In this Student Spotlight, Wendy interviews Anna McNeese, a mom of four from Mississippi, about her family’s transformation through the Fresh Start Experience and Full Mastery program. Anna shares openly about the early days of exhaustion, power struggles, and shame-based patterns, and how learning new tools gave her family hope, connection, and peace.
From navigating strong-willed kids with compassion, to breaking cycles of fear and shame, to modeling emotional literacy for her children, Anna’s story shows the power of choosing a new way forward. Today, her home is more peaceful, her kids are practicing self-control, and even tough moments have become opportunities for growth and connection.
Tune in to hear Anna’s story and be encouraged that it’s never too late to choose peace, break old cycles, and step into joy as a parent.
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Episode Highlights:
- Change begins when you commit.
- Breaking cycles of fear and shame is possible.
- Strong-willed kids call us to higher growth.
- Modeling emotional literacy transforms families.
- Peace comes from nervous system awareness.
- Connection matters more than control.
- Positive parenting builds lasting legacies.
Resources Mentioned:
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Catch the full episode on YouTube!
Unable to listen or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
Wendy (00:08)
Hello families and welcome back to another student spotlight. Today we have Ms. Anna McNeese on the show. Welcome to the show, Anna.
Anna (00:18)
Good to be here.
Wendy (00:19)
So good to see you.
Yes. Am I saying your last name right? my gosh, I should have double checked that. Is it McNeese? Okay, perfect. I didn’t know if it was like McNeese. I don’t know. That would be cool. my gosh, Anna, ⁓ as I told you before we pushed record, I am so happy to be here with you today and just highlight some of your story and how you’ve used powerful parenting curriculum.
Anna (00:26)
Yes, that’s right. ⁓
That would be cool.
Wendy (00:47)
to really transform your family legacy. I have had so much fun coaching and supporting you through the years. You and your husband, we were just sharing how your husband, Will, who’s a therapist, you and him went through the highest level program that we have called our full mastery program in addition to the Fresh Start Experience, but you did that together and were able to really experience.
that highest level of growth and support here. And it was just so much fun supporting you and your family. And I love your sense of humor. I love what a giant heart that you have. so today to really kind of dig into a little bit more of your story is quite the honor. And I’m just so thankful that you’re taking the time to be with us today.
Anna (01:33)
Thank you. Me too. I’m really, really happy to be here.
Wendy (01:37)
Nice. Well, let’s go back, Anna. Now, right now is a big time because again, you have just officially completed the highest level that we have here at Fresh Start Family, our full mastery program. Your certificate is about to be put in the mail because you are officially a certified parenting educator in the Fresh Start Family approach. But if we go back in time to when you first said like a full blown yes and came into the Fresh Start Experience program and really decided that you wanted.
Anna (01:40)
Okay.
Wendy (02:06)
to spend your time learning and growing and strengthening your family in this way. What did life look like when you first met me or when you first found the work of Fresh Start Family? What was going on in your parenting walk? Also share with us how many kids you have and where you live. But let’s go back to like that time and let’s relive it a little bit.
Anna (02:29)
Okay. Great. So I have right now, I have a seventh grader and a fifth grader, both boys. And then I have an eight year old third grader and four and a half year old, both girls. And my two bookends are my power kids, seriously. ⁓ And they’re, they’re already doing great things. ⁓
Wendy (02:58)
Hmm.
Anna (02:59)
So they, okay, so let’s see. When I found Fresh Start Family was back in 2018, I did, yeah, I did a decluttering like New Year’s challenge and I actually have a lot of, well, at least two or three Fresh Start Family friends.
Wendy (03:11)
Dang!
Yeah.
Anna (03:26)
who also found you then. And I think we were just trying to figure out, parenting in our homes feels so bad, what can we do? And so we thought, well, maybe if I clean it up, it’ll feel better. And then we were like, nope. Well, maybe let’s try parenting classes. Maybe that’ll be better. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. That was it. Declutter like a mother. Yes. That’s what it was. And decluttering is good, but also,
Wendy (03:43)
Yeah, that was probably Ali Kazaza. I did like a webinar for her families. Yes, and you found me through that. Yes. Amazing.
