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Tune in to this refreshingly real episode of the Fresh Start Family Show, where Wendy Snyder unpacks the rollercoaster of emotions parents often face when their kids start acting up. Just in time for the holiday hustle, Wendy digs into how holiday schedules, family gatherings, and heightened expectations can make even the calmest parents feel on edge. Wendy’s unique approach shines as she explains how our nervous systems, shaped by our own childhoods, can lead us to react (sometimes a little too strongly) when our kids test limits.
Get ready for an eye-opening chat about moving from reactive to responsive parenting! Wendy shares why understanding—and even healing—our nervous systems can be the key to compassionate discipline and lasting connection with our kids. Say goodbye to stress-fueled parenting and discover practical tools for a more peaceful, connected holiday season with the family.
What if you could be an effective, firm & kind parent WITHOUT relying on fear, force, bribery & rewards?
Imagine learning a new way of firm (AND kind) parenting so you can end painful generational parenting cycles and create family legacies & memories YOU are proud of?
All while getting your kids to cooperate with your rules and boundaries with ease.
IMAGINE …
Parenting your kids with calm & confidence each day in a way that causes them to do what’s asked of them because they WANT to (not because they HAVE to) … because you’re helping to build essential life skills that have them behaving well & being respectful when you’re NOT looking!
The Firm & Kind Parenting Blueprint is your step by step plan & video training to help you build the family of your dreams. Click HERE to learn more now!
Episode Highlights:
- Misbehavior in children often provokes a primal fear response in parents because of conditioned nervous systems from autocratic childhoods.
- Understanding and healing the nervous system can guide parents from reacting explosively to responding thoughtfully to their children’s behavior.
- Traditional parenting models focused on fear and control; Wendy advocates for a shift towards compassionate, connection-based strategies.
- Building a robust parenting toolkit with diverse strategies facilitates healthier, joy-filled family environments.
- Compassionate self-acceptance in parenting imperfections is essential for meaningful behavioral change and genuine connection with children.
Resources Mentioned:
Follow Wendy on Instagram
Become a Parenting Coach program
Thriving with Strong Willed Kids Quick Start Learning Bundle
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Not able to listen or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
0:01:10 – (Wendy): Well, hello, families, and welcome to a new episode. I’m so happy you’re here. Today we are diving into why we feel so rattled when our kids misbehave. And so this is going to be a discussion around our nervous system, and I am going to help you make sense of why you feel so reactive sometimes with your kids, whether it’s them just simply spilling their milk or not putting their shoes on as fast as you want or even with the bigger ticket misbehavior items that just seem to rattle you to your core. I’m gonna help you make sense of it, help you understand why it’s happening, and hopefully help you feel more empowered to handle it.
0:02:04 – (Wendy): Misbehavior, even when you’re triggered with more grace and dignity and calm and connection with your children. So I thought I would bring this episode to you during November this season, because we are just getting ready to roll into the holidays. And we all know that the holidays are beautiful, right? Like, I know. I love here in America, it starts with Halloween, which is just such a fun time of year. It’s when both my kids were born. So it’s very special, and it’s fun for the kids.
0:02:34 – (Wendy): And then we roll into Thanksgiving and then Christmas and, you know, the new year and Hanukkah and all the things. There’s a lot going on this time of year, which means that there’s a lot of family gatherings, there’s a lot of events, there’s a lot of disrupted schedules. There’s just a lot going on. And many of us often become a little overwhelmed. And I just thought this would be a great conversation to have now.
0:03:03 – (Wendy): So as you move through the entire holiday season, you really feel empowered to be able to just signal safety to your nervous system and remember that a bear is not chasing you. It may feel like it’s the end of the world when your child will not stop begging for the chocolate or the ice cream in the grocery store aisle. And I want to help you remember that it usually is not a fore alarm fire that you are at choice, and that you can slow things down to signal safety to your body, your heart, your mind and your soul so you can actually handle misbehavior the way that you feel proud of at the end of the day when you lay your head on your pillow.
