It Takes Two to Tango! {Dissolving Power Struggles w/ Integrity}

by | September 20, 2022 | 0 comments

It Takes Two to Tango! {Dissolving Power Struggles w/ Integrity}

by | September 20, 2022 | 0 comments

… And when you’re deep into a Power Struggle routine, end it by walking off that dance floor! 

Okay, okay… you may be thinking – “You want me to do WHAT?!”  AND you read that right!  

YOU have the power to dissolve an intense power struggle by bringing a completely different set of “moves” into the choreography vs. the more traditional fear, force, bribery or rewards! 

Remember – it takes two to tango, so when you choose not to engage or handle the situation in a totally new way, you gain tremendous power & true influence.

Whether you have a strong willed kiddo – through & through or are simply journeying through a power surge season of life with one of your kiddos …. Seeing our child’s “prickly” behavior in a new light will transform your home and heart!

I know it did mine!

Did you know kids of elementary school age often receive HUNDREDS of compliance statements in a single day?! 

Our children are constantly bombarded with different directions:

  • Get up!
  • Put your shoes on!
  • Raise your hand!
  • Sit still!
  • Clean-up your desk! … 

You get the picture … and sometimes, our kiddos just reach their max when it comes to being told what to do.

This is why many of you have kids who do well at school all day long, but once they get home, as soon as you ask them to hang up their jacket or backpack, they scream NO, faster than you can take your own dang shoes off. Compliance statement fatigue is one of the biggest contributors to after school meltdowns, especially the first few months of a new school year.

They may have “compliance decision fatigue at the end of a long day” but trust me, our kids are not “out to get us” – I PROMISE.   

Most likely, they just haven’t had enough opportunities to fill their “power bucket” in a healthy way, so they misbehave to get their ‘need to feel powerful’ met.

This same thing happens in homes too when parents rely on Autocratic “My Way or the High Way” tactics consistently.


Join me for our FREE 1 Hour Online Workshop: 5 positive parenting tips to help gain cooperation and dissolve power struggles with integrity … so you can take a break from relying on fear, force, bribery, and rewards! Save your seat HERE.


It’s sooooo important to remember that we ALL have the need to feel powerful.  

And, WE get the opportunity to coach our children on how to fill that bucket in a healthy and productive manner with grace & integrity vs. pushing back/fighting with us. 

HOW?!  

By SHARING power.  

Yes. Sharing power …. Stick with me, guys! 

This does not mean we give in and become permissive … NOPE!  It simply means we get creative to gain alignment plus connection and then guide them to action!

Kids WILL make healthy behavioral choices when they know they are respected and empowered on a consistent basis.  Especially, when we choose to discuss rules or problems with them & not at them. 

The following 3 strategies harness the power of empathy, connection & firm kindness to achieve a collaborative family dynamic, even when things get spicy.

1. Become fluent in the language of choices with your kids

  • Giving more choices & less compliance statements empowers the child into action
  • Continue to give choices even when one doesn’t work – be patient with the process
  • Acknowledge how they are feeling AND that the chore, task, etc. still needs to get done as a team. Allow them to come up with some options too!
  • The consistent practice of creativity & choices will overflow to other areas of life as well!

2. Have fun! Get creative / silly & do the unexpected

  • Break the energy of the power struggle with some fun!
  • Change the course of being “locked in combat” mode.
  • Do a handstand, start singing the “clean up song” in an opera style, or talk in a funny english accent – kids respond incredibly well to play.

3. Start using win/win negotiation or peaceful conflict resolution in your home

  • Encourage your family to shift away from saying ”Don’t _______” or “Stop _______“! and instead try asking for what you DO want! “I need your help, please show me how you pet the dog gently” or “I know we can operate as a team, can you move fast like a cheetah to get dressed?” You are more likely to influence your kids into action with this approach!
  • Give everyone the opportunity to express themselves as you work towards an agreement: “I feel ___. I want ___. How will we work this out with respect so we can both win?”
  • When practiced with a parent at home, children will be able to peacefully negotiate with their siblings & out in the world with their peers.  (This is the even bigger goal!  YAY!)

In the beginning, this process make take you a little more time than old school hand me down tactics (like threatening & yelling) but my goodness, the long term results are totally worth the effort. Your creative muscles will get stronger and faster with practice & your children will have a bright future of solid cooperation.

Luckily, our kiddos always give us a chance to practice, right? Have grace on yourself through your imperfect attempts to change your ways & keep trying new power struggle dissolving strategies.

To learn even more power struggle dissolving strategies, join me for my FREE 1 hour workshop: 5 Tips to Gain Cooperation from Even the Strongest Willed Kids (without relying on fear, force, bribery & rewards).

Learn more about how Positive Parenting Curriculum can transform your life through these Fresh Start Family programs

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