Anna (03:56)
Man, parenting coaching is amazing. So I found you there and I kind of like started dabbling and listening to episodes. And so it wasn’t until 2020.
Wendy (03:59)
Yes, it is.
Anna (04:15)
Let’s see, 2023, the fall of 2023 that we finally joined. So that’s like 2018 to 2023. That’s a long time. But we were kind of like dabbling and just like listening to podcasts and I’d send them to Will sometimes, we’d listen to this one, babe. We had tried stopping fear and force and bribery and rewards. And we also didn’t know what else to do.
Wendy (04:24)
Yeah? Yeah.
Anna (04:41)
So we were just like trying to figure out like kind of walking blind of like, if we don’t do that, like what are our tools? And so then like, we were just having so many eruptions in our home. So much yelling and anger and screaming. And I was mad at everybody and blaming everybody. ⁓ I was homeschooling, which makes, is like particular, like they never leave. ⁓
Wendy (04:46)
Right.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Anna (05:12)
And
so it was like a very unfun time. ⁓ yeah, it was, and I felt like I was holding court the whole time. That was a big feeling of like, I just wake up and I just sit there and people are like, he did that. And I’m like, okay, I gotta try to like figure out who did what. ⁓ And why don’t all of…
Wendy (05:29)
that’s such a great way to say it.
Mm.
Anna (05:41)
⁓ I did not like holding court. So parenting was no fun. And we were having big eruptions in the family and our Ezra was so angry and revengeful. And ⁓ we just had big heart for him, but we didn’t know what to do. And so we were like, we got to do this. We’re going to spend the money. We’re going to join. We’re going to start learning at the beginning and let’s do it. Like we were like, something’s got to change.
Wendy (05:44)
Yeah, yeah.
Anna (06:11)
So that’s where we were.
Wendy (06:12)
Yeah.
Yeah, it’s so typical of families who get into this work and it’s very similar to my story too. It’s like often after or during a very low season where you’re just like, this is not sustainable. Like this is not what I signed up for. This is, it’s supposed to be fun. Like I really, we really all thought that having kids was gonna be fun. I really did. I really did. ⁓
Anna (06:39)
I did too.
Yeah.
Wendy (06:40)
And then
all of sudden you have these toddlers and multiple children and you’re just like, this is not fun. ⁓
And so, yeah, but there is those moments where you’re just like, gosh, not only are the kids misbehaving, but I think we have those moments when we kind of scare ourselves, right? Where we’re like, whoa, who have I become? Right? Like, why am I so reactive? Or why am I engaging in doing things? And remind me, Anna, did you and Will, like, were you raised in a religious environment that kind of used the fear and force and taught that? I forget that about your histories. Yeah.
Anna (07:15)
Yes, that was, yeah, that was
very, very much normal. ⁓ Now, I think my parents were not super, they weren’t really heavy handed, ⁓ but they were, it was like, there was so much shame growing up. And then in the South, my stars. I grew up in California, Will grew up in Mississippi, and living here in Mississippi, like the…
Wendy (07:20)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anna (07:44)
The shame, it is a next level cultural piece that’s loaded on as like pot, like good. It’s not like, ugh, I didn’t know what else to do, so I did it. It was like, no, this is what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to layer that on top and you’re like, that was some good parenting. ⁓ So ⁓ yeah, we did, we did grow up in that. And we were like, because of Will’s training,
Wendy (07:48)
Yeah.
Right.
Anna (08:14)
And because of some people who I had babysat for who kind of like talked about positive parenting ⁓ We both knew like we don’t want to do it like that. We don’t want to be we don’t want to shame our children into behaving and ⁓ Man we didn’t have other tools We didn’t it’s like we just like took we just like shook our tool belt out because we thought these are these are yucky
Wendy (08:21)
Nice.
Yes.
