In this heartening episode of the First Start Family Show, Wendy opens up a candid conversation about overcoming deep-seated fears in parenting. With a heartfelt reflection on a recent weekend course she and her team led in San Diego, she dives into the transformative power of confronting personal fears and the impact it can have on building a familial legacy.

Tune in to hear Wendy discuss the intricacies of human emotion, particularly fear, and how it can act as a barrier to achieving mastery in parenting. She reflects on her own experiences and the common trepidations faced by many parents, weaving through topics such as societal judgment, perfectionism, and embracing the unsteadiness that comes with significant life changes. 

When it comes to powerful parenting, upgrading your family legacy, and mastering positive parenting skills, the episode provides listeners with actionable insights and motivation to push past their fears & beliefs that may be keeping them stuck in “fine” land so they can start living in “thrive” land and live in true power & purpose. 

Curious about what the Full Mastery Program is?

**Join the waitlist to get instant access to the “No Holds Barred” Cheatsheet : 3 common fears & beliefs that hold parents back from reaching full fluency as an empowered parent.”

Episode Highlights:

• Fear, particularly the fear of judgment and criticism, is a significant obstacle for many parents.
• Embracing mistakes as opportunities for learning can lead to mastery in parenting.
• Change may feel overwhelming, but it’s a natural part of the journey and critical for personal and family growth.
• Emotional literacy, including understanding and working through fears, is essential for effective parenting.
• Building a “family legacy” involves clarity on what you want to achieve and facing personal and societal challenges head-on.

Resources Mentioned:

freshstartfamilyonline.com/masteryworkshop

freshstartfamilyonline.com/fullmastery

Not able to listen or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!

0:00:16 – (Wendy): Well, hey there, families, and welcome to a new episode of the first start Family show. I’m your host, Wendy Snyder, positive parenting educator and family life coach. And today we are going to be talking about how to break through our biggest fears as parents so we really can create the family legacy of our dreams. So I’m so happy that you are here and I am just excited to chat about this today. I’m in a spot where my heart is just so tender and open because my team and I just wrapped a very special weekend called freedom to be here in sunny San Diego, California. My goodness, we had the most beautiful weather this weekend and we had my entire team.
0:01:12 – (Wendy): I have a staff that lives all over the nation, so we have three different time zones and we have team meetings and coaching calls and all the things and everyone came together from all the different corners of the United States to ascend on San Diego to serve and support our students that flew in from all over the nation to do our freedom to be course. And this is a program that we spend time doing exercises that are just a very healing and eye opening in regards to our behaviors as parents and kind of eye opening, not kind of very eye opening to help us understand the reasons why we’re not getting what we want and what we can do to get what we want.
0:02:02 – (Wendy): And it was just incredible. And coming off of that just is always such a special time for me because as an educator, as a coach, as a teacher, a leader, I learn just as much as I teach as I do when I’m in the learning chair. And so it’s just so fun. I mean, it’s different now, what I learn and what God exposes to me and what he teaches me versus what I was learning when I was in the seat as a student, whether it be the positive parenting work or the life coaching side of things, but it’s always equally as profound.
0:02:41 – (Wendy): And so I’m sitting here just this morning in awe of the students that came in and did the exercises and just were so brave and really committed to advancing and learning and strengthening their family and learning new tools and all the things. And I’m also just really inspired by myself because as a continuous or a continual student, I don’t know how to say that. It’s just so fun. The journey for me to continue to learn and grow and advance my skills and to really become even more and more fluent. I mean, 13 years into this work, I definitely feel like I am pretty dang fluent.
0:03:24 – (Wendy): Definitely the parenting side of things. That side just feels so good no matter what type of challenge comes our way. I mean, I’m not perfect at never getting triggered, which, by the way, is not the goal. The goal is not to never be triggered. It’s to feel confident moving through triggers and challenges with our kids in a way of that’s very high integrity and that we feel confident. So it’s not that I’m never triggered, it’s just that in know, Terry and I both just feel really confident that we can handle anything that comes our way, and it always has a good outcome. Now, as far as even in the big mistake moments or the little pockets of misbehavior or challenges, whatever it may be. So on the parenting side, it’s like the fluency is so high.
0:04:08 – (Wendy): And that journey as being a continuous student has now, for me, kind of gone over to the land of entrepreneurship. And so for the last six years, that’s been my big learning journey and where all my triggers happen and where my fears show up that prevent me from getting to where I want to be, because obviously we all have destinations and I just have such big dreams for this organization and company.
0:04:37 – (Wendy): And it’s a journey, right? Building something really important is a journey. So whether that’s your family legacy or a mission oriented business like fresh start family is, you can bet your bottom dollar, that’s a funny saying. Bet your bottom dollar that there’s going to be some big fears and belief systems that come up that you’re going to want to challenge if you really want to go for what you want.
0:05:06 – (Wendy): So let’s start off by talking about that. So one of the things we do in freedom to be in the beginning is we talk about what we want. And this is really kind of setting the tone or setting our intention strong on what we want long term. So last week, you heard Terian and I, hopefully you heard our episode on long term vision and how important this is to really solidify what you want, right? We all come along and we have kids and we’re like, gosh, this will be fun.
0:05:46 – (Wendy): Let’s pump out some babies and some mini humans, and we’ll grow a family, and it’s going to be so fun and sweet and meaningful and just all the things. And then you realize you might have a strong willed kid, they become a toddler and they start pushing back, and all of a sudden, life becomes just very different than what you had dreamed of. Right? I mean, that’s where I was when I found this work.
0:06:11 – (Wendy): Gosh, it’s probably now almost, I always say 13 years, but now it’s probably almost 14 years ago. Costella is going to be 17 this fall. And so almost 14 years ago, I was just in such a pit of, like, this is not what I signed up for. I thought my days were going to be dreamy, especially once I decided to quit my corporate job and stay home full time with my kids. It’s like, just thought that we were going to be in heaven and the kids were going to be napping every day, and we were going to be at the beach and the house was going to be clean because I was going to have all this time, and I was going to journal every morning, and we were going to just have so much quality special time and snuggles. And in reality, what I wanted was not happening.
0:06:59 – (Wendy): I started yelling. I started, you know, just getting so angry and irritated and annoyed. Stella was three and a half at the time, and Taryn was newborn baby who had colic, just like Stella did when she was little. And I just became so agitated and depressed and hopeless, and I started to not like her. And it just was such a confusing time because this is not what I wanted, of course. I wanted joy and connection in home, and I wanted peace and I wanted my kids to feel unconditionally loved and supported and, like, their mom had their back.
