Because here’s the truth.

• I DO love all people, despite the behavior they currently have. I believe we were all made in the image of God and ALL beautiful, despite our current actions or way of living.

• I DO think that any of us can be influenced in divine, supernatural ways, at any moment, even when sitting next to people who believe in the opposite of what we do and stand for things that make us sick to our stomach. When our hearts are open to learning, we can be influenced in magnificent ways.

• I DO think that I am flawed and imperfect and KNOW that it is NOT my place to judge their flaws and imperfections over mine. Nope, no way, not my place!

• I DO believe firmly in what I teach families, day in day out. Absolutely no need to defend. This work is in my bones, in my blood, I teach it because I believe fully in the power of love, compassion, grace, connection, empathy, humility, and kindness. No need whatsoever to defend.

So by spending any time engaged with the other thoughts (judgement, criticalness, condemnation, defending), I was creating a dam in my heart and brain.

ALL the good guidance and creativity God wanted to bless me with just couldn’t flow through.

I was too busy worrying about all the stuff that could go wrong that could mess up the world, HOW they were the worst, and ways in which they could prevent Fresh Start Family’s message from permeating parents’ hearts …. that I was missing out on feeling ALL the goodness, seeing ALL the goodness and listening for ALL the goodness as it flows through freely.

My brain only has so much space inside … I’m not a superhuman with unlimited i-cloud storage … I needed to free up some space. 

Thank God it was effective because it was a LOT of work! Now that I feel so free, full of gratitude and light as a feather … I can keep the practice up. I’m confident that the result will be my ability to influence others better (including my two precious little wild & wonderful kiddos) AND feel more of the gratitude that was already there, just stuck & buried deep in my brain and heart.

If this process of “clearing out some cobwebs” interest you and you want to tap into deep gratitude and greater influence on your children, here’s 3 steps you can follow

1 >>> Identify the areas where you judge, condemn or are critical in your parenting walk (or any area of your life that you’d like to influence better & experience more gratitude)

2 >>> After you realize how often those thoughts fill your brain, commit to throwing them in the Bonfire each time you notice them. Yes, an imaginary Bonfire, chuck em on in there

3 >>> Engage with and give care to the more healthy, accurate, life-giving and true thoughts

• True thoughts stem from who you REALLY are as a person – loving, kind, compassionate, caring, patient, calm, giving & faithful – yes, that really is the TRUE you – the days when you are angry, exhausted, impatient, critical & negative…do NOT define you!).

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Need some more details on each area? Here’s some more guidance…

1.) Identify areas where you would NOT be willing to be influenced or people you would NOT be willing to be influenced by.

Some ideas from the parenting realm:

• Your strong willed toddler who you often refer to as “a terror”, a “threenager”, “sassy”, or “extremely disobedient”
• Your husband who’s just not on board with positive parenting & says “we’re going to raise entitled bratty children if we don’t scream at or use fear & force with them”.
• Your sweet baby girl who’s approaching 2 and has taken up throwing, kicking or biting (or possibly all three, oh joy!)
• Your tween who has started “giving attitude” consistently with words and tones that are rude, disrespectful & nasty.
• Your toddler who meltdowns in the middle of the grocery store when you say no to cheetos or sprite at 8am.
• Your 8 year old who keeps getting in trouble at school and then laughs and says “I don’t care” when you try to teach him a lesson.
• Your daughter has called you the “worst mom ever” for not letting her get an i-phone like all her other friends in the 3rd grade.
• My kids suck and are just spreading negativity in my home.

Did you think of some?

How’s your heart feel when I say “Would you be willing to be influenced by them“?

If your gut reaction is:

• “Well not while they’re so wrong?” or
• “No, I am the boss & doing the teaching here” or
• “If I let them influence me, then the whole house will be misbehaving“

… you can probably easily see that you’re engaging with some thoughts of judgement, criticalness, condemnation & defensiveness. 

2.) After you’ve identified them, watch for them to pop in your head, then just toss them in the Bonfire. Visualize it, then do it. You don’t need those thoughts, they aren’t serving you. Keeping them just fuels our feelings of superiority and judgment and LESSENS our chance of influencing our kids with true integrity.

Here’s an image to pop in your head. All your friends are there to support you and the Bonfire needs fuel, so go ahead and throw those thoughts in the fire!

3.) Commit to engaging with / keeping the good stuff. 

Some ideas for TRUE, helpful thoughts to hang onto when they arise:

• “I always have room to grow, I wonder what I could learn from this current situation that my child needs help with?”
• “I wonder what lesson God has in store for me here?”
• “I realize that I fear people judging me when my child misbehaves in public, I wouldn’t have realized that if my child didn’t have this imperfection right now…how can I take care of myself without moving to fear & force with my child?” 
• “I feel myself starting to get really angry, I wonder why? How can I use this situation to help me to grow (and learn to stop yelling)?”
• “I could try slowing down & getting on my child’s level to give them a hug…there might be a reason my heart is calling me to do that.”
• “It’s ok for me to step away for a moment to gain my composure & take a calming break…this will probably help me build my self-control muscles if I allow it to.”
• “By cooperating here instead of reprimanding, yelling, scolding or punishing, I can become a better leader & teach my child what true power really looks like.”

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Ahhhhh, ok, those thoughts feel good and flow more freely because they align with our true giant, humble & open hearts, do you agree?

The false thoughts of judgment, condemnation, and defensiveness will clog our heart & brain, where the true thoughts of compassion, kindness, grace, connection & creativity will flow … making room for the gratitude.

We just were simply NOT designed to judge, condemn, and criticize others … no matter who, no matter what the “crime” is, no matter what the situation is.

Yes, we can set firm boundaries. Yes, we can tell our kids we’re not ok with certain behaviors. Yes, we can help our kids identify when they are off track. Yes, we can help our kids get back on track.

…but let’s do it from a place of confidence, kindness and creativity.

Let’s try it out this week! The false and unhelpful thoughts get tossed into the Bonfire …. “see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya” … and the helpful TRUE thoughts get to stay & flow through … right onto others that we love … and would really love to influence.

Happy Thanksgiving families, may you cherish every second with your wild and wonderful children this week, you are ALL, SO seen, SO admired,.

Xo,