Anna (08:44)
But then we didn’t have anything else. And so it was just like, I think I felt like a victim, know, like here they are and I can’t do it and I’m trying to not do the wrong thing, but I don’t have the right thing. Yeah.
Wendy (08:52)
Yes.
Yeah. That’s such a great way to say it, right? It’s like that we do see a lot of students who are just like, well, I know I don’t want to repeat that. But then the nervous system response is the knee jerk.
Anna (09:09)
yes. Yes.
Wendy (09:09)
overpowering methods, right? So like it’s such
a cognitive dissonance of like crap, I know I don’t want to do that, but yet I’m doing that. And then when you are brought up with shame, which is like my version of shame growing up with a mama who came from like a very strict Irish Catholic upbringing, shame was a big deal. And it was always like, like, what is wrong with you? What are you thinking?
Anna (09:32)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wendy (09:33)
⁓
And that was like the big phrase that I realized to unlearn that was really like that was an intense journey. I didn’t realize it until probably like 38, 40 years old, that that had really stuck to my nervous system. ⁓ But like really coming in hot with the shame or the aggressiveness. If you know, either of you did have hands laid on you when you were a kid with an effort to get behavior, it takes a lot of commitment to break that right.
learn a new way and lot of signaling safety to your nervous system and just learning so much. I know ⁓ one of the examples, I mean, you have so many success stories that you have shared through the years, Anna, but one of them was around how you loved learning about specifically revenge misbehavior and how
We learned that revengeous behavior is like hitting, kicking, biting, saying I hate you, pinching, whatever, that kind of stuff in big people. Then little people grow up to be big people and revengeous behavior in adulthood looks different, but it is way too, like it is the way in our society. ⁓ We kind of swim in that water.
And we get to do it differently as parents who implement this work and do it differently with our kids who grow up to be adults who hopefully do it differently in the world, right? But you had shared one day how you were like, wow, OK, we’ve learned about revengeous behavior. ⁓ A child who does that kind of stuff has a mistaken belief that when I feel hurt, I must hurt back, often because that’s what’s been modeled to me. And you decided, OK, I’m going to learn how to redirect this misbehavior and get my child to cooperate without hurting back. So I’m disengaged.
from the cycle of revenge and you shared how one night she was brushing her teeth. I don’t even remember this because this is probably a long time ago that you shared this. We dig up this stuff Anna. When you agreed to be on the Fresh Art Family show you get stuff dug up about you. Good stuff. But you said she went to brush her teeth so this was ⁓ little Annie. I think she was like probably maybe four at the time. Is Annie one of the little ones?
Anna (11:23)
I don’t know. I’m so curious. I’m like, yay me! I don’t know what it is.
Annie’s four and a half now. It could have been Junie. Keep going and I’ll know who it is. Okay, it was Annie.
Wendy (11:46)
It was Annie. No, it was Annie. You said she was super
tired during bedtime and you were just trying to get her to brush her teeth and you’re trying, trying, trying. it’s like, it seems like one of those nights where you just realize the next day, wow, we were all just exhausted. I had one of those other night with Stella where I was like barked at her. And then I’m like, oh, the next morning I’m like, whoops, we were just so tired, but she wouldn’t brush her teeth. And then all of sudden she said, Hey, can I have a drink of water? And you were like, you can have a drink of water after you brush your teeth, maybe with a little sass in you.
Anna (12:02)
Yeah. Yeah.
Wendy (12:16)
And she then did something. think she tried to like, let’s see, she tried hurting you. So maybe she tried to, you know, hit you or pinch you or something. And you said in the past, that would have turned into a different thing. But that night you stopped and was able to see it. this is revengeous behavior. And you knew the root cause of revengeous behavior is a child who feels hurt. And you said you were able to just call on your…
like your understanding and your learning, regulate your nervous system. Remember, it’s not a four alarm fire. And just ask, you asked her, you were like, ⁓ you know what? I think you might be feeling hurt because I said you can’t have water until after you brush your teeth, which we know is like, you know, we do those tactics to try to get our kids to do stuff, but it was kind of the old way. So then you said, you were like, you know what? Go ahead, grab, go ahead, drink some water out of the.
