This week on The Fresh Start Family Show, Wendy sits down with Lisa Jean-Francois, a Conscious Parenting and Mental Health Advocate, host of the Consciously, Lisa podcast, and author of the book No Right Way: A Beginners Guide to Conscious Parenting.
Since the way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice, then it’s worth a second look to see what message we are actually giving our kids when we speak.
Tune in as Wendy and Lisa chat about what things to take a break from saying to our kids (and what to try instead.)
Special Thanks to Tonies for their continued support of the Fresh Start Family Show!
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Episode Highlights:
- Asking a kid if they’re ok helps them develop self-awareness and skills to listen to their bodies vs telling them they are fine
- Requiring them to hug/kiss family blurs the lines and gives mixed signals about body consent
- Shaming kids for crying denies them their right to fully feel and express their emotions
- Making our kids responsible for our feelings by telling them they made us sad or hurt our feelings is manipulative
- Slowing down a bit to explain our reasoning to our kids doesn’t mean we are going to change our answer, but it is respectful to involve them in our reasons and teaches them it’s ok and even important to question things in life that involves them
- Comparing kids doesn’t honor who they are as individuals and where they are in their development
Resources Mentioned:
Where to Find Lisa:
Grab a copy of her e-book No Right Way: A Beginners Guide to Conscious Parenting
Not able to listen or want to read along with us?
Here is the episode transcript!
This episode of the Fresh Start Family Show is brought to you by our quick start learning bundle. how to build a compassionate firm and kind discipline toolkit that works with kids of all ages. Head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to grab your quickstart bundle so you can get going today on building up a strong, compassionate discipline toolkit in your home.
Wendy:
Well, hello listeners. I am so happy that you are here for another episode. Welcome, welcome. Today on the show we have Lisa Jean Francois from Consciously Lisa over on Instagram. And my gosh, you guys, I had so much fun talking to Lisa.
I had been looking forward to this interview for quite some time because I just respect and admire Lisa so much. She is a Conscious parenting and mental health advocate. She is also a ASD/ADHD boy mom, that’s autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder boy mom, for those of you who are like, what are all these acronyms mean? And then she’s also a BPD survivor, which is a bipolar disorder survivor. And she is just such an advocate for Conscious parenting, but also really an advocate for the neurodivergent community.
And the way she shows up and teaches is just so refreshing because she’s just so authentic in everything that she does. She’s funny and she has a slight obsession with amazing readers or, or glasses like I do. So I really kind of jokingly connected her with with her on that level too. But I just adore Lisa and I really had fun chatting with her. Today you’re gonna hear us chat about seven Things to Stop Saying to your kids today. And that the things that we’re chatting about, I think are, you know, kind of simple when it comes to verbiage switch up. It’s one of my favorite things to teach about or have great conversations around because verbiage is one of those things that, you know, ver like it’s easier to clean up in my opinion, versus like a yelling habit or grabbing wrist too tight or snapping or withdrawing, like kind of those bigger type of type of things that often have like a lot underneath of them.
What you’re saying to your kids is often a great place to start when you’re, you know, looking to implement positive parenting, conscious parenting, whatever you wanna call it, into the daily fabric of your lives. So, I, think this episode is just gonna be refreshing and really helpful. Very tactical, easy to apply into your real day-to-day life as a parent. And just make sure you go give Lisa some love over on Instagram. She’s really fun to follow and she just has the most fun reels and tips that you can follow along and be part of the conversation that she curates inside of her community over on Instagram. Alright guys, enjoy this episode and let me know how you like it.
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll, and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.
Wendy:
Well hey, their families and welcome to a new episode of the Fresh Start Family Show. I’m really excited to be here today with Lisa Jean. Fran Francois. I butchered it. Lisa, look at me. I butchered it.
Lisa:
It’s okay. You did great. You did great.
Wendy:
Listeners, I’m excited to be here today with Lisa Jean Francois And. we are going to be talking about seven things we should all be considering maybe taking a break from or stopping saying to our kids. Welcome to the show, Lisa.
Lisa:
Thank you for having me. Excited to be here.
Wendy:
Yeah, I’m really pumped to be here with you today, Lisa, you are someone that I admire greatly. I just love your vibe. I love the way you show up in the world so authentic, like authentic and vulnerable and real and funny. And it’s just so refreshing from someone you know. I, I know in my community how much people value that and I hope that you really know how much of a beautiful trait that is, just the way you show up. So thank you for being you. Thank you for being here today and thanks for being willing to, to chat with us.
Lisa:
Well, I’m happy to be here. you know, I, I’m on a journey to, you know, an authenticity journey or finding my authentic self journey and I’ve been on it for a couple years now and I just have decided to just show up and be me. And that’s it.
Wendy:
Heck yes. Well, people are loving it. And, and even the, and even those that don’t or provide opportunities for us to practice, like our confidence in just being us and showing up the way that we are. It’s like they just, they just give us that practice, right? Oh, it’s really, it feels really good to be having a conversation next to someone today that really holds that same space and reverence for those traits in the world. So it’s really good. But before we get into our subject matter, I just wanna hear about your story. Tell us about your story. It’s so fascinating. You’re amazing. Fashion blogger, turned conscious parenting, like just, you know, I know you are so passionate about the light that you spread in the world when it comes to parenting and the way that you serve and support families and, and what you do over on Instagram and now through your podcast and all the things.
So just tell us a little bit about your story, because I wanna know how you got here. ’cause it sounds like it was a winding twisting road. Of all the things. But how’d you get here? Tell us a little bit about your family, why you’re so passionate about this style of par not style, but this, this way of being when it comes to raising our kids.
Lisa:
So my story begins just, honestly, it’s really just a couple years ago. So it was a pandemic is when I dis I discovered conscious parenting. And I had like, I, you know, prior to that I, to be completely honest, I was just almost parenting by default. Like, I had these kids, I loved them and I knew I had to provide for them. And I was making sure I was doing all of the things that I, you know, that I knew I had to do. And of course I wanted to not do some of the things that, you know, have, I wanted to make sure they didn’t have some of the experiences I had as a kid, but really being intentional.
Like I wasn’t, I don’t, I I have to be, I don’t feel like I was the very intentional parent, a very connected parent with my first child. And so that became apparent to me during the pandemic when I just was like, who are you? Like, because I was, I didn’t really, I mean, to be completely honest, so the first five years of my son’s life, so the pandemic happens, he’s six. So for the first five years of his life, I was sort of sharing him because we lived, our apartment was above my parents. So I had my mom and my dad, my husband. Like we were all like this family, all of us sort of raising this one child. So yeah, like equally, it wasn’t like I was more of a mom to him than my mom.
