There is only so much we can do alone. Community is the difference for many of us between temporary and lasting change.
On this episode of the Fresh Start Family Show, Wendy continues the conversation about the power of community with Fresh Start Experience Certified Community Coach and Fresh Start Family Show Podcast Manager Amy Sheira.
Tune in to hear how the community experience was the key to transforming this mama’s life so she could kick the yelling habit to the curb for good – and why it might just be the X factor that will help YOU make lasting changes this year!
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Inside this FREE learning bundle I’ll teach you:
*Firm & kind strategies to navigate challenging behavior with firm kindness & connection (vs. fear, force, yelling, threats & bribery)
*Ways to build connection instead of pushing your child away w/ heavy handed “hand me down parenting tactics”
*How to work WITH your kids instead of forcing them to comply or trying to MAKE them change
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Episode Highlights:
- Shame keeps us stuck and unable to make changes
- Community support normalizes and de-stigmatizes imperfect parenting
- Without consistency and solidarity, we often find ourselves feeling alone on our parenting journey and unable to get ourselves out
- When we can admit our mistakes and dive into learning as a community, we are able to make lasting changes and create the family of our dreams
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
FSF Show Episode 67 The Power of Community Part 1
Join the Become a Parenting Coach Waitlist!
Save Your Spot for the next Freedom to Be Course!
Wendy’s Articles:
The Night Threw a Book at My Kid &
Follow Wendy on Instagram!
Not able to listen or want to read along with us?
Here is the episode transcript!
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and Dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools, and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.
Wendy:
Well, hey, there families! Welcome to a new episode of the Fresh Start Family Show. I am really excited to be here today with Amy Sheira, who is one of my main coaches inside of our Fresh Start experience and also our Fresh Start Family Show Podcast Manager. Welcome to the show, Amy.
Amy:
Thank you so much, Wendy. I am beyond excited to be here today.
Wendy:
Oh, well I am just looking forward to this, Amy, because I’ve been sharing with you lately how I’m just really enjoying the conversations on the show. So I love to record alone, I love to teach. It’s fantastic. And I have just been enjoying just having some comradery on the show and having some collaborative conversations. That’s what makes it always really fun when Terry can record with me. And so I just thought, hey, in 2023 I wanted to have you on the show a little bit more so listeners could get to to know you. We have plans to have Courtney, one of our other main coaches inside of our Fresh Start experience on the show a little bit too in the new year.
But you know, we, we’ve chatted about how you and I are gonna record a little bit more together and I just think it’s gonna be amazing for the community to get to know you because I just cherish your help at Fresh Start Family. You are such an intricate and amazing part of our community and you just pour into our families that are part of the Fresh Start Experience with weekly coaching and just encouragement all the time. And then the amount of love that you pour into this podcast is amazing. So just thank you for being here, Amy, and we just adore you and are really thankful for you.
Amy:
Oh, Wendy, thank you so much. I feel so blessed to not have only had you as a mentor but now a boss and for sure a friend and I just really cherish the time that I’ve been able to learn from you and to give back into your amazing community that you’ve built, you know, just from nothing into this fantastic, you know, outreach for the masses. Hopefully we just keep reaching more and more to spread this amazing work.
Wendy:
Yes. Okay, well I think listeners would love to hear a little bit more about your story. So take us back to the beginning Amy, because you are an amazing mama of two. Are the boys now like 13 and 10? Is that right?
Amy:
That’s exactly, yep, that’s right. I’ve got 5th and 8th.
Wendy:
Oh, and I will say that Amy’s son is now doing some work for the company. He’s doing some editing work for us and you know, it’s just all in the family here. So we love
Amy:
Absolutely.
Wendy:
We love, like expanding our team is just awesome. So, but take us back to the beginning. How did you find positive parenting? I obviously know your story, but tell listeners all about it because you had a really beautiful journey from being pretty stressed out mom, using some hand me down parenting tactics and now, you know, becoming a certified parenting coach and working with Fresh Start Family and just spreading light all over the world like you do. So take us back to the beginning and tell us your story.
Amy:
For sure. Yeah, so it started out with my first as like the dream parenting and he was so easygoing and just like unlike your Stella, you know, with your, she being your challenging first one. I really, with Kaden had just had so much peace and love for parenting and for that toddler ages and for like, just starting to see things through like through kid eyes again and just, I was that mom, you know, like we did the homemade Play-Doh and we constantly did like nature things and we just, it was just so much fun. And then his little brother came along about two and a half years, like Kaden was about two and a half and we were navigating our way and you just start to see, you know, like a little bit of the dynamic change and he was just not the same kid.
And I just had this concept in my head that like, I’m doing everything the same, why isn’t it going the same? You know? And it just led to a lot more stress, a lot more push and pull. It started bringing out things that I had been modeled and had absorbed and knew I didn’t wanna do, but that was what was in there. So that’s what was coming out.
Wendy:
Yeah, you mean from growing up in from grow with autocratic methods?
Amy:
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So you know, like you’ve always said, and it’s the same like, love my parents then I know they just did what they saw too, which is why this work is so important of breaking that generational cycle is if you don’t learn new things, what you saw growing up is what comes out. You know, there was spanking, there was threatening, there was a lot of yelling that I was doing and I just felt awful and it was just not who I wanted to be as a mom. I started feeling like, why am I messing up my kids? Like I, I, I kind of in the background knew it was me who was bringing out these behaviors in them, but at the same time, you know, you just keep plucking away thinking at some point it’s gonna change and work to keep doing those things, but it’s broken.
It doesn’t, it doesn’t change and work. Maybe around, I think it was 2017 I found your work and I had for a few years been doing a lot of different other parenting books and podcasts and things, trying to find my way and just like nothing would stick, I would learn about these concepts and each time I was so hopeful, like, this’ll be the thing, this’ll be what I learned and now I’m gonna do it. And just on my own, it was not cap – I was not capable, to just do it on my own. It’s just, you need something else. I would say like I needed my, like my, my weekly AA like my parenting AA you know, when you show up, when you show up weekly or a couple times a week and stay top of mind of what your goals are and what you’re trying to change, that’s when the change comes.
It, it doesn’t come from reading a book and putting that book aside.
Wendy:
So yeah. And you were, I think you were a, were you a founding member?
Amy:
I was first, yeah, I was first season.
Wendy:
So 2017, I don’t even remember, but I mean, I wanna say we must have had like 20 members or something back then right out the gate
Amy:
Started. Yes. But I, you were just so, like, you were so capable and confident and so inspiring. Nobody would’ve known you were new, like back then, I probably didn’t even realize at the time that that was the first time you’d opened your doors.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Amy:
So it was just a fantastic timing. But I, I remember telling my husband like, I, I think I really need to do this. Like, can we do this? You know, and, and he’s like, yeah, if, if this is gonna help, because he, he would come home from work and I’d be stressed out and yelling at kids and trying to get people to do different behaviors and he’s like, I, I kind wanna stay at work longer. Like
Wendy:
Yeah,
Amy:
Yeah. Like why would I come home to this? You know? And it, it, it’s just, it’s just not something that you can talk yourself out of, you know, you don’t just tell yourself, okay, I’m not gonna yell anymore, and then that works. So it’s not until you invest your time, invest in programs, be consistent with showing up and having a community to just love on you and show you like you’re not an awful mom. Like you, you have so many amazing qualities, here’s how to redirect some of those things you learned growing up.
