Tip #5 – Sibling Rivalry & Conflict – Empowering Kids to Work Things Out Themselves – 5 Minute Motivation

by | September 13, 2018 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Tip #5 – Sibling Rivalry & Conflict – Empowering Kids to Work Things Out Themselves – 5 Minute Motivation

by | September 13, 2018 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Posted by Fresh Start Family on Thursday, September 13, 2018

Ok families, we’re moving on to the LAST tip in our sibling rivalry & conflict series where we learned all about these 5 strategies:

1.) Avoid using comparison & competition between kids

2.) Let them have negative feelings about each other

3.) Teach them how to take turns & trade (vs. forcing)

4.) Have an accurate story & mission to empower & mentor vs. fix / rescue

5.) Teach win/win & repair

So our last tip to really handle sibling rivalry & conflict with integrity is to focus on empowerment. Empowering our kids with peaceful conflict negotiation skills is not only life-changing with-in our own homes, but also beyond impactful on the world!

Can you imagine a world filled with adults who were raised in families where their parents consistently and whole-heartedly taught them:

  • How to handle conflict with respect?
  • How to ask for what they want with kindness AND firmness?
  • How to monitor their tone with others so they come across respectful?
  • How to negotiate in a way where everyone involved feels heard & respected?
  • How to understand how they feel when challenges are present and communicate that feeling to help others understand where they stand?
  • How to creatively problem solve with out of the box solutions?
  • How to meet others in the middle?
  • How to slow down and actually listen to other’s requests & feelings, even when they feel angry or annoyed?
  • How to have empathy for other’s who have oppositional viewpoints / desires?

BOOM, it would be pretty awesome!

So let’s start (or continue) teaching this in our homes by showing our kids how to do “Win / Wins”.

Win/Wins or Peaceful Conflict Negotiation is a tool we teach inside of the Foundations Course that shows kids how to:

  • State how they feel
  • Say what they want
  • Creatively come together to meet in the middle

The process includes showing kids in a CALM time (when they are NOT fighting or flared up with strong emotions) what this process looks like, with teaching AND modeling. Like with every other positive parenting strategy, it’s always best to model it first if you can. Perhaps creating a simple disagreement with your spouse over what you’ll have for breakfast on Saturday morning then using the steps to find a solution.

Argument: You want bacon & he wants omelettes & you spend a few minutes bickering about it and then say “Wait, Let’s do a Win / Win” (where your kids can hear & watch you).

Then you practice each saying”

“I feel ___________________”

“I want ___________________”

Click HERE to download a free Win/Win Sheet to teach your kids Peaceful Conflict Resolution!

After you’ve both said what you want (remember to ask for what you want, not what you DON’T want!), you then both say:

“How will we work this out so we both win?”

Once you’ve both given some ideas, find a solution that works for both of you. Something like:

  • “Well we could have both this morning?”
  • “How about you make the bacon & I’ll make the eggs?”
  • “Ok how about we make what you want but I get to choose the fruit we juice AND the music we put on?”

Have fun with it and laugh a little while you’re acting out the win/win. Laughing is something we ALL need to do a little more.

Once you’ve successfully modeled this, then move forward with teaching your kids how they can use this tool together. Teach first in a calm time (at bedtime, on the weekend, etc.) then when craziness hits…go ahead and encourage your kids to try it in a heated moment. If you have kids that are really small, you’ll have to do lots of mentoring (and speaking for the wee little ones) in the beginning, but with time, they will get the hang of it & understand that it is THERE responsibility to find a solution. You are there to help, but you won’t fix it for them.

Some points to keep in mind while you’re coaching kids through a win / win:

  • If you have a little one too small to speak or one of your children has a hard time speaking up, stand behind him & speak for him “Benjamin feels mad, he wants you to share the legos with him. Is that right Benjamin?”
  • Your job during a win/win attempt is to COACH / MENTOR your children, not to do it for them. Always ask before you give ideas “Can I offer some ideas?”
  • Exercise your empathy muscles. The more empathy you have for each kid, the more creative ideas you’ll be able to assist them with. (Try to remember what it was like to be young & have a sister or brother who always called you names or wouldn’t share with you)
  • Don’t do a win/win when you are in a rush of any kind….you’ll end up losing your cool when it doesn’t go as fast as you’d like. Sometimes win/wins can take a while, but the end result is magical!
  • Remember that failure is often part of the journey to success, so if your kids don’t succeed at finding the middle ground the first few times, KEEP TRYING!
  • Download a few win/win sheets & have them laminated to keep around the house for easy access when you need to hand your kids the tool. Remember, sometimes less words or even silence as you hand them the sheet is best.
  • Try to coach your kids if they say “I don’t know” to identify one of these feelings: Happy, Mad, Sad, Scared or Hurt.

Click BELOW to watch the full 5 min. motivation video, where I give lots more ideas & support! Once you see true success with this tool, you will be BLOWN away by the power and connection it will bring to your family!

Posted by Fresh Start Family on Thursday, September 13, 2018

That’s a wrap on this series! Let me know how it all goes as you implement these tips into your homes. Can’t wait to hear from you!

Join me on September 25th @ 9am for a FREE Online Master Class all about what do do when your kids say “NO I won’t and YOU can’t make me!” I’ll be teaching 5 ways to handle pushback that will cause your kids to respond better & cooperate better, leading to creative problem solving and the avoidance of epic meltdowns and battles. Amen to that right? Click HERE to register now & then I’ll send you all the details for the class. 






Looking to learn more about Positive Parenting but have trouble finding time? Would you love a class you can do at home, on your own schedule?

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