0:03:45 – (Wendy): I also thought it would be great to bring this episode into the world because inside of our fresh start experience, which is our private membership program. So here at Fresh Start family, we have our foundations course, which is the essentials. That is our four module, online powerful parenting program where we have all students start. For the most part, we do have a small program called the firm and kind parenting blueprint that parents can start with also. That’s just phenomenal.
0:04:11 – (Wendy): But many students start with the foundations course and then after that we get you into a rhythm of implementation. And so we want you to be consistently asking questions or being around other families who are asking questions, dropping into coaching calls, getting support when you are confused on how to do a particular strategy, and also being in a continuous learning state of being. So at the fresh start experience, we have monthly focus lessons that we study topics from, you know, all different facets of parenting, whether it’s sibling conflict, or if your kids are hitting or throwing or kicking or biting. We call that revenge misbehavior, or setting firm limits and sticking to them with consistency or getting on the same page as your spouse, especially when it comes to discipline. We have lessons on compassionate discipline. We have over 100 lessons now, including a kids program.
0:05:09 – (Wendy): So when, when families are in the fresh start experience, we’re doing continuous learning. And right now during the fall season, we are focusing on nervous system healing and regulation. We’re doing four straight months of nervous system regulation and healing workshops that I’m teaching. And it has just been so fun. And parents are really starting to get some traction because they’re fully understanding what’s happening on the inside when they get triggered.
0:05:39 – (Wendy): And they’re now, with that knowledge, able to start slowing things down and becoming. I think we’re getting even more higher rates of success than even when we normally get. And we usually get very high rates of success when it comes to parents learning how to be responsive versus reactive. But right now, I feel like the parents are really just responding to the nervous system healing and regulation work. So I would bring it to the podcast community too, so you guys can start to understand what’s going on when your kids misbehave. Why do you feel so rattled? Why does it often feel like the world is going to implode?
0:06:16 – (Wendy): And why does this often happen when you’re in what I call the fishbowl is when you have people watching you, which is going to happen at the holidays. You’re going to be at church services, you’re going to be at Thanksgiving dinner with grandma and the aunties who are just sure. Or that gentle parenting isn’t biblical, or you’re gonna be there with your sister in law or your cousin who just gives you the side eye when you don’t just take your kid in the backyard and spank em when they’re being disrespectful, right? When it’s time to go to bed and all the cousins are instantly obeying because they’re terrified of getting spanked. And your kid is like, you know, mouthing off a little bit, like you’re gonna have situations. And I just want you to be empowered and just have some education on what’s happening for your nervous system.
0:07:07 – (Wendy): Okay, so let’s start with talking about what the nervous system is. So, it is our body’s communication network. It sends signals between the brain and the rest of the body to control many aspects of what you think, feel and do. So it’s made up of the brain, spinal cord, and nerves, which use electrical and chemical means to relay messages. So the central nervous system, or called the CN’s, is the brain and spinal cord, which are protected by bone.
0:07:39 – (Wendy): That’s what makes up the CN’s. And the spinal cord contains thread like nerves that branch out to every organ of your body. I just think the human body is so beautifully and just miraculously made. So there’s also the peripheral, peripheral, say that word, fast. Nervous system, the PNS. And this is the nerves that are everywhere else in the body. That’s what makes up the PNS. And the thing that we want to know about the nervous system is it is designed to keep us safe.
0:08:13 – (Wendy): All our human bodies, again, are miraculous. But the nervous system’s job is design. Its design is to keep us safe. And so it wants to prevent us from getting harmed. And so it’s often, always on alert. It is really looking for those life or death type of things where it’s going to cause you to act fast in order to preserve your life. So the thing we have to know about the nervous system is oftentimes it gets conditioned within the first two decades of our life in a way that ends up causing problems later in life.
0:08:54 – (Wendy): It’s just the way it is. So, again, I want to. I want you to help you calm your nervous system and empower yourself with proven, effective strategies. That’s the strategy side of our work here at fresh start family that bring peace and joy and connection to your family and every day as a parent. But the reality is, the strategies that I teach you, we have, again, just so many lessons within the fresh start experience that are just strategy based, like, or our firm and kind parenting blueprint is one of our very small programs. Entry level program. We just. We teach you strategy. Four steps to setting firm limits and sticking to them consistently in ways that work like a charm. You will see increase massive increases in success rates when it comes to cooperation, but it’s very strategy based.