And my dad was more of a mom, you know, parent to him. We were like equally involved in the raising of this child. And I mean frankly, even perhaps I, I allowed my parents to be maybe even a couple more steps involved than even. And so now we’re fast forward the pandemic and prior to this I had this kid in so many activities. He was in Kuman twice a week. He was in karate. Twice a week he went to afterschool care. And on the weekends, I mean, and like literally I feel awful about this. Like, so I’m not saying this with any sort of pride. And on the weekends he would often still go with my parents ’cause he still was sort, he was very much attached to them and he wanted to see them on the, you know, So I.
So fast forward the pandemic, there’s no more going to grandma’s and grandpa’s on the weekend. There’s no more karate swim. Yeah. ’cause he was doing karate, swim, kuman after school. Like there was none of it. So now I’m having to actually meet my child and I am triggered up the, was about everything he is, because of course I didn’t know him and I hadn’t seen him for five, for the first six years of his life. So I had no idea. And it’s, it, as I say this out loud, I’m just like, what was I thinking? And anyway, I wasn’t thinking I was, I was operating unconsciously, like I was parenting from a unconscious space, just sort of going on autopilot, if you will.
So pandemic is here, stressed out for a variety of reasons. And I’m having to parent and I’m finding myself threatening more, yelling more, being more ag threatening to spank when I was never ever gonna be a spanker. I probably had spanked him. I wanna say I really like once, you know, once like a, you know, yeah, gonna, like, I’m holding myself accountable. I did it. I’m not proud of it. I’m not proud of it. And I found myself threatening more. Like, I would literally walk around the house and be like, you don’t do this. you know, I have a belt on my, around my neck. Like just ho just again, not proud. And like, this is insane. I took a look at myself, I’m like, this is actually insane.
This is a six year old child. So I happened to be on Facebook in some group that had nothing to do with parenting. And somebody asked the question about, well I, you know, I are there people who aren’t looking to not spank their kids or whatever. And someone mentioned this parenting group. I joined the group and I’m introduced to conscious parenting. And so I’m like, you know, I can do this. I, I can do it. So we we’re a year into this journey, a year into this journey. And again, I’m still not like, I hadn’t actually read any articles. I hadn’t really gone in, I just knew like the mechanics of what you’re not supposed to do.
I really wasn’t connecting the science behind why we’re not supposed to do what we’re not supposed to do. I really hadn’t connected the connection piece, which is such a huge component to conscious or gentle parenting. I just knew I didn’t wanna be harmful. Like I wasn’t, I didn’t wanna be yelling and threatening. I knew that was just not good for this child. So, I’m sorry, I feel like I’m just talking so much.
Wendy:
I love your talking. This is why I love you. Just riff girl.
Lisa:
So like So I? Yeah, So I. Okay. So we introduced a conscious parenting. So then I go in and I’m a year into it. I’m a year into it and I’m still not quite doing it. So, you know, not, I’m not great. I mean, I wasn’t the threatening and all that went out the window. The belt was put away, the threatening with the belt anyway. And all of that was just done. But I still was missing the sort of the connection piece of things I still felt, felt at odds with even my own child. And I felt we, I felt there was something about me, like, what, you know, I just felt like this began, this was more about me than it even was about him. And I could, I was recognizing that, but I still, of course, I didn’t have the language, I didn’t have the understanding.
And then, you know, and during the course of all this, I’m working a, like a job with, you know, with somebody who, you know, I, I, of course I can’t diagnose anybody, but from all everyone I’ve spoken to, including the licensed therapist, this person probably suffered from narcissistic personality disorder or just a very toxic employer. Yeah. And I had been there for two and a half years and towards the end of it, right towards, I wanna say the last six months of it, I began to feel like, ’cause this is all happening with the whole Conscious parenting journey, I’m into it. But I began to feel during the last six months of it that like, I almost felt like I couldn’t take it.
Like my, like there was so much who I was when I walked into that job was very different from who I was a year and a half into it. Yeah. The job was not, wasn’t like rocket, it was like a relatively easy enough job. But when you have someone just being, you know, hateful to you while also wanting you to do the job. And the only thing I knew to do, despite the fact that this person was so awful to me and was telling me really negative things about myself, but simultaneously never firing me, never really letting me go, but also telling me every other day how horrible I was at my job and how I’m not doing.
And meanwhile I’m hearing from everyone, like, you know, you’re, she’d say things like, I mean, just to give you, first of all, she denied me health insurance. She refused to put me, I was working as a consultant or you know, for whatever, but I was working full-time. I had a title I was obligated to be on during certain hours of the day. Like it was a full-time job. But she re but there was a point at which I was going to, I was, I had saved up enough to finally, we were saved up enough to get our first home. And she was, you know, talking to me about it. And I was, I knew enough about her despite knowing that, you know, not knowing that she was perhaps a narcissist at the time because I didn’t really understand what that was. I knew that there was an ego thing about her and that she enjoyed. When I kind of acted like I was looking up to her and as a people pleaser, I would do it.
I knew I was doing it. So, I can’t even say I was subconsciously doing this. I knew I was like, So I. Remember being on the phone with her and she’s like giving me all this housing advice. I’m not really paying attention to it, but I’m letting her think that she’s giving me advice. And she’s like, oh yeah, I’m gonna give you all the paperwork you need. I’m gonna move you over to a W two. ’cause this had been ta we’ve been talking about this for like a year and a half. Like, why am I still working like this? And I’m paying my own employment taxes. I don’t have health insurance. I don’t have a
Wendy:
Oh yeah.
Lisa:
In the two and a half years on a single day off, right? Not a single day off from work. I, I would drive with my laptop in my car because at any point in time and any day of the night, I had to be fast forward towards the end. I was a shell of myself. There was so much stress, so much pressure. I was crying and just anxious. The anxiety, I couldn’t even, I would be like, I would be shaking when I had to send an email. I kid you not like that. And I couldn’t, what is this? So finally there was a day she calls me, it’s the end of June, 2021 and it’s like six o’clock in the afternoon and I’m getting a barrage of text message. I’m like, I worked the whole day. I didn’t hear a peep from you. Now it’s six o’clock and I’m going, I’m home.