Wendy:
Yeah, it’s so true. Yeah. And so, yeah, I remember you were, you were actively involved I wanna say for like a few years before you were like, okay Wendy, I think I’m feeling like I might be ready to grad. We call it graduation, right?
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Like, yeah, a lot of our members at the Fresh Start Experience, they, I mean we’ve, we still have founding members to this day, right. Who just never go anywhere because they just love to know that they’re part of this community. Yeah. When they need us. We’re there like all the things, but by the point you got to fluency, you were like, okay Wendy, I’m feeling really good. And then you decided you started to get to itch to become certified, right? So you had like a different certification experience and it
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Like you didn’t quite like come out of it being like, oh, okay, now I’m gonna like I feel capable. Just riff a little bit about that cause I know it was an amazing, and you don’t have to name names or anything, but yeah, it was a great experience but at the also at the same time you were still yearning for more and that’s when we connected again.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Right? Is that, is that, do I have,
Amy:
Yeah, so, right, exactly. I was fortunate to have been able to actually meet you a couple times in California because we would take our holidays down and then we
Wendy:
Go the beach Beach
Amy:
Beautiful California is amazing. And I remember asking like are like, are you able to certify? Are you gonna train coaches? Basically cuz I wanna do this but I don’t, I don’t know how to get started in all this. And you’re like, yeah, this is, it’s on, you know, it’s in the works at, at some point down the road I would love to. And I just remember thinking like, oh, it would be really great if, you know Wendy would be in charge of coaching us to be coaches. And so you told me some, you know, some references, some, some people I could work with and try to get certified. So I went through that training and got certified as a positive parenting educator and it was just, I, it just kind of fell flat. I just, and it was like right around the time when Covid hit, there was things happening where it was like, okay, I guess this isn’t quite right, it’s not a good fit.
I need a little bit, I need a little bit different start to this. So then later when you came out with your program, it was just the perfect opportunity. Get back into a place that felt like home already. You know, I wasn’t starting from scratch and finding, trying to find my way, I was already, I already felt welcome back home. So it was, it was the best feeling.
Wendy:
Yeah. And at the time we were like expanding and I knew that I always adored you and just admired you so much and had, you know, having the pleasure and honored to like witness your growth journey as a mom. So I think at that time I actually was like, Hey, we’re, our membership is getting pretty big. Do you wanna come in and start coaching? And that’s when you were like, yes. And we put you through the Become a Parenting Coach program and then you came out on the other side just so strong and confident and that was so fun, that experience to go through.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Those many months of having you with the co cohort you were in and that training program was just really, really fun. That’s become one of my favorite things to do here at Fresh Short Family is that advanced level certification program, Become a Parenting Coach because it’s just a really special group when someone goes to that level and really like taking it to that level when it, it’s, it’s the best way to learn because if you’re really into it, like people like you and I are because it actually is the deepest way to affect your family. Like when you’re learning to help others, it’s like it’s the the best investment in your own family because it’s, you get so strengthened and of course like your classroom is your family, right? Yeah.
So everything that you’re learning, every like tool or or strategy or that you’re taking to a deeper level, like you’re practicing at home, you’re strengthening your own family. So that was really fun. But then you came, you ke came on more like more in a bigger capacity at Fresh Start Family. And now, I mean you are one of our main coaches within the program and you do all of our podcast management and you’ve just got a big role at Fresh Start Family. And I know, I mean you’re, you have probably coached at this point, you know, thousands of times and worked with hundreds and hundreds of families from all over the world and they adore you and your coaching is just always so spot on. And there’s oftentimes when I see you and Courtney’s coaching that I’m like, oh my gosh, mission accomplished.
They’re now better coaches than me. Like, you know, my business mentors are always like, you wanna find staff that is like, becomes better than you, right? Like you always wanna elevate them to the point where they’re, and we all have our own special sauce, right? But it’s just the perfect mix of having this incredible team that you serve on that coaches in addition to myself of of course within our Fresh Start Experience. It’s just really, really cool. So. Well that’s awesome. And so now like, you know, obviously you were stressed back then, you had a lot of reactive tendencies and also like, just looking at the past, like the way you grew up there, there was a little bit of religious trauma in there too, right? Like there like the bible and scripture was used as a like, because again, our, our parents did what they could with what they knew, right?
Like so many of the families we help, you know, they thought like that this meant that you need to hurt and harm your, your child in the name of God. And so that was, that was involved for you too, right? Which you were
Amy:
Yeah, for sure.
Wendy:
Actively recovering from and healing from over the last, you know, five, 10 years or whatever. But today we are going to talk you guys about where, you know, the power of community to get you where you wanna go. And so just talk to us a little bit, Amy, where you sit now, like how you spend your days with your boys, you know, like, gosh, I think of one of the success stories you just shared about what your little boy shared in in school one day like, but just the way your family operates now versus the way it operated back then and how you felt as a mom, how you feel now. Will you tell us a little bit about that now?
Amy:
Yeah, for sure. So I was starting to really see the rift in the relationship. So I had like almost kindergartner and second grader and I remember the second grader, Kaden at one point on a school field trip. He was just really unhappy with me and I’m sure I was just very, I was very controlling. I was trying to fig, you know, just always be in charge of too many things and he has power tendencies for sure, which I didn’t understand at the time. And I told him like every, like all your friends are being so nice to me, like why are you being so mean? And he said, cuz you don’t cuz they don’t know what you’re really like at home.
Wendy:
Oh dang.
Amy:
And it was like, oh my gosh, like this is awful. But at the time, you know, you, it takes a little bit to be able to step back and have that humbleness and say like, like this is like this is true. You know? And yeah, there
Wendy:
We become thankful and become thankful for those messages that really become a pivotal moment in your life.
They do. Because I didn’t want that for my legacy. I didn’t want to be remembered as like a mom who was never happy, always trying to control and always yelling. I was like, I can do better. I just like, I just wanna invest in change. And so getting started through the Foundations Course and getting, you know, those couple of years in the Bonfire with the community support just began to unpeel those layers and you just start to retrain those neural connections and just have better, not better, but have different reactions, be able to respond. Yeah. And so eventually I just started progressing towards like really making that my go-to of like creating that space, you know, taking that calming breath, that heart connector working on not putting, being right more important than being connected.
You know, that connection over correction that we do. It just, it makes so much difference to put your pr your relationship with your kids kids as the priority over being, right? So I started to be able to be compassionate and empathetic and, and show, you know, a vulnerable side with them and make amends all the things we learned, you know, all the beautiful things we learned to where we were repairing the relationship. We were finding that closeness, like Kaden and I are best friends. I mean I never thought like to have my 13 year old boy wanna hang out with me and like not prefer to be out to be home. Like you would always talk about this stuff about Stella and I would, you know, in the back of your head you’re like, well yeah cuz she’s, you know, she’s amazing, she’s Wendy.
