This episode of the Fresh Start Family Show is one we can all relate to as parents. There are times when we just feel off our parenting game and in a major funk amidst whatever season of life we’re in. Wendy chats with Eliazabeth Andreyevskiy about 3 Ways We Can Get Out of a Funk.
Elizabeth is a mother of 4 kiddos, a stress coach for moms, and the host of the Emotionally Healthy Legacy Podcast. She works with moms to help identify patterns that are not serving them and replace them with more effective routines, and teaches them stress management and self-regulation strategies.
So many things in our lives can bring out our funk, leaving us feeling heavy and not sure how to snap out of it. Living this way is not how we were designed to be in connection with our family.
Tune in to learn more about how to turn it around and get back to feeling like ourselves again.
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Episode Highlights:
- Accountability helps us make changes
- Give ourselves grace when we mess up or snap
- Journal or have someone hold space for us to get out our negativity out in a safe way
- Gratitude helps us refocus our brain and get us out of the emotional part of the brain that catastrophizes
- Moving our bodies – like going for a walk -helps shift our negative energy
- Automatic Negative Thoughts takes effort to redirect into a more positive/true thought
- Decluttering and getting rid of excess clutter can help our mind be at peace
Episode Highlights:
Where to Find Elizabeth:
Emotionally Healthy Legacy Website
Podcast: Emotionally Healthy Legacy
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A free gift from Elizabeth for you! 5 powerful effective and simple ways to calm overwhelmed mind
Wendy’s interview on Elizabeth’s Podcast – Ep. 66 Gentle Parenting for Christian Parents
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Here is the episode transcript!
This episode of the Fresh Start Family Show is brought to you by our Quick Start Learning bundle to raise strong-willed kids with integrity. This two pack learning bundle comes with a downloadable learning guide and also a free online workshop with me all about what to do when your kids say, no, I won’t. And you can’t make me in one way or another. Cuz we all know our beautiful, strong-willed kiddos resist in lots of different ways. Head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/free to grab your quick start bundle and get started learning with me today.
Wendy:
Well, hello listeners. I’m so happy you’re here for a new episode. I am your host, Wendy Snyder, positive parenting educator and family life coach. And today we are talking about how we can get out of a funk. And we’re talking to an incredible name, mama. Her name is Elizabeth. She is a stress coach for moms. And she just has some really good ideas for those days or those seasons or those mornings when you just are in a funk. Can anyone relate? And what’s funny is, when Elizabeth and I recorded this episode, I happen to have been in one of those days. I love it when God aligns our conversations and blesses me with an expert that I can just relate with and also learn from in the most profound ways.
And that’s what this conversation was like for me when I recorded with Elizabeth. So she’s awesome and I know you guys are really gonna enjoy hearing her wisdom today. But Elizabeth is a mama of four kiddos, three boys and a baby girl. She’s been married for 13 years and she’s just super passionate about mental health and emotional wellness and motherhood. So she specializes in helping overwhelmed moms. I know so many of us have seasons where we’re very overwhelmed, but she, she specializes in helping overwhelmed moms reduce the mental stress so they can respond with patience and calm with their kids. And she teaches proactive ways to be less stressed, how to prioritize needs and ways to regulate emotions when feeling triggered.
So I love Elizabeth. I was actually on her podcast this last fall. Like I said, she’s just full of wisdom and her work is so important because I’m always telling the parents that I work with the mothers that I work with and the fathers. But if you know, I could teach all the strategies in the world, so much of our programming within our Fresh Start Experience program is strategy based, right? We’re teaching actual positive parenting tools. We’re teaching step by step how do you set firm limits and stick to them with consistency. How do you, you know, follow through on compassionate discipline? How do you use logical consequences? What is the verbiage that you actually say to a child when you’re amidst a power struggle And you don’t wanna rely on fear and force and threats and yelling and all that kind of stuff.
But none of it will work, it all will fall flat if you are just immersed in a stress cycle and a state of overwhelm. It’s just ridiculously hard to get results if you’re not taking care of yourself and you are just constantly in a reactive state. So Elizabeth’s work is really, really important. And it was just so much fun to chat with her. I know that I just felt so much less stressed after we had this beautiful conversation. And I know you are going to be really blessed by our talk today too. So without further ado, help me welcome Elizabeth to the show and enjoy this episode.
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll, and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools, and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.
Wendy:
Hey, there, families. Welcome to a new episode of The Fresh Start Family Show. I’m so happy that you’re here and I’m excited to welcome our guest today, Elizabeth Andreyevskiy, who is going to be talking to us about how we can get out of a funk when we are in it. And this is perfect timing, Elizabeth, because I had two moments in the last two weeks that I was like, oh my gosh, I’m in a funk. I’m in a funk. So I’m excited you’re here today. Welcome to the show.
Elizabeth:
Thank you. Thank you for having me here.
Wendy:
Yay. All right, you guys. So we’re gonna, we’re gonna have a really great discussion around this today. I know that the last few years have been, I think, especially stressful for parents and everybody has those moments when they get into a funk, right? So we’re gonna do some just normalizing of this and being that Elizabeth, you are just an incredible stress coach, right? Do you call yourself a stress stress coach for moms? Is that right?
Elizabeth:
That is, that is my title. I’m a stress coach for moms.
Wendy:
Oh, I love it. So before we get kicked off with our, with our topic and what we’re gonna talk about, will you tell us a little bit more about your story? What made you want to become a stress coach? What, what do you do on a day-to-day basis? What makes you so passionate about serving moms in this capacity? And just a little bit about your family and where you live, all that good stuff.
