If youโre ready to break free from old patterns and start fresh, this episode is for you! In this heartwarming episode of the Fresh Start Family Show, Wendy dives into one of the most transformative truths about parenting: “Why Short-Term Fixes Donโt Get You Long-Term Results.” Many of us have been thereโfalling into the trap of quick fixes like yelling, bribing, or punishing when weโre overwhelmed. But while these approaches might feel like a momentary win, they often lead to bigger challenges down the road.
Wendy opens up about her own parenting journey and shares powerful stories from the families sheโs helped. She unpacks how traditional parenting methods, rooted in control and the myth of instant obedience, can undermine trust and connection. Instead, she offers a roadmap to help parents focus on empathy, emotional literacy, and long-term strategies that truly empower both parents and kids. Tune in to make this the year you create a joyful, lasting legacy for your family.
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Episode Highlights:
- Quick fixes in parenting, such as yelling and bribing, offer only temporary solutions that can cause long-term harm to trust and connection.
- Understanding the root causes behind a child’s behavior is crucial for addressing issues effectively and fostering long-term positive outcomes.
- Emphasizing empathy and connection over control helps children develop critical life skills, including emotional regulation and problem-solving.
- Changing parenting habits involves adopting a long-term mindset and a commitment to learning and growth.
- Joining the New Year Kickstart Challenge to explore positive parenting techniques and break cycles of negative behavior.
Resources Mentioned:
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Not able to listen, or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
0:00:25 – (Wendy): Hello families and welcome to a new episode. I’m so happy you’re here.
0:00:58 – (Wendy): We are going to be chatting today about why short term fixes don’t get you long term results with positive parenting. And I know this is tempting because so many of us were either raised with the expectation of instant obedience or once we become became parents, just naturally fell into this kind of cultural conditioning that when you tell your kids to do something, they should do it the first time and if they don’t, then they’re bad, which makes you a bad parent. So we’re going to talk a little bit about how to paradigm shift into a more healthy reality and paradigm today so you can live life more joyful and more peaceful as a parent, but also more effective as a parent because especially, especially if you have a strong willed child when you are expecting instant obedience or thinking that using what we call a band aid tactic or a quick fix that relies on things like fear, force, bribery and rewards, it may seem and seem like it’s gonna work and be appealing because you might get what feels like faster results, but there are detrimental results that we’re gonna chat a little bit about today. And I’m gonna give you an alternative that is just so much more effective, that’ll feel so much better for your nervous system and help you just feel more confident as a parent. So this trap of thinking that quick fixes kind of are what we want as parents. Let’s talk about this. Okay, so maybe it was yelling, bribing or punishing just to get your child to stop right now. So many of us can relate to this being our reality. This was my reality when Stella became a toddler. I had just had my second child and this, the patterning that I fell into both sides of the coin when it comes to bribing, bribing and rewards or fear and force like yelling and punishing, both of those things rely on external controls. And I will tell you that that is what I fell into.
0:05:02 – (Wendy): It’s the way I was raised, just kind of standard parenting. I was not really raised with any type of like religious programming that that would create that was like how you godly parented. But I all I was raised with very traditional aut parenting where this just was the way that things were done and this was how my parents would get me and my brother, not so much my brother, but me. My brother was five years older than me to stop it right now.
0:05:31 – (Wendy): So when I became a parent and I was blessed with this beautiful strong willed child, that is what I naturally went to. And it felt like during that season when I was trying to make the hand me down parenting tactics work, it felt like it was the only way because A I didn’t know how to do it differently and B there was times where she would comply if I got loud enough, if I threatened her with a big enough, you know, something that she was just really scared that I was going to take away from her then she would have listened. But the problem was it kept coming back.
0:06:05 – (Wendy): So I get it that a lot of times it’s some it feels like it’s the only way to survive in the moment is just going to those kind of external heavy handed controls. But here is the truth parents. These quick fixes might work today, but they are setting you and your child up for long term challenges. And it all ties back to one big lie many of us were raised to believe. And that is the goal of having instant obedience as a parent.