0:09:46 – (Wendy): So what you need to know is that building up a Furman kind parenting blueprint and operating out of a settled nervous system, or a regulated nervous system, that is the fastest way to create more peace, joy and collaboration and cooperation in your home. But there’s got to be both sides to the picture, if that makes sense. If you’re still functioning out of a very dysregulated, often, you know, knee jerk reaction kind of nervous system, you are going to have a lot of trouble, you know, incorporating the strategies and finding success with them.
0:10:24 – (Wendy): So let’s just dive in to why we feel so rattled when our kids misbehave. The challenge is this, okay, most of us grew up in autocratic homes. Let’s be honest. That just means that for a long, long, long, long time, it was just standard practice that the best way to parent was to make sure your children don’t mess with you. It’s my way or the highway. Parenting. It is. Children are meant to be seen, not heard. Right? Like, you do what you are told, or else there is going to be a price to pay.
0:11:03 – (Wendy): This often came with a very patriarchal model. Right? Like the kids. Yes. They were scared of mom because mom would, like, show them who’s boss. And again, if you made a mistake, there was going to be a price to pay. But really, everyone was kind of scared of dad. And so this model just operate. It was the standard for a long, long time. And then finally, thank God, we started to have incredible doctors and scientists and psychologists start to study human development, study the brain, study child development.
0:11:42 – (Wendy): Doctor Rudolf Dreikhors is a psychologist that we talk about all the time here at fresh start family. Because him and Adler psychology, they were kind of like the grandfathers of positive parenting, I like to call them, for many of us. And they started to prove to us what’s actually happening for our children and if we want them to cooperate without fear tactics, that there is a whole world of how you do that.
0:12:11 – (Wendy): And it has to do with needs and helping children communicate in healthy ways and respectful ways. It has to do with modeling. And so as their work became more and more known and put into the world, the world became more educated about what’s happening in children’s brains. And the old paradigm or belief system that a child is misbehaving because they’re brats or a child is misbehaving because they’re bad, and that means you’re a bad parent because you’ve royally screwed up and you’re failing.
0:12:44 – (Wendy): We get to now live in a new paradigm where we know that misbehaving child equals a communicating child equals an empowered parent. We are at choice with how to parent our kids with firm kindness and connection. Right? But many of us did not grow up in that capacity. We grew up in the autocratic homes. Now, some people grew up in permissive homes. That means that there was not a lot of rules. They got to do whatever they wanted. If they begged or pushed enough, their parent would cave.
0:13:16 – (Wendy): And I’m telling you, from working with tens and thousands of parents every year within the fresh start family organization, usually in our side of the world, it’s about 80% to 90% of our students were raised in autocratic homes specifically. A lot of them, even sub like subgroup within there, was not only raised an autocratic parenting model where they really were scared of a consequence, or at least scared that someone was going to be disappointed with them, but still kind of triggers the same thing for the nervous system. But many, we have a subgroup where many families grew up with really toxic, fundamental or evangelical teachings that did even more harm than the basic fear enforce model.
0:14:05 – (Wendy): Because fear, you know, big, big ticket fears were coming in. There was a lot of confusion. Parents were taught to bring in God to the picture and justify hitting and harming their children, thinking that it’s godly discipline. There was just so much extra harm done for the families that were raised in that. So we have quite a mix of students, but I will say the majority of students that we help here at fresh start family were raised with autocratic upbringing.
0:14:34 – (Wendy): And so again, those of us who were raised in that we are rolling around with frazzled nervous systems, we really are, because many of us are just getting the memo that it’s time to heal our nervous systems. And if we’re being honest, many of us blame our rattled states on our kids or overwhelm of the current state of the world. Too much to do, too much on my plate, not enough support. But do you want to know why your nervous system actually feels so rattled when your kids misbehave?