0:07:43 – (Wendy): And I wanted to feel confident that I could move through anything because, man, I really thought I was going to be a great mom. I had nannied in college. I had been a springboard diving coach since I was, like, 13 years old. I started working really young. I always was an entrepreneur, and I just really thought I was going to nail this right? And then it just was really bad for a while. Stella was in timeouts 50 times a day.
0:08:13 – (Wendy): I started grabbing wrists too tight. I started just shaming her. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just be easier and blaming everything on her? If she was just easier, I would be like, Kumbaya. Right? She was the reason why I was so dang stressed. So going back to stated intentions again, my intention was to create this beautiful family of joy and peace and togetherness and to have terry come home at work from night and not walk into a volcanic state of chaos and an irritated and annoyed mom and kids misbehaving and more just a peaceful home. Right. I think that’s what I always wanted, was a peaceful, joyful home.
0:09:04 – (Wendy): So for us, no matter where you are at in your journey, it’s so important that you talk about what you want, what you want long term, and especially when it comes to your family, because life has a way of moving fast, and it’s just every day that you’re confused or you’re not very clear on what you want. It’s wild how time will creep by, and then all of a sudden, your kids are in middle school or high school or going off to college. I mean, it’s crazy to think that Stella will be going to college in two years. I mean, we are actively now at college camps, like college beach volleyball, recruitment camps, because she wants to get a scholarship. We are actually up off to Cal Poly Mother’s Day weekend, which is so exciting, but it just happens fast, right?
0:09:54 – (Wendy): So in the beginning of the freedom to be weekend, we really take some time to talk about our unstated intentions. And this is kind of a visual diagram that we draw that is basically someone shooting a bow and arrow, and the target is what we want. So we really want to have peace and joy and connection, and we want to be able to get curious with our kids, right? We want to be able to really teach and be firm, kind leaders in our home. We want to be able to join the mess sometimes and play with our kids or be able to confidently set strong boundaries, or we want to be able to get creative and really be engaging and in deep connection with our kids. We want to create safe environments for people to be human.
0:10:51 – (Wendy): We want to have high emotional literacy in our home to understand our emotions and be able to move through them, right? These are all things that we want. We want to be able to work as a team. We want to be able to trust ourselves and enjoy the journey, this wild and wonderful journey we call parenting. Right? And in reality, what we realize before long is that our arrows that we’re shooting toward our target are actually ending up not even close to the bullseye.
0:11:22 – (Wendy): And so this is what we call the first step of awareness, of realizing, like, dang it, my arrows, that I’m shooting with such strong intention, and I’m saying I want these things, my behavior. And the reality of our family unit is that it is not hitting that bullseye. And so what you want to remember in that moment is we don’t need to blame our kids or our spouse for that or blame ourselves, which is a lot of what we do over the weekend, to reduce. And really, hopefully, I won’t say eliminate, but reduce, because we’re not shooting for perfection, we’re shooting for progress.
0:12:05 – (Wendy): But once you start to reduce the blame both outwardly and inwardly, which is shame, by the way, then your arrows start to get on track, much more easier. It’s kind of like the idea of, I live in California, and maybe you live on the east coast of the US, and you’re like, you know what? I’m going to drive out and go to one of Wendy’s in person events, and I’m gonna hug her in person. I’m gonna learn from her.
0:12:32 – (Wendy): And so, wouldn’t it be fun, babe, if we did a cross country trip? And you’re like, okay, cool, let’s do it. Let’s get wild and crazy. Maybe it’s summertime or something. And so you’re like, you plan the trip, you hop in the car, and you’re like, this is what we want. We want to really have a beautiful weekend in sunny San Diego and learn and grow and be mentored by Wendy and all the things. So you start driving, and you’re like.
0:12:57 – (Wendy): And then all of a sudden, the kids start fighting, and then you start bickering about directions because you get lost and you’re like, oh, this isn’t quite what I signed up for. And then all of a sudden, you’re driving, and then you get to Las Vegas and you’re like, well, the kids are hungry, they’re annoyed, and we’ve heard there’s roller coasters there, and we could do a little gambling and have a cocktail and all these things. And so you pull off the freeway and you end up in Vegas, and all of a sudden you’re partying. Maybe you’re having fun, and you’re like, oh, okay, this is just what we needed, right?
0:13:34 – (Wendy): And then all of a sudden, two or three days later, you’re broke, you’re exhausted, the kids are cranky, you’re sick of living in a hotel room. You start to see the streets in downtown Las Vegas as really dirty and grimy, and you just start to realize where you are. And you’re like, oh, what are we doing? Why are we in Las Vegas? We said we wanted to be in sunny California. Why are we here? You don’t give up and drive back to Maryland or New York or Boston, wherever you’re from.
0:14:12 – (Wendy): No, you just remember what you said that you wanted, and you get back on the freeway and you start driving west. Like, that’s the concept here, of just making sure you are getting back on track instead of giving up on your dreams. And so what we find is that even though we all want to be able to do that and stay consistently moving towards our family legacy of our dreams, our legacies, right? Like, as human beings, what do we want when it comes to leaving a mark on this earth, what we find is that it’s our fears and our beliefs that actually hold us back from reaching full mastery.
0:14:55 – (Wendy): So this month here at fresh start family, we’re having just a continuous conversation around what it takes to reach full mastery and how good it feels and worth, of course, talking specifically around full mastery when it comes to powerful parenting, where you have true power with your children, like true influence, where your kids listen to you because they want to, not because they have to. Where you have a compassionate discipline system set up in your house that works so well with kids of all ages, where you are able to set very firm boundaries and be confident, being very different than your community in many ways.
0:15:43 – (Wendy): Right? Like, you’re able to follow through on those firm boundaries with consistency. You’re able to understand your own triggers and become more responsive versus reactive in those moments of challenge where your kids will act childish. These are all examples of what makes up a full mastery state of being where you’re fully owning a powerful, positive parenting way of life. But so many people get stuck in the middle where they’re never fully reaching that place where they’re like, oh my gosh, I am fully confident in all these things. And now we are thriving as a family.
0:16:30 – (Wendy): So here at fresh start family, we do get to see so many people reach mastery now that we’ve been doing this for six years and I just have this dream team of coaches and staff that works for me. And we really get to see it. We get to see certain families who just never give up. And they put all their heart into it and they fall in love with the journey of learning and growing and then failing and getting back up. Because remember, failure is just unfinished success, but getting back up and not giving up until they reach that place where they’re like, wow, we fully have replaced punishment with compassionate discipline. We fully have replaced nagging and shaming with asking for what we want. Or we have fully replaced that permissive just giving in where we let kids walk all over us with really staying firm, no matter how much our child pushes back and not panicking and catastrophizing when it happens. Right?