Like, ’cause I had gone to my mom’s house to work from my mom’s house. So, I could be, you know, quiet and have the kids at home. Yeah. And I’m getting this barrage of text messages and they’re abusive. And I’m like, what is this about? Like, you’re just asking me for a status update about something that you didn’t seem to care about for three weeks. And rather than it just being, Hey, what’s going on with this during normal business hours? It’s, it’s, it’s abusive. So I quit in that moment because we’re texting and I’m feeling, I had a flashing thought of, I don’t wanna be here anymore. I felt, I mean, suicidal is, to be honest, yeah. I felt in that mo like, and in a split second I said, absolutely not.
Absolutely not. This cannot be what, you know. And I had so much fear in the idea of not being employed, especially just during the pandemic, so much fear in like where this close to being able to finally buy a home. Like we had gone from nothing to having, you know, like paid off all my credit card debt. I boosted my credit for 150 points. It was right there. And I didn’t wanna let it go. Plus I kept feeling like I could make it right. Like I would, I would please this person. I somehow this would resolve itself. It would get better. She would trust me eventually. But in that moment I was like, no, I’m walking away.
I jumped immediately. I wanna stay within a month into therapy because the question I had for myself is, why did I stay somewhere with all of the, I mean, it’s not like I was, you know, an immigrant without working papers where your options are. So, you know, limited. I hear what my mom would always say. She’s like, you’re, ’cause my parents are from Haiti. You’re an American. You were born here. You speak the language. Whatcha doing working for this person? And I could not rationalize right why I was doing this. I get into therapy and then it all comes, it all comes out all. So you recog, So, I. I’m, I become very aware of all of this underlying trauma that I had hadn’t really paid attention to.
I become, you know, I’m diagnosed with PTSD, I still suffer from the PTSD, from partly that work experience to the point where it’s been this June will be two years and I still don’t feel like I can I have anything, like I can’t, I don’t know that I can work for somebody and I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to, frankly that bad. And so the PTSD comes out and then we’re continuing with the therapy. Continuing with the therapy. We do EMDR therapy. So a lot of childhood stuff starts coming up.
Wendy:
Nice.
Lisa:
And I’m eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
Pausing quickly to chat for a hot sec, openly and honestly about what your discipline toolkit looks like in your home right now. If you’re anything like most parents, you’re relying on the hand-me-down set. You inherited timeouts, spankings, threatenings of spankings taking iPads away. 3, 2, 1, countdowns, groundings, taking away toys, e-bikes, iPhones, any or all of those kind of tactics that create a total relationship strain. And don’t even work long term to end your child’s misbehavior for good. Meaning you might spank your child or send them to timeout today for being air quotes mean to their sister or disrespecting you.
But then three days from now they’re repeating the same behaviors which causes you to flip your lid because you know, air quotes they know better. I wanna help you learn a new way so you can end the vicious cycle that’s keeping you stuck as a parent and causing you to feel super frustrated that air quotes nothing is working to get your strong-willed stubborn child to behave better. My team and I have recently completely refreshed our compassionate discipline quickstart learning bundle to help you learn a new way to teach your kids important life skills. A new way to help your children learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions.
You can just DM me the word shift over on Instagram and I’ll personally send you a message with a link to download this free bundle. I’m going to help you shift out of a punishment mindset and into a compassionate discipline. One where you fully trust that connection based firm and kind discipline tools are all you need to be a strong leader in your home. Who holds your kids responsible when they misbehave, but does it in a way where they are learning the vital life skills they are missing when they mess up. So again, just DM me the word shift on Insta. I’m at Fresh Start Wendy. Or you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to grab your bundle now.
Wendy:
I’m so excited for you to shift out of feeling guilty and shameful when you lay your head on your pillow at night and shift into fully feeling confident and proud of the way you handled yourself as a parent, even when you are wildly triggered and upset about the mistake your child made. Okay, I’m so excited for you to dive into this free resource. I’ll see you in my dms and inside the free discipline bundle.
Lisa:
Which then I understand is part genetic, part environment. I’m like, and I hear the word genetic and I’m like, oh God, I have two kids. No way. No way am I gonna have them have, go through whatever this is ’cause this is no fun. No fun. And so that really is all a part of where the journey sort of started, it started with me just starting to recognize, right? Because I often say I, I have a video where I say people like, you know, it’s, it’s Conscious parenting, privilege parenting. Do you have, I said you have to have the privilege of time. ’cause at some point you have to be able to stop to be able to recognize, because we are op, we’re all operating, so many of us are operating in an unconscious state or a conditioned, you know?
Yeah. You don’t know that unless you stop and you allow yourself somewhere be like, what? Because if you don’t give yourself the time and you don’t have the time, not even give, maybe you don’t even have it to stop and think you’re gonna keep going. You’re gonna be on autopilot, you’re gonna be com you know, continue So I credit, the pandemic, giving me that, that window of time to, to begin recognizing and then therapy to really bring it all full circle for me to begin my journey. So it’s been a journey of, of mental health, a mental wellness journey, a Conscious parenting journey. And given what I understand now about the brain and how things happen and how it, you know, how I am the way I am and who I am, I wanna obviously spare my kids as much as I possibly can.
You know, I want them to be, to show up. And you talk about me being my authentic self and, and, and, and really, you know, honing into, someone might come in here with Minecraft to show me
Wendy:
cool man, we welcome
Lisa:
But he’s, he’s very big on, oh, I just built this in my Minecraft. I love, anyway, so, you know, I talk you, we talk about But. It’s been a journey because one thing you recognize, because they also, so we got the PTSD, we got the BPD, we got the ADHD was another one that I recently was diagnosed with in the last few years. And so recognizing also that I’m neurodivergent and that so much of what I’ve been doing with my life has been a performance of sort. So much of it has been what I’m playing by the rules I’m doing. you know what you’re supposed to, you don’t quit a job. You’re not supposed to quit a job, you know, you know, while something else lined up.
You’re so, and even the, even as far as even the, the con the pa, the fashion, I mean, I did that for eight years, beauty and fashion blogging even that was a part of the mask because I felt that, I always felt like I had things to say. You know what I mean? Like, I, I’ve, I’m a writer by trade. I have an MFA in writing. I went to Sarah Lawrence College and got my master’s in writing. And so I’ve always been sort of, you know, kind of a cerebral, nerdy person. But I didn’t think I could show up that way, you know what I mean? I didn’t think I could, but I knew I was fashionable. I knew I knew how to put on a lipstick. So, you know, you’d like me, you’d like me if I show up pretty, even though I was incredibly uncomfortable, I did it.
Well, you know, I can mask very well. But in, in and in and in doing all of this work, I’m going through the process of unmasking. And so that includes showing up here with no makeup on and my laughing heck yeah. And includes just saying whatever the hell I feel like saying. Because at the end of the day, I played by all the rules and I’ve been a victim for most of my life playing by those rules. From this boss to that boss, to this friend. I mean, I can’t even tell you everybody’s had a chance to take advantage of me. I mean, I say that boss is a narcissist. I’ve been a victim of like three or four of them in my lifetime. And it’s all, you know, weighed on me, truly.