The faucet, like, no, like, let me redo that. And then you went on to say she happily, she got her water, and then she came back and she brushed her teeth. And then you said, I’m just grateful that I have a new way that allows kindness and love into our lives, even when we’re tired and overwhelmed. And it was just a different path than maybe one of the harsh ways you would have tried to keep going down, like forcing her or threatening her or whatever.
So when I tell when I bring up that story what comes to mind as far as like what you’ve learned or what do you want to kind of speak to that as far as learning to see especially those most triggering moments with kids when they’re in that revengeous behavior as a way to solve the problem or redirect them as behavior with connection and compassion for the emotional literacy that they’re learning versus control and harshness or threats and punishment
Anna (13:58)
Yes, oh that is such, I’m so glad that that is captured. That was so beautiful. I have so much gratitude. Yeah, I feel so grateful. I really do. I love you too. So, I guess like the thing that stands out about that is,
Wendy (14:03)
Mmm… Yeah.
I love you.
Hmm.
Anna (14:28)
kind of the pause button necessary to do that and how like that took time to grow. And like first I had to like what you would say you notice afterward. The goal is to notice before, but noticing or during, but then sometimes you start out by noticing afterward and going, ⁓ okay, okay. And like I notice it now. Okay, let me try again.
Wendy (14:32)
Yeah.
Right. Or during. ⁓
Anna (14:58)
Let me try again. ⁓ Exactly. Yes. And so I think there, think, my gosh, that was so much like just work to like stop and not be like, come on, kid, like brush your teeth. I’m gonna read you a book. We’re gonna put on the jammies. Like, it’s that. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah. Right.
Wendy (14:58)
I was threatening or I was like having a tone of ⁓ frustration, yeah.
Or don’t you dare hurt me. You want to see what happens if you hurt me again? Like, that’s it. Straight to bed, you know?
Anna (15:26)
Yeah, I’m gonna manhandle you and brush your teeth and then we’re gonna stuff you in your pajamas and stuff you in bed. Damn it. Right. Right. And I’m tired and this isn’t fair. Like, because I think it feels to me like this isn’t fair. Like, I’m just trying to do the right thing. Getting you to brush your teeth, you know, like I go very small pretty quickly.
Wendy (15:30)
Bye.
Cause I’m in charge dammit, I am in charge.
Right.
Yes.
Yes.
Anna (15:56)
So yeah, so that stands out. ⁓ I think.
Yeah, that’s probably the biggest one. I’m trying to think what else would stands out there. I think just how beautiful it is to do that instead. Like, ⁓ my goodness, to add like all of that because like to be angry and to work myself up to like, now I have to be like this monster person in order to get you in bed. Like that sucks.
Like nobody wants that bedtime. Nobody wants that energy inside of their like their chest and feeling it like right here, even just now. Like that’s that I’ve parented like that so much and my goodness, there that’s that that doesn’t have to be how parenting is. Like it really can be like, ⁓ I think maybe your feelings are hurt. How about you get a drink of water? I’m sorry. Like that’s so.
Wendy (16:35)
Yeah, yeah. I can feel it too. Yeah.
Yeah, and
then you can still teach later. And I’m sure you had a discussion with her because that is part of revenge teaching, right? You teach later, hey, when you feel hurt, that’s what hurt feels like. When you feel hurt, here’s how you take care of yourself. ⁓
Anna (16:58)
Nice.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (17:11)
smacking back or thinking that hurting someone is going to help you feel better isn’t actually sustainable. It doesn’t actually work. It might make you feel like kind of better in a moment, but then later you have guilt and shame and regret. And here, let me teach you how to do it differently, which we know like you can teach and you can tell and you can make charts and we do all those things. But the modeling is the number one thing, right? Kids learn ⁓ from like 99 % of what kids learn is caught.
not taught. And so just watching you not hurt back in those moments and the way we hurt back is like normally the we force it or we’ll come in hot with punishment. Like a kid just smacked your hand and you’re like, no, you didn’t. And then you’re like straight to bed or no, yeah, no iPad tomorrow, right? Or whatever it is. Do you guys have iPads in Mississippi? You’re like in the country now. Do you do it? Do you even have technology, Anna? Good. That’s amazing.