0:19:11 – (Wendy): So at this .6 years into this journey, we have had the honor of supporting thousands and thousands of families who have been introduced to this new way of raising kids with a powerful, positive parenting system. And we’ve had over 1000 families go through the foundations course we’ve had. I believe we’re almost at the tipping point, actually. I should have my amazing data girl, her name’s Stacey. We call her data queen. She’s one of my team members.
0:19:43 – (Wendy): I should have her pull the data for the fresh start experience, too. I’m pretty sure we’re over the thousand mark for the fresh start experience, too, as far as over the full six years. But you get the gist. Thousands of families who have come into this work and either done it a little bit, grabbed some things and moved on, which is fine, especially if you feel like that’s what you need and you’re good to go, right? And then we’ve had others who stay and just get to that point where they reach full mastery. And that’s been so cool to watch and really observe and be at this point now where we’re able to see what actually are those families doing that cause them to reach the full mastery? Where when they do graduate from our program, they say to I’m there.
0:20:38 – (Wendy): A lot of times we’ll have families say, okay, I think I’m ready to graduate from their frustrated experience program. Or know, maybe they go through freedom to be or might become a parenting coach program. They’ll say, Wendy, this is wild because every time I come in to maybe ask a question where in the past I would just be scratching my head like, what do I do? They’d come in to request coaching in our program and then they’d write out their question. They’d be like, oh, I answered my own question.
0:21:05 – (Wendy): I don’t even need the coaches to tell me anymore because I’m so confident I know how to handle it. I know how to look at yesterday as data versus catastrophizing that our family is the worst or our kids are doomed to become, grow up, become maniacs, or I’m failing as a parent. We’re going to talk about some of these fears in a minute. But they say, like, gosh, I’m at the point where I’m answering my own questions and I feel like I can do this on my own.
0:21:33 – (Wendy): And it’s not out of a place of like, I don’t need help anymore and it’s genuinely out of a place of like I did it. I reached full mastery and our family is thriving and I’m ready now to either just continue to implement this in my home and raise my children in this beautiful way, or many families choose to go on to actually become a parenting coach and then become a light in their own community and world, little part of the world or big part of the world to spread the light. So it’s been really awesome to just be an observance of what it takes to reach that full mastery.
0:22:18 – (Wendy): And what we found is that it is the families who are able to move through the fears and belief systems that keep them stuck. Those are the families that are like, okay, we can do this. We’ve got this. And moving through those things definitely does take support and just really, awareness. We talk so much in this work about awareness comes first. There’s awareness, and then there’s acceptance, too. And those are like two sides of the same coin that have to be super high in order for generational cycles to get broken, in order for new life skills to be learned, in order for legacies to be upgraded, you have to have a high level of awareness where you’re like, oh, this is what’s going on. I clearly see it now.
0:23:05 – (Wendy): And to be honest with you, most of us just don’t have that. When we first start doing powerful parenting work, we just have no idea that 99% of the time, the things that we are struggling with, our kids, we are also struggling with. And honestly, parents just don’t want to hear it in the beginning. Right? I think so many of us, especially that are raising strong willed kids, we have the same beautiful, strong will, the same stubbornness, you can call it, that our children got. That is such a gift. You guys hear me talk about the gift and the beauty of a strong will so much.
0:23:46 – (Wendy): The world needs cactus kids. The world needs strong personalities and people who are willing to go out on a limb and get up on stage and stand tall in their faith communities and say, this is not right. People who have strong justice buttons. And we also need the orchids of the world, the soft, easy going, those people have different gifts. Right? But so many of us who have, the strong willed kids, we’re just very stubborn. And it’s two things.
0:24:25 – (Wendy): We’re not willing to see where we’re struggling with the same thing, but we really do just have blind spots. It’s the same when you do anti oppression work, it’s like you really want to think to yourself, oh, a good person would have no blind spots. And a good person, it’s almost like you think it’s bad to have flaws, to have imperfections, to be struggling with things that you judge in other people.
0:24:52 – (Wendy): Or it’s just blind spots are very interesting. It’s not a conscious thing. You’re not aware of it. And combined with stubbornness, it just equals just ineffectiveness in getting what we want in life because we are the biggest contributor to creating our reality. It just is. It’s a fact. And when you become aware that, like, oh, there are behaviors that I am doing that are part of the dance, that are a big part of the dance, that are causing the peace in my home to be disrupted when the blind spot before was like, oh, it’s all my strong willed child.
0:25:36 – (Wendy): That is the biggest pain in the ass. They are the reason why the piece in our home keeps getting disrupted. And then all of a sudden, the walls start to come down. The layers of the artichokes start to get peeled back, and you realize, like, oh, I am the one that’s disturbing the piece. And in powerful, positive parenting, part of the power is that we go first. It will never, ever listen to me work.
0:26:09 – (Wendy): If you expect your children to go first, they are three year olds, they are five year olds, they are 13 year olds. They are children. It’s like there’s a reason we call it parenting and not child-ing. Like, parents got to go first. And that’s what gives you the true power, where once you catch your own behavior, change your own behavior, then all of a sudden, you are influencing in a way that it doesn’t matter how old your kids get, they start to truly respect you and really mirror your behavior and your thoughts and all the things.
0:26:46 – (Wendy): So that’s awareness. And then self acceptance is the part where you have to understand that these things, these behaviors, these thoughts, these beliefs, these fears, these way of acting that you kind of want to brush under a rug. And what we really want to do as parents is justify. We want to justify. We want to blame. The reason why I yell is because this kid is insane. The reason why I don’t connect with them is because they’re so closed down. The reason why I’m not able to stay patient with my spouse is because they’re so unwilling. Like, we really just want to blame.
0:27:27 – (Wendy): And I should say, I should redo that. We don’t want to blame. The reason why we have such trouble with self awareness is because blame is such a fast knee jerk reaction. So what was it the other day? Oh, yeah. The girls and I, my team and I drove away from the hotel on Sunday night, and we left all of our things. Like, we packed up the entire room. We had plants, we had essential oils. We had all the things, and we just left it on the bell cart at the checkout place.
0:27:57 – (Wendy): And we were excited. We were chatty. We’re a chatty little group when we’re together, the four of us, and we were ordering dinner. We were just doing all the things, and we drove away. And when I got home, we were like, amy and I, who’s staying with me? We were like, oh, no. We left all of our stuff. And I was like, crap, my computer is in that bag. And it was so funny to me how fast I wanted to blame the bellman because he would not let me drive the cart. So I was like, you don’t have to do it. We’ll just take the cart, and we’ll go get our stuff, and then we’ll bring it back. Because a lot of times, I think, obviously, Bellman, they are expecting a tip. I knew I didn’t have any ones, and I was like, oh, I just want to take the cart myself. And he just wouldn’t let me. Which makes sense, right? Like, that’s his job. That’s his purpose when he’s at work.