And I’m, I’m trying even now to like come back to some semblance of who I am and what that even means.
Wendy:
Yeah. Dang girl. That is a lot, that is an inspirational note. It’s, it’s beautiful and it’s very inspiring. And you, you did show up with those glasses on today, those glass look at us with our glasses. That’s the thing. We, we, we might not have, We might not give a crap anymore about makeup and hair on somedays. We do on other days, but we always got our glasses.
Lisa:
Sure do.
Wendy:
Those of you who don’t see the video, Lisa and I both love a big glass that makes a statement, man stink.
Lisa:
I, one time, I, I opened the door, my sister came over, I opened the door. She’s like, Jesus, because I thought, these are the ones that are like this. I love ’em. And they’re like, you look like you even give either love them or hate them. I’m all for them ’cause I don’t care. I showed up with without glasses and got a hard time in life. So, I’m gonna wear my glasses, frankly. And it, I just, yeah,
Wendy:
I’m obsessed with your glasses and I love ’em. I love ’em. Bring it, keep bringing it. Well it really is so beautiful and I can, you know, I have so much different elements of my story and so much that I can connect to and just relate with. And man, the idea of like masking and showing up and, and fitting in and, and doing what you have to do to feel like you are seen and that you belong and that you are loved is effing exhausting. you know? And so it is, I know people look at this work as like, man, it’s just so hard. There’s so much to do. And I, I’ve been on this journey now for 13 years. So I found the work of, you know, whether you call it positive or conscious, whatever, like I have a tendency to put it under the umbrella positive, but I found it when my daughter was three, she’s 15, almost 16 now, that spawned like the life coaching journey.
So, I went down kind of the life coaching side versus the therapy side. But we all know, you know, it’s very similar and, and you know, it’s been so much work, like just the amount of hours that I’ve been in the course room and, and like, I learned to be a great life coach from going through all of it on my own. Right? Yeah. Which sounds like it’s been your journey too. And so people look at it as so fricking hard and so is living this life that is, does not feel like it’s actually you. Right? It’s just out of habit. It’s out of unconscious like programming and cultural conditioning and putting on this act and acting like we’re fine when we really are miserable and struggling and, and not connected to our kids.
And there’s just so much shame in motherhood with like, just admitting like, Hey, I am not okay and I’m gonna stop acting like I am. So, so it’s really beautiful and, and I, and, and we’re all continuing our journey, right? Like you, I think that’s what’s so fun to, to sit beside you today is, you know, to see the courage that it takes to, to be an a to be someone who shares so passionately about conscious or positive parenting. Like you’re just putting yourself in the ring, right? Like as Brené Brown says, like, I don’t wanna hear from anyone. Like, I forget exactly what she says, but she’s basically like, I don’t wanna fricking like hear your criticism unless your ass is in the ring too.
Like right, if you’re in the fricking ring, we can talk, but otherwise I don’t, I’m not interested in your criticism, but you have courageously put yourself in the ring. Your voice is, your voice is out there. You’re helping parents understand what Conscious parenting is and what it looks like in real life. Not some, like, this is the perfect world of what kind. Like no, this is real life. Like this is how I actually get my fricking kids out the door in a very, like, sometimes imperfect, but still the concepts. It’s, it’s, we’re connecting. I’m slowing down, I’m learning about myself, right? I’m looking within. And it’s not like, Hey kid, please put your shoes on. you know, it’s like it’s, I just love,
Lisa:
You know how much shit I get for not doing it the that way. Like for not, like someone just literally was like, you know, you shouldn’t be rushing your toddler out. You should have, you know, two hours in. I’m like, should, shoulda woulda coulda. The reality is sometimes you’re like, oh shit, I have an appointment for God. Put your shoes on, we got to go. Yeah. If we do that without traumatizing our child, this is how you do that. You’re in a line, you’re in a bind. This is what you gotta do because this is what real life is. And there’s so much of, you know, of, of what we see in this space and people who are giving examples of what this looks like, who feel that they even have to present it as though it’s like the perfect scenario.
And that’s just, that’s not the life I’m living. So if you take issue with the way I present it, I, I get it, you know?
Wendy:
Yeah. Well and
Lisa:
Because this is what I,
Wendy:
Yeah. And it, but, and for me is like doing what I do. It’s beautiful to watch you, like I know you’re continuing your, your journey of like just full self-acceptance and like detaching from those type of people. Yeah. And it’s, it’s, it’s an honor to watch, right? Because it’s like, it sucks that anybody gets put in that position and it’s really inspiring to watch someone learn and grow through that. And it’s like very clear on the other side of the, those BS comments or you know, whatever they, like you’re doing your work, you’re getting off the app and you’re like, man, why, why is this like, what, what’s happening here inside? And then you always, you know, you come back and you still continue to do your stuff and it’s like, that’s what all of us are doing.
We all are doing that, right? Like, whether it’s your kids that are triggering you or you know, people that feel like they can criticize and, and do it in this public format. It’s, we all are doing our work and it sure feels hard at times. Air quotes hard, but so is not doing the work. So yeah. But the joy and the journey is, is a real thing. And just staying, staying with it. Staying with it. Well, awesome. Lisa. Okay, well let’s, let’s, I wanna hear you riff a little bit on some of this verbiage stuff ’cause I know a lot of listeners, you know, we, we do so much on the show, we do so much inside of our Fresh Start Experience, our, our membership support program. But like, I know people love to hear like what, when it comes to what actually comes out of our mouth, we all have this intention, right?
To be like, connected and be in tune with like what’s underneath of this compliance statement we’re getting giving or this, like this reaction that just came out of our mouth where we’re like, what the heck is wrong with you? Or the threats, whatever it may be. So like, really spending just a little bit of time here to look at some different verbiage options and why we might wanna consider just challenging ourself to switch it up. ’cause here we are talking about like all this work you’ve done and, and I’ve done on my side and all parents who really give a damn are doing, especially if you have any type of past trauma or are really flipping the script on how you were parenting and how now you are parent, like how you’re choosing to parent. But, but as far as like, when it comes to verbiage switch up, I kind of think this is one of the easier ways, right?
