The Fresh Start Family Show

Episode 36: Time-outs vs. Self Calming Breaks

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On today’s episode, Wendy & Terry discuss the why & the how behind taking a break from using time-outs in our households, and instead, teaching & modeling how to implement self-calming breaks. Time-outs are a forced isolation that do not actually teach a child how to calm themselves down. Self calming breaks give kids practical tools to take care of their needs in healthy & appropriate ways. They’re all about coaching our kiddos to feel their emotions and deal with them from a place of integrity.

Specifically, Wendy & Terry touch on three elements of this idea that will offer practical tools & encouragement when it comes making the switch from time-outs to self-calming breaks:

1. The difference between external control vs. intrinsic motivation
   • We want our kids to learn how to control themselves instead of controlling their behavior through fear, force, bribery & rewards
   • Time-outs don’t teach kids how to calm down, they just force them to do it
   • As parents, we have the opportunity to empower our kids to calm themselves down & learn to take care of themselves on their own
2. How to implement self-calming breaks in our homes & take a break from time-outs
   1. During a relaxed time, teach your kids that they are learning! They are learning how to feel & how to get their needs met.
      • First, talk about what each of the 5 main emotions feel like – happy, sad, scared, hurt, mad
      • Then, explain that sometimes they may not know what to do when their emotions feel big
      • Finally, remind them that they may need help communicating in order to get their needs met
   2. Create a calming chart or kit for everyone in the family with a list or actual items that help each member of the family calm down & take care of him/herself
      • Kids should be in charge of what goes into their calming kit (within reason!)
   3. If you receive push-back, give your kiddo a choice – “Do you want to grab your calming bag on your own, or would you like me to come with you?”
3. The importance of modeling
   • Kids will learn better if you show them first – they won’t always listen to what you say, but they will always watch what you do
   • Remember that positive, sustainable change takes time

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Fresh Start Family Online
  • FSF’s Membership Program – The Bonfire
  • FSF’s Positive Parenting Course –  The Foundations Course
• Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Program
  • On Instagram: @yourinfinitelife
  • On Facebook: Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Program
• Power Struggles Master Class

FREE Online Master Class: NAVIGATING POWER STRUGGLES: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR KIDS SAY NO! 

5 Positive Parenting Tips to Help Gain Cooperation & Dissolve Power Struggles with Integrity

Topics covered will include:  

• How to gently guide your kids towards action, even when they don’t want to move or do what’s asked of them
• Ways to see kids who push back a lot as incredible blessings & future leaders 
• The importance of paradigm shifting with thoughts & beliefs about power seeking misbehavior 
• How to implement a Pause Button or Heart Connector to ignite creativity & model self-control 

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