0:28:47 – (Wendy): It was like, a slow night. We were leaving the hotel. The first thing I said to Amy was like, oh, that bell guy. And then I just laughed, and I was like, amy, isn’t that funny? It has nothing. Even if I would have done the bell cart myself and brought it to the edge of the hotel, we still would have had to go get the truck. And that is the moment that we decided to drive away and forget about the bell cart.
0:29:16 – (Wendy): It’s not his fault. It was my fault. I drove away. Big deal. Who cares? It actually was totally in God’s plan. Because I realized after such a huge. I mean, I have been working nonstop, and I love my work, but my one staff member who was flying out later in the morning, we were going to sit down and have a spreadsheet meeting, like, data, accounting, numbers, all these things. And I truly think God was like, no, you’re not. You’re not. You’re going to go for a walk along the harbor.
0:29:46 – (Wendy): So it was all just so perfect to not have my computer, but my knee jerk reaction was to blame somebody else, or many of us will. The knee jerk reaction is to blame ourselves, right? Like, that’s more of Terry’s pattern. He’s just so fast to be like, crap, this is my fault. I should have done better. So that’s the pattern. That’s what happens. And so the self acceptance side is the other part of it that’s like, okay.
0:30:15 – (Wendy): And it’s okay. I’m human. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m not a bad person. I’m not failing as a parent. This is like the self compassion piece that Brené Brown has basically proven through her incredible research that is ineffective. Shame will keep you stuck in the same exact behaviors day after day. And I will tell you, in the computer situation, my behavior is moving fast, like rushing through life. It was crazy, the signals and symbols God sent me after this weekend, because again, I’m always learning. I’m getting my own little growth every time I teach.
0:31:00 – (Wendy): It doesn’t matter if it’s like a weekly live coaching session I’m hosting with my fresh start experience students or deep sessions with my become a parenting coach, girls, or freedom to be God is always revealing things to me that are so profound. But yeah, my pattern is like rushing and doing way too many things at once. And so in that moment, the computer example, I wanted to blame someone else. And then oftentimes it’ll pivot around and it’ll be like, oh, what’s wrong with me?
0:31:33 – (Wendy): I should know by now that I need to slow down, which is the pattern in my home. Growing up was very like, shame on you. Like everything. If you made a mistake, it was very shame on you. What were you thinking? What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that? Right? And of course, combined when we were little with physical fear, we had spanking, we had a paddle, and just combined with shame, like, whoa, it just did a number on me. And I did not realize until I was like in my 30s what a number it did on me because I was air quotes. Fine, right? I grew up with all that stuff and I was fine, right?
0:32:11 – (Wendy): So those are the two sides of the coin, self awareness and self acceptance. And when you raise both of those really high, then all of a sudden you become very, very powerful in doing what you want and also getting what you want. So back to the fears that is at the top of this episode. So there are many fears that many of us just don’t have awareness around and beliefs, too. And so many of you have already. But if you haven’t yet, make sure you hop on the waitlist for our full mastery program that’s going to be opening very soon.
0:32:50 – (Wendy): The doors will open late March, early April, and then the program actually kicks off mid April. And this is my seven month full mastery program. Very personalized mentorship, deep mentorship with me and a very small cohort of people who want to reach that full mastery point where they’re just confident and they’ve worked through a lot and they are just ready to fully stand in ownership of their powerful, positive parenting life.
0:33:27 – (Wendy): So you can learn more and go over there, where, by the way, I’ve created a cheat sheet called no holds barred cheat sheet where you will get just a little guide that I created that will tell you more about some of these fears that I’m just touching on today. And I actually cover the three biggest fears around biggest fears and belief systems that keep parents that prevent parents from reaching full mastery with powerful parenting.
0:33:57 – (Wendy): And so you can grab that and then hop on the waitlist for the full mastery program by heading to freshstartfamilyonline.com/fullmastery or dming me the word mastery on Instagram and I will automatically get you an instant download linked up. That way, sometimes it’s easier for some of you just to dm me the word than to type in www dot on your browser. Yes, fears and beliefs. Let’s go back to those fears and beliefs.
0:34:43 – (Wendy): The ones that I touch on in that guide, in that little cheat sheet is around fear of judgment from others and that criticism will wreck you. A belief that mistakes mean you’re failing as a parent and also fear that full blown change will be hard and overwhelming. So let’s just kind of touch on those a little bit. Again, I riff quite a bit in the cheat sheet that you’ll get when you hop on the waitlist for the program, but we can just chat about them here, too. So fears about judgment from others and that criticism will wreck you.
0:35:20 – (Wendy): Okay, so here’s what you need to know about this is all of us. All of us. All of us and again, been doing this for a while now and helped so many people. And when it comes to freedom to be, I mean, we’re now at like, I think combined with the years that I was attending and assisting in freedom to be before I taught it, I’m going to guess, I mean, I got to be at guiding and helping 500 people probably go through deep transformation when it comes to releasing fears, identifying fears, releasing fears, moving through them. So I’ve seen so much over the years, real life people with real lives, including myself, too.
0:36:06 – (Wendy): But I’m going to say at least 90% of the time, at least it is fear, the emotion of fear that is at the forefront of where people get stuck and react out of their trigger and give up on their dreams. It’s 90% of the time. And the reason why is because it’s one of the reasons. But just so many of us were not taught. I’m going to say the grand majority of us were not taught that fear is not a problem.
0:36:43 – (Wendy): We were taught like, don’t be a wuss, you’re fine. It’s not even dark. Like, I’ll hear, I’ll put the light on. Don’t be silly. There’s nothing to be scared of. And really, it is just such a strong emotion that we don’t know what the heck to do with it. So we just suppress it. We just suppress it. We hide it. We do anything to just skip over it and not let anybody know that we are scared. And trust me, this is usually not a conscious thing.
0:37:20 – (Wendy): This is really, in my opinion, such an automatic nervous system response that we don’t even realize it’s happening. But the more you become aware of what’s actually happening by slowing down the process, you start to see, like, oh, I just feel scared. Often. Some of the things I see parents feeling scared of is definitely failure. That idea of, like, I’m doing it wrong, I’m messing up my kids. Also fear of not having any power, like, the feeling of powerlessness, is a version of fear that I see really just creep up for parents without a lot of awareness.
0:38:07 – (Wendy): And then also one of the biggest ones is fear that I’m not good enough, that I’m incompetent, that I can’t do this, that I’m not capable. Those are some of the deeper ones. And then more on the surface level that I think people can connect more easily with when I talk about it is just fear of judgment from others and criticism. And this often presents itself in the way of annoying family members. Annoying family members who a lot of times have been indoctrinated by jacked up systems like unhealthy faith circles, or in honesty, that’s usually where I see it.