0:15:07 – (Wendy): Okay, now, sure, maybe they’re refusing to get buckled up and you’re going to be late for church or winding up to chuck a Lego at you or a sibling’s head. Like, I get it. It can be so triggering. But what’s strange is how everything seems to ignite the same rushed emergency feeling in your body these days. Even if it’s just when your child spills their milk or rolls their eyes at you, the ignition or the igniting feeling of like, anger and hurt. And again, just an enraged nervous system.
0:15:48 – (Wendy): It happens fast for many of us. So how? The question is, is how could it be that things feel so chaotic? This wasn’t what you signed up for when you became a parent. I’m sure of it. It wasn’t what I signed up for when I became a parent. No one told me, oh, you’re going to feel so rattled, especially around your strong willed kids. You’re going to maybe have a point where you feel miserable and don’t actually want to parent that child anymore, but, like, it’s what none of us signed up for that.
0:16:21 – (Wendy): Okay, so. But here’s what you need to know. From a nervous system perspective, it makes sense. The truth is, again, most of us were raised with an autocratic model that used fear and quite honestly, emotional manipulation tactics to coerce or force us into action or submission. So even for those of those of you who may say, like, oh, I wasn’t raised with spanking or, I was raised in a home where emotions were welcomed and affirmed.
0:16:55 – (Wendy): Once I dig in as an educator and coach, often, and when we get deeper into conversation, and I get to do this quite often with my very high level students who are in my become a parenting coach program, at the time of this recording, we just had 16 of them complete our program to become certified in the fresh Start family approach. It’s a huge celebration. We launch that program every April. If you’re interested in joining that, you can join the waitlist freshstartfamilyonline.com./ becomeaparentingcoach.
0:17:27 – (Wendy):But once I start to get into deeper relationship and conversation with my students, the truth is what comes out is 99% of the time there actually was fear inducing tactics of forced use. Just the other day I was on a call and a student always said, like, I didn’t grow up in any of this. Like, there wasn’t, you know, my parents never hit me. I don’t remember there being a lot of fear and force. And then in a conversation, it came up that she has very vivid memories of going to her grandfather’s house and he would always threaten to spank her.
0:18:03 – (Wendy): So it’s amazing what we kind of forget sometimes, right? But she had an authority figure in her life that she was really terrified that she was going to get hurt by when she made a mistake or was not perfect. That particular student. Also, we’ve had conversations around the tone of disappointment, how heavy that was. If you didn’t get the straight a’s or a calm, like, you know, or didn’t live up to the standard that someone was expecting of you, the heaviness of disappointment and shame came in hot, right? Like, that’s just. Again, that’s what a lot of parents were doing in past decades because they really thought it was, like, smart, wise parenting.
0:18:46 – (Wendy): So when grades weren’t good, you know, when mistakes were made, like, that’s what would come in. Okay, so even the most well loving and well meaning parents adhered to this model and didn’t quite realize the long term damage it would do to a nervous system, which, again, is designed to keep us safe but highly responsive to sensing danger. So our. Our body and nervous system is so brilliantly designed that it is always scanning for what’s safe and unsafe. And here’s the kicker.
0:19:22 – (Wendy): That sucks, but it’s true. What kept us alive till this point? What it’s used to, what’s been normalized, I will tell you, especially the first seven years of your life, that’s the definition of safe for our nervous system, because the data proves it works, meaning data to our body. We wake up, we’re breathing, right? Like it’s safe. It works to keep us alive. And so the first seven years, you’ll hear me say that often, because that is what is so pivotal when it comes to imprinting the nervous system.
0:19:58 – (Wendy): Because the first seven years of our lives is often where our core beliefs are formed. Now, those of you who are raising children and immersed in the work of powerful parenting, whether it’s within our programs, at the fresh start experience, family foundations, course, firm and kind blueprint, whatever you’re in, or maybe you’re in a different program and you’re consistently learning and growing and implementing firm and kind connection based parenting strategies.
0:20:25 – (Wendy): Don’t let that worry you, because we have the tools to undo a lot of what we did, essentially, to our kids. The first 34567 years of their lives. We have a lot of students who come to us when their kids are 1011. I know my teacher that I studied under for a decade, she didn’t find this work that she went on to teach for 30 years and change so many lives in our community. She didn’t find it till her kids were teenagers.