Elizabeth:
Yeah, so my name is Elizabeth and I am a stress coach for moms. I’m also a host of Emotionally Healthy Legacy podcast and I have four kids. So my oldest boy is 10th and I have a seven-year-old boy, a five-year-old boy, and a baby girl who’s one. So four kids. It’s definitely a full household. So my journey started how a few years ago I was struggling parenting. My youngest boy, he was my very spirited boy. He is, he was the one that I had to constantly keep an eye on cuz he would get into something. He was like, I would call him Curious George on steroids.
He was just like super curious and get into everything. I felt like I just couldn’t manage him. And so one of my friends suggested for me to go to therapy. I just recently finished my individual counseling. And so she suggested like parenting therapy. And I’m like, well I feel like I have figured out with my older two, why do I think, you know, why should I go? But I ended up going cuz I was kind of at a loss. I felt like so much of my energy was drained to kind of like maintain him and keep an eye on him. And so when I went to counseling, I was introduced to a whole new approach of parenting that I never ever heard of.
And I was raised in a traditional conservative Christian home where it was very kind of legalistic. It was really rules based. It was like punishments and not just consequences, but punishments and threatening. That was the only way my parents kind of knew how to parent. They didn’t know another way. And this whole new approach, I mean it’s like positive, gentle parenting approach. It’s it, it was not Christian, but where I went to counseling. But it was all about like building a connection with your child, therefore cooperation. And I was like, wow, like I really liked this. I tried implementing it and I was really struggling in the beginning and, and then covid hit and it’s like, oh, it was a lot.
It was a lot. You know, trying to kind of like reteach myself, rewire my brain to do things differently from my old automatic ways that, you know, I grew up in. And just on top of that, the stress of covid and everything made it even more challenging. Cause I felt like when I was worn out, when I was just overwhelmed and like I had unmet needs, I just kept going back to my old reactive ways of doing things that I just knew how to do. And I knew that I wanted to do things differently, but I kept struggling implementing all the new strategies that I learned.
And then around the same time I bought a course that it was really like focused on prioritizing your needs, cutting things up out of your life that don’t serve you anymore. Filling up your cup as a mom and just kind of being a good, in a good place yourself internally. So then you can show up as a better version for your kids. And I noticed that when I started to take action and implement the strategies that I learned in that course to get up before my kids in the morning, create some stillness and just calm in my day, learn strategies to call my nervous system and just kinda prioritize my needs without feeling guilty and taking that space for myself.
I was able to have the room in like in my emotions to implement the strategies I was learning from this new way of parenting. I actually could remember and implement things. I was able to stay calm and grounded longer. I could see my child from a lens of that they’re struggling and they need my support versus seeing them from a lens of they’re frustrating me and they’re annoying me right now because they’re melting down.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Elizabeth:
And so that put me on the path of like, I’m like, oh my goodness, more moms need to know this, that there is another way of parenting. And then there is a way of like doing motherhood without feeling like you’re in survival mode all the time.
Wendy:
Heck yes. I love how you’ve kind of combined the two worlds, right? You found this kind of self-care world and and this self self calming of the nervous system world and education and then combined it with the positive connected relationship-based parenting that your heart just drew you to. It’s so beautiful, Elizabeth. And I know we had a great conversation on your podcast. What at, remind me, do you know off the top of your head what episode that was? It just came out this summer, right?
Elizabeth:
It did come out this summer. I don’t remember the episode number, but I know that it’s one of my highest downloaded episodes.
Wendy:
Oh good.
Elizabeth:
That I do know.
Wendy:
Oh, that’s good. Okay, well we’ll make sure listeners that we put the link to Elizabeth podcast that, that I was on in the show notes. But I just loved getting to know you and your story. And I know we had just such a special conversation too around being believers and practicing this work and the extra stress that comes with the opposition to that and how it’s so confusing, right? Like it is so confusing how this can make so much sense, but yet there’s such a different way taught in mainstream or you know, a lot of the way we were raised, which is just heartbreaking. But I love just connecting you with that, with you on that and knowing that you’re out there in the world helping moms to take care of themselves, battle the stress, like regulate their nervous system, but then also embrace this approach.
And I know that lately there’s been like this weird, totally odd un unjustified uprising that like positive parenting isn’t biblical and it’s just so false and sad, right? It’s like sad, it’s heartbreaking, it’s, it’s infuriating, but it’s just so great to be together with somebody else that refuses to follow that narrative and just stand strong. And this is beautiful. This is beautiful for your family, for my family, for all of the, the moms and the parents that we, we teach and we help. And so I just love that about you too. So. Awesome. And then nowadays with the work that you do, you are, do you do private sessions?
Do you do, like, what does it look like when you work with moms who are hear your story and they hear with you? You, which is gonna be a lot of our listeners, because your story is like exactly like so many of our stories, right? Like so many of my students in the foundation’s course are bonfire support program and it really mimics mine too. I don’t think I’ve become a total master of the self-care thing yet. And I totally see the correlation and I know so many, so many families are just gonna relate. So what does that look like when you work with someone on a consistent basis to support them?
Elizabeth:
Yeah, so my signature program is a one-on-one coaching program. I believe that one-on-one coaching is so much more beneficial because that’s where we show up and actually do the work, right? It’s like having
Wendy:
A accountability. Yes.