Like the easier things you’re like, oh, I’m aware. Like the first one we’re gonna talk about is like saying, you’re fine, you’re, oh, you’re okay. Get up – you’re fine. Right? That’s actually what, like all these ones that we’ll go into and we’re gonna, I’m gonna, I can’t wait to hear you riff a little bit on each one, but in my opinion, when you think about how can I say things a little bit differently to be more in line with who I wanna show up with as a parent is a little bit high, less degree of difficulty than like, how am I gonna stop threatening to spank or, or like, why do I yell? Like, that’s gonna take us fricking hours, we’re gonna be here for weeks. Right? Right. But let’s riff on this one. So when it comes to like taking a break from saying you’re okay or you’re fine, get up. What’s, what’s riff a little on that for me?
Lisa:
Well, I mean, here’s the thing is we want our kids like, you know, who am I to tell someone you’re fine. you know what I mean? Like, we want pe we want our kids, for instance. You’re fine, right? As opposed to, you know, you’re okay. You’re asking the child how they feel, right? Because what we don’t want is our children to, to, because I remember, I remember one time myself
Wendy:
Being
Lisa:
In gym, right? Being in gym class in like the fifth grade and actually legitimately hurting myself and the gym teacher being like, you’re fine, you can walk it off, right? And I’m like, yeah, yeah, no, I was actually legitimately hurt. But I wanted to please him because he had said I’m fine and I felt like I would be doing something wrong by countering, you know, and putting how he felt. Like I felt like I had to So, I don’t want my kids to be feeling like they’ve gotta conceal how they genuinely feel because I’m get telling them they feel something differently than what they feel. I’m not in their body. It’s not for me to tell them how they feel and I get it. Sometimes we want them to recognize like, you know, it’s not a big deal, you’re gonna be okay. But, you know, at the end of the day it doesn’t, it doesn’t change the outcome as much.
Like you can, you could tell them they’re fine or you could just be empathetic and ask them how they’re feeling. And at the end of the day, the time it takes for them to calm down, like once you ask them how they’re feeling and you be a little empathetic to me, it’s faster than the you are, okay, shake it off, you’re okay because of what is the child gonna learn to, to trust how they genuinely feel.
Wendy:
Yes.
Lisa:
So, you know, that’s been something that I, again, as I I, the, the process of unmasking is like, you know, being honest with myself and how I feel and not how anyone else perceives how I feel, how I feel ultimately matters more than any, you know, how anyone else perceives my feelings. So that’s one of the reasons why I really, I’m pretty intentional about the are you okay? And it, it takes time. It’s not a script. So you’ll figure out the language that works for you and your family or what have you. But this is just one that I, I mean, there’s so many, I’m sure there are a lot more, but this, these were the few that I started with. And as I continue to go through my journey, I’ll, you know, I’ll add more.
Wendy:
And, and when it comes to like teaching or helping someone go from this, like, especially when you think of toddlers, right? Like we, people think like, ah, if you, if you just tell ’em you’re fine, they’re gonna flip out for less time. But really, like you mentioned, right? When like, in my opinion, my experience when kids feel the pressure and like they’re not feeling heard or seen or understood, they actually will push harder and freak out longer. So it’s like asking the question like, are you okay? Like, are you, are you bleeding? Do you need help? Does it hurt? Right? That’s like one that I, the the, even the word of hurt is you don’t see it. Like, I guess we’ll, we’ll see it. We’ll, we’ll we see it used as more as like, you’re fine.
Versus are you hurt? Or that looks like it hurt. Where is it hurt? Where, where does it hurt? Yeah. Right. Like, so the questions are so powerful. Alright, here’s another one. Ooh, consent. Dang Give auntie a kiss. Come on, give him a hug. Give, give uncle a hug. Give him everybody give hugs and instead Would you like to give auntie a kiss. Talk to us about consent a little bit.
Lisa:
And this one is actually pretty ’cause So culturally for us, when you walk in the door, you have to greet and kiss the adults. Like literally go person by person by person. And you kiss the adults as you walk through the door. I remember being a little girl coming home from like kindergarten and my aunt being in the kitchen and me walking in and saying hi to her and not actually, you know, greeting her in the traditional way of giving a kiss. It’s seen as disrespectful and I got in trouble. I’m fairly certain that I was spanked. I have a lot of, I have a lot of blanks when it comes to the physical aspects of my upbringing. I, I actually can’t, like I they go blank. I feel like I know it happened, but I don’t remember the doing of the happening.
So I
Wendy:
Can relate to that. Yeah.
Lisa:
So, which is, I didn’t realize that myself until therapy and EMDR and all that stuff. I was like, wow, I don’t remember the actual hitting part. Am I supposed to? I, I don’t know, still don’t know. Yeah. Anyway, but I remember getting in trouble, so it sticks with me as like, you know, I want my, my children of course to understand consent and to understand their bodies belong to them. And my, my older one will even say things like, well, it’s my body when I’m like, oh, do you wanna wear coat? It might be cold, you should wear this So. I’m like, it’s my body. And I’m like, you’re right. It is your body. You, I’m obligated to do things with your body that you don’t want to do. And I make that really clear. So even, and it’s funny, they always like, we’re not around like a whole lot of my family.
It’s really my, my, my si my siblings and my parents. And they genuinely wanna give them hugs and kisses whenever they see them. So yeah, I ask them and they just go, I’m like, oh, do you wanna give him auntie a kiss? You wanna give poppy a kiss? Goodbye. And they do it. And it’s, it’s never like a thing where they don’t actually, you know, and there have been a couple of times where the little one, the three-year-old might be in a mood. He’s like, you don’t wanna, he’ll even say no to me sometimes. And everyone’s fine with it. Like, there’s no, no one’s getting in trouble. So it’s been, it’s been – I, I, again, I have my own personal story with that. But I think anyone can understand consent and you obviously wanna keep, you know, have your child recognize their own agency over their own bodies and that you’d never wanna put them in a position where they feel obligated to do things.
Lisa:
Particularly the kissing stuff.
Wendy:
Heck yeah. And what’s so cool about you start teaching consent to young kids and help them remember how much they are in charge of their body in that type of empowered place. They’ll remember it when it’s time to teach them about self-control, right? Like how to keep your hands to yourself when you’re so POed at your sister or the kid on the playground. Like you are, you are empowered and you are in control of your own body. Like no one forces you to do something against your will that can, like I just feel like the empowerment piece is so important once you’re, you’re then asking them to do something that they are in charge of their own self. It’s just building that like that, that assurance and that confidence in that. I love it. Alright,
Lisa:
Sure.
Wendy:
Dang, how about this one? You are old. Too old to be crying like that or with, we hear all the time, boys don’t cry. You’re fine. Don’t make a fuss. There’s nothing to cry about. Any of that stuff. Riff on that for us. Lisa.