Wendy:
She’s Wendy, yeah. And then I’m like Screaming and slamming doors behind closed doors!
Amy:
It just goes to prove like, it’s not that you’re special, it’s not that I’m special, it’s that this work is special. It’s that when you actually implement these changes and get yourself into the program that you need to be in to be able to do this on a consistent basis, that’s when you’re gonna see the same results that we, you and I see. It’s not, it’s not anything special, it’s nothing. We’re like, you know, making up is possible. I love that he will come and talk to me and I love that he has this closeness with his brother and you know, that our, as a family, we just have gotten away from the heaviness that was hanging over us from, you know, the constant shaming or blaming or punishing or screaming and, you know, it’s, there’s just like a, a different vibe in the house and when something is off, we feel it.
Like, we’re like, whoa, okay, let’s check in and see what’s going on. Cause then I haven’t heard that out of you in a really long time. It’s the exception now instead of the rule, which, you know, it’s just such a different feeling to be grow, you know? Yeah. Growing up my boys in this environment versus how I know how it was in, you know, my husband and I home, so
Wendy:
Yep. Because your husband, he grew up in Egypt, right? So was there like a lot of heavy-handed autocratic parenting in Egypt or?
Amy:
Yeah, for sure, for sure. There’s, there’s definitely, I mean, so many cultures, they just, it’s the, the parent is right, you know, the adult is right. You don’t question a lot. Your job is to kind of Yes sir, yes ma’am. And, and
Wendy:
Got it.
Amy:
Do what you’re told. Yeah.
Wendy:
So And so now I imagine that like you, you talked about when a conflict or when a situation a challenge does come up, do you feel like you have the tools to solve the conflict with dignity and integrity most of the time, right? Like, you know, like we still make mistakes. Like, we’re very, very big about being humble and vulnerable with our own mistakes. Like I feel like as coaches, we really do get, all of us get excited that if we mess up, we’re like, everybody, listen, listen, I messed up too. Look, look over here. Like, and this is how I repaired it. But like that feeling of empowerment, which like when, when a challenge comes your way or when a misbehavior or you’re worried that your child isn’t doing whatever, like you don’t panic, right?
Like you’re like, okay, let me sit down. Okay, let’s take a breath. We have all these options on how we’re gonna teach, how we’re gonna work this out, how we’re gonna redirect the mis the misbehavior. And then that to me is empowerment, right? So, and I love the success story you shared a few weeks ago that Kaden was doing, I think it was Kaden, right? A 13 year old, he was doing a report for school and he was analyzing a book, right? And he was sharing how he realized the character, she was making a collage, right? Like she had ripped up something and she was this character that was making this art collage. And he didn’t just speak to like how she made this art out of nothing, but he spoke to how he can understand probably where she was coming from because it was a way for her to feel powerful when she might have not had power in other areas of her life.
And that story was like really pivotal for me to have see that own his own writing at the age of 13. That he’s, he, he understands human psychology, that everybody is seeking to feel powerful. And that is not, like, that tells me that you’ve done an amazing job of teaching this little boy who had power tendencies and so many kids, right? They get like, they just are told something’s wrong or they’re not, maybe you don’t even say it, but they’re, they inherit this belief system that something is wrong with them. And instead this little boy that now is 13 has been taught like there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just seek actively seeking to feel powerful, right? Quite often. And there are healthy ways to feel powerful and there are unhealthy ways arguing with your mom or like, you know, being a jerk to your brother is unhealthy ways.
And, and so he gets it at the age of 13 when he is looking at somebody else and he can see that like, oh, she has a desire. So I just thought that was a really cool one.
Amy:
Yes, no, for sure. I, I love seeing it come out when you’s like, you know, it’s like the, I don’t know if it’s getting in there. I, I keep doing, you know, I keep saying these things, I keep teaching these things, but is it in there? And then like they, they prove it time and time again. It’s getting in there because they’re, they’re, you’re modeling it and they’re absorbing what they’re seeing. And, and when you start doing this work, now you’re modeling healthy things that they’re absorbing and you’re not thinking like, oh my gosh, where’s the restore to factory settings button? Is what I used to tell my husband. Like,
Wendy:
Yeah,
Amy:
I wish I could just like start over. Like I feel like I’ve ruined my kids. But you don’t, you just, you just keep learning and, and adapting and you know, neuroplasticity and all the things help us to be able to be hopeful that there’s change it coming.
Wendy:
Yeah, amazing.
Amy:
But I think being able to see that, see their behaviors for what they are and learning how to detach and just like take that moment has been so pivotal for me because I don’t have to be reactive to something that they say. I don’t have to take it personally. I don’t have to even like, do anything about it necessarily. And in their own ears they hear it and they’re like, well, sorry, sorry I said that I didn’t mean it, you know, or whatever. They just, they’re learning it just like your Stella, just like your kids.
Wendy:
Yeah. We have a lot of success stories, right? That Google doc we have now, you know, it’s over 800 pages long, but we do have a lot in there. You, you and I take turns and Courtney takes turns hosting our Monday morning success celebration calls, we call them every Monday. But we do have a lot of success stories in there where parents, once they learn to not react and jumped and correct and scold and they give that little bit of space, the kid actually corrects themself quite often, right? Like, and then they’re, and then they, then it’s sustainable. It like sticks. They, when someone isn’t like, yeah, they’re like, oh whoops, I actually spoke in away that I, I’m, let me try that again. Or, and that’s what, that’s one of the many things that comes from this work.
Now that’s your strong-willed one, your older one or his power tendencies. I don’t know if you describe him as strong-willed, but talk to me a little bit about the little one. Like, so yeah, obviously like, you know everything about me and my little one, like 98% of the people who come into our programs and are part of our community do I think I know have at least like one strong-willed kid or a kid with power tendencies, right? Like, or they’re in a really big power surge of life. So power surge stage of life is be usually between the ages of two and six and then let’s say like 13 and 18, like teen tween years or, and then the toddler years is when like you can expect every child on the planet to be like surging and really like, which is developmentally appropriate, like seeking more power, right?
That’s like good news. It means they’re developing right? Like correctly. And then on top of that, like some of us just got these blessed with these beautiful kiddos that have an extra desire, right? Since birth some are like a level a hundred strong will and then others are just like, they, they’re really like, they have a pretty big bucket and they wanna feel powerful often. But your little one is, he is, he’s a little bit more of the easygoing personality. Like Terrin, right? Like maybe you could speak to a little bit.
Amy:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wendy:
Maybe you could speak to how some of the things, and then we, we are gonna get into community here in a second. I know we’re just kind of riffing in conversation, but like there are different things that that really benefit when you have just a different personality, right? But it’s all just as beautiful. So has there been some things with the little one that, like with Terrin it was like, it’s self-confidence, it’s separation anxiety, it’s like learning to like really navigate the feeling of scared without panicking when he’s embarrassed or fear of judgment. Like very sensitive, beautiful young boy. Like I can’t imagine raising him without this work. So what about your little guy?