Elizabeth:
It’s like hiring a personal trainer and you’re gonna actually show up every day or every week and you know, do the work. I do have a course that has similar information as my coaching program for like a lower ticket offer, but I focus on the one-on-one because I’m like, that’s where you will show up as a mom. That’s where you will change some of the habits you’ve been doing that have not been supporting you. That’s where we go through some of the mindset shifts and it’s a six-week program where we start out with like shifting your mindset about prioritizing your needs, looking at your schedule, seeing things that drain you and that are not supporting you. We, I teach regulation skills for moms.
I teach, you know, just calming strategies. And so then we shift into being, supporting, creating a lifestyle that supports you in the season that you’re in. So then you can show up as a better version of yourself. So go from a mom who’s easily frustrated, agitated, running and empty to a mom who feels supported and just joyful and calm and peaceful most of the time because, you know, yeah, yes. We’re not perfect.
Wendy:
Yeah, yeah, because I can imagine, I mean, gosh, I just wanna like hire you tomorrow for myself, not some like, yes in relation to the parenting, but just in life. Like I’ve definitely, I’ve, I’ve shared out a few episodes that entrepreneurship as you know, is no joke. Having a team and you know, like summertime and I always come outta summer totally filled up because we ha we just spend so much time in the ocean. We go to Hawaii, we’re like body surfing and surfing together and just like late fun nights, all the things, right? But the juggle and like the overpacking of the schedule is something that I think puts me on edge a lot, right? Like when you’re just tired.
And so I can imagine you probably are such a big help in that area when you work with one-on-one with people, but I love that. Okay, cool. Well let’s get into this idea of how do we get ourselves out of a funk, right? When we feel, obviously that written a stressed out sense or whatever, but how do, how about you start us off Elizabeth, with just sharing, like how do you define a funk?
Elizabeth:
Yeah, so I would say it’s like you wake up and you’re just kind of in a bleh mood. You’re so demotivated, you don’t wanna do anything. You’re just kind of like maybe even annoyed or your family by your kids. Yeah. Like you just, everything seems like it’s falling through the cracks and you just like, you wanna snap out of it, but you just don’t know how you’re like, I don’t like feeling this way. I just feel blah and I wanna snap out of it, but I need something and I don’t know what I need to just get out of it. So I feel that’s kind of like when you’re just in a a funk, everything feels heavy and just like, yeah, just heavy, just, it feels like this heavy burden on you that you just wanna get outta
Hey there. Pausing this episode one more time because I wanna tell you about something that’s exciting, that’s about to start here at Fresh Start Family. And that is our become a Parenting Coach certification program. We are going to be starting on April 15th and this is a seven month intensive mentorship program with myself, where I take a group of 10 parents through a program where I am personally training you to become certified in the Fresh Start Family approach. So you can go on to help other families learn positive parenting and implement it into the daily fabric of their lives. So if you are interested in learning more about this program, you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/becomeaparentingcoach.
If you’re interested in joining the program, you can fill out the application form and I will be in touch to chat more. But all the information about what the program includes and everything you would need to know is over there. So head on over and check it out and let me know if you’re interested. It’s gonna be incredible. Last year we had seven parents graduate from this program as part of our second cohort. They graduated in late October and are just already doing incredible things in the world. So I can’t wait to talk to you also if you are interested in the program. All right, head on over, fill out the application and we’ll talk soon. All right, let’s get back to the show.
Wendy:
Okay. Yes. So I, as I was, again, as I was preparing for this interview the last week, I’m always like, it’s on my visibility, right? Of like, what, what’s going on? And cuz God always, always aligns our con my conversations and even in my membership group, it’s so often he’ll align our coaching, right? So every Friday I coach on like three to five questions that were submitted by my community. And oftentimes they’re always, they’re like aligned. Like it’ll all be on discipline, it’ll all be on revenge. But yesterday I was blessed with the opportunity to see this. So as we go through this, I’m gonna really enjoy kind of applying in hindsight, right? Like cuz I believe that it’s, the past is just, you learn from it.
You don’t need to feel bad or shameful or whatever, but you just learn from it and you make a decision on what you want to do next time that’s different. But two days ago our kids started school here in San Diego and my daughter started high school and we had just come back from like a long weekend of camping and oh my gosh, I love camping, but why, why do we do it? Sometimes I’m like, why did we pack up our entire house to go live in the dirt for two days? We had two dogs with us. The like, the long-haired husky came back with like matted fur and we’re like trying to figure out if we have to shave her and get the whole house put back together. And obviously I was just probably overwhelmed and stressed. So long story short, sat fr Tuesday morning when when she got up to go to school, there was a lot going on and it felt like it was just the straw on the camel’s back, whatever that saying is.
And she right at the last minute was like rushing around and she was like, where’s my, where’s my converse? And, and I was like, I don’t know, they came in from camping and daddy’s like, you know, I brought ’em in and she’s looking everywhere and I’m like, did you look in your room? And like she’s just like kind of frantic, she’s rushed, you know? But I wasn’t able to like, I wasn’t tapping into any level of compassion or empathy in that moment. And so I ended up going into her room, I walk in her room and her converse are like right on the ground right in front of me covered up by like a ton of like crap, right? And I just kind of lost it. I’m like, oh my gosh, they’re right here. I’m like, we like, and it’s a stacking, right? There’s been like these situations where over the weekend I’m like, go get yourself a salad.