0:38:51 – (Wendy): The criticism that comes from mother in laws or sisters or cousins or people like that, or friends from college, that kind of thing. It’s normally the people who have been indoctrinated in unhealthy faith circles. But holy smokes, it just feels the worst when people are quick to throw out the statements of like, oh, you’re being too permissive. Or, that’s not how they’ll say it. That’s like my educator terms, but they’ll say, we had one student this weekend who just did so much incredible work around this, and she’s like, yeah, my mother in law will sit down with a very low tone after they’ve spent some time together with her kids. I think she has, like, a ten year old and an eight year old, maybe, or eight and six. I forget, but she’ll say, so, can you just tell me exactly how you discipline?
0:39:54 – (Wendy): Because this mama, she is so entrenched in the work, and she’s on a journey. She’s like, she’s learning. What does discipline look like in the moment? What does compassionate discipline actually look like? And for most people, this takes practice, and you’re just not ready to be quizzed yet, right? So when people kind of confront you and quiz you, especially with a tone of like, we’ll often take that as like, oh, you think I’m doing it wrong? Or you’re criticizing me. And then our fears start to compound and our heart starts to race fast, and then we start acting and reacting out of the fear versus slowing down to feel the fear of like, oh, I feel scared. She’s judging me right now.
0:40:37 – (Wendy): I feel scared she’s criticizing me. I feel scared that, what if I’m doing it wrong? What if I’m drinking some koolaid that fresh start family serves? He’s actually going to make my kids grow up to be, like, entitled brats. That’s the stance of the countercultural or the main section of society who does not understand what powerful, positive parenting work is, right? They’ll say, oh, this is the reason why our children are growing up. To be these too sensitive and think the world revolves around them. I just saw an article last week. I forget where it was, but it was a mainstream article, and it was written by someone who got handed the mic. I’m like, how do these people get handed the mic?
0:41:26 – (Wendy): But he had written about how so much of this generation thinks that they’ve had trauma, and really it’s just like normal life. And it was just so interesting. As I read through it, I was like, wow, this person has no idea what it looks like to actually move through trauma from your childhood, when you’ve been raised with fear and forced and been chased around your house with a paddle and been told you’re a piece of shit.
0:41:58 – (Wendy): Not actually. Most of us don’t have parents who told us we were a piece of shit. But the essence is, like, what the hell is wrong with you? You need to be better. This person clearly had no experience understanding the power of helping someone heal from a past, especially if you were raised with fear or any of that type of stuff. It was so annoying. But long story short, there is a lot out there. There’s a lot out there that just twist powerful, positive parenting work, especially in the unhealthy face circles, right?
0:42:37 – (Wendy): I know. My community was just like, so, like, everyone was like, oh, my gosh, we had such a great discussion in our private group for the frustrated experience around an article that was published around. I’m trying to think of the title but I think it was a very simple title. Is gentle parenting biblical? And again, some dude that got given the microphone, and he wrote this article. And just for those of us who are deeply entrenched in the work, either as families who practice it or educators, it’s just so clear that these people have no idea what powerful, positive parenting actually is. That’s a synonym for gentle parenting, by the way.
0:43:25 – (Wendy): Gentle parenting is so accurate. Conscious parenting is so accurate. And I just choose to use the term powerful positive parenting because it connects more with me. Like, I see this work as true power, right? Other people see it as gentle, which, by the way, is the truest of all strengths. Like, I have my little cross behind me. I’ll grab it. Because it has the fruits of the spirit scripture. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.
0:43:59 – (Wendy): Genesis or not Genesis. Galatians. My glasses are like, Mer. Galatians 522 through 23. I’m like, that’s not Genesis. So, like, my friends Dr. David and Amanda over at flourishing homes and families who are just so deeply entrenched in teaching families the alignment between what they call gentle parenting and biblical, they’re just. Their work is so amazing. They have a book coming out later this year that I’m so pumped about.
0:44:33 – (Wendy): But, yeah, when that article came out, it’s like, of course, there’s just this huge discussion that comes around, right? Because those of us who get it and understand it, when you read it, it’s just so whack. Like, the way they talk about it just makes no sense. And they’re just clearly not educated and informed and practicing their work. Right. But the point is, our fear of criticism is just off the charts, right? Because what happens is so many people get a hold of that article, and I really see it as, like, propaganda.
0:45:07 – (Wendy): It’s very, like, propaganda in where you twist something in a certain way where it makes people feel scared of that thing, which is so twisted because it’s, like, the most beautiful thing in the world, the most christlike thing in the world, to be able to have the truest strength of all, like, self control, gentleness, and also firmness. Right? But it gets twisted in a way that makes people scared of it. And so the people that criticize it are the people usually that were raised in fear. So they are the people who.
0:45:42 – (Wendy): They respond to fear. So if you put a message out in the world that’s like, you should be scared of this, because it is what is destroying our world. Like, these entitled kids who think the world revolves around them. And you’ll also hear in those circles, like, boys are being woosified, or what do they say? What is that word they say? Demasculized, if that’s not the right way to say it. But when I published an episode once around helping, there’s a documentary that I cannot recommend you watch enough if you have boys, if you’re raising sons, called the mask you live in, or the mask we live in. And we interviewed the director of that amazing documentary, like one of the most powerful documentaries you will ever see.
0:46:36 – (Wendy): And it’s like a must. You must see it if you’re raising sons. But we published this beautiful conversation around the importance of teaching boys emotional literacy and how boys men’s suicide rates are so much higher. And we were talking about how a lot of it is because it’s been culturally conditioned. Culture has conditioned men to believe that emotions are for wussies, like all the things. And it was amazing, the hate mail that I got, there’s always just a few. I mean, we have an email list of like 20,000, and there’s always just a few people that you’re just like, wow, you have been indoctrinated by fear.
0:47:14 – (Wendy): And they let me know that this was the enemy trying to woosify our men. And that’s not the word. They were demasculized or demasculinity or whatever, and how they won’t stand for it. So it’s just interesting. The point is there, of course, is that stuff, right? And those of us who see the truth and the clarity and understand what’s actually happening, you need to learn how to move through the fear instead of being frozen by it. Because when you become frozen, which is the fight, flight, or freeze mechanism part of your brain, it’s the amygdala that often will remember what it’s like when you were a kid, right?
0:48:02 – (Wendy): And so when you do this type of work, you essentially are taking a risk, by the way. Parenting in any way is taking a risk. I don’t care what type of parenting you choose. If you were to buy into the twisted Dobson books that tell you to spank your kid, make sure you’re not doing it in an angry moment, and you’re taking a risk, you’re like, I’m going to put my eggs in this basket. I’m going to go this route. Let’s see how it pans out.