0:06:36 – (Wendy): And so I want to help you understand that. And I love and I love talking about the long term effects of positive parenting and the long term effects of autocratic parenting where I sit now because my kids are in their later teenage years and it’s just so fun to be able to see the fruits of this style of parenting, so to speak that really starts to shine once you have your kids getting closer and closer to that, you know, 18 year old Mark where you know that you’re gonna want them to have the life skills out in the world that are really deeply solidified into their being.
0:07:12 – (Wendy): Knowing that they have the life skills and know how to to behave and do what’s right in the world because it feels in line with their moral compass vers someone is watching them or going to do something to them if they don’t do what’s told, they’re told, right? So I want you to think about it for a minute, okay? The expectation that kids should immediately obey without question has been ingrained in so many of us. And it is what many of us experienced growing up. And on top of that, it is what society often reinforces.
0:07:46 – (Wendy): But here’s the thing. The demand for instant obedience teaches compliance, not critical thinking, emotional regulation or problem solving. And worse, not only can it does, it damages trust, it stifles independence and it passes down painful cycles of fear based influence. So today you and I are breaking that cycle. Brave, courageous, intentional, dedicated parents who want to upgrade their family legacy while also honoring past generations.
0:08:27 – (Wendy): We are the ones that are breaking the cycle. And so I’m going to share three reasons today why short term fixes don’t get you the long term results you truly want as a parent and how to start shifting towards more positive, powerful, lasting solutions. Okay, so let’s start with number one, short term effects. Short term fixes address symptoms, not root causes. This is one of the reasons why they don’t get you the long term results that you’re, that you’re wanting as a parent and cause just so much frustration.
0:09:03 – (Wendy): So when we rely on these quick fixes, and you know what I mean by quick, it’s like that knee jerk reaction where you often might react to a misbehavior in less. Like there’s usually not even a second between a kid pushing his sibling or spilling their milk or not doing what you want, whether it’s putting on their shoes or sitting still at the dinner table or doing their homework. Many of us are willing to admit that we’ve gotten into a habit of having like zero space between the stimulus and the response.
0:09:36 – (Wendy): And so the knee jerk which comes out as this quick fix is the yelling or the timeouts. Right, because some book told you that timeouts was the way that was for me. I used to watch the nanny show that was on when my kids were really little. Like super nanny I want to say it was called. And she had this rule that you put a kid in timeout in the corner or on the naughty stair for the same amount of time that their age is. Right. So if they’re five years old, they get five minutes. But I just really thought that that was the way and it would come out so fast, like that’s it, timeout.
0:10:09 – (Wendy): We used to say to Stella, you and we. I remember putting my finger close to her face and, and now looking back like I’m like, oh my gosh. But I didn’t even realize at the time. I would put and wave it like close to her face and I would say, you go think about it. And before long she would put her finger right back in my face as a three and a half year old and say, you go think about it. She was always such a great mirror for me to show me. Oh, if you want to see how you’re behaving and the tone you’re using and the way you’re speaking to me, let me do it back to you so you can feel what it feels like to have someone talk to you like that.
0:10:47 – (Wendy): It didn’t, I didn’t get it for a while but eventually once I started to get it, that’s when I started to see change in her. Surprise, surprise. Because I started changing myself. But the quick fixes, yelling, timeouts, threats. If you do it again, you’re going to get a spanking. If you don’t listen, then you don’t get any tech time tonight. Talk to me again like that and you’ll have your E bike taken away. You’ll be grounded. All the things, threats, if then statements.