And she comes back to the beach, she’s like, I can’t, there’s no salads left for me. And I ended up being like, you need to look better. Long story short, Elizabeth, I kind of snapped at her a little bit and she ended up leaving for her first day of her freshman year of high school. And we were disconnected. I was like, oh. And my heart was just in pieces and immediately like an hour, half hour afterwards, I was like, dang it, why didn’t I just laugh that off? Like, I could have just laughed it off. But the reason why I tell you the story is because I ended up in a bunk for like six hours. I felt depressed. I felt like, oh my gosh, like I’ve been teach, I teach this stuff, right? Like those moments when you’re like, what is wrong with me?
Like I, I teach this stuff. Like I shouldn’t be snapping at my daughter on her freshman year of high school like this. And I could tell the way Terry looked at me was like, honey, it’s like this is gonna be our memory. He didn’t say that, but I just kind of knew it and I kept trying to pull myself out of it, but I just wanted to crawl into bed. I wanted to just like, he would try to make me feel better, say something. And I was just like, and I, it was just clearly a funk. And so it was like, I swear six hours later that he was like, honey, you should watch Campsite Terry was like his stories that he did that, he did this funny story from camping. And sure enough, like I finally watched that and I was cracking up and then I like started to get a little bit lighter or whatever.
But I do have moments, like I do have days where I get into these funks and even at the high level that I’m at as far as like life coaching certifications and emotional processing stuff, I still get stuck. So anyways, that’s my example that I’m gonna be working through. And as, as you kind of coach us, on some ideas on how we can get out of a funk, but it doesn’t feel good and you do, it does feel like you’re just stuck and you feel stubborn and you just feel heavy and it’s depressing and you feel like things are hopeless. Like I just felt like everything was shit that day. It was like everything.
Like, oh my gosh, I have a tendency to catastrophize when I’m in a funk. So it’s like, if one thing is bad then everything is bad, you know? Okay. So with all that said, that’s my example.
Elizabeth:
Let’s take a breath.
Wendy:
Yes. Okay.
Elizabeth:
Okay. All right. So let’s give yourself some grace, right? Because we tend to feel bad and I can relate with you like snapping and then you’re like, I teach this stuff, I should know better. Cause this is when I have a hard day like that and I end up kind of snapping, I’m like, ugh, I know how to do better cuz I teach this stuff. I feel like it’s like an extra level of like guilt cuz I’m like, if I was just a regular mom it probably wouldn’t be too bad. But if I’m like teaching this and I mess up, I have this extra like, you know, guilt that I have to work through and you’re an amazing mom. You were just having a hard day.
That’s what I tell my students, I’m like, you’re a great mom. You were just struggling and you’re having a hard day and we’re all allowed to have hard days and I’m sure you repaired it with your daughter cuz that’s our chance. Right,
Wendy:
Exactly. Girl. You know? Right. Like that’s so what we’re about here, and I know you teach moms too, I’m sure is like, it’s, it’s not about the mess up or the mistake, it’s about the, it’s more about the repair. Cuz I grew up in a home, there was never repair. Like you would have a blowup like that or ours wasn’t that bad. It was just a little bickering and remember. But like you’d have a full blown blowup and then the next morning it was like, good morning, would you like syrup on your pancakes? And then you’re like, yes. And then you like eat your breakfast and then you go to school and then you come home and like nobody ever talked about it, right? So that is such, so huge, a huge part of teaching a little human soul that it’s not about perfection, it’s about relationship and relationships are messy.
So yes, we had a beautiful repair. It took us till the evening, but finally we both, we just sat and we talked and it was messy for a little bit, but we had the most beau we came together and it was the most beautiful uniting. Like we felt more united and close at the end. So yeah, thank you for pointing that out cuz that is a big part of the story.
Elizabeth:
So I think one of the biggest things is like we often, we learn so much about parenting and giving our children grace and coming alongside them when they’re struggling. But we forget to notice that when we’re kind of reacting like that and kind of, and just this negative energy, that’s because we’re struggling for some reason or another we’re struggling. And chances are within your situation you had so much piled up, you’re maybe physically exhausted from like camping and doing all the things and unpacking and just like thinking about a lot mentally exhausted from thinking of all these things that you need to catch up with. And you were just maybe drained, right? And like you, you were just feeling heavy because of all the things going on. So let’s talk about what can we actually do because I think my passion is because especially in the community I grew up and it’s like, be angry and do not sin.
You should be happy. You know, but nobody teaches you the how. What do you do when you’re actually struggling? What are the steps? Steps that I can take today to support myself and help myself get out of it? So one of my biggest things is like when you’re feeling kind of negative and just like, and it’s just heavy, one of the biggest things that is really helpful is to get it out in a healthy way, right? And so if you have like you have a supportive, loving husband, sometimes it’s just literally venting to a safe person who will listen and just make you feel understood. We do this to our kids yet, right? We kind of don’t focus that we actually need that too, right?
So if you have a friend, maybe like my mom is one of my closest friends, my husband is one of my closest friends. So I can call my mom or talk to my husband and be like, I just, I feel so overwhelmed and so blunt and like just get it out. Like get it out and talk about it. The other thing, and
Wendy:
Maybe asking them too, would you recommend Elizabeth asking like, Hey, will you just listen? Like listen, you don’t need to fix or, yes. Because I think that gets tricky, right? If someone’s trying to like make it better.
