Welcome to Day #2

Now that we’ve started to “see misbehavior differently” we’re ready to start looking at the four most commons buckets of misbehavior that our children often fall into:

• Attention
• Inadequacy / Avoidance
• Revenge
• Power

How do we figure out which category our kiddo has plopped down into & gotten comfy with? NOT by what they’re doing, things they’re saying, how bad they’re screaming, etc….but instead by how WE ARE FEELING!

Strange huh? Yes, I now, but hang in there. 

First off, many of us aren’t quite used to analyzing how we’re feeling on a consistent basis. When raised in authoritative homes (like many of us were), being told “You’re fine, get up, everything’s ok” was the norm. Practicing identifying emotions when we were stressed just wasn’t something many of us grew up with. 

So it can be quite a task to stop, take a breath, give ourselves a moment to think & accurately identify how we’re feeling. But this practice is incredibly important! Taking this step is essential for success if we want to appropriately identify what’s going on with our kids & then take steps to successfully move them out of attention seeking misbehavior. Raising kids is so relational, so of course it makes sense that their behavior and our emotions go hand in hand. 

Today’s lesson is all about what it FEELS like when our kids are doing “attention”. Irritated and annoyed! We cover why it’s a healthy need for children to want & desire our attention, and how it’s our job to teach them how to ask for attention in a healthy, respectful way. This definitely takes time, so hang in there! 

Attention kids are often super charming but can also be super draining for parents as they usually demand a lot of their time (and attention!). The limiting belief behind this type of misbehavior is often:

“In order to feel loved by my parents, I must have their full attention”

Or

“The more service my parents give me, the more they love me.”

We definitely want to change this belief up for our kids and move them towards a solid understanding that they are “Unconditionally Loved.”

Moving towards “Unconditional Love” in our homes will help tremendously with these kiddos. Teaching them that “They have all of our heart” even when we’re not watching them or engaged in play right by their side. Even when they misbehave, have a bad day at school, are going through a difficult stage, or have made a GIANT mistake, our love for them is un phased. Do we want their behavior to change? Of course! That’s why we never give up on them, consistently teach with integrity, and MODEL for them how to repair & learn from mistakes. But Unconditional Love never changes. 

So when your child misbehaves today and you find yourself feeling irritated and annoyed, try out my favorite Attention Redirecting strategy: 

• Immediate Action
• Loving Touch
• No Words
• No Eye Contact 

Remember to do all four at once because just ignoring won’t work! You’ll end up snapping at them (if you’re anything like me), but all four steps combined will settle both of your hearts & pull you closer as you teach the important lesson about how to ask for Attention appropriately! 

Click here to watch the lesson and I’ll see you back tomorrow for lesson #3. 

p.s. I’ll also be over on the #FreshStartFallChallenge Private Facebook Group at 11:30am (pacific time) today (Tues 11/7) for a live Q/A & a little extra coaching if you’re free.