0:20:52 – (Wendy): So once you’re immersed and fluent in this work, you will, you can, you can help your children unlearn belief systems. The earlier the better, I will tell you. And for the majority of us, most of us are unlearning belief systems now that we’re in our thirties and our forties. And that takes, that takes effort, that takes intention, and that takes time, and that takes support. But what was always comfortable to our nervous system, what it knew those first seven years, which was that mistakes are dangerous and that they are unacceptable and that in order to be safe, you need to behave perfectly, right? Like, that’s what it’s reacting to. So feeling rattled when kids misbehave is a result of a nervous system conditioned to believe there is always danger lurking again.
0:21:50 – (Wendy): Whether it’s spilt milk or whether it’s a sibling slugging one another. It’s the same feeling in the body. So quick, act fast, lay the smackdown jump in and save the day? Try to be an octopus with eight arms do it all or else you’re failing. Quick. Go, go, go. There’s no time to think correct and discipline fast or else. That’s the feeling. And it is so like just inflaming for the nervous system. But that’s what’s happening, right? The body is like, this can’t happen.
0:22:26 – (Wendy): It’s out of control. I’m going to be judged like split second just thoughts and feelings funneling through your body. But it’s because of the conditioning, not because you’re choosing to believe these things. So logically, we know a child who refuses to eat their veggies or share a toy isn’t the same as a bear chasing us. But our nervous system reads it the same when it’s been conditioned to respond to fear for 18 plus years.
0:22:58 – (Wendy): So our survival brain takes over fast and ends up steering the ship to reactive often fear and force based external controls versus our rational thinking brain, which is where creativity and connection and that ability to really get curious and come up with a solution that’s going to be firm and kind versus overpowering lives from. And this is the way of the world. You guys, those of you who are practicing this work and healing your nervous system. At this point, you are the rainbow unicorn in the world. Just the other day, Stella and her dad went to a presentation at school, and they had to go in order to get a parking permit to park in the high school lot.
0:23:45 – (Wendy): And they came home. And obviously we have a very different family than most of the world. And so we just don’t teach in fear. We don’t. We don’t use that as a driver to get submission out of our kids when a lot of parents are right, like, it just still is. We live in very progressive state of California, and still I will tell you that at least eight out of ten of my kids friends, they are being punished when they mess up. They are not being taught life skills. They’re instead just being grounded, shamed, humiliated.
0:24:21 – (Wendy): Lots of people in our area, especially if they’re in an evangelical church, are still hitting and forcing their kids to instantly obey with a happy heart. That is happening. You will be very different, and that feels dangerous in itself. And just knowing that you are a leader in your community, when you lean into doing this, when you lean into healing your nervous system and operating in a different way.
0:24:50 – (Wendy): So when they went to this presentation the other night, there was some police officers that came to teach, and Stella and Terry, when they came home, were just like, wow, that was crazy. It was so fear inducing.
0:25:24 – (Wendy): They were just basically trying to educate the kids on the. How to remain safe, you know, the dangers of overdosing on opiates, which is like, please, yes, let’s educate our kids. Lovely idea. And then also, like, drinking and driving and being behind the wheel and all this kind of stuff. But they said that, that the way that they came in and taught was like trying to scare them to death. And Terry was there, too. So I know it just wasn’t the teenager’s perspective. And I just found it so interesting that they have been conditioned to believe that scaring the crap out of these teenagers, that they’re either gonna die, go to jail, total their car, and kill somebody is the way to get them to stay away from pills at a party or not drink and drive. Right? Like, I just. I just think it’s so fascinating. So just know that again, you will be a rainbow unicorn.
0:26:23 – (Wendy): And that’s okay because you are a leader in this area. And we need leaders who can step up and show the world that there’s a different way to do this and that it works, right? Like, we need those of you who are in this work to stay in the work. So you then can get to a point where you have teenagers like me who it’s data, right? To the world that, like, look, this works. You don’t have to hit and harm and force your kids into submission to raise good, kind, respectful, responsible children.
0:26:52 – (Wendy): Okay, so thought that story was just a good example of how the world is, like, mostly filled with fear tactics versus true power of influencing kids to cooperate.