Elizabeth:
Yes. My, my husband and my mom have are gotten really, really good at just listening and they kind of sense that energy when I just need vent. Especially my husband. He and he’ll even ask sometimes he’s like, do you want me to just listen or do you want me to like give, give you some advice? I’m like, I don’t need any advice. Yeah, I just need to vent. And so the other thing is if you don’t have anyone available at that time, I would highly encourage you to journal. Journal is like, I call it like emotional vomiting. So anything you feel kind of negative, just get it all on journal. And I literally will write down, I feel so annoyed right now by my kids. My husband is just not doing things the way I want him to. Everything seems to bother me.
Oftentimes it lines up with my PMs time of the month. We kind of often don’t like, you know, maybe sometimes we don’t keep track of that. But for me personally, that typically lines up when I feel kind of in a funk. Those are kind of the days, right? And so I will journal everything just that makes me annoyed and frustrated and just like, like I’ll just put it all on my journal. It’s like a safe space. It’s very understanding. It’s not gonna say negative, anything negative back to you. I think it’s very understated. Like people don’t, they talk about journaling, but like it’s really good to get your emotions out out of your brain, all that negativity and just put it on paper and your brain kind of just like frees up it just right away just almost feels like lighter cuz you just got it all out.
Wendy:
And Elizabeth, it’s so funny, I see this happen in my bonfire support community too. A lot of times when someone will come in and ask their question, it’s a a bit of that, right? It’s like, oh my gosh, I need help. This is awful, blah blah blah. And whether we’re journaling or we’re saying it to somebody, a lot of times at the end, once you hear yourself speak, you’re able to like falsify it a little bit, right? Like in the end, I, a lot of times the, my members of the bonfire at the very end of their question will be like, and I realize after typing all this out, I’m already seeing like where I could have done this or where I could do it next time. Or like, it’s just this interesting process of like, once you actually see it.
Cuz our, we, I think it, it just my opinion when we think things will make them true a lot, right? Like at the, those catastrophizing thoughts of like, everything is messed up, but when you write it down or when you speak it, you’re like, well that’s kind of an exaggeration. Yeah. So I dunno if that’s part of it.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. And it’s like we’re pro you’re also like processing as you’re either talking about it or writing it down, you’re like emotionally processing, seeing your thoughts on what is going on as well as getting it out. And that is like really, really helpful for your brain to just kind of like figure out what you feel and why you even feel it, you know?
Wendy:
Yeah.
Elizabeth:
Because I have to talk about it to figure out what I feel and why I feel it, you know, or jour or journal about it. So that is kind of like step one, let’s kind of like get some of that negativity and frustrations and just get it out in a safe way. Okay, cool. And then what do we do, right? Let’s say we got some of it out and we’re like, oh, it still feels like off and my energy is still off. I still feel kind of negative and, and I’m ready to kind of shift into like positivity, but I don’t know like how to do it. So as a Christian, for me, I love gratitude and thanking God for the positive things in my life because when we’re kind of in a negative funk, we shift to our emotional part of the brain, which over exaggerates things, as you know, and as you teach, we only see our perspective and it’s so narrow minded and like we see all the negative stuff and we need to help ourselves get out of that.
And gratitude is one of the best ways to do it. I remember a while back, I was like really struggling. I called my husband, I like cried and got it all out. And then I was in a place where I couldn’t even think of anything positive in my life. It was that bad. Yeah. And so then I told him, I’m like, can you just tell me some positive things that are going on in my life? I just need somebody to help me shift from all this negativity to a positive lens. And he started naming one thing after another that are positive and that are good in my life. And that really, really helped me shift that energy going on a walk, being like outside moving your body and like praying and talking to God.
Like getting all that frustration out and then saying like, grateful things that you’re grateful for will do absolutely wonders for you. So combine all, yeah, combine all three, go on a walk, pray to God and vent to him, and then tell him all the things you’re grateful for. It. It’s, it’s a huge shift. Humongous.
Wendy:
Oh, I love that. Yeah. We often like forget, right. That God can be that safe space to vent to. Right. And it’s like, it’s like, I know, I, I teach my students like the difference between venting and like sharing how you feel, right? And sometimes, you know, we’re just gonna be human, we need to vent, right? But just remembering that it’s like that being in that relationship, it’s like that is an okay thing to do, right? I feel like a lot of times we think we should only be coming to God with gratitude, but he, the grace is unconditional and it’s not, it’s not like that. It’s not a one-sided, it’s not like, it’s not, it doesn’t have to be always roses all the time. Roses and butterflies and rainbows.
So I love that having him be our safe space to vent to and then shifting it into, gosh, speaking of gratitude, I tell you this week, man, there’s like, it’s sometimes you’re like hit with it, right? And it’s so, it’s sad, but it’s also like just those moments when you have those deep gratitudes. We had more of an acquaintance, but a friend passed away this week, let’s just say a friend’s husband, a girl that I used to work with for a long time, and he was just like, like so similar to my husband. Like he was a very like, very talented creative cinematographer photographer. Like was just this amazing, like creative, my husband’s a creative too, and just an incredible father, like such a good guy.
And just like died in a freak accident. Like learning how to free dive in a pool in Costa Rica. And it just was like, hit me so hard. He’s so young. Has like, you know, a two and a fight or like a three and a six year old or something like very young kids. So man, there’s nothing like tragedy or sadness to, to like, like the gratitude comes so fast to you, right? And we don’t wanna have to get to that place. But another one this week, Elizabeth was so intense, my little boy who started sixth grade, oh my gosh, Southern California, Encinitas California and in his sixth grade class, he came home and we’re like, oh, any new students? He’s like, yeah, we have twins that are refugees from Ukraine and the little, their, their twins, six year old or sixth grade girls, the little girl has her legs like a bomb went off, took her legs and her mom too.