Anna (17:50)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no bedtime story for you. Yeah.
People do, but we don’t. Yeah. And
it’s too much to parent for me, so I don’t.
Wendy (18:11)
That is awesome.
Anna, I love that. my gosh, we could go on a whole riff. Anna lives on a beautiful, sustainable farm in Mississippi, right? Like you guys are doing that for your business now. ⁓ so cool. I want to visit. Yeah, I’ve seen your property on Zoom and it is gorgeous. So yeah, so we teach. We teach revenge, right? It’s not just like, hey kid, I’m so sorry for, it’s like, okay, I take responsibility. Let me redo that. And then,
Anna (18:16)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think so too.
Wendy (18:40)
teaching in a calm time, hey, next time you feel that, here’s how you can handle that in a way that respects yourself and others versus hurting someone. So that’s amazing. OK, one of the other success stories we had is Annie again. I love it. See, these power kids.
Anna (18:55)
yeah, Annie, Annie
is, Annie was the straw that broke the camel’s back and is so wonderful, which means we held out for a long time. Like we shouldn’t have held out. We didn’t have to do that, but yeah, she has been a tough cookie and we have had to like higher level parent. ⁓ So yeah.
Wendy (19:02)
Yeah.
Mm.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
That’s why I call them angels, like the air quotes hardest ones is because they really do invite you into the deepest level of healing and growth. And they just don’t tolerate like hypocrisy. don’t. They just have such a huge justice button. And man, it is intense. ⁓ But for, you know, Stella is my Annie and it’s like
Anna (19:37)
Nope.
Yep.
Wendy (19:48)
You know, changed my life. I can’t believe it, Anna. She’s going to be 18 this fall. How is that possible? When you found me back in 2018, she was tiny. And you watched her listeners, viewers, like Stella has taught the kids in our community through lessons. mean, Stella probably has like, I own 20 kids lessons at this point, but she started teaching when she was like, probably seven. And those cute little kids lessons on self-calming and.
Anna (19:53)
I don’t know. I know she was a little kid. Yeah.
You’re a little kid.
Wendy (20:16)
makeups and like, it’s so cute. yeah, 18 years old, but she, they really do call you into call you into growth and healing if you will accept the invite, it’s life changing. But back, this was another success story about how one day you were leaving, must’ve been, it was the playground. I was going to say school, but it was a playground. And you said, I love your sense of humor, Amos. Anna, that’s why it’s so fun to mentor you through the years. For the first time in her life, she walked out.
Anna (20:25)
You
Yes.
Wendy (20:45)
with
her own two feet. And you went through and you said, traditionally, I’ve just had to grab her and carry her out. And today, ⁓ she walked out on her own. And you said recently she had been holding back from hitting and throwing things so much. She was in this season where she was growing in her self-control. And you were getting into a habit, which is one of the things we practice at Fresh Start Family, of noticing. Because as parents, we have a tendency to be like,
the critical comes first, right? Like you haven’t picked up your mess. You can’t keep your hands to yourself. You won’t eat your vegetables. But you were in a season where you were like, I’ve really been trying to notice things and thank them or let the kids know that they’re inspiring me. you had been complimenting her on her self-control. And you said you could tell that this little power kid just like perked up and felt ⁓ proud of herself in those moments. And so you said, I feel like she’s matured.
enough to sometimes use all that we’ve practiced, and I feel so grateful that we use powerful parenting through some really tough times and still have a good relationship with her. Because that’s the thing with those strong-willed ones, like you can move to overpowering them their whole life, but the relationship is really going to suffer. So what does that look like for you to continue to use these strategies? This one is an example of like a power struggle, getting a child to cooperate without forcing them. ⁓
And I know it’s not perfect, right? We don’t live in a perfect world. It’s not like no matter what level you do, there’s still going to be some power struggles with these kids. But what has it looked like for you to develop more ability to use your tools to dissolve power struggles with integrity versus moving to just like, OK, I’m going to force you now through threats or physical. I mean, the kids are getting big now, right? The season of just being able to carry them ends after they’re five or six.