Amy:
For sure. Yeah, so Zane definitely throws me curve balls. I still feel like sometimes I’m trying to figure him out because he just, he just has so much, he just has so much to offer. And there’s that, I mean, I’m a youngest child too, so a lot of times I relate really well with him of having like this sort of golden child, older sibling that you’re not, we’ve, you know, we’ve been able to be doing this work long enough that we don’t, you know, nobody’s in anybody’s shadow, but you just kind of do that on your own. So I, we just really empower him to try and look at his own strengths, find his own uniqueness and, and celebrate that. He’s power in a way where he wants his own autonomy. He doesn’t necessarily wanna be in charge of anybody else, but he really, really values being in charge of himself.
And that’s
Wendy:
Such a great way to say it. Terrin too. Yeah.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
But Stella wants to be in charge of other people too.
Amy:
Oh yeah,
Wendy:
She, sorry to interrupt. When she rides e-bikes these days, like they, her and her friends like to ride together. So if they’re on but somebody else’s bike, cuz it has a bigger backseat, she drives, it’s so funny, she drives their bike.
Amy:
That’s great.
Wendy:
But that resonates cuz Terrin’s similar. Sure. He really is kind of, he has a strong desire to lead himself like he wants to charge. And
Amy:
I think when you have an older sibling who likes to be in charge of you, that all the more comes out, right? You just naturally wanna like set that firm boundary. No, I got this, I I know what’s best for me. So yeah, we
Wendy:
That’s so true.
Amy:
We, we try to empower him and we try to give him a lot of choices. It’s been really big and not demanding. Like, I mean I I probably grew up in a family where it’s like you got asked and you were expected, like why haven’t you done it yet? Like I just, I think being able to hold that space and say like, okay, in my head I’m counting to 17 seconds and I know in a minute he’s gonna move and I don’t need to come in heavy handed to try to, you know, motivate him faster. There’s, there’s,
Wendy:
We call that the 17 second rule families, we teach about that in the Fresh Starting Experience.
Amy:
I was just talking to my friend from back in Alaska last week and she was talking about how she still uses that rule that I taught her. She said saves her. Like she just been able to implement that with her kids and it just makes a huge difference. But yeah, so Zane, he’s quieter. He definitely takes his time with people, which I loved learning to not label as shy or to tell him, you know, tell people in front of him, oh he’s shy if he doesn’t say hi to you, he’s shy. We, we never like, we got away from that really, really early on and just say like, oh he takes this time with new people or you know, he’ll, he’ll do it his way when he’s ready or this or that. It just
Wendy:
Terrin’s the same exact way.
Amy:
Bring yes, bring that power back again. So he feels comfortable and confident.
Wendy:
Just last night I had to like, where was he? He was somewhere he was ordering something and he wasn’t looking the person in the eye. And I was like, oh my gosh, I was so weird in my, I was like, oh look at that knee-jerk old school. Hand-me-down parenting thought that I al I almo. I wanted to say to him, look them in the eye when you order and where was it? It was like, Where were we last night? We were at, I don’t even know. I don’t even know. But, and I, it was so cool to catch myself and be like, oh my gosh, that’s such an old school thought pattern. Like he’ll in his own time learn to feel more confident looking an adult in the eye when he speaks, but Right. I don’t need to like make him, you know, it’s
Amy:
No, I totally understand my mind that I keep working towards is I’ll just jump in there with the remember to say thank you like after something. Yes. And, and he’ll or he’ll say I said it, but it was so small that I didn’t hear it and I said, you know, I, so I work on that one a lot where I’m like, okay, if he said it, he said it, it didn’t need to be on a microphone, you know?
Wendy:
Right. Oh my gosh, that’s so cool. Well that’s, that’s, I just wanted families to hear that because we speak so much about the strong-willed kids, I really do think that here at Fresh Start Family families who hear our message and are like, oh my gosh, they like run to sign up for our programs. They usually are like dying with a strong-willed kid and then we help them find joy and just change their life. But then what you don’t realize right in the beginning is it’s all like all of the kids benefit, like every single child on the planet needs and deserves this kind of connected relationship based firm and kind parenting like every single human on the planet. And it just looks a little different, but it, it’s all the same but it just looks a little different than like the power struggle dissolving strategies that we’re doing with the power kids a lot who have a tendency to get into the revenge just behaviors.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
And there’s hitting and there’s kicking and they’re biting, eyes are rolling and they’re just strong. Their voices are strong. So just a little bit different. Yeah. Awesome.
Amy:
But yeah, I think pouring into the inadequacy kiddos is just as important because they, they definitely can develop into strong and believing in themselves when we don’t overwhelm them, when we don’t put, you know, those expectations on them so they can
Wendy:
And rescue them, right? Like re the rescuing that’s like what the inadequacy kids or the, and what we mean families is like kids who happen to be shy like you know, if what traditionally labeled as shy or separation anxiety, that kind of stuff, they have a lot of inadequacy behaviors so they just, you know, feel like there’s a lot of thoughts of like, I can’t do this, I’m not capable. And it’s amazing how transformational for families and for kids and for the world, it is when you learn to empower and support and hold them in the light versus rescue them because a lot of parents do move towards just doing it for them and then often being really annoyed at that, especially when they grow up and they’re still asking for parents to fill out their SATor their college application
Amy:
Oh my gosh.
Wendy:
In high school. And then you realize, oh I’ve enabled this kid my whole life. Amazing. Okay, well we we wanted to just read a few success stories here in a minute just cuz Amy and I know these families so well. So we hopped into our document this morning and, and you and I just each grabbed a few when we like command f I think we community, right Community was the word that we were like command F and we were just like, oh, let’s see what we have in the last few months. And so we were gonna share a few and just kind of riff on what those stories meant to us. Cuz it’s one of the joys of our job is like reading and sharing just the transformation that’s happening and all, all over the world. But before we do that, Amy, can you just share for you the power of community.
So, so you shared like how you, you were reading a lot of books right before you really felt like you got into this season of thriving as a mom. You were reading books, you, I think you might have done a program or two, but what was it about the Fresh Start Experience or the community, some of the aspects that you loved so much and, and you and I like, we still benefit to this day day even if, even though we’re the staff and we’re the leaders within there. Like it’s still the same stuff, right? Like, but share a few things that are like, were really pivotal for you to help you feel like you could be in a growing environment where you had the right soil and the right nutrients and the right sunshine on you to enable your growth.
Amy:
I think for sure, like again, like the consistency, it’s like, it’s the reason why church works to come every single week or you know, an AA group for getting support through an addiction or just whatever. Just having that community there for you every week. And you know, we have introvert, we have extrovert kind of tendencies in our group and there’s no right or wrong way to show up in the group. People like to sit back more and just sort of observe or they like to be really active. You know, we have these couple of members who are like every single week they have successes and questions and then there’s members who are just in the background sort of soaking it all in and learning that way and that it’s all beautiful and it’s all right. Yeah. Cause there’s no right or wrong way to, to be in the group.
