Episode 34: Taking a Break from Threats

by | November 26, 2019

Episode 34: Taking a Break from Threats

by | November 26, 2019

The Fresh Start Family Show
The Fresh Start Family Show
Episode 34: Taking a Break from Threats


On today’s episode, Wendy & Terry discuss the why & the how behind taking a break from using threats in our households. When it comes to being strong, effective leaders in our homes, threats are not necessary, and they can put a toxic strain on our relationships. Threats often lead to blame & confrontation, while empathy allows us to see the situation from a calm & clear perspective. This episode focuses on how to shift away from threats and use strategies that bring about connection & positive results instead.

Specifically, Wendy & Terry touch on four elements of this idea that will offer practical tools & encouragement when it comes to breaking the habit of threatening our kids:

  1. Always assume the integrity in our kids
    • Misbehavior = communication
    • Every human being has needs & when kids are misbehaving they’re trying to get one of their needs met
    • Resist the urge to label our kids as “sassy” or “manipulative” or “needy” etc. & instead see them for who they truly are
  2. Have confidence that our role is to be a guide for our kids (not their correctional officer)
    • Other roles include being a “minister of integrity” or a “facilitator of safety” instead of just the person who makes all the rules and forces our kids to comply “no matter what”
    • Focus on intrinsic motivation/teaching vs. pointing out mistakes/cracking down on misbehavior
  3. Make agreements with our kids
    • Think about patterns that often give way to pushback & power struggles & commit to making agreements with your kids around these situations
    • Agreements are not compliance statements
  4. Create new language to replace old threat habits
    • Discuss logical consequences ahead of time: “Should you forget the agreement, what do you think should happen? What would be a good way to learn from this mistake?”
    • It will take time & practice to become fluent in this, but it is possible & it will feel better than threatening our kids

Mentioned in this Episode:


5 Positive Parenting Tips to Help Gain Cooperation & Dissolve Power Struggles with Integrity

Topics covered will include:  

  • How to gently guide your kids towards action, even when they don’t want to move or do what’s asked of them
  • Ways to see kids who push back a lot as incredible blessings & future leaders 
  • The importance of paradigm shifting with thoughts & beliefs about power seeking misbehavior 
  • How to implement a Pause Button or Heart Connector to ignite creativity & model self-control 

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