Anna (22:36)
Yeah,
yeah, you can’t just haul them off. ⁓ It is so ⁓ much more peaceful in our home, particularly this last year since we finished our full mastery, which we did. So we did, let’s see, we started in the fall with foundations course. And then that’s next spring, I went to
Wendy (22:38)
Yeah.
Anna (23:06)
freedom to be and then end of spring we started full mastery and finished that in the fall. And so then this has been about a year since then. we still have problems, know, like people like yell at each other and punch each other and holler, you know, like we still, but I have so much more peace inside because I know
Wendy (23:23)
course.
Yes!
Anna (23:35)
I know my place in all of that. I know like, if I don’t feel like a resource inside, then I’m not a resource and I don’t need to go step into it. Like, because it hurts a lot more to get hurt by your mom than it does for your brother. ⁓ And I like, I know tools to say, like when I feel really upset because I’m like future casting about, no, what are these children going to grow up to be?
Wendy (23:38)
Nice.
Yeah, it’s true.
Anna (24:03)
What have I done and I’m culpable and blah, blah, blah. I know like, ⁓ well, I would like to teach the kids about such and such. ⁓ And I can do that. I have learned tools to do that. ⁓ Yeah, Annie and self-control.
She’s gonna be a firecracker her whole life long. She really is. And we’re still friends. And so I really think that’s wonderful. She’s four and half. And she wants me to read to her and I want to read to her. And ⁓ she loves to help. And she’s so generous. She’s the most generous one in the entire family. ⁓ In the whole family. Will and me can…
Wendy (24:34)
Yeah.
Wow.
Anna (24:50)
We’re all stunned by Annie, like on her birthday, she’s like, here, you can have some of these, you can have some of these, where the rest of them are like, okay, they’re mine, I’m in a family of four, you Yeah, yeah, we’re just like, thank you, thank you for that grace. ⁓ Yeah, and she will tell us like one day, ⁓ what was like, Annie, stop yelling at me, and she said, daddy, I’m not yelling at you, I am speaking to you firmly.
Wendy (24:52)
That’s so cool.
I feel like that’s unique for a strong-willed kid, so that’s amazing.
Yeah. Aww.
Anna (25:20)
Or she’ll like, she’ll grab something from me and she’ll say, ⁓ I grabbed it from you. I’m sorry, mommy. Here, have it back. Let’s try again. Like she’s learning. ⁓ And she really does, she’s called us all to a higher level of maturity. Like we can’t like lazy parent her. ⁓ And it hurts to mature.
Wendy (25:21)
That’s amazing.
my gosh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Anna (25:48)
Especially if like I’m going, no, I don’t want to. ⁓ But to like to dive in and say, I’m going to do this. I am going to mature. so that I can, you know, I go back and forth. But you know, I am going to mature so that I can be it. So I can mother this kid.
Wendy (25:53)
Yeah.
⁓ awesome. Yeah and it’s like ⁓ those those strong-willed ones that like often really bring us to our knees that really do provide that opportunity ⁓ for healing and growth. ⁓
It is so beautiful to watch them when they mirror us, right? Because those kids, especially, find, I mean, I’m thinking my own journey. I guess Taryn does too, but like I just especially saw it with Stella. She really seemed to be my mirror. So like.