0:27:45 – (Wendy): So, over time, our nervous system adopts the tone and feeling of our childhood home, especially when mistakes were made or challenges presented themselves. So stress, fear, danger, scarcity, disconnection. That’s what it felt like in our home when there was conflict. When our parents found out that we lied, when word got out that we got a red card at school, when they found out we got a c in math, like, whatever it was, many of us, there was those feelings. And especially when it comes to disconnection, because again, many of you who didn’t have the heavy handed stuff, you at least had to like, oh, so disappointed in you.
0:28:31 – (Wendy): You need to do better, be better, right? So if you didn’t get the grades you were supposed to, your parents are going to be disappointed. Enter fear of judgment. Smacked your sister because you’re tired of her being mean. Boom. Spanking coming your way. Don’t you know it’s not okay to hit? Enter fear of being hurt. Talked back to your parent. Quick, beg for mercy and promise to never do it again or you’ll be grounded.
0:28:57 – (Wendy): Enter fear of speaking up and being ostracized so you get the drift. Fear was the main driver and culturally taught as smart parenting. So over time, our nervous system adopts the tone and feeling when mistakes were made or challenges presented themselves. And then we grow up to repeat the same cycles within our own home. Because in the weirdest way, stress, fear, danger, scarcity, disconnection, feels safe to our nervous system because we just know it as, like, we know how it goes, right? Like, we know what snapping looks like. We know what overpowering people looks like. We know what getting control in air quotes looks like by intimidating people. It just feels safe.
0:29:54 – (Wendy): So the reality is, is most of us just weren’t taught emotional literacy and peaceful conflict resolution skills, but instead modeled the panic button, essentially, over and over and over again. So, can you see, parents, why it makes sense why our body repeats the same cycle of stress? Our nervous system is always going to choose a comfortable hell over an uncomfortable heaven. I know that may sound really weird, but it will because it knows it well.
0:30:32 – (Wendy): This is why people sadly stay in abusive marriages, because the fear of the unknown, if you walk away, is so terrifying that it feels safer to feel with someone, to stay with someone who is hurting and harming you than it does to walk away. Right? It makes sense. So, there is an opportunity, and we just want to ask ourselves, where do we begin if we no longer want to operate with a dysregulated nervous system and pass the cycle of conditioning down to our kids?
0:31:10 – (Wendy): And so the first and most important step is realizing that this is actually a beautiful opportunity that you are becoming aware of. You could have gone on like so many people do, living this way, feeling frazzled and out of control, but you welcomed this message into your life, and that is a beautiful thing. So this is the most important step, because when you put yourself into the state of awareness, parents, you can then, and only then, begin educating yourself with compassion about how to change the rewiring and imprints on your nervous system.
0:31:54 – (Wendy): Okay. The second step is to recognize that resensitizing your awareness to your options is your goal. So it’s not that you don’t have choices to handle misbehavior in a way that works well and connects you to your child with a regulated nervous system. It’s just that you were consistently being pulled down into a fear based response that kept you out of your creative, logical, thinking brain. Because remember our amygdala, that part of the brain, is what drives our survival states, right? That’s when we’re scared. That’s when we’re like, uh oh, danger.
0:32:34 – (Wendy): Our prefrontal cortex, part of our brain, that’s what drives our creativity and our logical thinking, our compassion, our ability to get curious, our ability to see other options. But it only happens when we feel safe and we’re not in protection mode. So my mission here at fresh start family is to teach you how to expand your parenting toolkit. So it’s way beyond the classic four, the hand me downs. I call them fear, force, bribery and rewards. They’re all external controls and levers.
0:33:08 – (Wendy): But those are the biggest for. Right. Like, most parents I know who are new to this work or haven’t dove been into this work yet, they’re just, that’s what they rely on. If your kid will do what you want, you threaten them. I’m going to take away your iPad. You’re not going to go to the party this weekend. Say it again and you’re going to get your e bike taken away or you can’t watch tv tonight. Like, threats are the way of life, but they’re. They’re external controls, right?