Lisa:
Well, there’s all the shame. Like you’re shaming. So like who are you to decide? Again, it’s similar to the you’re okay. Like who are you to decide at which age someone is not allowed to cry? How many of us as adults, if we, you know, we cry, I cry. Hell yeah, but I might have been crying just yesterday in fact.
Wendy:
I feel like a million bucks when I cry. I’m like, afterwards I’m like, yes.
Lisa:
But then we also, and I do this is if I’m cry, I’m typically crying to a friend and I’m like, you know, I’m apologizing, I’m holding some of it and I’m like, I’m sorry I don’t, you know, I don’t want, ’cause I feel responsible. I don’t want them to feel bad for me, you know? And so I’m apolo and I don’t want, like, why are you apologizing? You feel how you feel and no one has a right to shame you for feeling how you feel. Because again, as I struggle with unmasking, as I struggle with or as I go through the process and of unmasking and I’m trying to like, you know, trust how I feel without the, the outside voices telling me I shouldn’t feel this way. you know how insane I felt my whole life growing up for feeling, which is a huge component of BPD.
Like it’s, it’s a, it’s a, it’s an emotional regulation disorder. You feel things 10 times more than the average person. And so I would genuinely feel the way that I felt. And everyone around me is like, you’re insane. You’re doing this for attention, you’re fine. you know? And I’m like, and so you know this up for, for me led to it and I was, when I started, when I was like 13 or 14, I started self-harming. ’cause I had no idea what to do. They’re telling me I’m not supposed to feel this way. They’re not telling me what to do when I feel this way. This is the only thing I know to do to release or relieve this. Which is incredibly harmful.
Lisa:
And obviously you don’t wanna mutilate yourself. But that’s all I had.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Lisa:
So again, I mean that’s a obviously a more extreme version of, you know, of where it could lead. But ultimately
Wendy:
A great example,
Lisa:
You know, how you feel is how you feel for all the, you know, you’re too old to be crying about that. Well I’m old now and I’m still crying so it didn’t actually stop me from crying.
Wendy:
Yeah. And it is such a natural unharmful release of emotion or processing of emotion. Not everybody like it has a tendency to cry or whatever. So it’s not like crying equals like the health, the way to healthy process health emotions in a healthy way. But dang man it is such a natural like bodily release, right? Like that’s why it’s so dang hard to stop it. That’s why you can’t talk. And that’s why like all the cultural conditioning that teaches us that we should stop or feel bad about it. Like it just jacks up your body. So like teaching our kids from a young age, like it is okay to cry and however long you need you will be here. We’re not, you know,
Lisa:
It stays in your body. Like okay, I might stop crying, crying ’cause it’s bothering you, but I’m still crying on the, it doesn’t go anywhere. The feeling is still there. And I get it like as parents who like my nine year old ne like it, the three-year-old crying is one thing, but the nine year old crying is a whole different thing. So I admittedly it’s not always the easiest as a parent. So I understand the impetus to be like, can you dry it up? you know? Yeah. But it close to, can you dry it up? I’ll say to my, I’ll say to my nine year olds like, look, I can’t help you ’cause I can’t understand what’s wrong. you know? And that typically dries it up and he’s able to now articulate what the problem is and let’s sort of figure out a way to solve it.
So instead of shaming him, it’s like I’m just being practical. Like, I can’t help you. I don’t understand what, you know, sometimes he just needs a hug, you know? And I can tell when it’s really emotional, but then when it’s like a crying out of frustration or anger, we could probably solve what this is. So you have to tell me and I can’t hear you if you’re screaming and you know, I can’t, can’t help you. So, you know, what do you wanna do?
Wendy:
Yeah. Dang So, good.
Lisa:
I can feel, that’s typically how I can sort of get to a place where we can talk. And with the younger one, he’s pretty quick. Like he’ll cry, I pick him up, I help him and I’ll be like, okay, you know, when he comes down a little bit. ’cause you can’t rationalize a three year old when they’re upset. There’s no, the nine year old I can rationalize a little bit, but the three-year-old forget it. So when he cleans down, which is like literally a minute, you know, barely that I’ll be like, okay, well what do you need? Nine times out of 10 it’s a kiss, right? Yes. That’s it.
Wendy:
I love it. So beautiful. Alright, a few more. So you’re, you are making me sad. You’re hurting my feelings. You’ve, yes. When you te you talk to me like that, you make me sad. You, when you hit your brother, you make me sad,
Lisa:
Right? I mean, I think, I think this one was the one that people had a hard time with, right? They’re like, well I’m feeling, you know, why should I hide? And I think there’s a difference between saying that, look, I found the words that you used to me to be hurtful. Like this is, you know, I think
Wendy:
Yes, right.
Lisa:
However, for you to be taking what they’ve like to make them feel responsible for your feelings, that’s where it’s different. you know? ’cause you don’t want your child again, the whole people pleasing thing, which has been the bane of my existence. you know, people feel that. You just don’t, yeah, I’m, I’m really, I’m real. I, I don’t want my child to set aside how they feel to, to their own detriment to be, you know what I mean? Like, I don’t want it, I want how you feel matters. As well as how I feel So I don’t wanna, like for instance, if they’re fighting with their brother, I don’t want them to, you know, I, I’m like, oh, you fighting with your brother is hurting me. I mean it’s, it’s manipulative is what it is. Yes. And so you’re, what you’re trying to do is appeal to the child’s, you know, feelings to use that to get what you want, which is obviously incredibly unfair to the child.
Lisa:
So that’s my thoughts on that.
Wendy:
I love it. Yeah. And, and the reframe you had laid out is, I’m feeling upset and it’s not your fault. Right?
Lisa:
Right.
Wendy:
Like, I, I feel triggered what’s happening right now. I feel scared that you guys are gonna hurt each other. I, I, I, I, I. It’s like if you can just get that eye in there and right, like it helps us like that, that personal responsibility piece and then they’re much, they’re so much more likely to take responsibility for their own right? Like if it’s anger, like everyone, like feelings are neither right nor wrong. And like when we take responsibility for them to process them in a healthy way instead of blaming someone for them and then waiting for someone to fix us, right? Which so much of the traditional parenting stuff does, right? It’s external controls then just freedom opens up and it’s, it’s, it’s so good.
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Wendy:
Okay. Here’s one Lisa.
Lisa:
Okay, because I
Wendy:
Freaking said so.
