catch Wendy as a guest speaker!
Catch the full episode on YouTube!
Unable to listen or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
Wendy (00:02.726)
Hello families and welcome back to a new episode of the Fresh Startt Family Show. I am thrilled to be here today with Emily Hamblin, who’s going to be helping us know what we can do to help kids who just can’t stop sometimes. We’re speaking about impulsivity in neurodivergent kids and how parents can help. Welcome to the show, Emily.
Emily Hamblin (00:25.474)
Thank you, Wendy. I am so excited to be here.
Wendy (00:28.474)
Yeah, me too. It’s been so wonderful to get to know you and your work. I had the honor of being a guest on your podcast. And now we get to be here today for you to bless our community with your wisdom. But do me a favor, introduce yourself, tell the community what you do, what your specialty is, the way that you support parents, and how you became passionate about doing what you do, how you got to where you are now.
Emily Hamblin (00:57.994)
would love to. So like you said, my name is Emily Hamblin. I’m a mom of four kids. My kids are ages 14 and under and I actually didn’t know for a while that we’re a very neurodivergent family. Now I know a lot of people don’t know that for a while but it came as an extra shock to me because I’m a certified teacher. So I took all of the classes, I took all of the psychology courses and everything on neurodivergence, although I didn’t even know that term at the time. So it’s super interesting.
when I discovered it in my own family. And the way I discovered it was our intense emotions. My children had really big emotions. They brought out my own big emotions. I found myself screaming at my kids, just stressed to the max and showing up in ways that I always promised I wouldn’t. And it felt like there was nothing I could do about it. So I decided maybe it’s that I need a different way of parenting. So I chose a different way of parenting. I dove in, I discovered…
through my children’s diagnoses that I’m neurodivergent myself, my kids are neurodivergent, and understanding that has been one of many puzzle pieces to why we were having such big emotions and especially what to do about it, right? So now I’m really passionate about helping other families the same. I decided to transition from teaching where I loved teaching children, but I noticed
Wendy (02:10.874)
Yes.
Emily Hamblin (02:23.232)
in my classroom, which was my home, the last few years were classrooms in my home, that whenever I worked with kids on their emotional intelligence, their academics soared. And so that became my passion. Okay, I need to teach other parents about this too and how to teach it to their kids.
Wendy (02:42.444)
And when you say you were a teacher, what did you teach, Emily, back before you switched into this full-time gear?
Emily Hamblin (02:47.958)
I taught, I taught everything. This is a sign of ADHD. They call it habit hopping. I’m going to call it having a very wide experience in life. I taught everything from daycare up through college and every single thing in between. I taught college, high school. I’ve taught online. I helped develop online programs for the University of Arizona.
And the last few years I was teaching in my home, I alternated between teaching a micro school for elementary school, so grades K through two, and teaching an in-home preschool. So kind of alternated those for a few years when I decided to transition fully online. So, yes. Yeah. Yeah. So we have a lot of micro schools.
Wendy (03:25.638)
is a wide variety. Are you in Arizona? OK, cool. We’re right next door. I’m in California. Awesome. So cool. And this idea of upping the emotional literacy in children, helping them academically increase their abilities is so, so cool.
That’s amazing. Okay, and so before we hop into this concept of like the impulsivity that show up in kids that are neurodivergent, will you help us understand?
What is neurodivergency? What is neurodiverse? Like those two different words. What are we looking at here? I think I am in a season of life where I’m seeing a lot of people, even as adults, realize, I’m in the neurodivergent bucket, right? Like some of my favorite fellow parenting educators recently are like, I just learned I’m on the autism spectrum. I’m like, huh.
That’s interesting, right? Like Mary Van Gufn’s been really outspoken about that.
Emily Hamblin (04:30.242)
Yeah, awesome.
Wendy (04:30.738)
Marcella Collier, who leads High Impact Club. I love the work that she does. She’s like, that’s interesting, right? Like a lot of parents are like, okay, I’m ADHD. But what does that even look like? Because I stand at the intersection of watching and learning about this world of neurodivergence and diagnoses, and then also having a very strong understanding of conditioning that has to do with the nervous system and the way you watched things happen
Emily Hamblin (04:57.198)
you
Wendy (05:00.572)
your own home, when you were growing up the first decade or two of your life. So it’s been very interesting for me, and I’m still so new in this journey, to understand what is conditioning and what is actual neurodivergence and where do those meet. So maybe you could tee that up for us, is what are we talking about here?
Emily Hamblin (05:19.462)
these are such good questions. So going to go back to the original one, the difference between the words neurodiverse and neurodivergent. And neurodiverse, neuro means brain, right? That’s what we love to talk about is our brain and diverse is just that there’s some sort of difference. So we’re all neurodiverse. Our thumb prints are neurodiverse. We all have different thumb prints. They’re all different from each other. Neurodivergent is often compared to neurotypical. So I compare it to eye color.
Wendy (05:31.046)
Okay.
Emily Hamblin (05:49.815)
Now follow me for a minute. Your neurodivergence has nothing to do with your eye color. But if we think of the world, about 70 % of the world has brown eyes. Roughly. Roughly, you know, depending on what study you follow. And so that would mean roughly 30 % of the world has eyes that are not brown. They might be blue, they might be hazel, they might be green, they might be honey colored, but they’re not brown. And so we could say…
Wendy (06:01.006)
Interesting, okay.
Emily Hamblin (06:17.198)
30 % of the world has a divergent eye color. You following this? Okay, so the same with our brains and it’s actually, it depends on what studies you follow, but it’s roughly a similar statistic. About 70 % of the world has a brain that follows typical brain wirings, typical patterns, and we would call that neuro-typical. About 30 % doesn’t follow that and that’s where we have neurodivergent.
Wendy (06:21.176)
Okay, got it. That helps. Yes.
Wendy (06:41.067)
okay.
Emily Hamblin (06:46.444)
And under neurodivergent, might see autism, we might see ADHD, we might see dyslexia, dysgraphia. There’s a whole list that we could go through. And that’s just meaning it’s not following the neuro-typical brainwiring patterns that we tend to see.
Wendy (07:00.912)
That is really, really helpful because I think what I struggle with, Emily, is the whole like the disorder label or seeing it as like a problem. Like my gut, my intuition is like really like, ugh, it’s hard. It’s very tough for me to, ugh. So I just see it, this helps.
Emily Hamblin (07:08.459)
Mmm.
Emily Hamblin (07:22.444)
Yeah. Yeah.