0:33:36 – (Wendy): Do it again. You’ll get a timeout. If you don’t do this, then you’re not going to get this right, like all threats. And what we want to do is help you create a toolkit where it’s just way beyond the external controls because this, you know, of course, those are, they’re just options. And when you expand and add 2030, 40, 50 more tools to your tool belt, you really start to feel the freedom of being at choice with how you want to influence your children to cooperate.
0:34:08 – (Wendy): And so often, parents end up just feeling way more in line with who they are and like, they’re living life authentically aligned with their moral compass when they no longer rely on those hand me down parenting tactics and you end up feeling grounded, confident and empowered when leading and guiding your children as they grow. So really, the big idea here at fresh start family is to build up a powerful parenting toolkit. And that’s like all the work we do in our programs.
0:34:40 – (Wendy): If you’re a family that feels like you have a kid, that pushes back more often than not, we especially have a lot of resources for you. I’ll tell you about one in particular here as I wrap this episode. But we want you to build up your parenting toolkit so you have all these choices and understanding while prioritizing your nervous system health, because that is where the magic happens. Okay? And so again, if you are someone who you’re like, man, two things. You either.
0:35:12 – (Wendy): You’re either raising a strong willed kid that you’re like, oh, yeah, I could feel it from very young. Like, we could feel Stella’s beautiful soul and energy from a very young age. You’re like, this is a strong willed kidde. And life with them is a higher degree of difficulty. They are very good at pushing back. They are very good at resisting. They will use their voice, they will resist against any like hypocrisy rooted discipline stuff, they will call you out. If you are not modeling what you’re trying to force them to do. When it comes to respect or dignity, they are just a lot. We know that. I like to refer to them as cactus kids, but also some of you just have kids in power surge stages of life, which means usually between the ages of two and six and then usually like twelve to 16, which is so accurate because we now are seeing Stella come down off of power surge stage of life. She’s turning 17 soon and we’re like, oh, isn’t that interesting? It really is. It was a surge of life.
0:36:15 – (Wendy): Power surge of life. But then on top of her being a strong willed kid, but so wherever you are at right now, if you’ve got a kid that’s pushing back a lot, if you wish cooperation was bigger and you know better in your home, if you’re sick and tired of reacting like a volcano, I want you to come get in learning with me. We have a free resource, it’s called our thriving with strong willed kid learning bundle.
0:36:42 – (Wendy): Strong willed kids. Many of you have multiple strong willed kids and I want you to come just get in the classroom with me. You can either hop over to Instagram, I’m reshartwendy. You can dm me the word freedom and I will pop into DM’s with you and we’ll get you instant access to the quick start learning bundle around. How do we thrive with strong willed kids? And you’ll also get access to a free 1 hour workshop as part of this learning bundle where I will teach you.
0:37:09 – (Wendy): How can you get into a state where you are thriving with your children? How can you get into a state where you are responding versus reacting, seeing them for truly the beautiful human souls that they are, versus a curse? I promise you I’ll teach you that they are a blessing, not a curse. And that quick start learning bundle is just the best place to start. So again, dm me the word freedom over on Instagram. I’m @freshstartwendy.
0:37:41 – (Wendy): Or you can go to freshstartfamilyonline.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to that quick start learning bundle. We will make sure we put all of these links and information in the show notes as always. And if you happen to be watching us on YouTube, we’ll make sure we put all the information down below. But thank you for being here to learn and grow with me. I hope this helps you understand why you feel so rattled when your kids misbehave. I hope it helps you give yourself more compassion.
0:39:18 – (Wendy): We know that the data shows that the more compassion and self acceptance we have for ourselves and our imperfections that we deem as imperfect or failures, sometimes the more we’re actually able to change our behavior. So if you want to be more confident and responsive as a parent and effective in your ability to influence versus force your children to comply and listen well, then you gotta, like, just really understand how to give yourself compassion like it is one of the biggest secrets.
0:39:52 – (Wendy): And that takes work and dedication and intention. So hopefully by you just now understanding why your nervous system reacts the way that it does, you can start just supporting it versus judging it when you have imperfect moments, which we all are going to have as parents, no matter how fluent you are in this work. All right, thank you for being here. As always, thank you for supporting the fresh start family show, and I’ll see you in the next episode.
