Tips from a Neuroscientist to Help Your kids Cooperate Better!

by | September 29, 2017 | 0 comments

Tips from a Neuroscientist to Help Your kids Cooperate Better!

by | September 29, 2017 | 0 comments

Ever wish your kids would cooperate more with you?

Or wonder why they resist your message so intensely one day, but not another?

How about confidence with your parenting approach? Would you love to hear scientific data proving that all this positive messaging & intention that you’re trying to learn & use with your kids actually work to increase cooperation & decrease misbehavior?

My weekly video tutorial & coaching session this week covers all of this! After hearing a wonderful interview on The Today Show of neuroscientist Tali Sharot, author of “The Influential Mind”, I was inspired to translate her tips into Positive Parenting strategies.

You can watch the Today Show segment here and then view my tutorial here3 Tips to Use in Your Daily Parenting Life that Will Cause Your Kids to Cooperate Better with You! 

Now I know that some people love to learn via video & other’s through reading, so if you’re a reader, you can check out the summary below, or….

I’ve put this lesson into a Reference Guide that you can download & print for free by clicking here. Print it out and proactively plan out how you’ll apply each of the steps as you parent throughout the week.

Tony Robbins says “Where focus goes, energy flows” and it’s so true. If you can be proactive with your planning on how you’ll parent, things will flow better & your week will be way more joyful!

Click above on the Today Show image to watch the Maria Shriver interview with neuroscientist Tali Sharot.  Click above on the Today Show image to watch the Maria Shriver interview with neuroscientist Tali Sharot.

Here’s a summary of the steps I cover in the Video Tutorial & Free Downloadable Reference Guide

3 Tips to Use in Your Daily Parenting Life that Will Cause Your Kids to Cooperate Better with You!

Focus on Emotions (Not Facts)

 1.)  Facts are necessary to make good decisions in life, but not enough to convince our kids to act. Connect emotionally first.

2.)  Starting with empathy and feeling identification helps them feel valued and understood (which in turn decreases misbehavior)

Ideas for empathy statements include:

·“No wonder you don’t want to go!”

·“I can see why you’re feeling sad”

·“It looks like you’re feeling frustrated about having to clean up this mess, getting toys out is    way more fun than cleaning them up, huh?”

3.)  Once you’ve expressed empathy and helped your little one identify how they feel, then move on to stating the facts.

Ideas for fact statements include:

·“We need to move like cheetah’s so we can be on time for the puppet show, it starts at 10am, which is just 15 short minutes away!”

·“It’s important to tell your friends you feel angry, while keeping your hands to yourself, so everyone stays safe & we can keep playing with friends.”

·“The reason we put on shoes is so we avoid stepping on bees, broken glass, or prickers.” 

Point Out Commonality

1.) Think of a story to share with your child when you felt the same way

a.) Neuroscience studies have shown that the brain lights up when responding to common ground. Picture your child’s mind like Christmas lights when they are affirmed.

Showing common ground example:

·“Just the other day I was at the beach and did NOT want to leave because a pod of dolphins showed up and they were beautiful! It was really hard to go because I wanted to swim with them so bad!”

2.) Share how you persevered or got through the challenge

a.) It’s so important to complete the story. The goal is to teach the steps you took to take action or move on so they are inspired to do the same.

Perseverance story example:

·“I told myself that I can come back tomorrow and it was important to me to to get my work done at home without rushing around! I took one more last look at them and then said goodbye with a smile. It felt good when I got home to take a long shower & wasn’t rushed.”  

Use Positive Encouragement / Rewards, Not Fear  

1.) Ask for what you want

a.) Put the image in their brain of the action you WANT them to take (vs. what you don’t want)

Examples include:

·“Please walk slow like a turtle in the hallway” (vs. don’t run)

·“Can you keep the sand in the sandbox so we have enough to fill up the trucks?” (vs. don’t throw sand out of the box)

·“I need you to pet the dog gently so he feels safe.” (vs. don’t pull the dog’s tail or he’ll bite you)

b.) Take a break from threats

***If/Then statements usually represent threats, so take a break from using that verbiage

***Instead, try using choices & teach about sequences (when this happens, this usually                                                           follows)

***Point out what good things will happen if they choose A vs. B

Examples include:

·“Remember our agreement about petting the dog nicely? You can pet him on his back or his neck softly…you choose. Do one of those and he will be calm & kind to you.”

·“Our rule is “always wear a helmet when skateboarding”, so you can put it on our I can do it for you. I want to see you have fun & stay injury free so we can enjoy playing on the block till dinner time.”

Try those out families and let me know how it goes. I think you’ll find the feathers on your kids’ backs settle a bit & you get a cleaner response from them. As always, stay patient & quiet if you can to give them a chance to respond. Studies show that kids elementary aged & below often take 17 seconds to process commands or compliance statements. Take a deep breath and step to the side to give them some space.

Enjoy trying new things with your family, you got this! Switching it up isn’t always easy, but always worth the effort.

Learn more about how Positive Parenting Curriculum can transform your life through these Fresh Start Family programs


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