Wendy (07:24.102)
And under the neurotypical bucket, we’re talking about things like social. Is it like social interactions?
Emily Hamblin (07:32.278)
It would depend on the diagnosis. If we went to autism, for example, it typically has a difference with their language. So their linguistic communication will be different. Their social communication and social interactions will be different. And their sensory processing will be different. Now you’re noticing I’m also choosing to use the word different. I’m not saying disordered. I’m not saying wrong. I’m not saying bad. I’m saying it’s just different. And I can tell you I have two autistic kids.
Wendy (07:55.428)
Yes.
Emily Hamblin (08:01.777)
and they’re wonderful and I love the words that they use. One of my kids, it was just last night, I said, hey, do you like when we sing to you at bedtime or does it keep you up? Does it help you sleep? And he said, mom, I think it makes 0 % impact on me. And so it’s fantastic communication. It’s just, it’s just different, right? It’s just different.
Wendy (08:21.656)
It’s a neutral yes.
that’s so cool. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (08:27.181)
So that’s how I see it. And I, of course, I’m in the neurodivergent world, so I tend to see them. We have additional strengths that come with our neurodivergencies and additional challenges. Like we’re talking about today, impulsivity control. That can be a challenge. It can also be a strength. And I’ve seen that in my own life as I’ve had, you know, I was diagnosed at 39 years old last year with ADHD. And I’m like, oh.
Wendy (08:39.088)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (08:56.833)
my life makes more sense now. So yeah, that’s my personal, that’s my personal take on it. And the most empowering, it’s not a disease, it’s not bad parenting. Trauma can bring symptoms that look like neurodivergence or it can exasperate symptoms of neurodivergence, particularly the challenges side. So there’s, you know, that’s, if people are like, I don’t know, is this trauma? Is it conditioning? I don’t know.
Wendy (08:58.983)
that is so interesting.
Wendy (09:20.76)
Interesting, yeah.
Emily Hamblin (09:26.465)
go get evaluated by a professional. I don’t do that. But once you are evaluated, then you have, you you have this door open to better understand why what is going on is going on. Yeah.
Wendy (09:29.285)
Yeah.
Wendy (09:39.994)
Yes, that’s so cool. And you said language, social communication, interaction, sensory processing on the autism side, and then ADHD side, like the neurodivergent behavior show up as like time, would it be like time management?
Emily Hamblin (09:56.428)
Yeah, well, I mean, ADHD, I don’t even like the name for ADHD. But if we were to, I don’t even like it. But it’s, you know, it is what it is and we have to deal with it. But ADHD, we tend to have abundant attention. It’s labeled as having lack of attention, but it’s actually abundant attention. You probably noticed my eyes like bouncing around the screen. I pay attention to so many details that other people might miss. As a result, sometimes I’m missing.
Wendy (10:00.696)
I know, me either.
Yeah.
Wendy (10:11.738)
Yep.
Emily Hamblin (10:24.171)
the conversation being said in front of me. But yeah, ADHD has two types. We might have the inattentive type, which I don’t love that label, but it’s where it’s harder to pay attention to things, particularly that are not interesting to you. So if they’re super interesting, like this conversation, I’m hooked, right? I’m a thousand percent in. If it’s kind of somebody at church where I want to listen to them, but I’ve heard it before and they’re not really engaging,
Wendy (10:24.549)
Yeah.
Wendy (10:39.887)
Yes.
Wendy (10:43.888)
Yeah.
Wendy (10:52.538)
Yes. They’re boring.
Emily Hamblin (10:54.123)
I’m probably gonna start thinking about the way that my child is tying their shoe. Right? Like, that’s just, it’s just, and unless I take notes and I make it an interactive experience for myself. So that’s the inattentive side. The hyperactive side I also have, and that’s just abundant energy, which is often punished in kids and praised. Now that I’m an adult, people praise me. Like, you can see I’m walking around while we’re talking.
Wendy (10:58.168)
Alright, yes, yes.
Wendy (11:18.726)
Yep.
Emily Hamblin (11:19.703)
People praise me, how do you have so much energy? You got 15,000 steps in yesterday. I’m like, you know, it’s the same exact thing that had me sit in the corner and told I was bad in second grade. you know.
Wendy (11:29.892)
Yes, that’s so interesting. So time management and attention differences are kind of those two bigger buckets for the ADHD neurodivergent.
Emily Hamblin (11:40.884)
then it comes with, it comes with a lot of, I guess, sub-characteristics we might say. Time management’s one of them. We often feel, and this isn’t like a laundry list, it’s just possibilities, we could probably find 20 of them. Time management’s a common one with, for me personally, I tend to be time blind. It’s hard for me to realize how much time has passed. I think it’s been five minutes and it’s been 20. And it can go the other way. We think it’s been
Wendy (11:55.344)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (12:11.329)
We think it’s been 20 minutes and it’s only been five. So, you know, it’s just a little harder for me to stay on it. Emotional regulation is a huge part. We tend to feel our emotions very deeply, very bigly and very quickly. Bigly, is that a word? It is today. It is today. So, function, sensory processing, like…
Wendy (12:14.309)
Yeah.
Wendy (12:22.822)
Mmm.
Wendy (12:29.446)
Yeah, I like it. Let’s do it. It is today. Bigly and quicker. so good.
Emily Hamblin (12:39.681)
There’s a lot if we went into it.
Wendy (12:41.656)
Executive function again is like making the decision like self-control maybe. Is that right? What is executive function?
Emily Hamblin (12:49.337)
That’s a part of it. It’s just the functions of your brain, like time management’s one of them, organization, impulsivity, control. We could break it down into a lot of different areas.
Wendy (12:53.135)
Okay.
Wendy (13:00.486)
Got it. Organization. Got it. Cool. Yeah, it’s so interesting. The way I operate, and this is why I think it’s still hard for me to understand. Not hard, I don’t like to say that. I’m learning to understand and really see what’s happening here. I present.
as an ADHD person, everything you talk about, it’s every single box. When I got diagnosed, or when I got assessed, it was like an online assessment with a psychologist on Zoom, but she had said, if you didn’t have it, like you didn’t have any markers in childhood, so she was like, that’s not you, right? Like this is not you, and I was like, okay, and then I had other people who say that’s not true. So it’s been hard for me to understand, and that’s where I sit with like this whole, is this just who I am?
Emily Hamblin (13:24.045)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (13:38.861)
Hmm.