0:11:11 – (Wendy): And we really are treating the symptom, not the root cause. So sure, it might stop your child from yelling back at their sibling in the moment or smacking their their sister in moment, but why are they yelling in the first place? This is the core essence of what we teach at Fresh Start Family. Every single parent in our program starts out with our foundations course module one where we teach you about paradigm shifting, seeing misbehavior as communication, and then also starting to understand the root causes of the misbehavior. So maybe this child felt unheard, overwhelmed, powerless, like they didn’t belong. These are all like big, big things that we teach you once you start to understand there’s a root cause why that revenge misbehavior happened or why that power struggle is happening.
0:12:03 – (Wendy): That is true power as parents, once you start to understand that. But the lie of instant obedience tricks us into thinking that stopping the behavior is enough. But parents, until we understand the why behind our child’s actions, the same behaviors are to keep popping up. And I know this because I’ve watched my children have friends who this is exactly what happens. It’s like a formula I could sell.
0:12:33 – (Wendy): If you continue to use autocratic parenting, especially with a strong willed child, there’s a good chance, like I’d be willing to put money on it in Las Vegas that you will see the behaviors that you are trying to end get either hidden really well by your child by the time they’re a teenager, especially their later teenage years, or you will see the behavior keep coming back. I have a child who has a dear, dear friend who, you know, bad grades and dabbles in drug use.
0:13:09 – (Wendy): And let me tell you, I have watched her parents punish her and shame her, yell at her, take away her phone, take away her E bike, put her in her room for the. The weekend alone. Why they work all weekend. And guess what? It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change anything. There’s no life skill being taught. There’s no. There’s no curiosity about why is this child struggling so much? Why is she smoking pot 24 7?
0:13:35 – (Wendy): Why is she struggling so much to even get an A or a B in a painting class? Like, what could be going on with this child’s mental health? What could she be seeking to feel that she is so empty on. There is just none of that going on. And so the behavior keeps coming back. And this family is at the point now where the child doesn’t even hide it anymore. And I can see the shift in the parenting where the parents have just given up.
0:14:01 – (Wendy): They’re now at the point where they’re like, well, all right, nothing’s worked. So we’re just gonna deal with the D’s and the. And the. These D’s and E’s, and we’re just gonna, like, accept it that our child is a super pothead. It’s basically, like, at chance of falling out, at failing out of school. It’s just, I. I tell that because I want you to understand that being where I. I sit and having kids that were raised differently. So I have the perspective, right, Because I. I always try to share with you guys that it is not about me and some magical.
0:14:37 – (Wendy): I’m not, like, I’m not any different. Better mom than anybody else that practices parenting in a different style. I am. I’m not more patient. I’m not smarter. I’m not, like, I’m just a normal mom who has chosen to use a different system to redirect misbehavior and teach important life lessons with grace and dignity. Right? It’s just a different system that I’ve chosen to use, and I’ve seen the results be radically different in my own kids than a lot of the teenagers that I’m seeing in our community.
0:15:13 – (Wendy): And the same goes for kids in their first decade of life. I could have shared the same things when my kids were sick, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old, right? Because I still had people on the block or friends, even close friends that just were not interested in changing their parenting model. And then we’d get together for dinner or, you know, a neighborhood block party. And they would have the same complaints, the same frustration.
0:15:39 – (Wendy): Six months, you know, after they shared with me at dinner. You know, I, like, I had a mom once that we were at a. We used to have Halloween block parties every year. And she shared with me at the block party one day. She would always come and kind of pinpoint me and share with me her griefs about parenting. But then she would never accept the help. She would never come to a free challenge or free class. And I just saw her stay in the same, what I would refer to as stable misery for years. But she came to me once at a block party and she said, wendy, I’m just like at a loss. I don’t know what to do with this kid. Her little boy was like three or four at the time. And she was like, we’re at the park and he’s just out of control and, and he won’t listen and all the things.
0:16:22 – (Wendy): And. And I was like, oh, I. You’re not alone. Like, oh my gosh, yes, this makes sense. I can help you understand what’s going on here. Come to a free class. And I don’t think she ever came. And then it was six months later, it was like the same thing, same conversation around the bonfire or a girl’s night out or something we were having on the block. And then six months later, I remember walking by her house and the windows were down because it was summer and just hearing chaos inside her house, screaming at her little boy, threatening, do you want a spanking? Do you want a spanking?