Lisa:
And again, this one gets people mad too, right? But here’s, here’s my thing, it doesn’t take a lot to just say what’s happening, just to communicate what’s going on. Yeah. It doesn’t mean that the answer’s gonna now become a yes when the answer’s a no. you know what I mean? Yeah. It doesn’t mean like, you know, I’m gonna negotiate or there’s a, there’s like options here. ’cause some things are on a lot, lot. There is no, no, it’s a no is a no period. Yeah. And so, but just explaining this is why this is happening, you know, and, and sometimes you can’t explain in that moment and that’s okay too. But then later on you should be able to explain, okay, I didn’t have time. We’re ru we had to go, we had this, whatever, and you had to keep you safe. This is why.
But ultimately it’s, they should be involved and have an understanding and awareness of what things that are happening that involve them. you know, I don’t see what is so hard about explaining like, pe someone said, I had a video I think last week of showing myself like how to get a toddler out the door. And one of the complaints is like, I’m not gonna explain myself to a alert. I’m like, why not? Right? Why can’t you explain, I’m putting your shoes on so we can go. ’cause we’re going like why? Because you know how worried that would be sometimes. Like, where are we going and why? Like, you know what I mean? Like, as a person, like I’m here. Like, they’re aware, they’re people. They’re, they wanna know what’s going on if they, if involves them. And yes, it’s annoying sometimes, right? Again, I always recognize like, it’s not like I say these things and I’m this perfect parent who doesn’t feel annoyed.
Who doesn’t always wanna have to say so, I mean. Yeah, of course I feel annoyed sometimes I talk. Okay, just, just do it. you know? Yeah. I recognize also that that’s not fair to them and it’s their live, they’re involved and why not? you know, I did an example a couple of last year. I, I actually wanna repost this ’cause it was, thought it was really good and it got people, you know, very upset. So then, you know, it’s good. Oh, I gotta post it. So it’s an episode of the Cosby Show and everyone thought, you know, Claire and Heath Cliff Huxtable were like the, it’s, it’s of the parenting, particularly for black parenting because they didn’t spank their kids, but they were traditional parents.
They were super authoritarian. They did, you know what they had to say go. So there’s a scene right where Rudy, it’s like, it’s October in New York, so it’s cold yet, right? Not real. I mean, yes, there you could have like these random weird days where it’s super cold, but typically it’s not that cold in October in, in New York. But she wants to wear a summer dress. She wants to wear a dress that’s like fit for like August where it’s like 80 or 90 degrees. So Claire’s like, you know, no, it’s a summer dress. You, you can’t, you can’t wear it. And, and Rudy’s like, well why not? you know? And it truly, why not? Because at that point it’s not like we’re talking where there was a threat of her getting like frost bitten.
She was, she didn’t have to wear like open toes. There was no physical. And also this is not a two year old child. This at this point, Rudy’s like anywhere between eight and 10, right? Yeah. So she’s old enough at this point to, to understand what cold feels laing to recognize it. And the issue people had like, well her mom said no, that should be sufficient. We’re not raising robots, right? We looked kids who ask questions, you don’t want kids to go along with everything. The authority figure sets ’cause that creates perpetual victims. I have been a victim in my life far too often, well into my adulthood by a boss who was even a year or two younger than me.
And I saw her as an authority figure. It felt I could not question the things that directly impacted me in my adulthood and that stuff begins as a child. So yeah, this is my body. I’m going. I mean, there was no reason why Claire couldn’t explain. And then when she did explain that, she didn’t even have an explanation. After a while, it switched from it being about, I wanna protect you from this cold weather ’cause it’s not appropriate to, you’re challenging me. And now the answer is no, because you don’t wanna just do what I’m telling you to do and I’m the authority and I need you to, to fall in line. And there’s a, there’s a true danger of that, frankly. Especially when it’s, there is a situation where there a negotiation, it wouldn’t hurt anybody because what is wrong with wearing leggings in a, in a t turtleneck under the dress?
What is so wrong with letting her go under that dress?
Wendy:
I would have, and get cold, get and learn natural consequences.
Lisa:
And learn natural consequences. But knowing me as the mom I am, I would’ve had like a, a duffle bag with some sweats feature ’cause I’d be like, I don’t want you to be freezing here. But yeah. What’s, there was nothing wrong with it. But, you know, people who, who have that mindset that they need to control their child. It it, yeah. Yeah. It’ll bite you in the butt. It’ll bite you in the butt later. Because at will some point, they’re gonna not wanna be controlled or they’re gonna go out into the world and allow themselves to be controlled by others. And yes. Like I said, create the perpetual victim.
Wendy:
So freaking well said. Yeah. And I think it makes sense to me why we’re all so triggered by it when our kids don’t just fall into line. It’s because we were conditioned for so many years to see that as dangerous and disrespectful.
Lisa:
Yeah. Yeah. So
Wendy:
Of course like that’s where that rewiring man, it just, it just is so, is so essential. And just to have that compassion for yourself of like, it makes sense why you’re so triggered. It makes sense. Why Claire Hux Hux, what was her last name? Hux. Huxtaby?
Lisa:
Huxtable. Huxtable. Hux
Wendy:
Huxtable. It makes sense why she was so triggered by that. Because that’s what she had been taught her whole life. Right. That right.
Lisa:
A kid who
Wendy:
Pushes back is dangerous and disrespectful when really it’s not accurate. It’s not actual truth. So
Lisa:
You don’t, but the thi the hardest thing about all of this is, you know, like you said, like the rewiring, which is, I always tell people like this, you said you’ve been at it for 13 years. Like it’s still, it’s a, it’s a journey. Yeah. You don’t just wake up from 20, 30, whatever years of conditioning and you’re able to like pick out the parts where it’s, where you see that condition. You don’t even, you don’t even see it. So, ’cause we we’re not only conditioned by, you know, our, the way in which we were raised in our own households, but society does it, we’re conditioned in school, we’re, you know, it’s all over the place. It’s traditional.
Wendy:
Yeah. By generations past. Right. Yeah. Like I love it when you riff on like the association between like corporal punishment and white supremacy and slavery. And I’m like, holy shit man. That type of trauma is like passed down in fricking cells and DNA and we growing
Lisa:
For sure. And for black parents particularly we, you know, when Emmett Till was killed, like obviously I wasn’t alive and I don’t even, who don’t even know if my parents like this was so many years and years and years and years ago. But we carry that fear Yeah. Within us. ’cause we don’t ever wanna see our child beaten to death and having to have their casket open so the world can see what happens when a child is perhaps not obedient. Because that even though we recognized was unfair what was done to him, and that he was killed through, you know, racism or what have you, there is still that element that it could have prevent, been prevented had he been taught to be more obedient.