Wendy (13:49.721)
who I’m designed to be, but now, does that make sense? So I don’t really understand, because all of these markers are me, you know, like that is me. Yeah, and the goal for me is…
Emily Hamblin (13:57.518)
Well, I mean, you could always be reevaluated by someone else. And it could be a combination of other, you know, we can have a lot of factors. I have a client who presents a lot as having ADHD, and she’s probably going to ask for another evaluation. But for now, they’re saying, no, it’s just your anxiety plus she’s a very driven person plus having multiple kids plus depression, like that they’ve all kind of combined to present as though it were ADHD. That’s what they’re telling her.
Wendy (14:24.238)
Yeah, that’s interesting.
Emily Hamblin (14:27.381)
Again, I’m not the one evaluating, so I just say, if you want, just, you can go get reevaluated. For me personally, it goes back to that neurodiverse versus neurodivergent. If you feel like you or your child have a differently wired brain and you don’t have a diagnosis, you can still use most of the strategies for yourself. Not the medication maybe, but pretty much every other strategy if it feels like it’s aligned.
Wendy (14:29.54)
Yeah.
Wendy (14:38.064)
Yeah.
Wendy (14:49.551)
Right.
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (14:57.217)
with what would help you, you can go ahead and try it out. Does that make sense? Like, you don’t need the diagnosis.
Wendy (15:00.006)
Yeah, because yes, because you’re just looking like, yeah, you don’t need a diagnosis. You’re just looking to realize, oh, I connect more or I match the patterns more of like the minority of the world, right? So if that 30 % bucket, maybe 20 % or 15 % or like ADHD, 15, whatever, all the things, you’re just like, oh, I match that.
Emily Hamblin (15:21.323)
Yeah, yeah, I don’t know the exact breakdown.
Wendy (15:23.726)
Yes, exactly. like you’re just looking, it’s almost like you’re looking for like belonging a little bit to know that like, together we know that this helps us and this is, we don’t need to shame ourselves for not being, like I have someone on my team who I hire, she’s like our planner and she’s, she is literally, like it seems like the way she’s designed to plan and time block and get ahead of her schedule and I am like fly by the seat of my pants person, always moving, like, and so,
Emily Hamblin (15:28.427)
Mmm.
Emily Hamblin (15:52.011)
Yes.
Wendy (15:53.593)
And I’d like to change my behavior and we’re working on that, especially with like calendar stuff. And you just don’t need to shame yourself. I think understanding where you belong helps you not be hard on yourself and not be hard on your kids, but instead just come beside them and be like, okay, here’s what we’re working with. Now let’s work on some tools to help with that. And I think that’s what’s so beautiful about your work, Emily, is you…
Emily Hamblin (16:01.463)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (16:18.636)
specifically have the teaching mechanisms to help with these kids. And so let’s get into that. So today we’re specifically talking about impulsivity in these neurodivergent kids. And this idea, and I see this a lot in our families is, well, again, it’s interesting because we work so much on the modeling, right? So we work with a lot of families who had parents
Emily Hamblin (16:25.131)
Yes.
Emily Hamblin (16:43.253)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (16:46.38)
specifically on the aggressive side, right? So like who were authoritarian families. That was just the way parenting was done back then, right? My way or the highway, autocratic parenting. You don’t question authority. If you do, there will be a price to pay. There is either physical hitting and harming. There’s yelling, right? These are all very impulsive. And like there’s the creepy religious side for some circles. They were trained to like not like don’t be angry, like don’t
Emily Hamblin (17:03.615)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Wendy (17:15.094)
hurt and harm your kid in anger, you have to wait till the calm time. And then you hit and harm them and tell them it’s loving. Like we, this is all part of our community’s worlds and it’s just heartbreaking, right? But there was, there was impulsivity of parents, right? Like the, the yelling, the threatening. And so then those parents grow up and they’re repeating the same cycles and they’re trying to stop, but their nervous system is still operating out of that, right? And so there comes this time where it’s like, you look at a kid and you’re like,
Emily Hamblin (17:23.149)
Yeah. That’s…
Emily Hamblin (17:39.496)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Wendy (17:44.921)
that kid has a hard time keeping their hands to themselves or they have a hard time not yelling at their sister or brother when they, right? So this is again the intersection of what is this conditioning by watching a parent who is learning to undo these cycles at 30, 40 years old or is it really their wiring that causes them to have…
a more of a challenge with the self-control, right? So tell me from your angle, the kids who are on this neurodivergent side, how do you see it as the impulsivity and like, how does it show up for your families where kids just can’t stop?
Emily Hamblin (18:12.034)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (18:28.058)
This is such a good question and I love that you’re you’re asking is this the nurture or the nature? Isn’t that the ultimate question with kids? Is this because they saw parents who were reactive and I know there’s parents everywhere who are putting their head down and they’re like, yeah, it’s all my fault. But I mean your child’s also a human and they also have a nervous system and they’re they’re wired. I mean, this is where knowing some simple brain science super helps, right? Where
Wendy (18:33.924)
Yes, there you go. Yes, it is.
Emily Hamblin (18:55.158)
Right here in our prefrontal cortex is where we want to, as a parent, not yell at our kids. We want to show up calm and collected and loving. But down here in our survival brain, in more of our automated part of our brain, is where the reactions, the learned reactions live. And so, you know, there’s a lot of how do we get it from the prefrontal cortex down to the more automated sections of our brain. But we can start by understanding, with children especially,
They feel an impulse here, and this is what’s connected to their body. This is your brain stem. It comes down, connects to your body. And if there’s a different wiring, like with autism, for example, between your survival brain and your prefrontal cortex, it’s probably going to be a bit slower, the communication. So they’re acting before they get a chance to even think about it. Then they do it, and then they think about it, they’re like, shoot. shoot.
Wendy (19:53.2)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (19:55.087)
And if they’re ADHD, then their prefrontal cortex is going to be underdeveloped compared to their neurotypical peers. Depending on the study, it’s like around 30, 40 % or so. So if your kid is nine and they have the emotions of a six-year-old or the emotional control of a six-year-old, and especially if they have ADHD or they’re neurodivergent, they’re right on track. It’s hard to deal with. I mean, if they’re 12 and they’re acting like a nine-year-old emotionally.
Wendy (20:24.09)
Yeah. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (20:25.152)
especially with a neurodivergent kid that’s super gifted and we think, you’re too smart for this. I went through this with one of my kids. You’re too smart for this. Why are you behaving like an eight-year-old when you’re 12? Well, because emotionally they have a different ability set. And so when I was a kid, I have a very clear memory. I was probably six years old at my grandma’s house. You already know where this is going to go as soon as you hear it.
