Ok, we’re moving on to tip #2 in our sibling rivalry & conflict series where we’re expanding on these 5 strategies:

1.) Avoid using comparison & competition between kids

2.) Let them have negative feelings about each other.

3.) Teach them how to take turns & trade (vs. forcing them to share).

4.) Have a mission to empower & mentor vs. fix / rescue.

5.) Teach win/win & repair

Let’s talk about when brothers & sisters say nasty things about each other.

Yikes….it’s a trigger for many of us…that sends us into rescue, correction & lecture mode! It can be so hard to hear our kids say unkind things about one another, so we often try to make the feelings go away, instead of stopping to listen, connect and empathize with them and how they are feeling in that moment of severe frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness or hurt. Underneath the misbehavior, there are real feelings that cause our kids to say nasty things when they’re upset with one another.

Taking a break from making them wrong in that moment & instead harnessing positive parenting tools like:

• listening
• empathy
• connection
• teaching in a calm time

….can do wonders to let the fire between siblings die down so to speak & the storms pass with ease.

So the next time you have a kiddo that comes running to you and says “Mikey is the WORST brother on the planet, I hate him!”….take a moment to:

• slow down & resist the urge to react with words – silence leaves room for you to listen instead of correct
• put your hand on your heart & practice your pause button / heart connector – take a few deep breaths
• think of a healthy intention – to teach, mentor, solidify trust with your kiddo, etc.
• find empathy for them – did you ever fight with your brothers or sisters? remember back to when you were young (or even now) when you just were NOT happy with a sibling
• make a statement of connection – “No wonder you’re so mad, it’s hard when people won’t share with you” or “I can see why you got so hurt, that’s a really hard situation to handle”
• form a plan to teach later in a calm time – take a walk around the block before bedtime or have a talk with them while you’re scratching their back at bed time.
  • Coach them on what they were feeling earlier when they said “i hate my brother”.
  • Give them new verbiage to use next time like “I feel so mad at Stella right now, she never asks me before she uses my markers”…then ask your kids if they’d be willing to try that out next time.

We’ll be back next week to talk all about sharing! (oh boy that struggle is real in many of our homes!)

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