And so they speak, they speak Ukrainian and the teacher is teaching them through Google classroom and you’re just like, oh my gosh, right? Like, and he’s already like, you know, they’re, he invited him to play football, the, the little boy with him the other day. And he was like, yeah, he said, he said he can’t because his sister has so much trauma that she doesn’t like him to leave her. Oh. Like my heart was like, oh my gosh. And since that story I’m like, or since this new reality of like knowing we’re going to like have the opportunity to love on this family this year and get to know them, but holy smokes, like the gratitude comes rushing in, right?
And I’ve just been like, God, thank you, thank you for my health, thank you for where I live. Thank like, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Right. And it would just be so wonderful to have it be more of a practice, right? Like I have it in my daily drilling practice, but to be able to do it when you’re in a funk, I think is an extra layer of just closeness and being in relationship and, and just a habit, right? Like creating that habit, not just when you hear of the sadness and the tragedy that like rushes you into gratitude, but just have it be on a consistent basis. And even in your, when you’re in those worst moments to remember that there are so many things, basic needs, basic life breath in your lungs, you know, like the breath in my lungs thing sometimes I’ll just be like, especially like during a sunset, God, thank you for just the breath in my lungs right now.
And I will tell you that it’s, it is, it is more of a challenge to get there when I’m in a funk. So I’m gonna work on it.
Elizabeth:
It is, it is. So I like to teach my moms to have like a list of things, maybe even put on your fridge, like that help you feel better when you are in a funk. And I wanna circle back quickly, we’ll go back to that, but I wanna circle back quickly. When you had that whole situation with your daughter, the day you were in a funk, is it around the same time you found out about that friend that died or not?
Wendy:
No.
Elizabeth:
No. Okay.
Wendy:
It wasn’t
Elizabeth:
Okay. Because sometimes I
Wendy:
Know it could, could have been related, but
Elizabeth:
Not, it could have been related. Okay. Because I just wanted to touch on that because sometimes we have things going on in our life that we just kind of like, it could be something like that, that you heard something or you’re just stressed out about finance or something like that, and then your kids kind of tip you over the edge and they have nothing to do with it because you’re just internally struggling. Yeah. So that’s why it’s so important to have like these skills that I do teach moms to like, how to support yourself, to help yourself get out of this negative, you know, state so then you can show up, right? Yeah. As that mom that you desire to be. So I, the other thing that I wanna mention, like what else can we do to like, when we’re kind of in a funk like that, for me as a Christian, I love worship music.
Worship music is gonna lift my energy and like put me kind of in a positive state. Sometimes I just have a fun playlist. Sometimes it’s just like fun music kind of has a, you know, an upbeat that just kind of shifts your mood when you’re just kind of, ugh. You know? The other thing is like, I would, if you love meditation, I like meditation just being out, sitting in nature for like five minutes. Yeah. Or saying like positive affirmations over yourself, you know, like, I am patient, I am calm, I am positive. And like just putting positive kind of like thoughts in like, I am loving with my kids, you know, I am compassionate.
And even though you don’t feel like it maybe in that mo moment, but as we’re saying these positive affirmations of ourselves, it will help us lift that mood from like feeling kind of like negative in a funk. I do teach my moms kind of like a meditation where you’re just imagining kind of like positive energy, like this bright light coming and shining on your face. Like, I think of it as like from like heaven, this like God’s peace and love coming over me and like pushing out any negative energy through my lens. Any frustration, agitation, annoyance, just allowing positive, peaceful energy to come over me. And just like, so there’s a lot of like strategies that you can implement in your day that will be helpful.
And it doesn’t have to take long, you know, it doesn’t have to, like, the meditation is like five minutes, you know, to just kind of like imagine like peaceful, calming energy to come over you. So those are kind of like things that come, you know, right on top like that. I’m like, oh, okay,
Wendy:
You have one here on your list that I love that is easy for me because, and it’s declutter a space that is not overwhelming. Isn’t that funny? Yeah. I think a lot of, I’ve heard a lot of moms can relate to this is like, the cleaning is really something that helps me feel better. Because here’s my question for you, Elizabeth. It’s so fascinating. I’m trying to life coach myself as I’m listening and just thinking about this, but I can’t wait to hear what you say sometimes. Like, so I’m, I always joke that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when you have a strong-willed kid. So I have a, you know, have this beautiful, very strong-willed little girl. She’s my almost 15 year old. And like the like unhealthy way to see it is like stubborn, right?
But at the same time, we are stubborn and we, we use that stubbornness. We, we try our best to use that stubbornness for good, right? Like, it was, I, I wanna record a podcast episode on this, but last month there was a few situations where I was like, yes, that stubbornness was awesome. Like it just accomplished something really important. Like happened two times that I was like, Stella, look, see, like this is where our need, like our desire to feel powerful is really healthy and stubbornness can be good. But anyways, in this situation it’s, it’s, I don’t like it, but I will get stubborn in the funk. So what the heck is this about Elizabeth? So like, as you’re talking and I’m thinking like, oh, sit down, meditate.