Wendy (20:35.067)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (20:52.524)
She had one of those handmade doilies, you the ones that they used to crochet by hands and it was gorgeous. I’m sure one of her friends made it. It had been there for as long as I could remember. And there was a pair of scissors sitting on top of them. You already know where it went, right? I didn’t even think, I didn’t even think. I remember just picking up the scissors. And the only thing I thought was, I wonder what this is like to cut. And so I started to cut through her beautiful handmade doily.
Wendy (20:55.514)
Yep, my mom still makes them.
Wendy (21:07.46)
I was thinking you’re gonna rip it.
Emily Hamblin (21:22.478)
about halfway through, I realized, oh wait, I shouldn’t be cutting this. This is not okay. And so I kind of put the scissors down and stopped halfway through. I think I was caught right around then too. I’m, you know, we don’t need to talk about that too much, but I just remember in the moment, in the moment, like if you had said, what were you thinking? My response would have been, I was thinking nothing. And if you really push it, I would say I was thinking that it was, you know, interesting to.
Wendy (21:39.866)
Big reaction. There was probably a big reaction.
Wendy (21:51.706)
Sounded fun, yeah.
Emily Hamblin (21:52.057)
feel how it cut through that. Yeah. So it wasn’t me being bad, for sure. It wasn’t me being disrespectful. It wasn’t me not being thoughtful or not caring about my grandma. It was just the automated part of my brain acting before that thinking brain kicked in. And we see it as in children, it drives us crazy in kids, you know, when they’re blurting out or they’re interrupting you. And there’s a lot of reasons why that happens. But really understanding
Wendy (21:59.589)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (22:21.774)
It’s because they don’t yet have the ability to not do it. And we can teach them that, but it’s they don’t yet. I also want to say.
Wendy (22:27.982)
And saying no is probably an example of impulsivity too, right? So we see in our work that that’s power struggles with strong-willed kids, but these kiddos probably, they say no before they can even think. So I’m thinking of this incredible family of the honor of coaching over in the UK, and they have a little girl who the medicine really does help her.
Emily Hamblin (22:35.608)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (22:48.398)
And they’re working on helping her understand how much it helps her. And she’s learning that. But she resisted. I think she doesn’t like the taste. I’m still trying to help them get under why she resists so hard. But it seems to be an impulsivity of like, no, I won’t do it. I don’t want it. And then.
Emily Hamblin (22:56.59)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (23:07.128)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (23:10.04)
it takes a long time for her to then realize, well, maybe I actually do want it. But is that a version of impulsivity is when they say no fast? Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (23:16.174)
Sure. Yeah, that can be for sure. It’s automated before she’s even thinking about it. Yeah.
Wendy (23:24.248)
Yes, yeah, OK. So that makes sense. So impulse control shows up different in neurodiverse kids. We talked about that. How do we redirect and reframe impulsive behaviors, like interrupting or touchiness between kids maybe, or this like saying no? Give us some examples there, please, Emily.
Emily Hamblin (23:41.966)
you
Emily Hamblin (23:47.447)
One of my favorite things is to just help children develop the ability to control their impulses in general through play. We like the marshmallow game. This is based on, I should have looked it up, the famous marshmallow experiment. All psychologists talk about it, but you don’t know this. I should, I can look it up and send you the exact study, but it was, I’m pretty sure it was a psychologist, some sort of researcher who brought the kids.
Wendy (23:58.268)
Okay.
Wendy (24:03.61)
I don’t know about this famous marshmallow. Tell me. Okay.
Wendy (24:13.336)
Okay. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (24:16.646)
HUD, this was long ago, but he brought kids into a room where it was just the researcher and the child. They didn’t know that there was a mirror where you could look in and the child couldn’t see out, you know, the one-way mirrors. And they put a marshmallow in front of the kid and said, okay, I’m going to leave the room for about five minutes. If you want to eat the marshmallow, you can eat the marshmallow. But if you don’t eat the marshmallow, when I come back in about five minutes, I’ll give you a second marshmallow.
Wendy (24:29.69)
Yeah. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (24:46.476)
And then they leave the room and they watch the kid through the mirror. Some kids gobble it right away, some kind of played with it for a few minutes, then ate it. Some kind of took it apart. Others took little nibbles and tried to hide it. So that’s a fascinating study in and of itself. But I took that from my kids and I thought, well, goodness, my kids are probably going to gobble it up within two seconds. But what if I can teach them to wait the five minutes? And so we’ve worked with our kids and I’ve helped clients work with their kids on teaching them. OK.
Wendy (24:57.157)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (25:16.364)
This is the marshmallow. Do you want one marshmallow or two marshmallows? And of course they want two marshmallows. Okay, so the only thing is you need to wait until the timer goes off. What do you think we can do to help us wait? And so it starts scaffolding and we’ve played it so many times that when they first start, I remember the first time doing this with one of my children. They were probably five years old at the time. And we start and he’s just like, and picks it up and plops it in his mouth.
Wendy (25:18.853)
Emily Hamblin (25:46.894)
And we all went, do you realize what you did? You ate the marshmallow. And he was like, and he started to cry. He didn’t want to eat it. He just saw a marshmallow in front of him and the automation took over. So the next time we said, do you want to try one more time? Because I could really tell he was, he really didn’t want to. So, okay, let’s try one more time. So everybody got another marshmallow. And this time he sat there and stared at it and went, don’t eat it.
Wendy (25:53.946)
Wendy (26:06.234)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (26:16.515)
Don’t eat it. Don’t eat it for five straight minutes. Yeah. And then at the end, he got his second marshmallow and he was, he had earned that. So now when we do that, he doesn’t need to say, don’t eat it. He has that internal impulse control built up. Does that make sense?
Wendy (26:20.976)
dang.
Wendy (26:34.566)
I love this idea of like using play to practice. actually, I just had the coolest nervous system conversation with, she was a woman who wrote the book, How to Train Your Amygdala.
Emily Hamblin (26:48.079)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (26:48.134)
I’m not gonna remember her name right now, but she was such a great interview. we were talking about, because using play is one of the big things that we teach here at Fresh Start Family. And I don’t think I ever really understand why it works so well until this conversation. And she said, you know how animals will like play when they feel safe? And I started to think about my dogs. I have two big dogs, a husky and a black lab. And…
they will just like start wrestling at night and they’ll run around the house and we just crack up because they’re like, they’ll grab their toy and they’ll run away from each other. And we were talking about how in the wild animals, when they do that, because like tigers, know, or lions will, cheetahs will do this, they are safe. There’s no like no danger happening. There’s no tiger near or there’s, you know, there’s no bigger predator that’s, and that’s when they play. And so this idea of like bringing in play with kids,
Emily Hamblin (27:31.855)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (27:36.033)
Yeah.