0:48:28 – (Wendy): If you do powerful, positive parenting, like we teach you compassionate discipline, connection, relationship modeling, humility, like all these things you’re taking a risk. You’re like, I’m going to see how this pans out. Right? Like, from the age that we learned this work, Stella was three all the way till I’d say, like, 2nd, 3rd grade, probably third. I was like, okay, we’re rolling the dice here. And actually all the way into teenagehood. Now that we’re, like, at almost 17, I’m like, dang, dang.
0:48:58 – (Wendy): There is no doubt in my mind anymore. We are good. I’ve seen this play out every which angle you can imagine. It is the right. Like, that’s the way I feel about my faith. I’m like, jesus is the. Like, there’s no doubt in my mind anymore. Like, there was when she was little, but for so many years, it was like, you just have to understand you are taking a risk in anything that you do. And risk equals reward.
0:49:27 – (Wendy): So when you take a risk, of course you’re going to be scared. Like, I’ve taken a risk with this organization. I’ve put my entire life savings into creating this organization and spreading this light in the world. It’s a freaking risk. I could lose everything, right? So risk is good. Fear is actually a good thing, and fear is not the problem. So one of the things that we teach so much in our frustrated experience, and we teach our coaches who are in our become a parenting coach program, how to teach other parents, this is to understand at least the five basic emotions. That’s, like, kind of the core of emotional literacy.
0:50:13 – (Wendy): Happy, mad, sad, scared. Hurt. Happy, mad, sad, scared, hurt. Yeah, those are them. And scared. We have to understand. Most people view it as, like, a negative emotion. You’ll hear people say, like, oh, the negative emotions. Well, in my opinion, there is no negative emotion because every single emotion has a positive, like, a beautiful experience feeling on the other side of it. When you actually feel it, when you suppress it, when you hide it, when you ignore it, when you deny it, you will not get to the other side. So let’s just take fear as an example.
0:50:46 – (Wendy): When you feel scared and you move it through your body because it’s just an energy, emotions come and go. They’re like rain. They’re not like who we are. They’re just things we experience that affect our nervous system. And from our conditioning and our upraising, we have both bodily, like, our body responds and our heart responds. And often it’s based on the way your nervous system was conditioned when you were young.
0:51:15 – (Wendy): But when it comes to scared and you feel through it all the way, you understand what’s happening, you then can get to the other side where you are able to be brave and courageous and act from that place with whatever step you take forward. And what we have to remember is that there is no bravery without courage, bravery without fear. So courage is born from fear. So some of the people that have done the greatest, hugest things in the world. So my heroes, Malala, Yousafzai, Jesus, Martin Luther King, Jr.
0:51:55 – (Wendy): Nelson Mandela, Desmond Daws, he was. I forget the movie’s name that they did after him, but he was the guy who went to war and said, because of my faith, I will not carry. Were like. He was like, let me be a doctor. And they were like, because he was a doctor of some sort. And they were like, no, you are in the freaking military. You’re going to carry arms. And he was like, I’m not going to carry arms.
0:52:21 – (Wendy): And it just took so much courage for him. And they were like, fine, we’re putting you in the battlefield, and you’re going. And he was like, okay, well, if I’m going, I’m going to save people. And his story is so crazy. He saved, like, on this one battlefield, something crazy. Like, I want to say it’s like, 96 people he saved from the battlefield unarmed because he was so convicted and decided to carry through and move through his fear instead of succumbing and saying, okay, I will mold who I am for you. Right? Like, he’s just one of my favorite heroes. But all of these people, of course, were scared.
0:53:03 – (Wendy): Like Malala Yousafzai. Like, you look at the way she stood up to the Taliban after being shot in the freaking head and continued to advocate for the rights for young women to learn how to read and be educated and went on, of course, to win the Nobel Peace Prize. I can’t even imagine how much she felt scared of literal death. Courage does not happen without fear. And so, as parents learn how to feel scared and still trust their intuition and follow their hearts, they move into states of feeling that brave empoweredness, which translates just into a totally different state of influence in life.
0:53:53 – (Wendy): So, criticism, as you learn more about how to move through the feeling of feeling scared, especially around judgment from others or criticism of others, criticism actually becomes something you easily detach from and don’t internalize, if that makes sense. So the second thing that fear shows up around a lot. And really, this is fear, and it’s a belief system, but let’s just call it a belief, is a belief that mistakes mean you’re failing as a parent.
0:54:24 – (Wendy): Now, this is directly correlated to the way we see children, right? Like, if they’re hitting their brother, they are being bad. If they are talking in class, they’re failing, they’re not being good. Then enters the fear they’re going to grow up to be entitled or disrespectful, right? When in actuality, when we fail, it just means we’re trying, and that means we’re doing it right. Because I would so much rather be a person that goes through life trying and failing and learning from those failures and then pivoting and changing my behavior till I’m able to succeed than someone who just stays frozen and escapes and hides or just never goes for what I want.
0:55:17 – (Wendy): One of my favorite books. You hear me talk about it a lot, but I’ll mention it. Like the regrets of the dying by Bronnie rare, where she just talks to so many people who are in the final stages of their life, and their number one regret is that they didn’t live a life that was true to them. And so when I think of conformity with parenting, it is so one of those things. So many people just conform and they never climb the mountain and get to this place of true mastery with parenting where you’re so connected to your kids that it’s the craziest feeling, right?
0:56:09 – (Wendy): It’s just the craziest feeling. So remember that failure is just unfinished success and part of every parent’s journey. Who decides to fully shift out of the autocratic parenting model? Not just a little bit, not just a medium bit, but, like, fully shift out of the autocratic parenting model. You will have many moments, failure, many. So you will mess up. But moving to shame and self doubt is not a necessary part of the journey into full mastery with firm and kind, connection based parenting.
0:56:48 – (Wendy): So blaming others when you mess up. So again, your stated intention is like, I want to be a firm, kind leader of my home that influences my children to listen because they want to, not because they have to, right? That’s another way of saying, like, I want them to listen because they respect me truly, not because they’re scared of me. And then all of a sudden, you’re screaming in their face, whatever your thing is, you’re putting them down in on naughty pad too harshly, especially because you’ve been trying to do calming breaks instead of timeouts, or you are putting your finger in their face, right? Or just telling them how sick and tired you are of them being the way that they are. One of my biggest moments of regret with Stella was like the moment that I said to her, can you just stop being you.
0:57:48 – (Wendy): We will mess up. And so many of us are just like, healing. We’re just healing from what was done to us. And so when you mess up, the belief that you’re failing is one that you can change. And the more committed you are in this work, the more consistent you are with mentorship and the more you have a safe place to fail, the more the healing, and the faster the healing will take place and then the faster your behavior will change.