0:16:55 – (Wendy): Do it now or else you’re going to get a spanking. And it was like by this point, it was a year of her coming to me asking, oh my gosh, I’m so annoyed. What do I do? I know you’re a parenting educator and me explaining to her, hey, let me help you learn a different way so you can get long term results versus the quick fixes that come when you threaten a spanking or when you yell, raise your voice, all the things.
0:17:18 – (Wendy): And she was interested. She just never really would take action. And she just stayed in that myth of the instant obedience was the goal. I know her church was reinforcing that expectation too. So I get it. You know, to some degree it. It’s not her fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. When we get stuck in this mindset that the quick fix is what we want. But let me just share again that the, the long term results are detrimental.
0:17:47 – (Wendy): So many kids end up rebelling in their teenage years because their parents never truly slowed down and took the time to understand what focusing on connection versus correction looks like and instead really just thought that the quick fix, instant obedience was the goal. So here’s another example. You might have a kid who refuses to clean their room and you might think to yourself, like, how can you be so lazy, right? Like what’s wrong with you? And you might have a knee jerk reaction to want to go to again. Threats or punishment or shaming.
0:18:23 – (Wendy): You know, guilt. Guilt’s another big one that we see when families come in before they learn a new way. But the thing is, is a kid, especially these days, many kids are so filled with overwhelm and feeling anxious about where to even start, or overwhelmed by tasks like cleaning up messes or cleaning up their room. And if you keep digging for the root, you will find that there, there is often a general overwhelm, a general root cause or feeling of overwhelm in kids very young these days because they are juggling so much.
0:19:01 – (Wendy): There is such an influx of real, what’s it called, like, stimuli. I knew I could find that word. I’m like stimuli. Stimuli coming their way. The amount of technology they’re juggling in school and the pressure that especially K get once they get to middle school and high school in the American school system are facing. And then you add that some kids are already being exposed to social media, which is increasing anxiety and depression. And just so much is going on for our young kids that many, when they look at a task, they just have not developed the life skill yet of how to face that overwhelm.
0:19:44 – (Wendy): And so by addressing the root cause, you are teaching them how to break it down into smaller steps or partnering with them to help them develop a system to be able to actually keep their room clean so they don’t, you know, have to step over things every time they go into their room or become frantic every Friday night when it’s time to find their jersey for their flag football game or something. But when we empower them with the tools and the understanding, here’s why you’re feeling like this. This is what’s causing you to push back.
0:20:17 – (Wendy): You’re not an alien. I get you. I struggle with the same things. And there’s still a firm limit here that we need to Do X, Y and Z. You bless them with life skills that they will carry into adulthood. And that reward is so much greater than the instant fix of having your kid actually pick up their room before 5pm on a Friday night. So then you can release them into the world to go to a play date or party or whatever.
0:20:55 – (Wendy): Okay, and the second reason why short term fixes don’t get you long term results is because short term fixes damage trust and connection.
0:21:50 – (Wendy): And so let’s talk about trust for a minute. When we rely on threats, punishment or fear to get compliance, we might win the battle in the moment parents, but we lose the freaking war. And kids may comply out of fear, but deep down they start to question if they can trust us. They start to build bitterness and resentment and especially if there’s any level of hypocrisy going on in your home. So they often will feel misunderstood and become resentful.
0:22:27 – (Wendy): So I talk about hypocrisy a lot here at Fresh Start Family. It has been a personal journey of my own and mission to become a human being that only teaches, only preaches what I practice, right? Like I have no interest in being a hypocrite. I am very sensitive to any type of hypocrisy in the world and so are strong willed kids. So I happen to be a strong willed person so I know them well, I know I love strong willed kids so much but they really are allergic to hypocrisy.