But I think I, I started finding solidarity and sisterhood and like, and you know, connection in a way where it’s like you don’t have to be convincing these people of that you’re a good mom or you know, that you’re, that you don’t wanna spank anymore. Like we’re all there like-minded. We were just showing up vulnerably and you know, everything we’ve learned about vulnerability and just how to connect with others helps break down those, you know, those walls that keep you stuck or shamed or not making changes. So when I would show up to group and I would see the successes or see someone else having a, a question that week of something I can relate to you just, you just automatically feel that connection and that you’re not alone and you get to learn from what worked for them so that you can go home and try it too.
And you know, you’ll often talk about Friday like how things align and that even if it wasn’t your question or, or whatever, you’re still gonna learn from what’s brought to the group that week. And it’s so true. Like at some point you’re gonna be able to apply what came up because these are not necessarily unique problems. They’re just things that we’re all gonna go through on this parenting journey. We, we are all gonna have kids who at some point lied or felt scared or inadequate or you know, yelled back at us, I hate you or you know, and just knowing that you’re not alone and having the consistency from how we meet every week and you can show up as many times as you want. You know, you even when we’re not meeting for coaching or something that the group is there we can call out for like, Hey, does anybody have any ideas on this?
Or Yeah, can someone support me about that? And they’re there for you. Like within an hour you’ll have, you know, five or six comments on like, maybe I haven’t been through this, but I’m here for you. Or thanks for showing up and you know, you’re, you’re not alone. And that just makes such a difference because a lot of us don’t have siblings or friends or parents or grandparents who understand why we’re doing this. And in this community you have like a couple of hundred people who are ready to show up and be on your team even when you messed up, even when you didn’t do it perfectly.
Wendy:
Yes.
Amy:
And just to encourage you to keep going.
Wendy:
Yeah. That’s beautiful. And that is like, I think that’s my favorite thing. I mean there’s a million things about this community that we’ve, we’ve built and we really have built it together. You’ve been pivotal but but like the shame shaking. So I just feel like you can’t get that in private. Right? A lot of people message me and they’re like, do you do private sessions? And, and for the most part I really don’t. I do them for my members every once in a while and like high level Become a Parenting Coach, students and Freedom to Be students. But I just really deeply believe in the power of seeing that there’s nothing wrong with you even after your biggest mistakes and worst moments or like speaking like aloud so to speak. But even if it’s in writing that like the behaviors that your child is, is struggling with that seemed so taboo, right?
Like, oh my gosh if anyone knew that they were doing this or that they bit their brother. I mean I have the best story ever when Stella bit Terrin and drew blood out of his back at 11 months old and I just remember being so embarrassed. Like I could never tell anybody that cuz they like, and I thought Stella was possessed. I thought she literally needed like an exorcism. I really did Google exorcism and I watched a bipolar documentary like I’m pretty sure like soon after that. But there’s like this beautiful consistent presence of like anything goes in that group.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Like there is, there is stuff that is dropped that that is like, I don’t know, I’ve never heard of a group that is that safe and vulnerable
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
In my entire life. And that is what it takes to say no more, I’m not gonna do this anymore. You know, like some of my most pivotal moments have been the really shitty moments as a parent and saying like, I can’t do this anymore but I can’t hold onto this shame. Like I gotta let you know, that’s why I wrote the article The Night I Threw a Book at My Kid and I Left Bruises, right? Like cuz I, you, the human body is not designed to hold onto shame and there is nothing wrong with you. Right? Like, and it’s just this knee-jerk reaction to like wanna defend or protect yourself. Like even when I say those things, I feel like I need to preface it like, well it was a soft covered book when I threw the book, you know, I wrote an article you can Google The Night I Threw a Book at My Kid.
like I wanna preface like it was a soft covered book and she was okay and, and then I Left Bruises. I wanna, the article again, you can Google and, and Amy will put it in the show notes page like I left bruises, right. But I, it’s like still, I still to this day like can feel the release of shame coming off of me. I wanna be like, look, they were just two fingerprint bruises. Like it was just from grabbing his arm too tight. Right? But like I can feel, but that is so heavy for, for normal people operating in the world like who have strong-willed kids who, you know, introduce themselves to me every single day on Instagram like Courtney and I see them, right? Cuz Courtney helps me welcome all the families. Like there are people living in so much shame from what is going on behind closed doors that they think they couldn’t tell anybody that.
And then you hide it, you keep it under wraps, you think that you’re alone, you think something’s wrong with you and really you just need to say like, Hey I did this today. Like I I’ve been, I haven’t spanked in three months, I don’t wanna spank anymore. And last night I lost my cool and I spanked my kid and today I’m just like, what is wrong with me? Right. And like the support just rushes in. The coaches are there for you, the community is there for you. But that’s one of the most transformative elements I think of our community that I do think is really different. Right. Would you agree or do you, have you experienced that?
Amy:
Yeah, absolutely. I mean you just, you feel the sense of relief come when somebody posts something and they just needed to kind of like put it out there.
Wendy:
Yeah
Amy:
And like, you know, we learned in Freedom to Be like get in their big comfy chair about it and just know that they’re not alone in that this might have been a really awful day they’re gonna come back in a couple days with, with a success because
Wendy:
Yep.
Amy:
You know it’s coming. It’s never stays dark for you know, the morning’s coming. So you have this opportunity to be vulnerable with both ways. You don’t have to show up and only have success stories. Like we, we welcome everything that you know, everything you’re going through, we wanna see your good positive successes but we also wanna be there for you. And you know, when you’re having those awful moments and when you just need to have some solidarity with with other people who are holding space for you.
Wendy:
Yeah. Because guilt is, and guilt is different than shame. You guys remember like guilt is a god-given beautiful emotion or not even emotion, it’s a it I guess it’s kind of an emotion, right? Like guilt. Yeah, guilt is interesting. It’s kind of is its own emotion. I was gonna say it’s kind of related to scared but not really. It’s kind of on its own but it will guide you to take responsibility and create future change. Like it is the feeling you get when you feel guilty that you’ve done something. We always say if you feel guilty, you are guilty, how are you gonna make amends? Like how are you gonna change? Like just make amends cha, change your behavior, make a different choice. Right? And you’re capable of doing that when you stay outta shame.
But as soon as shame comes into the picture, something’s wrong with me. I’m ruining my kids like or blame shame or blame together. But especially shame and blame is more like if my kids weren’t so crazy, I wouldn’t have to yell, I wouldn’t have to hit them if they would just behave better, that’s blame. And then shame is like literally something’s wrong with me. I’m ruining my kids like I should know this by now. Like shame on me. Like what the hell is wrong with me? That will actually keep you stuck and you will never be able to stop yelling. You will never be able to actually compassionately discipline effectively and successfully if you are carrying any type of shame. So we have a lot of programs that help shake shame.
Freedom to Be is a huge one, which you’ve been through Amy. Next one is March 24th in sunny San Diego, California. It’s gonna be so good. But every day being part of the Fresh Start Experience community, there’s just little layers of shame come off because you say you admit things, other people admit things and then you’re in a true stance of power where you can then actually say and do what you wanna do in your life. And for most people who come into our programs, that is, they wanna be more responsive. They wanna stay calm and confident when mistakes and misbehavior happens because we’re raising human beings, not robots. They wanna discipline with compassion, they wanna teach important life lessons with grace and dignity and connection.
