On today’s episode, Wendy & Terry discuss the why & the how behind taking a break from using time-outs in our households, and instead, teaching & modeling how to implement self-calming breaks. Time-outs are a forced isolation that do not actually teach a child how to calm themselves down. Self calming breaks give kids practical tools to take care of their needs in healthy & appropriate ways. They’re all about coaching our kiddos to feel their emotions and deal with them from a place of integrity.
Specifically, Wendy & Terry touch on three elements of this idea that will offer practical tools & encouragement when it comes making the switch from time-outs to self-calming breaks:
- The difference between external control vs. intrinsic motivation
- We want our kids to learn how to control themselves instead of controlling their behavior through fear, force, bribery & rewards
- Time-outs don’t teach kids how to calm down, they just force them to do it
- As parents, we have the opportunity to empower our kids to calm themselves down & learn to take care of themselves on their own
- How to implement self-calming breaks in our homes & take a break from time-outs
- During a relaxed time, teach your kids that they are learning! They are learning how to feel & how to get their needs met.
- First, talk about what each of the 5 main emotions feel like – happy, sad, scared, hurt, mad
- Then, explain that sometimes they may not know what to do when their emotions feel big
- Finally, remind them that they may need help communicating in order to get their needs met
- Create a calming chart or kit for everyone in the family with a list or actual items that help each member of the family calm down & take care of him/herself
- Kids should be in charge of what goes into their calming kit (within reason!)
- If you receive push-back, give your kiddo a choice – “Do you want to grab your calming bag on your own, or would you like me to come with you?”
- During a relaxed time, teach your kids that they are learning! They are learning how to feel & how to get their needs met.
- The importance of modeling
- Kids will learn better if you show them first – they won’t always listen to what you say, but they will always watch what you do
- Remember that positive, sustainable change takes time
Mentioned in this Episode:
- Fresh Start Family Online
- FSF’s Membership Program – The Bonfire
- FSF’s Positive Parenting Course – The Foundations Course
- Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Program
- On Instagram: @yourinfinitelife
- On Facebook: Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Program
- Power Struggles Master Class
FREE Online Master Class: NAVIGATING POWER STRUGGLES: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR KIDS SAY NO!
5 Positive Parenting Tips to Help Gain Cooperation & Dissolve Power Struggles with Integrity
Topics covered will include:
- How to gently guide your kids towards action, even when they don’t want to move or do what’s asked of them
- Ways to see kids who push back a lot as incredible blessings & future leaders
- The importance of paradigm shifting with thoughts & beliefs about power seeking misbehavior
- How to implement a Pause Button or Heart Connector to ignite creativity & model self-control
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