0:22:57 – (Wendy): And so when we rely on the over overpowering strategies, threats, punishment, fear, to get these quick fixes again, it does such damage to the relations kids really sniff out like, oh, you’re threatening me and you’re going to take away something or you’re going to threaten to harm me or you are going to raise your voice and intimidate me about doing something that you actually do in your own way. Right? So this is one of my greatest joys with our frustrated experience members and our foundations course students and everyone who comes into any of my free events like our New Year Kickstart challenge that we start on January 27, which is a free event. If you haven’t signed up yet. Make sure you get signed up.
0:23:41 – (Wendy): This is the time. It’s it’s our biggest free event of the year. But I love helping parents become aware of where they’re practicing hypocrisy. And because a lot of times we just don’t know it. We were taught we were often raised in homes where we deny and we defend our actions because getting in trouble, trouble sucks. It feels like the crappiest feeling. We feel awful when we lose love from our parents when we it makes us question our belonging. Like we just we hate getting in trouble. It feels dangerous. So we will hide, lie, cover up, defend and justify our actions. And when we become adults, guess what? Since no one taught us how to take responsibility for our mistakes and general just like handle the responsibility of that and see mistakes as opportunities to learn versus mistakes make you a bad person.
0:24:38 – (Wendy): It makes sense why we don’t have this ability when we right when so our kids haven’t quite seen us be able to do this yet. And so we are learning how to do that. And the more we can step into authentic like taking responsibility without shame but with humility, the more that hypocrisy starts to go away. But those short term fixes, I often see them the most in homes where hypocrisy is still there. So think about this. So have you ever yelled at your child to stop whining?
0:25:12 – (Wendy): And sure enough they stopped but later you notice them withdrawing, getting defensive or even pushing back harder the next time. This is just one example. Think of it like or have you ever yelled at your child to stop like messing with his sister or you know, to you enter in like what do you yell at your kids for? And for those others of you or might be people pleasers or you might have a withdrawal pattern. But I know many of us, we have a tendency to puff up and get more aggressive and go more to like child, I will make you behave, I will make you listen.
0:25:48 – (Wendy): But then later you see that this child is like really defensive about their behavior. And so this is the cost of choosing control over connection is because these kids start to develop this kind of belief system that in order to feel heard, in order to feel seen, in order for someone to understand what’s at the root of their existence, they have to fight for it and they have to prove and a lot of times this will come out in repeated whining or aggressive behavior.
0:26:25 – (Wendy): So a lot of times it just doesn’t stop. I would say most of the time it doesn’t stop. The Misbehavior. So with whining for an example, an alternative to that that we teach is just to slow down. And a lot of parents will match the whining, right? So they’ll say, why are you whining? Why? I’ve told you a million times, we’re not stopping at this store tonight. I’ve told you a million times you’re not getting the candy at the Target aisle. Like, like, no, no, no. Like it’s our own version of whining. So not only are we practice hyp. Practicing hypocrisy, but we’re getting aggressive, we’re puffing up, we’re intimidating and we’re starting to use guilt and shame to like try to make our kid change.
0:27:06 – (Wendy): And so we move towards control over connection. So like a simple alternative to that, to give you an example, what this looks like is for whining, we encourage parents to develop self control. Practice the pause buttons, which I’m going to teach you at the New York Kickstart Challenge if you haven’t learned that with me before. And then simply respond with, okay, let’s take a deep breath together and try again.
0:27:30 – (Wendy): Ask me for what you want again. Okay. And if they’re still whining, okay, stop. Let’s take a deep breath with me. Let’s do it together. Okay, try again. Ask me for what you want. With friendly eye contact. You’re looking right in their eyes. You’re mirroring to them the settling of your nervous system. You’re signaling safety to yourself. This is not a four alarm fire. I have the ability to influence my child to slow down and speak to me in a way that’s going to help him communicate better and help me be able to understand and connect with him in a different way. Right.