Hmm.
Wendy (27:42.36)
And this is one of the ways that we, one of the 10 strategies we teach to handle power struggles. So if a kid does say, no, you have options besides just threatening them or forcing them into submission. And I realized that’s probably why play works so well is because it just relaxes the nervous system. Like there’s a sense of safety around play. Like no one’s going to come in and get you or punish you. It’s like, we’re just playing, you know, we’re just having fun. We’re just doing an experiment.
Emily Hamblin (28:03.727)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Wendy (28:12.263)
just like seeing what happens here. So I thought that was really interesting. And I love this idea of bringing in play and also practice. Because we look at athletes a lot, having like we’re in such an athlete family. These athletes that are like gold medal winners, they get there by practicing a million times. And I would say making it fun too. So.
Emily Hamblin (28:20.516)
Mm-hmm.
Emily Hamblin (28:29.657)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (28:33.231)
I love that. I also include the kids on my own journey. So we need to keep a level of patience. I’ll tell you, I’m 40 years old and my husband sent me a text this morning. I’m a little embarrassed to show this, but I’m going to tell you anyways, of my workout shoes in the middle of the table. And he sent me a picture and he’s like, shoes on the table? Question mark. That was the whole text. And I was just like…
Wendy (28:38.855)
I like that, okay.
Wendy (28:49.541)
Please do.
Wendy (28:53.304)
yeah, that sounds like something I would do.
Emily Hamblin (29:01.647)
I don’t remember putting them there. I honestly don’t remember putting them there. I’m certain my kids didn’t because they were set in the exact same pattern that I set my shoes down in. I tend to just set them the same way. And I was like, I have no idea how they got there. Like, I’m sure I did it. And that’s just a working memory thing. So we could say that was impulsivity. Like, I had the shoes in my hand. I needed to grab something else. So I set them down and I grabbed something else. And so that’s, you there’s a lot of reasons why it might be there.
Wendy (29:10.148)
Yeah.
Wendy (29:22.841)
Yes.
great example.
Emily Hamblin (29:31.81)
I know when I was early married to my husband. And I mean, Wendy, I had traveled the world. I taught college. I was a certified teacher. And yet in my early marriage, he turned to me after a few months and said, why do you always interrupt me when I’m speaking? And I had no idea. I had no idea I was interrupting him. And I said,
Wendy (29:40.175)
highly capable person.
Emily Hamblin (29:59.172)
I’m so sorry, he said, I feel like you don’t care about what I have to say. I’m like, I’m pretty sure that’s not it. So then I became aware of it. And I started noticing, it’s that working memory. I hold things for so long and I’m worried I’ll forget it. And so my brain just says it quickly so that I don’t forget it after he’s done speaking. And I had to learn other tactics. Okay, how can I remember what I want to say and listen to him and not interrupt him?
So I figured out that underlying need there, compassionately. And now I’m really good at usually not interrupting people. And when I do, I say, I’m sorry. And I stop. And I let them go. And I just point out the fact that I was so accomplished when I did it, because it’s not an intelligence issue. It’s not a caring issue. It’s not a respect issue. It’s just different wiring. And I wasn’t aware of it. And I didn’t yet.
Wendy (30:38.937)
You catch yourself, yeah.
Emily Hamblin (30:57.731)
have strategies for how to handle the underlying need.
Wendy (31:01.475)
That’s so beautiful. And Emily, you mentioned the grandma in that situation. Of course, we didn’t get into her reaction. But just a question for you. Were you raised in a home where the autocratic or authoritarian stuff was used? Because you just made me think of that when you’re like, hey, it’s not an issue of you being disrespectful or being bad, right? But for so many of our students, that’s what they were raised in. And so this is a big change to start seeing
Emily Hamblin (31:21.039)
Mm-hmm.
Emily Hamblin (31:27.652)
Yes.
Wendy (31:31.352)
our children, well, we know we have to see ourselves, right? The way, when we’re hard on ourselves, we’re hard on our kids, and it goes the other way around. But like to start seeing a child, is module one of our foundations course, it’s like the paradigm change, right? Like they’re not out to get us, they’re not trying to be bad, they’re not just these selfish, naughty little sinful creatures who are like…
Emily Hamblin (31:45.603)
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (31:54.084)
you all the things that a lot of us were taught young or raised with. But that’s a big switch. Was that something you went through or were you raised in just like a family that taught emotional literacy and like, know? Okay. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (31:56.291)
Mm-hmm.
Emily Hamblin (32:05.199)
No, it was a big change for me, for sure. Yeah, part of my own journey from realizing I was repeating the generational patterns that I’d always promised I wouldn’t repeat. There was just a moment, I’m kneeling on the cold white linoleum floor and my four-year-old won’t put his shoes on, I end up just screaming, screaming. And realizing this isn’t what I want. He was terrified of his own mother.
Wendy (32:18.595)
yes.
Wendy (32:27.768)
Yeah.
Wendy (32:34.735)
Yep.
Emily Hamblin (32:34.785)
And I hadn’t taught him, I rea- well, now I see it differently. But at the time I was just like, I have to choose. I can keep parenting the way I was parented. And you can say, I’m not gonna yell. But if you don’t understand why the yelling’s there in the first place, and you don’t learn something to replace it with, you’re left without a tool. And when you’re feeling urgent and you’re feeling like emergency status, you reach for the only tool you’ve ever learned, which was through example.
Wendy (32:39.994)
Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (33:04.631)
And so understanding why it’s there learning new tools to use instead, which is one reason I love your work, right? And being able to have different tools and we practice them just like we want our kids to practice their impulsivity control that we’re practicing as parents. We’re going to have the default of seeing our kids the way we were seen, which like me would be, just calm down. You’re too much. Why are you speaking so much? Can’t you listen to me? Why won’t you focus? You’re being rude.
Wendy (33:10.309)
Mm.