And they wanna solve power struggles without threatening and raising their voice at their kids all day long. They want to influence their kids to listen and cooperate out of true respect, right? Not because they’re scared of their parents or it’s scared of a consequence. Like those are things universally that the families who become part of the Fresh Start Experience want and you’re able to do those things when you shake the shame. But you cannot be holding onto shame. You are a normal human parent who makes mistakes and you have inherited a lot of hand me down parenting tactics. Your body probably has a lot of unresolved trauma from your past. And the first step is awareness and just saying like, Hey, today was shit-ty.
Here’s what happened and here’s what I wanna do tomorrow. And any advice or coaching is welcome, right?
Amy:
Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.
Wendy:
So good. Well let’s just read a few, I know we’re, we’re trying to wrap in an hour and we’ll probably go a little bit over so, but I did wanna read just a few that we found that I thought were really beautiful. So the first one is from a Mama Tina. I think Tina has three kids, right? I wanna say and she just went through Freedom to Be this last fall and just had a beautiful experience. I just was on a coaching call with her the other day actually. But she shares this week has been a big turning point from getting us out of the messy middle and towards some big changes in our home. Did she just post about this? Actually, Amy? Did this
Amy:
Yeah, these are re Yeah, these are really good.
Wendy:
Oh, I just coached her on the messy middle, so that’s beautiful. Okay, so out of the messy middle and towards some big changes in our home, there has been a lot less yelling, arguing, bickering, hitting, teasing, all of it. This stuff is really working and I’m so grateful for how far we have come. I’ve been working diligently to, implement all that Fresh Start teaches this week. I believe the most powerful change for our family was implementing the two of the power struggle, dissolving strategy, loving guidance and friendly action which we teach inside of the Fresh Start Experience, the eye contact and smile and belief in my heart that my kids could do it equals a big shift in all of us. I was focusing on using these strategies specifically with AM PM routines, bedtimes ending screen time and my daughter waiting to eat food for medical reasons.
Although there were still pushback, and rightfully so, I had the tools to successfully guide them towards doing what needed to be done. Per a suggestion you made last week, Wendy, if we got everything on our morning charts done, we could turn up some loud music and have a dance party as a celebration. I would be silly and the kids would giggle or join in, but it was a way fun and lot less stressful than always having to find a reward. Yes, we talk a lot about getting out of threats, but we also help families get out of bribery rewards.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
So it goes on, she says, to top off the week I chaperoned my son’s fourth grade field trip to a corn maze. It made me really emotional because I was so proud of how he participated and who he is becoming. He’s so strong-willed and always has been. I know our journey has been rough, but I see who God has made him and this work allows me to come beside him. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna cry Instead of squashing his spirit. And this work gives me the tools to not only be a great mama to my kids, but also the tools to guide other kids. My husband couldn’t believe all the good things I had to say after the field trip. He told me to record myself as a, do you really hear what you are saying?
Because week after week for the past decade, I’ve just wanted to be done with parenting. It was such a joy to taste some fruit and see that things in our home are turning around for the better. Holy crap. That is beautiful. I had not read that one yet, Amy.
Amy:
Yeah. And finished the bold there. That’s also hers. The thank you, Wendy.
Wendy:
Thank you Wendy. Your team and this community for what you do. It’s a privilege to be with like-minded parents to press into my dreams for my family. Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you found that one because I had, I had not seen that. Wow.
Amy:
Yeah,
Wendy:
that was Amazing.
Amy:
I think that was just from this week maybe so. Yeah, for sure. It’s so inspiring when they, it’s not just them seeing it, their kids see it, their husband see it. Everybody is able to feel the difference once they’re part of, once they’re part of this community and making these changes. It’s just incredible.
Wendy:
Yeah, and I think for me, I always get the tears of joy and that’s always what comes to me. Like when I have that emotion come up when I host success stories is because I just, I just picture like all the kids who, parents just don’t hear this message and they do get their will broken in air quotes and I just think of all these, these kids in the Fresh Start Experience and community that are just being raised in this different capacity and it just brings me so much joy because they, they deserve that. They deserve that. So awesome. Okay, the next one’s from Stacey who’s actually our data and budget analyst. She’s like our numbers guru girl.
So she’s actually on our team, but she’s actually, she’s a really active member in the community too and she’s amazing. She actually like called me like, what was that six months ago and was like, Wendy, I’m obsessed with Fresh Start Family and I wanna work for you. I’ve worked for big companies doing data, but like let’s do this. And I was like, you know what girl, let’s do it. So now she’s doing all the Google analytics behind like all of the things that we do and budget and da. She’s amazing but she’s also an amazing, she’s first and foremost and amazing mother. So she shares Charlie nine has come to me multiple times this week to tell me he feels nervous. The topics causing nerves were all very different.
I had such an aha moment this week and blessed with multiple chances to practice in the past. I would’ve said, oh honey, it’s going to be fine. Or there’s nothing to be nervous around about. I promise without this community I never would’ve been able to see. Yes. My tone was encouraging, loving and I still wasn’t letting him feel his feelings earlier this week. He felt nervous and I simply said, I can see why you’re nervous. It’s okay to be nervous. I’m here and we will be okay. He walked up to me, hugged me tight and said, I love you mommy. Tonight. It was about a beautiful poem, me, she says bawling. He wrote about his great-grandmother for a school assignment and presentation.
I asked, tell me why you feel this way. Let’s think through it together. It may help calm your nerves a bit. We talked, I asked questions at the end he said, Hey, I guess I really don’t have anything to feel nervous about. I feel much better about my presentation now. He was free to feel it and move through it. He’s getting better and better at it too. And knows I’m here, I’m not perfect at it and that’s okay because we are moving forward every step of the way. Holy moly. This work is just incredible and gosh, I’m so happy every dang day that I joined this community. Oh my gosh, I love her. That’s amazing. Her kids are so cute.
Amy:
Yes. Oh, and just like the power of letting our boys have their full range of feelings from such a of a young age, right? Like that’s just so huge. Yes, of course you can feel scared and nervous like you’re a human. Like you don’t have to hide or stuff away. Those feelings are not wrong.
Wendy:
Beautiful. Oh my gosh, yes. Like that in itself. Okay, we’re gonna have to record on that Amy. Maybe that’ll be our next one. I mean, yeah, just gosh, we, we actually do have a podcast coming out soon with the creators of Mask you Live in and my gosh, maybe we need to bump that up cuz man, after the suicide of Twitch this week, my heart is in pieces and the amount of sadness like, and just the, you know, like we, we will record on the importance of like just encouraging men from a young age and, and all humans of course that is so much underneath the work that we do that they can talk to us.