She, I remember when she was little and we used to say when we were doing timeouts, you go in the corner and you think about it. You sit in that corner for three minutes and you think about what you did. And like before long, she was just coming right back to us with the mirror. She’d put her finger right back in our face and say, you think about it. And so it’s really cool to see those moments on the other side where you’re like, wow, I’ve been teaching these concepts. I’ve been modeling. I’m trying my best to model, not with perfection, of course, right? Like in this work, we often say, try to get
it right, more than not, right? So it’s like a 60-40 split. 40 of the percent you might be blowing it and yelling and doing makeups, but 60 percent, if you can get it to some consistency, it really works. But you’re teaching, you’re changing your ways, and then one day you see them roll it out in something like that at four and a half for her to catch herself when she aggressively grabs something from your hand and then say, right. Yes, totally.
Anna (27:33)
Yeah, I didn’t do that till I was 37.
Wendy (27:40)
But for her to stop herself and be like, actually, let me try that again. ⁓ And just the concept, right, of like, you deserve to be treated with respect, but you’re not like, Annie, you need to try that again. It’s like, that is exactly like the intrinsic motivation that happens. And that might be a small little moment, you know? But it’s a big deal. A four and a half year old doing that without being forced to do that.
is just such a big deal. And then maybe ⁓ also speak since we’re on the topic of strong-willed kids and getting cooperation without forcing. I know you said your bookends are both the strong-willed ones. And I know we could also go on and riff about how the non-strong-willed ones benefit so much from this work. I mean, Taryn, my little guy, is not my strong-willed one. there’s the work of inadequacy, understanding that category has blessed him or helping with bouts of anxiety that he might have. They’re just different kids.
that need different elements of the curriculum, but like especially with the strong-willed kid ones, we know that they kind of bring us to our core, bring us to our knees. What does it look like just the journey with your oldest one? Because he’s an example of where you really started out with the different stuff. Like with the little ones, I feel like they were, she was almost born into it. You might not have been deep in, like you might not have joined the program until she was maybe two, but she was being, she was, know.
Anna (28:54)
yeah.
Wendy (29:05)
You guys were aware of the work, but your older one, like Stella, we kind of used those old school methods or the classic hand-me-down parenting tactics, and then we switch. What does that look like for you to strengthen that relationship with him and see some of the benefits of just approaching things as best as you can in a different way?
Anna (29:12)
yeah.
Yes, well he was initially resistant ⁓ because he thought it was crazy and woo woo and he didn’t want to like, I think he thought like, you’re not gonna get the other kids to do the right thing, mom. ⁓ Right, fairness? definitely, because it was like, this is not fair. Did you see what he did to me and now we’re going to make a feelings chart?
Wendy (29:30)
Yeah.
Wow, that’s interesting.
yes, the fairness, Equality.
Anna (29:56)
you need to make him do my dishes. Yeah. so yes, he, like we, we, we tried, we tried everything with him. Spanked him. We time added him. We time added him and held the door. We yelled at him. We, ⁓ I don’t know. There’s not really many things in the tool belt, so that could have been all on repeat.
Wendy (29:56)
You need to force him. You need to threaten him. He needs a time out. Yes. Totally Stella’s like that.
Yeah.
Right.
Anna (30:26)
And. ⁓
Wendy (30:26)
That was the list. Yep. Same here.
Anna (30:33)
And so that rebuilding, like building our relationship, I think it took him a while to realize like, they’re really, when my mom says we’re trying a new way and he would make fun of me, we’re trying a new way. She means we’re trying a new way. And when I tell her mom, it feels like you’re punishing me. That like, mom isn’t gonna say, well, yeah, because you’re bad.
Wendy (30:51)
Yeah. Yeah.
Anna (31:03)
You know, like I’m going to say, ⁓ well, like, let me think about that. Am I like trying to punish you? Because that isn’t how I want to like, that’s not how I want to guide you and like discipline you into becoming a like a mature human. ⁓ they used to, my goodness, they would just fight back on redo’s and ⁓ all that because they thought it was so dumb.
Wendy (31:21)
Yeah.
Anna (31:33)
Um, but I like was like, we’re gonna, we’re not gonna do the next thing until we do. And so, you know, we gotta do it. Like we are going to do it, you guys. And so they’d be like, okay. And I don’t think about my two boys and, now I’ll just, I’ll be like, okay guys, we’re going to do a redo. And they’re like, okay. And they’ll just do it like, Um, and we, were with some friends recently and they were, uh,
Wendy (31:44)
Yeah.