Emily Hamblin (33:33.464)
and then stepping back and realizing actually that’s not what was going on for me, self-compassion. That’s not what’s going on for my kids. So if they do interrupt a lot, I would recommend just starting out with your mindset. How are you showing up? Are you showing up angry with them? If so, they’re probably not going to listen because we’re not speaking from here. We’re speaking down here with our survival brain. So if we’re showing up compassionate, if we’re showing up curious,
then they’re more likely to listen to us just because of the way we show up. And then I always start with me when I can. Did you notice? I didn’t say, Wendy, remember that time that you did this thing that was really impulsive? I said, hey, there was a time that I did this thing. I was interrupting my husband. I left my shoes on the table. And so today after school, I’m going to tell my kids, do you know what’s so funny? And I’ll show them the picture and be like, my goodness, what ideas do you have for me so that this doesn’t happen again?
Or how can I make it right? Like I sanitized the table this morning because my dirty workout shoes were on it. What ideas do you have that I can make this right? If it happens a lot, what’s a plan so it doesn’t happen a lot? I don’t think it’s happened before, so I’m not going to worry too much about the plan at this point as much as the repair. And then just bringing them in. Then when it’s time for them to be like, look, you did this thing that was a mistake, impulsive mistake. It’s not a huge deal.
Wendy (34:33.764)
Yes.
Wendy (34:50.275)
Yeah. Ugh, it’s so-
Wendy (35:02.245)
Right. You don’t need to beat yourself up, right? In that moment, you’re modeling the humility, the normalization of mistakes and imperfection, and the whole idea that you just don’t need to beat yourself up. You do need to take responsibility, for sure, right? And we are able to do that with compassion and grace. And that’s actually what the researchers have proved actually creates the behavior change.
Emily Hamblin (35:02.275)
because I already did it and it’s like, we’re doing this together. Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (35:10.095)
Hmm… yes.
Emily Hamblin (35:21.391)
You
Emily Hamblin (35:29.935)
Mmm.
Wendy (35:29.985)
So, it’s so beautiful. And I imagine, you know, a lot of us are learning to like remother ourselves in those moments too. I think of a mom in our community who…
Yeah, she was just, man, we have a spectrum of families, right? Like some were raised in homes where it was just like kind of normal, fear-enforced normal stuff. I think most parents parented with autocratic ways, right? Even though my husband is an example of a mom and a grandma who seem to be like the OG positive parents. Like they just didn’t have strict, like they just didn’t, he wasn’t raised with autocratic stuff. But most people are.
Emily Hamblin (35:47.289)
course.
Emily Hamblin (35:51.577)
Mm-hmm.
Emily Hamblin (36:02.777)
really?
Emily Hamblin (36:06.703)
I wonder if we could call that a divergent childhood. I don’t know. We won’t go into that.
Wendy (36:09.669)
I know, right, seriously, we can, yeah.
But she was in a very high control religious upbringing, extreme hit, extreme harm hitting, layering on the religious indoctrination that it was her fault and all the things. And then she just recently got diagnosed as an adult. I think her main diagnosis is ADHD. It might have been a little on the autism spectrum too, but I think it’s mostly ADHD. And she was sharing recently in our group of like,
Just the grief that she’s going through of like, it just feels like so, it’s like double wronged. Like, not only did you not…
Emily Hamblin (36:53.199)
Hmm.
Wendy (36:55.437)
even try to understand me. Not only did you hurt and harm me and like do these things, but you just, I just wish somebody would have understood me. This is why I couldn’t, this is one of the reasons why I couldn’t sit still or that I had this impulsivity or that I had trouble sitting in a pew for three hours of service, right? Like, and so that the concept of like, when you’re parenting your children, you’re also reparenting yourself and you’re learning to like give them compassion at the same time you’re giving yourself.
compassion that you never had, right? Like that shoe situation is such a great example. The knee jerk might be like, ew, that’s disgusting. Like, what were you thinking? Like I’ve told…
Emily Hamblin (37:26.351)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (37:36.047)
I was embarrassed, like I said, my goodness. What did I do?
Wendy (37:40.282)
But like re-giving it to yourself in that moment of, you know, I’m thinking of this student of like something she didn’t have growing up, which is like, Emily, that makes so much sense. Your brain is really good at doing a lot of things. And sometimes you just don’t follow through on the one thing. And you know how to fix it. You know how to clean the table. And let’s look at, like that’s a remothering act that is like so beautiful. It happens inside our head.
Emily Hamblin (37:51.631)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (38:04.591)
I’m getting goosebumps Wendy, that’s so beautiful. I love that.
Wendy (38:07.941)
You know what I mean? It happens inside your head as you’re grabbing the cleaner. But I think it really is an important part of this work. So I love that. OK, our last point here, Emily, if we want to help our children who seem to just have a challenge stopping sometimes, this idea of impulsivity.
is setting boundaries that actually work for neurodivergent kids. So riff on that for a moment. How does it look different for these kids to set strong boundaries with firmness and kindness and connection and all the things?
Emily Hamblin (38:33.327)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (38:40.759)
Yes. Well first, I want to, I want to just go back to the last point really quick because we talked so much about the challenges of impulsivity, but I started out saying that there’s more strengths than challenges. So I just want to say one thing, how in the world can impulsivity be a strength? So here’s, here’s just a guess. How long do you think it took me to get my podcast up and running from the time I had the idea till the time my first episode was posted? How long do you think?
Wendy (38:44.495)
Okay.
Wendy (38:48.719)
Yes.
like this, okay?
Wendy (39:09.283)
one week.
Emily Hamblin (39:10.923)
It was 24 hours. I know, yeah. And sometimes it goes the opposite because we’re so used to being impulsive that we’ll spin and indecision for six months or a year. But for me, was like, I want a podcast. Like I didn’t even have a business at that time. Actually, that’s how my business started. I was like, I just want a pod. I’m reading this book by Ross Green, The Explosive Child, highly recommend. And I want to tell people what I’m learning. I’m just going to start a podcast so that I can tell people about it.
Wendy (39:12.591)
That’s amazing. I see, I… Yeah.
Emily Hamblin (39:40.644)
That was it. And then it was me Googling how to start a podcast and sitting on my couch after the kids went to bed, actually laying on my couch, speaking into my iPhone. Those are my first few episodes. No script, just like… And so in that regard, it’s a strength. Like I recently started a child’s class where I’m teaching kids directly about their brain. It’s the brain body emotional regulation class. It was two weeks from idea born to starting a cohort.
Wendy (40:08.25)
Yep.
Emily Hamblin (40:08.493)
to opening a second cohort, to teaching 20 children about their brains within two weeks. And it’s not because I’m a super genius. It’s that impulsivity. I really do think so. was just this action. It’s the ability to go and go when you’ve set your mind to something. And it has blindsights. It has challenges. But if we see it in our kids, so many of the characteristics.
that got me in trouble as a child, get me praise as an adult. And if we see our children in different environments and in different perspectives, we’ll notice that both are there.