Wendy:
Nothing is taboo. That feelings are neither right nor wrong and it’s just so important. It’s so important. So I’m glad you pointed that out.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Okay, let’s move on to Ms. Katie. I finished the Foundations Course after getting off track for a while. So the Foundations Course is like our signature place where we have you start families when you come into the Fresh Start Experience. So it is like right off the bat you get all the foundational learning, all the positive parenting psychology, and it’s in like one concise, easy to finish four module program. She says, I’m planning on going through it from the beginning again. Since I had a bit of a gap, my success is I’ve been able to pause and take deep breaths so much more and today I made it through the entire day without yelling or losing my cool. Where’s my bubble gummy bubble gun, Amy? You guys can’t see us, but we have a bubble gun that Amy got me that we like used to celebrate when we’re on calls together.
She says, I’m so happy. I don’t think my body has ever taken in that much oxygen in a day. I also wanted to speak it into the world that I’m going to start participating more in this group as I am usually am the observant type that shys away from actually sharing my own things. Thankful for this encouraging and courageous group. Oh, that’s so beautiful. And I love how she’s like, she’s like, I, I’m going to be, be more engaged or participate more just because I want to. Right? Like, there’s no requirement. Do you remember Amy when we had the mom from Ukraine or Bulgaria or somewhere and she wrote in, this was years ago, so this might have been when you had like graduated for a bit and weren’t with us, but she wrote in and she, I can’t believe I don’t have this screen shotted somewhere, this, these words from her.
But she was like, Wendy, I just wanna let you know that I am someone who has been silently, like just watching from the back. Like she’s, she wasn’t one of those members that was like asking questions every week and sharing success stories every week she says, but I watch every single lesson at the Bonfire in the Fresh Start Experience. I watch every single lesson, I take notes, I carry around the little notepad in my purse with my two young girls, and she said, and I just apply everything that you teach me. And you may not you, you don’t see me because I’m just, I’m just a member, right? Like I don’t engage. But she says, I want you to know that I now have the relationship with my girls, my daughters that I never had with my mom, right, because of this work.
And she says, and my third that was just born will never not know positive parenting because she’s gonna be raised with it. And then she went on to say, and I named her after you. So I have a little namesake, beautiful, like Bulgarian little girl that’s gotta be like four years old now, somewhere over, I think in Europe. Like, and her mom named her after me. I mean, I’m just a, I’m just a conduit of light, man. This is God’s work. It’s not, it’s not me. But that was such a cool story of that kind of that introvert more personality, right?
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Like you don’t have to be, and then if you choose to, if you want to one day become more participant, more like active in your participation, that’s okay. Yeah. There’s just two more and then we’ll wrap, wrap for the day because it’s very important. You guys, the big news this week before it moved, before I read Allison’s and Mary Ruth, is that you guys, the, the Fresh Start Experience is officially open for enrollment. And let me tell you, you guys, we have been working behind the scenes as a team. I’ve never been more just obsessed and grateful for my team. It’s just been incredible what we’ve been working behind the scenes for now, I think four months to completely refresh the custom learning site, the behind the scenes educational platform that is the Fresh Start Experience.
We’ve added a new kids program into the Fresh Start Experience. I know. And we just feel like as a team, we’ve never had a more active, engaged, amazing community. It’s just all fresh and it’s all new and the doors are officially open for enrollment. So if you are listening right now and you are just like, yes, I wanna hang out with Amy and Wendy more and I wanna hang out with this beautiful community, then get over and and check it out today. You can go to freshstartfamilyonline.com/join to learn more about the Fresh Start Experience and get, get into the program because it’s a very, very exciting time.
Okay, so let’s read this one for Ms. Allison. She says, I love that I can post a hashtag success at the end of a not so great day and in parenthesis mindset shift. So I just started watching another kid at my house this week and today was also an extremely busy day. So it was a little chaotic all day. I was thinking, wow, I keep messing up with the kids, yelling at my own kids. I don’t actually put said in parenthesis that’s like, oh, I would never yell at another kid, right? Like, of course, just only at my, it’s pausing Allison’s for a second. I got a funny Instagram DM a few weeks ago where she was sharing like, just like, basically like, oh my gosh, Wendy, help me. I’m miserable. Like last night I like freaked out on my kid and, and when she put into parenthesis, you could tell she was like, but please don’t.
Like I didn’t, didn’t do anything horrible, like squeeze in too tight or hit him or anything. And it’s just it representation, right? Of like what we think. We think people are gonna judge us. We think that we’re gonna be deemed as a bad parent, but really like that’s just not how it is. That’s not how it is at in the, in the community here at Fresh Start Family, right?
Amy:
Right.
Wendy:
But she says, I was yelling at my kids and I, and just ignoring when they have a question because in my mind I just don’t have time to stop that thought. Snowballs probably due to a fear of losing momentum and or well, this day’s already ruined, can’t change it now. Thoughts, I’m totally not aware. I’m thinking that until the, towards the end of the day, my kids have ramped up the attention behavior to the point where my six-year-old dumps a cup of water on the two-year-old, which is revenge behavior. She knows, she says, which is really outta character for him. She says, it just stopped me in my tracks. I was really angry at first, but thank God this work is sinking into my brain because I quickly realized how the day had gone and why this probably happened.
So at 7:45, just a few minutes before bed and our planned show for the kids, I just sat down in front of them and asked them how they felt about the day. I asked them how they felt about how I was acting. My six-year-old said he felt ignored. My three and a half year old said, you were just yelling, yelling, yelling at everyone. I don’t think it was, I didn’t think it was that bad, but I can see how she felt that way. So I said sorry to each of one of them and just gave the two-year-old a big hug and snuggle. Then asked how they felt and they said, much better. I told them I will work on that. Then I asked if they would forgive me and they said they would. That whole conversation probably took seven minutes and it totally changed the atmosphere.
Next time I’m having a bad day like that, I want to remember that gems really do. Gems is a a strategy we teach inside of the Fresh Start Experience. They really do. They don’t take that long and can set our family up for success and connection. The mindset shift goes from ants, which is an automatic negative thought we teach about, she says, which is an example is I have to do everything perfectly or it all falls apart and or on busy days, I don’t have time to connect. The kids will just have lots of misbehavior today. And then she has a puking emoji. She says to these positive, empowering power, positive, empowering thoughts. No matter how busy I am, I always have time for a gem and God doesn’t expect perfection from me and there is grace for the unexpected in my day.
Ah, that’s powerful. And then she sums it up with tomorrow’s a new day and I’m thankful for ending today. On a good note, thank you. Fresh Start Family and the Bonfire, which is what our group has always been called until we change the name to Fresh Start Experience. She says, this group provides so much hope and support for my family. Dang, we love her so much. She is like a very active, incredible member. Okay, we’re running outta time, Amy, so I know it’s, do you wanna add something real quick before you No. Are you gonna add something?
Amy:
No, it’s just, Allison’s been so incredible like all of our members, but you can see they’re just able to just cha make these changes so much more quickly once they’re part of a community versus sitting home on your own trying to pull yourself out, you know?