0:28:10 – (Wendy): That is going to get you different results than just matching a whining or, you know, doing that knee jerk quick fix of the punishment or the threat that feels like it’s going to stop it in the moment, but again, it’s probably just going to come back tomorrow. Okay. So we want to prioritize empathy and connection. Taking time to understand what they’re going through, which, the more you build that empathy skill, you guys, it becomes easier and easier. I’m 14 years in now and it just feels so much easier for me now than it did at the beginning to be able to look at my child and try to understand what they’re going through. And I’m not perfect.
0:28:51 – (Wendy): Like, I just got like super snarky and I would probably add a Little aggressive with my daughter on the couch last night, who’s 17 and who wouldn’t pause the movie we were watching Interstellar pause the movie when her brother was going in the kitchen to like get the cookies out of the oven. And so remember, this is not about perfection. It’s just about being aware what are your patterns and remembering that you have alternatives to the quick fixes that are going to get you better results in the long time. Okay, so, so take time to understand their emotions, what they’re going through, coaching them through their challenges, through their different options for behavior.
0:29:31 – (Wendy): And what happens is we build a relationship of mutual respect. And when trust grows, cooperation naturally follows and there’s no bribes or yelling required. Okay. All right. Reason number three, why short term fixes fall flat and don’t get us the long term results that we want is because they create cycles of repetition. And cycle stables or cycles of repetition often create consistent patterns of stable misery.
0:30:09 – (Wendy): And parents just come to think parenting is so hard. Teenagers, procedures suck. You know, having a strong willed child is a doozy. And like all the things that you just come to think that this is just the way it is, that if you’re a mom, you’re going to be overwhelmed and you’re never going to be able to take care of yourself. When we start to normalize these things when it’s actually not the reality, it’s normal to have those feelings, but that doesn’t have to be your reality.
0:30:40 – (Wendy): Okay. And so, so short term fixes don’t teach new life skills when we are focusing on stopping the behavior. Right now we’re not equipping our kids with the tools they need to make those better choices tomorrow. And so if you look at the classic example of using an external control like bribery your child, like maybe you’re using screen time right to you, which is an external control. Remember, external controls really cause a child to cooperate based on kind of the levers you are pulling, right?
0:31:16 – (Wendy): So the carrots you’re dangling or the intimidation that you’re bringing in. But it, it’s based on you making them either either scared of you or scared of a consequence or, or really just like focused on getting something if they get the job done versus intrinsic control method methods or intrinsic motivation methods is where you are teaching a child consistency consistently how to do the right thing because it’s in line with their moral compass. It helps them feel better when they get to school on time.
0:31:51 – (Wendy): It feels awesome when you are a powerful, peaceful conflict negotiator, when you are able to Influence other people in a way that respects yourself and others. These are all things that, that correspond with how the human body was designed to actually be right in a way that is flourishing and healthy and all these things. But say you bribe your child with, let’s just say it’s candy or screen time to get dressed in the morning. You might offer that and boom, it works. You’re like, okay, this isn’t that bad, right? Like I’m, it’s fine. They get like their TV time if they, if they get dressed.
0:32:30 – (Wendy): But what happens when the bribe isn’t big enough the next day? Because children, just like all of us, build a tolerance for anything. Whether it’s alcohol or technology or sugar, whatever it may be. Tolerance become, it builds. And so what happens when it’s not big enough the next day? The same thing happens with punishment kids. I see it all the time with teenagers. They get to the point where they’re like, go ahead, punish me all you want. Like, nothing is gonna break me. I don’t care what you think, I’m still going out or I’m still not gonna wear what you want me to or whatever it may be, they, they develop that tolerance.
0:33:12 – (Wendy): And what happens is they push back even harder. And instead of learning the responsibility or the value of cooperation, they’re learning to negotiate for bigger rewards. They’re learning to enter into a bigger power struggle. They’re learning to give up on. What they just tell you for every single child on the planet is connection. That’s really what they want, is connection. I was just at home with my parents.