0:58:28 – (Wendy): So do you have a safe place right now to land and fail? That’s the big question, right? So whether you are in our programs or you have a fully supportive spouse that you can talk to or for me, even me, my team, I don’t lead my organization in a traditional way. I’d say. I tell my team I love them. They are like family. And they get to see me when I’m low or when I feel like I’ve failed. And then they get to see me move through that and then come out on the other end, usually stronger because we’re able to all use these tools and brainstorm or whatever it may be, and learn from our mistakes.
0:59:17 – (Wendy): So do you have that safe place? And so we definitely provide that in a fresh start experience. We have families from all over the world who are consistently just learning, failing, trying again. Learning, failing, trying like that is kind of the recipe for success in many things in life. Most people don’t study something and then are just like, boom. So good. I mentioned it in one of the last few podcasts, but I’ll say it again, we just watched Sean White’s documentary series and he’s a very famous snowboarder. I think he won like four olympic gold medals. Maybe three, actually, maybe even more than that.
0:59:59 – (Wendy): But the amount he fails when he is trying these new tricks out of the half pipe is insane. They have like this airbag set up that is so big and he just hits it over and over and over and over again. And these are like death defying tricks, right? Where you’re like, how is that humanly possible? And if you like, there is death involved, literally breaking your neck. There’s one part in the documentary where he splits his face open, literally splits his face open in New Zealand and has to have this crazy surgery. And he’s okay, right? He’s retired now. He’s okay.
1:00:42 – (Wendy): He’s a San Diego guy, by the way, which, so we love Sean White so much. But just the point is, I would guess over his career he probably failed like 5000 times on a trick, especially in the airbag sometimes actually on the actual half pipe that resulted in an injury, but it was repairable. Like, thank God he never broke his back or broke his neck. But that’s how it is for most of us. 98% of mistakes usually are repairable.
1:01:15 – (Wendy): But our nervous system, from the conditioning when we were young and we just did the best that we could when we made a mistake and there was such a big price to pay, again, whether it was physical or emotional harm, usually that just was the model. The notion that you must make a child feel worse in order to make them behave better was just the way of life. It still is the way of life for the majority of humanity, really.
1:01:42 – (Wendy): We are rainbow unicorns the way we are practicing raising kids, right? But 98% of things are repairable. So then you start to understand that when you make a mistake, it just means that you’re learning. It just means that you’re trying. And also, with our kids, they are incredibly resilient, and they learn just as much when we fail as parents. But the important part, they learn just as much when we fail and then make amends.
1:02:12 – (Wendy): That’s the important part. And learn from the mistake and commit to creating a different dynamic in our home tomorrow. They learn just as much through that as they do when we’re on the top of our game. And I would actually even say, I believe that they learn more through our failures than they do through our. Like, we’re killing it. It’s really important. And so the more you understand that, you may hold a belief system, and we had some really pivotal moments for people this weekend where we had been talking about this concept of mistakes or being opportunities to learn, and that you really don’t need to make a child behave or feel worse in order to make them behave better.
1:02:57 – (Wendy): We had talked about this concept. We had done some exercises around it, and then we still had some moments where people would share something. It was very clear that it was such a deep rooted, almost to the point of being subconscious now belief system that kids need to feel bad, humans need to feel bad. You need to know how bad you are doing and you are failing. You need to feel that and know that in order to do better.
1:03:28 – (Wendy): So it’s just so much fun to keep bringing that into awareness. Like, look, there it is again. There it is again. Look at what you just said, right? And then just shifting those wires in the brain. Every time you slow down, become aware and shift, you’re literally creating new firing and connections and synapses, maybe is the word. I’m no neuroscientist and so that happens every single time. You slow down and you catch yourself thinking that mistakes mean you’re failing. Or when your kids make a mistake that it means they’re bad and you just redo it and you learn a new way. And then all of a sudden, those synapses, I think I’m using the right word, they start to fire on their own without so much effort.
1:04:16 – (Wendy): So now when I see my kids make a mistake, I’m like, oh, it’s just a mistake because that’s the way I view myself for the most part. That’s the way I see my kids. That’s the way I see myself. So remember, the more fluent you are with having grace with yourself, self compassion with you and your imperfections and your flaws, which we all have. It’s just part of life. You’re human. We all fall short of the glory of God. That’s how I define sin, by the way.
1:04:45 – (Wendy): We all fall short of the glory of God. You will sin, you will mess up. But the more we learn to be compassionate with ourselves and not make ourself the mistake, but just see the mistake as a behavior, then we more easily do it for our children. But it does start with being willing to let go of the belief that mistakes mean you’re failing. Failure is just unfinished success, and it means you’re trying. And that goes for us. And it goes for our kids.
1:05:14 – (Wendy): Okay. The last one we’ll cover is, I think, a fear that shows up for so many of us that prevents us from reaching full mastery is the fear that change is hard and overwhelming. And I cannot tell you how many times I heard this word this last weekend, just how hard it is to change. And usually that word was used in the same sentence as like, dang, this is amazing. This feels so good. And if you are in the fresh start experience or study with me, you know that I will always lovingly bring it to your attention that you are using that word.
1:06:01 – (Wendy): And what you actually mean is that this is really new. And I had a student this weekend. She’s actually in our 2024 full mastery program. She’s already signed up and just cannot wait to spend seven months with her personally and mentoring her and having her be part of our incredible cohort. But she had said used a term that I really liked. And she said, this just feels so foreign, and I forget the concept, like the exact tool that she was talking about in the moment, but she said, it just feels so foreign.
1:06:37 – (Wendy): And I was like, I love that term. Because if you think, like, I live in America, and if I think about going to Ireland, which is really our family’s favorite place to visit right now, is where we saw Metallica in 2019 at a castle as a family, and was like, our best trip ever. Our kids literally say to us, like, twice a month, can we please go back to Ireland? I’m like, yes, we need to get another concert at Slain Castle.
1:07:02 – (Wendy): But we also like Fiji. We like a lot of places. We love Mexico. But when I think about going to Ireland and definitely our trip there, this one trip, trying to make it across country to go see my cousins outside of Galway, and Terry was driving, and he was so angry because we couldn’t figure out the map, and we didn’t have Wi Fi on because it was going to cost this exorbitant amount. And even if we did, it was just a crapshow.
1:07:34 – (Wendy): We got lost. We were, like, 2 hours late to our cousin’s was, oh, my gosh, I was so embarrassed. But we were in a foreign land, and so there was intricacies, there was challenges. It was like, we don’t know where we’re going. We don’t understand how the road systems work. Terry was driving on the opposite. Like, we were laughing at him. He was mad. It was just foreign. But it doesn’t mean that Ireland is bad.