Like, you know, like imagine the bright white light and, and I love that when I’m in a rational brain, but when I’m in that funk brain, I’m like pissy and I’m just like, it’s almost like I’m stubborn to stay in it. Like nothing’s gonna make me feel better. But the thing that really I’m like, oh heck yeah, I would be on that in a second. I will, I do this naturally and now I’m gonna realize that it’s a way to take care of myself. Is the cleaning or decluttering the space? So it’s not overwhelming, but do you have any thoughts on like, what is that stubbornness about? Where we’re like, we’re kind of like, and, and does anybody else feel this? But it’s like you’re, you’re stubborn to like stay in the funk, not ra not logically.
I’m not sitting there saying to myself, I wanna stay in this funk, but I’m just, I’m just stubborn and pissy.
Elizabeth:
Yeah. I think, what is it? Yes, I, I think I can relate. I have sometimes days like that and it’s usually lines up with my PMs the week leading to my cycle. And it’s like, sometimes we just wanna justify being stubborn and I’m like, I’m allowed to be like this. I, I’m just, sometimes I just wanna have a bad day and I just like, and
Wendy:
Justify,
Elizabeth:
I think it like justifies your negative reactions, you know, when you’re kind of stubborn, you know, like when you’re stay that way, you’re like, I’m allowed to say a bad word. If I’m in a bad mood, I’m allowed to. And I think that’s kind of like where I see it from that lens because yeah, right now when we’re rational we can, you know, we see, we can see how like silly that is. But when we’re in that mood, when we’re stuck in it, when we’re in that emotional part of the brain where it sees only our perspective and all, everything from a negative lens, it just makes us almost kind of feel better in a way, way to justify our negative reactions.
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Wendy:
That’s exactly what it is. That’s beautiful, Elizabeth, because now it makes sense to me. So those, like we, in my work, I’ll I’ll call it automatic negative thoughts. Like it just quickly like comes to you like, this is the worst. Like, my daughter’s entitled or my son is needy, or whatever it may be. And we, we like to be right, right? Like, so I’m, I don’t know if you, I’m not huge into the Enneagram, but I do find it interesting and I’m like a two wing three and pride supposedly is like, you know, you gotta watch your pride, right? And everyone has to watch their pride side of things. Like as far as like, oh, I’m in, I am justified in doing this and I’m whatever.
But in that moment, I can see how refusing to get out of it is, is justifying and confirming and making myself right in these auto, these automatic negative thoughts. If I’m, if I feel sc, if I really just feel scared like that I, or I was able to shift it into I really am passionate and want to raise children who contribute and don’t like take, take, take, take, take. And then don’t give. Right? Like it’s a, it’s an important value for me to raise children who contribute and don’t like put, or, anyways, I was able to, I was able to shift it into like what I wanted, which felt good, but in the, in the moment I was still battling those like I’m, I’m raising an entitled child and then I wanna make myself right.
I don’t want, I nobody wants to be like, wow, that’s a, that’s a crazy thought. That’s not a right thought until you get into that rational state where you’re like, okay, let me write it down, let me disprove it. But in the moment it’s just like you said, it, it does make sense that you’re just justifying it. You’re in this habit of being like, I’m, my brain is right. I’m not wrong for thinking this. I, you know, so yeah,
Elizabeth:
Those automatic negative thoughts will actually sometimes push me even further into a funk. And that’s definitely one of the things I work with my clients is to shifting, redirecting those thoughts and creating like a new thought, which yeah, takes effort. It’s not something that easily comes to us as, you know, like, and you, this is something you intentionally work on yourself as well as when it comes to parenting. But we oftentimes don’t use it as it comes in, relate to us, you know, we use it as in relation to parenting, but sometimes when we’re struggling we also need to redirect, you know, those thoughts, you know? So yeah, that’s definitely something I help my clients as well.
Like, because that will either push you further into a funk or pull you out and touching back on decluttering. Yes. Clutter will create more stress to our brain. It’ll create extra overwhelm. So when we declutter and get rid of things and maybe even organize things, actually, not just organize, get rid of things, you know?
Wendy:
Yeah.
Elizabeth:
Throw things away.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Elizabeth:
We are mentally we feel better. Like our mind is less cluttered as well and that helps us kind of get out of that funk as well.
Wendy:
Yes. Oh, I love that. I wanna have a decluttering specialist on the show that like has evidence-based research around what that does. You know
Elizabeth:
I have a suggestion for you. We can talk about it later.
Wendy:
Okay, good. Yes. Okay, good. Because we, we need to have an episode on that because it is absolutely factual for sure. It’s like why I feel so good when I come back from Tara and I’ll go do like overnighters at a hotel just, just one night and you, and you’re in this space where there’s like nothing on the counters, there’s nothing, it feels so good. I’m like, I’m so relaxed right now because there’s nothing to like put in a drawer or it’s good stuff. Oh gosh, Elizabeth. So good. Well this is all so helpful. Any, any other thoughts that we kind of wanna, I mean we’ve definitely covered some amazing ideas on how do we get ourself out of a funk.
Any like, wrap up things like if you, maybe let’s just touch on to kind of put a bow on this, like, after you’ve been in a funk, a lot of times you do, you know, people around you have not suffered, but like, let’s just call it they’ve been affected, right? They’ve been affected. So let’s talk about just coming around and I don’t know if it’s like thanking I’ve, I’ve been, I just recorded a podcast episode on like, you know, how I’ve been for the last year ending like the, I’m sorry and turning it into thank you so much for your patience with me. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your grace. I was having a hard day and it just means a lot that, so like I, I can see myself, I should, I should have, I didn’t, but I should have followed.