0:33:41 – (Wendy): My mom’s in her late 70s, my dad just turned 83 and I was celebrating his birthday with him. And I was just kind of looking around the house about, like around all the things that they have compiled and they have a lot of stuff that I’m gonna have to clean out one day. And my friend Mary Van Geffen was sharing one day about how she’s also from Maryland. We’re both from, grew up in Maryland together. And she was at home, she was in Maryland cleaning out her parents house because they’re moving into like a one, one level home that doesn’t have stairs since they’re in their 80s at now too. And she was just basically delivering a message of like, hey, remember, get rid of your stuff now. Because it, when you leave it for your kids to do one day, it’s a lot of work and it’s a, it’s overwhelming to go through somebody else’s stuff. So if you’re in, you know, know your 60s, 70s, like, 50s, even, like, declutter now, find a way to share your stuff because your kids don’t want to go through it. And it was just kind of fun engaging a little bit with her around it. And what I. What I realized is, same thing’s going on in my house. We got a lot of Irish crystal.
0:34:45 – (Wendy): The amount of Irish crystal I’m going to inherit one day is wild. But I was saying that all of that stuff, right? There’s a lot of stuff in that home. And all I ever really wanted, wanted was connection, you know, that’s all I ever, ever wanted was connection. And so that’s what all of our kids are looking for. They’re looking to be seen. They’re looking to feel valued. They’re looking to have a say and to feel powerful within their own homes and growing up in. In a relationship with their parents where they feel like they belong. They feel like they truly are connected with their parents, and their parents get them right.
0:35:30 – (Wendy): Would you agree? Would you agree? So when we focus on teaching life skills like time management, emotional regulation, or how to handle frustration, our kids learn how to navigate challenges independently while feeling connected to us, while we still set the firm boundaries. And isn’t this one of our ultimate goals, to raise resilient, capable humans? It is. I know it is. Okay, so if you are someone who is realizing, like, wow, I really quite often, like. And really, it’s not even you going for the quick fix. It’s a nervous system that has been conditioned to desire the quick fix because that is what feels safe to so many of us who were raised in the autocratic homes.
0:36:19 – (Wendy): But I do want you to understand. So whether it’s that or whether you were really raised in. In some of the more, you know, really harmful religious circles that demanded instant obedience and used corporal punishment as a way to label it with godly discipline, while hurting and harming you and shaming you your whole childhood. There’s a. There’s a lot of you who are here who have that history, too.
0:36:44 – (Wendy): But, you know, we can’t deny the damage that the lie of instant obedience has done to so many of. Of us. And it has taught us that control is the goal and that if kids push back, it’s a reflection, a reflection of that they’re bad, which makes us failures as parents. But let me tell you this again. Parenting isn’t about control. It’s about connection. And our kids aren’t meant to be obedient robots.
0:37:15 – (Wendy): They’re human beings, things they’re learning and growing just like we are. And they’re supposed to test boundaries, make mistakes and push back. That is quite literally their job. Human or child development specialist will tell you that is part of becoming a healthy human adult. That is how they learn independence, critical thinking and self regulation. But when we demand instant obedience, we really do rob them of the opportunity to develop those skills on their own.
0:37:50 – (Wendy): And we also teach them to suppress their voices instead of speaking up, to comply out of fear, instead of choosing cooperation out of respect. And we end up perpetuating cycles of fear, frustration and disconnection. Okay, so what is the alternative? It is embracing a long term mindset and it’s choosing that connection over control, curiosity over judgment, and discipline over punishment. All of which I’m going to be teaching you inside of the New Year Kickstart Challenge. That again, we start on January 27th.