Wendy (40:40.506)
Yep.
Wendy (40:48.033)
It’s so, it’s so beautiful. Yeah, that’s why, again, I just like check all these boxes. I share that exact similar thing, you know? And I feel like I’m a queen at like, what is the task of like…
Like perfection is the opposite of, or the enemy of done, right? Or like, I have this gift of being able to just, I’ll just create it and teach it and go, and it’s not perfect. Like I have this comfort zone with like throwing stuff up. Like there’ll be a reg page or something for like an event that we’re having that I’m just like, done, and the team is like, don’t we need to double check it 5,000 times? And I’m like, you know what, we’ll catch it. If a registration gets blocked or the tag doesn’t put on something right,
And I’m realizing now that it is this gift, right? So I am going to get double checked. I’m just curious now. I’m like, are we sure? It’s OK. I don’t need a diagnosis. But I relate to that. And it has its challenges, and it also has massive gifts. And so I like this idea of looking for that in the kids. And we always say here, Emily, is like,
Emily Hamblin (41:37.519)
Hmm.
I love it.
Wendy (41:57.016)
Make sure you’re sharing with them the points of inspiration when you see it, right? I think that really helps a kid with their belonging and their sense of power is like, it’s very different than praise, right? Like we teach encouragement versus praise or praise is like, good job, you’re such a good girl. Now you get a jelly bean to more like, wow, I’m really inspired by you. Like you’ve inspired me to take action. I’ve noticed that you are really proficient at like,
Emily Hamblin (42:18.159)
you
Wendy (42:26.015)
know, I, Stella when she was little, she’d be like, I want to sell rocks and I want to start a business. I think of the day when she was like.
She probably was like four or five, maybe she was six. But she was like, I want to start a business. I want to sell rocks. And she put together that little business. And I wanted to be like, no, no, no. It’s Monday morning. No one’s going to buy the rocks. And she painted these rocks. We went out front. And I think she made like $28 that day from random grandmas walking around the block or something. But really seeing it and saying, that is a gift. You really have high levels of courage. You have high levels
Emily Hamblin (42:55.823)
That’s awesome.
Wendy (43:06.215)
of persistence, all the things, right? But I think that helps create connection and it also brings in, to help them remember there are strengths here. And of course there’s challenges. We’re gonna work on the challenges. We’re gonna build the life skills and just keep, remember kid, you are amazing. okay. So let’s get back to boundaries. Yeah, boundaries that actually, and I’m glad you made that clarification.
Emily Hamblin (43:11.823)
Yes.
Emily Hamblin (43:16.889)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (43:24.847)
I love that. I love that. Okay, so back to your…
Emily Hamblin (43:34.65)
So when we’re speaking about boundaries, I would encourage parents to think, is this Emily sticking her shoes on the table once in how long have we been married? 17 years of marriage. I think it’s the first time I stuck them on the table. Or once in four years, right? Or is it Emily interrupting you every time we have a conversation? If it’s the shoe one, I don’t even know if we need to worry about holding a boundary. Let’s just model repair, teach repair, and help our kids fix it.
Wendy (43:53.604)
Right.
Is it a pattern?
Emily Hamblin (44:03.599)
Right, if it’s a once in a while, if it’s the consistent one, then this is where pre-teaching is what I call it, being a bit proactive, that’s where it’s going to be the most helpful. This is where you’re calm, your kids calm, you’re both in good moods and you can just bring it up to them, start with you. Hey, do you know, there’s been times when I’ve been speaking with people and I have an idea pop into my head and before I know it, I’m interrupting them.
I didn’t even realize it. And then talk to your kid a minute, let them talk, and then maybe bring up, did you know some, I’m not mad, but did you know that sometimes you interrupt me when I’m talking? They’re probably not even aware of it. Yeah, and just bring up that awareness. Oftentimes that’s, you know, 60, 70%. I had no idea. Now they might be rejection sensitive.
Wendy (44:46.893)
Yeah, and you’re not in trouble.
Emily Hamblin (45:00.055)
And so they might feel shame and blame and turn to anger. No, I don’t. You always interrupt me. Why are you saying I interrupt? And you’ll pick up the conversation later probably. But if you revisit it really gently modeling with yourself so that they see this isn’t weird behavior, this isn’t some sort of issue, you’re not a freak, it’s just normal human behavior, I do it too, or I’ve done it in the past, and keep revisiting it, then I think that that’s the most powerful step.
Wendy (45:20.259)
Yes.
Emily Hamblin (45:29.813)
if it’s touching siblings in the car. You might need to, until they can figure out the impulsivity control, maybe separate them. I’ve had to sit in between my kids while my husband’s driven before, right? Like if you’re looking for the long-term change and then brainstorming with them. So once the awareness is there, then like brainstorm with them. Hey, so I get it. When you’re in the car next to your sister, it’s so hard to not tickle her.
What? The thing is, she really doesn’t like to be tickled. Would you like it if someone tickled you without permission? I know I wouldn’t. So can you help me think of a plan so that you can be in the car with your sister without tickling her? What else could you do with your hands? And if we can get to the why are they tickling in the first place, we’re bored.
Sensory is huge for neurodivergent kids. They probably are sensory seeking if they’re touching a lot. One of my kids likes to body slam siblings to try to get the full body proprioceptive input. We had to learn some boundaries around that and some brainstorming around that. How else can we meet that need? And as much as possible, including them on that team speaks one of their five love languages of neurodivergent kids, which is autonomy or the ability to choose.
And so they feel ownership over it. We’re also, instead of that old school way of telling kids what they need to do, we’re helping them figure out what they can do. And then that’s a lifelong skill. Rather than teaching compliance, we’re teaching problem solving.
Wendy (47:10.309)
Dude, the five love language of neurodivergent kids. That sounds awesome. That’s our second episode we’re going to record, Emily. The autonomy, yes. Like the humility that you’re talking about in this conversation that you lead with when you’re like, I’ve done it. I’ve done it too. Like I love your phrase of you’re not a freak. Our version of that is like, you’re not an alien, right? We use that a lot with kids.
Emily Hamblin (47:17.805)
Hmm.
Emily Hamblin (47:36.046)
That’s probably a good one. Yeah. It’s whatever language you use. You know, if you don’t use the word, whatever language you use is what I’d say to use.