Wendy:
Right.
Lisa:
That. And that carries on. And so we feel like we have to be, you know, ’cause we don’t want, you know, we have to be strict because we don’t want the white man to get our child. And even though we may not even use that language. Yeah. It’s a part of the way the process. And I don’t, I mean, I don’t think this is exclusive to just, you know, colonized people. I think it’s a part of, and it’s now become part of everybody’s sort of cultural understanding as obedience is the way through the, through, you know, people, if you’re religious, it’s handed down. And so it takes a long time to sort of get the mind to kind of get around that and to, and to, and to feel like, and not carry that fear.
’cause it really is fear. you know, I don’t, I I under, I have a, like, you know, I’m a parent. So I obviously have a soft spot for us because I know at the root of it is fear. It’s not like, I don’t believe parents are sitting around thinking, oh, how can I destroy my child today?
Wendy:
Heck yeah, no.
Lisa:
How can I, how, what can I do? Like, there isn’t no awareness isn’t there? And there are some spaces on So, I feel like in, in parenting spaces where they act almost as though parents who are traditional parents have like this sinister agenda where they’re sitting or they’re not even thinking they’re robots. They’re not thinking. Because if they did, obviously it makes sense.
Wendy:
Yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s so, it’s so true. Dang man. I could listen to you riff for hours, Lisa. Okay, let’s just pick one more. There’s two more. Okay. So let’s see. Alright, let’s just try the comparison one. Yeah. Look at your cousin or look at your sister. Why can’t you do that? Why can’t you be easier? Why can’t you just listen? Why can’t you just sit still at the fricking dinner table? Look at your baby brother. He’s half your age and he can freaking sit still. I just had a coaching question come in the other day about this. It was like the six year old can’t freaking sit still and watch a movie, but the three-year-old can, like, you know, the tone is just so, like, what is wrong with you?
Lisa:
They’re different people and it’s okay. I mean, I like, I, I have a, my nine year old is three years old. Six years older obviously, than his brother. And listen, sometimes I’m like, hmm, But, it iss what? It’s You are who you are. And you have to accept your child, who they are. It’s who they are. There’s nothing wrong with you for being who you are. Again, my masking journey, having to say that to myself. So it’s important for me to instill that in my children by, you know, who You are, who you are. You’re you, you’re a complete individual. And so I’m gonna treat you like an individual. What your cousin does is what your cousin does. I definitely, I dealt with that. I compared myself to my cousins often, you know, compared myself.
you know, you do it even in social media. You compare yourself against your other peers and whatever. And what does it do? What, how does it, how does it benefit me at all? Does it make me now want to perform? Yes. Which is not good, right? Because ultimately the mask will slip at some point. So I’m not, I don’t wanna raise my children to perform. I want them to be confident in who they are, however they are. Obviously, I don’t wanna raise, you know, psychos, but deep good people who are just confident. ’cause I feel like there’s so much, you know, You know, I just, in looking even at myself and I try to give myself some grace.
I’m my worst critic. I really and truly am.
Wendy:
Yep. Aren’t we all?
Lisa:
But I really truly even look at myself and like, man, if I had had the confidence to be myself, what I could have done with my life. Yeah. you know? And so there’s just so much that that confidence and self-esteem can give you. So I would never wanna be the kind of person who chips away at that because you remember it.
Wendy:
You do. And I think like a great redirect or a retry for that is just, is just remembering. Like when you look at a kid, it’s like so easy to a assess like what they’re missing or what their brother’s better at. But like, let that use, like when you see, oh, the brother can sit still and you can’t, like you’re just learning the life skill to be able to focus on something or sit still when you really wanna jump, run, kick, you know, whatever. But I think staying focused on the life skill helps build that confidence. There’s nothing wrong with you, you are just, yeah. You’re still learning this life skill and I’m here to teach you. Yeah. So we’re gonna take a minute and we’re gonna practice this, or we’re gonna redo the situation, or I’m never gonna give up on you, but it’s like in that moment of like, just identifying like, oh, okay.
I, I like how you often will teach with like saying what’s happening. Like, oh, I can see you, you know, you’re still having trouble sitting still. I can see you’re still, you know, having trouble with, with the rule of not jumping on the couch. I can like whatever it is, like stating what’s happening and then stating like, okay, this is the life skill you’re learning and here’s what we’re gonna do to help you. To help you learn. Whether it’s later in a calm time or in that moment with a redo or whatever it may be. But there’s so much, so many options we have obviously as parents. So Lisa, I adore you.
Lisa:
Why? I know it would. I just wanna shut up.
Wendy:
I love it. Please don’t ever shut up. Your voice is so brilliant and wise and I just love what you’re all about and you’re just spreading incredible light and goodness into the world. So thank you for spending the last hour with us. Tell listeners where they can come find you. Tell ’em about your book. You have a book, right? And your, and a podcast.
Lisa:
I have an ebook. Oh gosh, I haven’t recorded a new podcast episode in three months, so please bear with me. I’m coming back, right? It’s the Consciously Lisa podcast. I have a blog, www.ConsciouslyLisa.com where you can purchase my ebook and find me wherever on social media from YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, all under Consciously Lisa. I think there’s an underscore on TikTok and Instagram after Lisa.
Wendy:
But yes, I love it. Well, don’t feel bad for a second about not doing enough because when you create anything, it hits hard and it creates conversation and it’s really important. So no lack of anything going on for you. You’re doing, you’re doing awesome work. So thanks again for being here, Lisa.
Lisa:
I appreciate that. Thank you so much for having me. This was fun.
Wendy:
Alright listeners, that’s a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it for you. As we wrap up here, don’t forget to DM me the word shift or head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to grab your free discipline quickstart learning bundle. You’ll get immediate access to download our extensive learning guide where I’ll share five ways you can ditch the old school, hand-me-down punishment, mindset, beliefs and thoughts that are causing you to react like a volcano instead of respond like the firm, kind, respectful teacher you are at your core. And then you’ll also get immediate access to my on-demand workshop where I’ll teach you our three core fresh start family strategies that make up a strong, compassionate discipline toolkit, as well as my favorite logical consequences that not only work with kids of all ages, but do wonders to a, unite you with your child and strengthen your relationship even in your kids’ worst moments.
So pop on over to Instagram right now and just shoot me a DM with the word shift and I’ll send you a personal link to download that bundle right away. Or you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to get access immediately. Alright, thanks for listening and I’ll see you inside that free bundle. And also inside the next episode.
For links and more info about everything we talked about in today’s episode. Head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/192.
Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