0:38:23 – (Wendy): So yes, it takes more patience. Yes, it can feel messy and frustrating at first, but every time parents that you pause, connect and teach instead of correct, you are investing in your child’s future and you’re building a legacy of trust, respect and love that will serve your family for generations to come. So just remember, this is all about falling in love with the journey. It is. It’s change doesn’t happen overnight. For many of us, it is a journey of small, consistent steps, which is exactly what we are doing inside of the New Year Kickstart Challenge.
0:39:05 – (Wendy): The challenge starts on Monday the 27th, but you can come in late. You can absolutely come in late to the challenge if it’s, if you’re listening to this a few days in or even on Friday morning, please still get yourself registered because this, the small steps is what we do in these challenges. Just every day, your your only job is to listen to a 15 to 20 minute lesson that’s delivered right to your email inbox. That’s it. And when you make small steps, they add up to massive wins which in turn give you the long term results that you are looking for. And the long term results are worth it.
0:39:43 – (Wendy): Okay, so if today’s episode has resonated with you, I invite you to take the next step, okay? To start shifting away from those quick fixes and toward meaningful, lasting change. Your family is worth it and so are you. And if you are ready to dive into more education on this, join us for that free Kickstart Challenge. Again, we start on January 27, but you can come in late and catch up easily with AirPods and the ability to watch or listen to something while you’re cooking or walking or driving home from work these days.
0:40:19 – (Wendy): You can do this. Okay. This challenge is designed to help you break free from old patterns and embrace positive parenting strategies that truly work work. When you sign up, you will get daily mini lessons delivered straight to your inbox. Quick, actionable and powerful. Again, 15 to 20 minutes. You’ll also get exclusive access to our private non social media based community for support and encouragement.
0:40:45 – (Wendy): It’s the place where I’m going to be doing live Q&As every day of the challenge. So if you want to do a little bit extra, come ask questions, be together with like minded family families, come on in the doors. We would love to have you in part of that new private community that we have. That again is not social media based. I actually just decided one of my biggest, bravest decisions for 2025 was that I actually decided to take a break from social media myself.
0:41:12 – (Wendy): And so for me, a huge part of listening to my intuition that I, I really believe is divine guidance that God was whispering to me, Wendy, this isn’t sitting well with you. It’s time to create a different ecosystem for your community and for yourself. That I really felt a calling to just take a break from those big social channels. And so now we just have this beautiful non social media based community where you can meet families from all over the world who are just like you, who have this desire to do things differently than how they were raised, to learn new tools, to expand their heart, to strengthen their family.
0:41:53 – (Wendy): And that is actually how you create habit change families. It is the number one way you create habit changes. James Clear talks about this, this in his book Atomic Habits is you surround yourself with people with similar goals. So that private community part of this challenge is just going to be so, so big. And all it takes is 15 to 20 minutes a day to start transforming your family dynamic dynamics. And best of all, it is absolutely free.
0:42:20 – (Wendy): So again, register freshstartfamilyonline.com/kickstart and if you love this episode, I would love to hear from you. Have you struggled with the lie of instant obedience in your parenting? Drop a comment if you happen to be watching on on YouTube. We’re now on YouTube, which I hope you guys are enjoying. It’s so much fun to connect with you more visually for when we have guests on the show for you guys to be able to see our guest, I think it just adds such a a beautiful layer of learning and engagement together.
0:42:51 – (Wendy): But drop a comment below if you’re watching on YouTube or send me an email [email protected] I would love to hear from you. If you’re not already on our newsletter, you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/email just so you’re getting my weekly email and thoughts and staying in touch. But but really, the New Year Kickstart Challenge is the best opportunity to come learn with me for free. I have students who pay me thousands of dollars a year, thousands of dollars a year to work with my team and I to learn these strategies. And during the New York Kickstart Challenge, you are getting it for free. Okay? So let’s break some cycles together and build something beautiful for our kids and ourself and our family legacy.
0:43:35 – (Wendy): You’ve got this, families. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Thanks for being a part of our treasured community here at Start Family. And I’ll see you soon at the challenge. And in our next episode.