Right. dude, that’s amazing.
Anna (32:02)
my eldest and their child were ⁓ having a fight over who was going to get to be the banker in Monopoly. They both wanted to be the banker. They both thought they ought to. They both thought it was promised to them. And I was like, this is perfect. You guys like, let’s, let’s do, let’s try a win-win. And ⁓ Xander’s like, okay. And he’s 12 years old, but he was still like, I feel this. Cause he knew like what we do is we start by telling our feelings, which I think for a 12 year old boy, starting with like,
Wendy (32:12)
Yeah.
Nice.
Huge.
Anna (32:29)
telling your feelings, like just even having awareness was like, I was like so proud. I was like, okay, we did it. And it kind of worked, but not really because it’s higher level intimacy and to do it with someone outside of the family is tricky. ⁓ But he was willing to do it and I felt really, I was so like, he was like, yeah, okay, let’s do a win-win. This is what we do.
Wendy (32:34)
Boom. Yeah. Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
He was willing.
So good. Seriously. ⁓
Anna (32:58)
So happy, so proud of ⁓
That’s just like when he thinks about like, what should we do with all these world problems? He’s like, I think we need to do a win-win mom where such and such and such and such. So.
Wendy (33:15)
Literally, like, I’m such
a funny little cat. Like, it literally makes me want to ball to think of emotionally healthy young men that will turn into grown-up emotionally healthy men who then become leaders in our society. ⁓
Anna (33:23)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Wendy (33:37)
It just sure feels like there’s a deficit of that. And so to hear about a little 12 year old boy who was willing to approach a situation with peaceful conflict resolution, even though his buddy is like, hell no, we’re not, like that’s dumb. He still was willing, like that is such a big deal. So, Anna, thank you. Thank you for teaching that and thank you for noticing that, this has been, this has become normalized in our family. And you and Will are just such a great example of a
that’s just like, yeah, we’ve got a lot of stuff we’re gonna work through and there’s some resistance that we’re gonna have to work through, but we’re gonna do it and you’ve done it. And it’s really showing in your kids. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I could sit here and talk to you all day long. I wanna hear even more stories, but we’ll keep it. I know you gotta get back to the family and so we’ll keep it at a wrap.
But what would you say to someone who maybe is at the beginning or maybe they’ve been listening to the podcast for a few years and they just haven’t really jumped in to decide to commit to a full educational journey?
Right? Like you can kind of speak to that because you know what it’s like to kind of listen and dabble and maybe get some books from the library, which is phenomenal. Books are great. The Fresh Start Family book comes out in May 2026. But we know there’s nothing like really making that commitment, jumping in and saying, OK, I’m ready to like fully go through the program and have access to coaching and get support. And so if someone is thinking about jumping in and joining the Fresh Start experience, what would you say to them to encourage them
to go for it.
Anna (35:16)
I would say that it’s worth every penny that you would want to spend ⁓ for your joy and the joy of your children and your family. ⁓
Yeah, I would just say there are so many tools out there to help you. You don’t have to feel ⁓ exasperated and annoyed and blaming your family. ⁓ You can feel empowered and joyful. I mean, not all the time, like, you know, but you can, you can feel empowered and joyful. And even if on bad days you say, I know what to do. Okay, I know what to do now.
Wendy (35:44)
Hmm.
Anna (36:03)
Um, okay, I’m going to try this. I’m going to do this thing. Um, so I’d say, Oh my goodness. So worth it. It’s the best. It’s the best. Yeah.
Wendy (36:11)
Yay.
Well, thank you. Thank you. I received those beautiful words. again, just like very, very grateful to have had you in the community the last few years, Anna. ⁓ We love you and thanks for being here. And listeners, we hope you have enjoyed just learning more about Anna and her beautiful family story. Thank you, Anna. Bye.
Anna (36:15)
Thank you. Good.
Thank Thank you. Love you.