I won’t, I won’t say that. I won’t say that Elizabeth. I always do this. My team always cracks up at me. Let me restate that. We don’t, there’s no shoulds. Right? Next time I would like to come back to Terry and say thank you for your patience with me. I know I was in a funk and it took me a little bit to get out of it and just thank you for your patience and for just hanging in there with me. Like I feel like that wrap it up thing important.
Elizabeth:
Yes, I love that. I haven’t done it like that, but I think this is such an amazing way of like shifting things and like coming alongside your family. Be like, I appreciate your patience with me today. I was having a really hard day and I maybe reacted and said things that I didn’t mean to like I’m sorry, would you please forgive me? And like taking ownership of that and just giving yourself grace and when like that’s the thing when mom guilt creeps in and it will, right? Like when we mess up like this, I work through the thoughts and we need to redirect those thoughts.
Like I’m a good mom who had a hard day. Yeah, I did my best and that is enough. You know, I’m allowed to make mistakes and I can repair when I make mistakes. Yeah. I’m doing my best in this moment, you know? And because we we’re so easy to like beat ourselves up and just bring all those negative thoughts and we do redirect that, give ourselves compassion and grace as well, not just to our kids but to us as well. And like my reminder for you is when you are in a funk like that and you’re reacting, it’s not because you really want to, it’s because you’re struggling.
Yeah. You’re really struggling and you need that extra support, whatever it might be in that moment. And why I’m so passionate about supporting moms is because when you’re in a funk and you don’t, you just stay in there for days and weeks and weeks, it permeates into the rest of the family. Like yeah, that energy like spreads and that’s why it’s so important for you as a mom to start doing things that will support you implementing some of these skills, maybe some healthy habits to shift your mindset so you are internally in a better place. It’s okay to have a hard day. We’re allowed to break down and cry and make mistakes and maybe do sometimes explode in our family, but then we come back and we apologize.
We take ownership for it and we need skills to get, not stay in there over and over and over again. Yeah. To help ourselves get out of it. And that’s my goal for you as mom, is to support yourself, your needs. So then you show up as a better self for the rest of the family.
Wendy:
Yes. And, and then, and then letting your family know what you’re working on, right? Like, and what you’re, you’re learning and how tomorrow’s a fresh day you’re gonna try again and you will keep trying, right? Like to do things differently when you have a funk. Right? I think that’s an important part of the wrap up or the making amends or repairing is not just the, I’m sorry or thanks for your patience, but hey, here’s what I’m continuing to learn and grow in and you can count on me to, to keep working on this. Like, I think that’s, that’s important for people to hear when, when, when you kind of wrap it up cuz it’s, sorry, sorrys, and like thanks for your patience.
They do go a long way. But that what’s more important is someone to hear that. Like, it’s not gonna keep repeating itself. Like you’re gonna keep working towards becoming healthier and healthier, right? Like I’ve, I, I know we always say like, no better do better, but I’ve been playing around with like, not using the term better as much because it’s like just different, right? Like, we’re already amazing, like you said, we’re doing a great job. Like you’re raising four incredible, beautiful souls. You just moved like so long, you’re running this beautiful business. Like, I’m like, I have, I’m amazing. Like I don’t need to be better, I just want to make different decisions tomorrow and have some healthier behaviors when I’m in a funk.
So I’ve just been playing around with that. Maybe I’ll record a podcast on the word better. I like love, I love the looking at semantics, you know, like I just find it very fascinating. Like what, what we, what our brain does when we say certain words. So anyways, Elizabeth, you are amazing. You are a light and I’m just thankful that you’re out there doing such beautiful work in the world and supporting moms in this capacity. Will you tell listeners where they can find you?
Elizabeth:
Yes, thank you. Thank you so much. So I hang out mostly on Instagram and my handle is emotionally healthy legacy and I have a podcast also under the same name, emotionally Healthy Legacy, where I share a lot of like helpful tips and suggestions that you can maybe shift in your mindset or actionable steps you can do today to kind of create more peace and calm in your day. How to be less triggered, maybe less frustrated by daily things. Maybe your kiddos, I mean if you’re highly sensitive, things that you can do to support yourself. So Instagram and my podcasts are my two favorite places where you can find me.
Wendy:
Oh, I love it. And then we will make sure that we link the episode like I said that I was on. So yes, listeners can go listen to that. And I’m like trying to recall what we talked about. Was it, I don’t know if you remember, was it discipline?
Elizabeth:
It was discipline, it was, you know, kind of positive parenting in the Christian community. That’s what we talked about.
Wendy:
Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, that conversation was so good and, and rich and beautiful. So we’ll make sure we link that. Elizabeth, thank you for taking time outta your day to spend this last hour with us and just bless our community with these beautiful points. I know I feel filled up and just lighter and more empowered. So thank you. Thank you for being here. Listeners, go check out Elizabeth’s work and thanks for being here.
Elizabeth:
Thank you.
Families, I hope that you have loved this episode as much as I have loved recording it for you. Don’t forget to go grab your free Quick Start Learning Bundle so you can really step into learning with me. Head on over to freshstartfamilyonline.com/free and you’ll get your downloadable learning guide about how to raise strong-willed kids with integrity so you don’t lose your mind. And then also an invite to join me for my free Power Struggles online workshop. All right, go grab that now. Freshstartfamilyonline.com/free. As always, thanks for listening and I’ll see you in the next episode.
For links and more information about everything we talked about in today’s episode. Head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/164.
Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