Wendy (47:38.264)
No, I like You’re Not a Freak. I love it. Yeah, no. I like Freak. I like Freak. We’re like huge Korn fans. We’re like a big rock and roll family. My daughter just went to a Korn concert last week in New York City with daddy and they’re like, they actually like love to like, they like, they build community around being freaks. I love that word. She actually caught a drumstick in the…
Emily Hamblin (48:00.077)
that’s so funny.
Wendy (48:03.909)
crowd of 80,000 people, which is very hard to do. Like, it’s the second time she’s done it one of these big concerts. First time was, yeah, she was 10. We were at a concert in Ireland. We went to see Metallica, 75,000 people. She caught the drumstick, second time here. But that’s like a great example of how her impulsivity was a gift there because she had to like fight a full grown man for it. It was a wild story for another day, but.
Emily Hamblin (48:06.19)
Mwah.
Second time, wow.
I love it.
Emily Hamblin (48:23.022)
Hmm.
Wendy (48:30.223)
but I like that you’re not an alien, you’re not a freak, and then bringing in the humility and like the tickling thing. Like I just am such a firm believer that you can really find.
Connection anywhere if you’re willing to really see humility as a superpower so like the whole you might think oh I don’t have an impulse control to like tickle people well you sometimes do like if you see a baby and you’re like like I’ve heard the minions call it cuteness aggression where you kind of want to like grab their cheeks and like or bite a baby or go
Emily Hamblin (48:55.919)
you
Emily Hamblin (49:00.226)
I go after
Wendy (49:02.721)
exactly go after their thighs, right? Like that would be a place where you could be like, I’ve noticed this in myself when I see a baby and I kind of want to squeeze their thighs and then I have to remember, I don’t know if that baby wants to squeeze thighs or dogs. We see it show up. My Stella has always had cuteness aggression. I’m like Stella Blanche, you cannot shake.
Yuki like that or like grab her she takes her teeth and she like pulls up her lips and she says cheese and I’m like But and then the other side of that is if kids are touching each other smacking each other another form of impulsivity I think humility we can bring in as parents is like I struggle with this too last week. I Yanked the iPad out of your hand like
Emily Hamblin (49:48.334)
Hmm.
Wendy (49:48.568)
I clearly am still working on this too. You’re not an alien. I’m not an alien. We just are learning a life skill. We’re both learning it. We’re both learning this impulsivity control. So I love that. And the idea of bringing in the sensory stuff, I’m still learning about that. I feel like it was tough for me in the beginning, and now it’s starting to make more sense. And I’m realizing that my black lab, my 90 pound black lab,
must have, did you call it proprioception needs? Is that what it is when they like body slam people?
Emily Hamblin (50:20.46)
Yeah, proprioception is your bodily awareness and like the deep muscle pressure. And so, yeah.
Wendy (50:29.125)
Herbert has this. Still, at eight years old, people come in the door, and I swear, he runs up to them, and he doesn’t just run up to them and lick them. He likes to jump and, like, body slam them. So I have to tell the kids and Terry that I learned that Herbert just has high pro…
Emily Hamblin (50:42.136)
He’s just seeking some proprioceptive input there. I love it.
Wendy (50:47.269)
But it is a blessing to learn about that, all those different sensory needs, especially with neurodivergent kids, right? Because once you learn about the sensory-seeking stuff, it starts to make a little bit more sense why they might have a hard time not wrestling with their brothers all the time, and especially when someone is like, hey, stop, and they might have a hard time stopping, which is another form of impulsivity.
Emily Hamblin (51:14.541)
sure.
Wendy (51:15.299)
But wow, what a beautiful just overview of some of the things we can do when we feel like our kids have trouble stopping if we want to help them learn to be like learned how to work with this challenge of impulsivity.
Thank you, Emily. Thank you for covering all that. Thank you for going through so many brilliant ideas. As we wrap this episode, where can listeners come find you? Our viewers were on YouTube also. So Emily was showing her really cool brain model, and it had all these different parts to it that she was pointing to. I’ll make sure I put that in the intro, that this is a great one to check out on YouTube for families. But will you let listeners know, Emily, where they can come find you?
Emily Hamblin (51:45.698)
Yes.
Wendy (52:02.521)
where they can dive into your work, tell us about the podcast, all the things.
Emily Hamblin (52:06.71)
Alright. Well, fantastic. They’re already on YouTube or on a podcast. They can come find me at Enlightening Motherhood, or they can just search Emily Hamblin podcast, and it will pull up my podcast. They can also, if they want to hop on my email list, they can go to Emily-Hamblin.com. That dash is important. So, Emily-Hamblin.com, and they can grab some conflict resolution cards. This is getting ahead of conflict. My daughter loves to come in my office and play with them, so.
Wendy (52:17.477)
Great.
Wendy (52:25.093)
Okay.
Emily Hamblin (52:37.058)
You have to pronounce it once here.
Wendy (52:37.241)
Does it have like a, you were touching it, does it have like something, do you put something on top?
Emily Hamblin (52:43.502)
You just print out those 50 cards and these are all conversation starters about times that might be hard for your neurodivergent child. Like your teammate blames you for losing a game. So these are those out of the moment discussions. How can you discuss it without blaming each other? And then it has some ideas for how you can handle some of the harder times with your kids.
Wendy (52:55.365)
Yes.
Wendy (53:05.283)
Amazing. For a second, I thought you might have added like a, wouldn’t that be cool, Emily? Wouldn’t that be cool?
Emily Hamblin (53:08.992)
no, that would be cool. No, I was just showing… I guess we can’t see on…
Wendy (53:14.361)
Well, if they’re on YouTube, they can see it. But I just had this idea that because we do some of these cool flashcards sometimes as giveaways. if you like a peaceful conflict resolution template that it sounds like you have in this amazing giveaway when they join your email list, if you could add some like sensory things to it that they could touch while they’re holding it, could be cool. I’m just saying could be cool. We can start telling our clients.
Emily Hamblin (53:37.826)
I don’t think my executive functioning would finish that project, but it would love to start it.
Wendy (53:43.307)
Totally, I’m such a starter, not a finisher. That’s so funny, my husband is the finisher and I’m just like, must be nice. I’m gonna make a mail stack over here. I’m gonna start redoing the screens on the windows, but I’m not gonna finish it. I’ll maybe finish it next weekend. Emily, you are so fun. I really do think that learning with you is fun. You make learning easy and I think…
you just help parents feel less alone. So thank you for all that you do to bring guidance and education and support to families. And this has been a really fun discussion. So thanks again for being here.
Emily Hamblin (54:25.135)
Thank you, Wendy.