Wendy:
Yep. Oh, amazing. Okay. And then this one is really beautiful and I just pulled it in cuz I thought it was just really awesome, especially cuz this month we are sharing about, yeah, let me just double check. This is the one. Yeah, yeah. This is the one we’re sharing about parenting as a team. We’re studying parenting as a team, as an intention together. Which by the way, you guys, this, this episode is called Power of Community part two because we did our original episode. The Power of Community is episode 67, and I talk a lot about the power of holding an intention as a community together and, and something called the maharishi effect, which has been proven to like actually get results in the world. You know, it’s a bit of a conversation around manifestation and visualization or prayer as a suffocation, but it really is powerful when you hold an intention together as a community.
And so, so this month we, we are talking about parenting as a team, as at the time of this recording and then also just always talking about the power of humility and, and the superpower that is as parents and what it does. So I’ll read you Mary’s real quick. She says, I am over here crying half tears of gratitude, half tears of discouragement. Today was hard to be honest. In March, 2022, one of my particular weekly coaching questions resulted in long-term homework, helping me through my struggle without responding out of fear. Boy has it taken work. I have role played and journaled and made charts and put tears and sweat equity into practice upon practice. Not to mention the additional praying, studying, reading, discussing with friends, husband, and forgiving myself countless times I never knew I had so many fears.
Enneagram eight over here who wrongly thought she was fearless because physical safety and adventures rarely frighten me. And I typically face these kinds of things head-on and willingly. However, oh did I uncover a large amount of emotional fears that I have realized were masked by built in extractive, split second responses limbic system deep. I have practiced saying hello to fear so much that my six-year-old now even tells me, mom, say hello fear. This is like a strategy that we actually learned and soaked in from mindless mama mentor who taught us like mindful.
Amy:
Mindful, yup.
Wendy:
Mentor with Hunter, thank you Hunter Clark Evans,
Amy:
Clark Fields
Wendy:
Clark-fields. Thank you. Yeah, she’s amazing. And she has this method of like processing fear by saying hello. So we, we talk about a lot about that in our programs. I’ve gone my first few days without crying daily since that March post. Not because I was depressed or anything, but because crying was what I did when I actually paused in the fear and chose not to control force or act in anger, crying because I hurt my whole body, my skin crawled and every part of me wanted to move or do something other than pause or sit still. Ugh, I love this. She says crying because I was grieving that I let this fear response exists far too long in my life and it was, and I was oblivious to his existence. Just think about all the other humans who don’t know this, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Yes, Mary Ruth, once the glass shatters, which is one of her favorite hymn references, you can’t unsee those around you reacting in fear too. I have overcome so much allowing some of these fears to pass and I’m getting better every day. But boy, are there still a few other fear responses left to overcome because I am tired of catching myself attempting to control or force my kids to do things and realize, whoa, why am I even doing this? Because the control and force only steals the harmony that I am striving for in my household. Let me tell you the days where I overcome the fear battle multiple times. Those days are spectacular. It doesn’t mean no frustrations, no problem solving, no crying, it just means I catch the fear early and I connect with my kids before moving on and then then boom, we’re on a mission together in harmony.
Isn’t this like badass Amy?
Amy:
It’s so cool.
Wendy:
Amazing. Ok. Pictures of visual reminders for me throughout this fear journey journey and ways I overcome the fear in my life. I’m grateful for the coaching we get weekly. I’m grateful this community supports and cheers each other on, I’m grateful for healthy kids and God’s bound boundless forgiveness. I’m grateful for a supporting, encouraging husband. I’m grateful for any sleep I can get. She says, mama a four here. I’m grateful for life giving friends, thank you all for helping me along this journey. And then she added on. My husband and I have been telling the kids we have been learning to ride the waves of life versus sinking or crashing or drowning, she says, and when I was crying on the couch by having a calming moment, my six-year-old daughter, Evie showed me this picture and said, we’re riding a wave and we don’t love each other any less.
Mama. I mean the six-year-old is getting everything Mary Ruth just said, but how beautiful is that? And then this is the last part I wanted. This is what happens all the time, is then another member chimed in. Becky the next day, who’s another one of our very active members, and she says, success, success alert. This morning I took some time to write down that I was feeling scared about, I was feeling anxious, which thanks to Mary Ruth, I have realized is me actually feeling scared. The kids started fighting and I instantly felt anxious and angry. I went into my room and wrote down what I felt scared about. Then took the time later to turn them into power, what we call PETs, which is powerful empowering thoughts. So again, just watching members like bounce off each other. So like of course we came in and give Mary some, you know, some great encouragement on that.
But then she, like another member was blessed by her vulnerably sharing how she is growing in her home and how the community has helped her. So my gosh, that
Amy:
One is powerful. Yeah, yeah, so, so much, so much awareness and growth able to happen that way. And we do, we do see that a lot in the community where they come in and say like, thank you for asking that. I was going through that too, but hadn’t asked yet, or I wasn’t even aware of that. But once you brought that up, now I’m seeing how I can, you know, make those changes in my home too. It’s fantastic.
Wendy:
Yep. Oh, it’s so good. Well, families, we hope that by this conversation today, obviously we hope that you feel inspired and encouraged to get into our community. The doors are officially open for public enrollment. Like I said, it is a brand spanking new, just polished, and everything is bigger and better inside of the Fresh Start Experience. And we just want you to come feel what it’s like to be supported on a consistent basis. I was thinking like the other day, it’s almost like it’s like having insurance, right? Like there might be some months where you may not ac like need it, but then to know that you are always supported, that there is always a place where you can get help if you need it, where you can show up in that consistent manner, like you said, Amy, to create that accountability, the consistency, and to have the answers to your questions, right?
Like the access that our members get to our staff of coaches, and of course our weekly coaching sessions and just all of it. We want you to get in there families. So head on over freshstartfamilyonline.com/join. Amy will make sure she puts the links in there and have some special promotions going only through the next week. So it’s gonna be really important that you come on in and check out all the things that we have to help you say yes to this life changing program, and any other things you wanted to wrap with Amy?
Amy:
No, I just, yeah, I think, I think until you’ve been in it, you don’t understand. And so giving it a try is one of the only ways that you’re gonna be able to see for yourself how much change it can make from being off being out on your own.
Wendy:
I agree. I agree. Well, love you sweet. Amy, thanks for recording with me today. I can tell that this is gonna be so fun in 2023. So families, we’re gonna have
Amy:
Absolutely
Wendy:
lots more episodes with Coach Amy on with us. But thanks for listening. Thanks for being here, families, and we will see you all soon inside of the Fresh Start Experience.
Amy:
Thanks so much, Wendy.
Wendy:
Parents, I hope you love today’s episode as much as I loved recording it for you. It is now time to get yourself into the Fresh Start Experience, a full support experience for parents looking for clear answers and easy to implement guidance on how to redirect their children’s misbehavior with integrity, connection, and effectiveness. The Fresh Start Experience combines teaching and the power of community to fast track cooperation and results. And right now, for a limited time enrollment doors are open at a very special discounted rate, including over 60% off the joining fee, and two months free for families who choose the annual plan.
Are you ready to create a family legacy and memories that bring you joy every darn day that you are parenting those beautiful little human souls that you’ve been gifted with? If yes, head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/joinnow to get started today.
For links and more information about everything we talked about in today’s episode, head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/186.
Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