1:08:02 – (Wendy): It doesn’t mean that being in Ireland is hard, because if I was there for three weeks or six months or three years, it would become, like second nature to drive across country, it only takes, like, 3 hours, and they’ve got great road systems, they’ve got great maps. You just have to turn on your wifi, right, and be in the country so you’re not paying out of country wifi or whatever. So it’s not that change is hard.
1:08:30 – (Wendy): It’s actually easier on our nervous system. So you have to remember that our nervous system is designed to keep us safe, so it likes what’s familiar because that’s what’s kept us safe and alive. Right? Like, our nervous system is literally designed to keep us alive. And we can thank it for that. Thank you. And so much of our core beliefs, honestly, were set by the age of seven. And so many of our knee jerk thought patterns when it comes to our nervous system is so ingrained in us that it is like driving on autopilot. And so have you ever gone somewhere, like, maybe you drive to your kids school every single day, and then you go to drive someplace else and you accidentally just start going to your kids school?
1:09:26 – (Wendy): That’s an example of autopilot, right where you’re just like, oh, my gosh, what am I doing? I wasn’t even thinking. Or maybe you’re talking to a friend, and then you realize, oh, I’ve been driving on autopilot to the kids school, and you have to correct yourself and get back on the right spot or going to instead the grocery store or something. And that’s what happens with our nervous system, is we just go the route that feels really comfortable because we know how to do it. So there’s a quote that says, I forget who originally said this or if it’s just a fact, but our nervous system will choose a comfortable hell always over an uncomfortable heaven because we don’t know what that side of things looks like. So our nervous system will want to just snap into play. Like this is. We know how to breathe. We know how to walk.
1:10:16 – (Wendy): We know how to do this stuff. We know how to keep the limiting belief. We know how to see misbehavior as kids effing with us. We know how to punish. We just know it. Like I always say, when I had kids, no one needed to teach me how to put a kid in time out. No one needed to teach me how to yell at a kid. No one needed to teach me how to see their defiance in the moment as a freaking problem, right?
1:10:47 – (Wendy): I just knew how to do that. My nervous system was conditioned very well by the time I had kids at 30 to react very strongly to that, what was uncomfortable, but it was hellish. It was, like, horrible to live that life for that few years before I learned positive parenting. It was awful putting my kid in time out 17 times a day. There were times when some stupid book told us we needed to hold her down during a tantrum.
1:11:23 – (Wendy): Like, literally, we were, like, sitting on top of her. She was like the strongest, strongest child still is. She came another day and said, mama, look, she’s 16 and a half, and she works so hard right now on her sports and her academics. She really wants to get a scholarship to cal poly for beach volleyball. And she does weight training two times a week at her volleyball club. She plays beach volleyball high level two times a week. She does tournaments on the weekends. And she works so hard to get good grades.
1:11:57 – (Wendy): She came in, she goes, mama, look, and she was in her sports bra on or her shorts, and she did her muscles like you pull them up like Hawkwood or something, and she is just so cut. Like, the amount of muscles she has now from this consistent weight training and sports training that she’s been in now since the third grade, but really she’s upped her regimen this last year and just the amount of muscles that she has and she turned around and her back is just cut and she’s just a beast now, right? Like in the most beautiful way.
1:12:39 – (Wendy): And she’s always been so strong and it’s like, thank God. I dove all the way in on full mastery of how to see her and work with her in a way that honored her strengths because I’m just so grateful that we now have this little girl that has poured into that strength. And I know this is an example of physical strengths and strong willed kids have mental strength, right? Stubbornness, persistence, all the things, but it’s all tied in, right?
1:13:16 – (Wendy): Thank God. But back then I remember just the twisted books that told us we needed to hold her down or spank her. Everyone and their uncle told me just spank her. That’s what I did with you and you turned out fine. My mom and neighbors and everyone, it really did feel easier to me. But as far as a nervous system response, automatic, I knew how to do it. I didn’t really need you to coach me on how to spank my kid, but it just felt like hell.
1:13:49 – (Wendy): It literally felt like living hell. To live a life where we were so disconnected and arguing and bickering and just the chaotic moments of just. It just was really bad. So that’s the uncomfortable hell for me and for so many of you. But we just have to remember that that in air quotes feels easier because we know how to do it. So I encourage you to understand that when something is new, it’s going to take practice, it’s going to take consistency, it’s going to take mentorship, and it actually is easier on your body, your mind, your family, your life when you’re switching out of a model into a new, healthy one.
1:14:41 – (Wendy): So when we think about change and start to make big shifts in life, it will sometimes freak out our nervous systems a little bit or a lot. And that’s okay. It’s doing its job. But knowing that our paved neural pathways in our brain will choose that comfortable hell versus the uncomfortable heaven, it just reminds us that it’s simply the change that feels scary, not the amount of work it’ll take to become successful at this new task or way of life.
1:15:09 – (Wendy): The work is actually the enjoyable part. Like once you’re entrenched and again, our full mastery program is going to be just the best way for you to be fully entrenched in the safe space to learn, fail, try again, and then to become fully like the master, right? The positive parenting ninja. But that’s what it takes to become successful. And the hardest thing to do, actually, would be to settle for the stress and the drama and the disconnected marriage and the child that you swore you didn’t want to make them feel like they weren’t good enough, but you do.
1:15:53 – (Wendy): And the drama, the hardest thing would actually be to settle for that being your family legacy. It breaks my heart to think about how many people do that. That’s freaking hard. So even though change will take time and practice in the long run, it’s actually what’s easiest on our nervous systems, health and hearts. Okay. All right, families, that’s what I got for you today. I hope you have been blessed by this episode and that you are just really inspired to take action and to jump in, to become fully fluent and become just someone who fully advocates and stands in full confidence in a powerful, positive parenting away of life. Because again, coming off this weekend and also just coming off now, almost 14 years of doing just that and living life from the mountaintop, it just feels so dang good. And I just want that for you guys, too, also.
1:17:09 – (Wendy): And I will say many of you are just. You are in the middle, and that’s okay. Know, some of you are going to raise your hand and be like, I want to get to the top faster. I want to reach that vista where I’m just like, yes, confidence thriving, right? And some of you are just going to be like, wendy, I’m good with the slow track. And that’s like, in the end, of course, I want you all to get out of that suffering as fast as possible, right? I want you to reach the full mastery and become the ninja sooner than later. And you do. You. You take as long as you need.
1:17:48 – (Wendy): And just know that, again, there’s going to be some of you who really kind of do rise to the top and self identify as people who want it the fastest and the most support, right? And so for those of you who are those people, get yourself on the waitlist for the full mastery program. Again, freshstartfamilyonline.com/fullmastery. You can also dm me the word mastery on Instagram. I’m @freshstartWendy, and I’ll get you instant access to the no holds barred cheat sheet that talks about a lot of these things we talked about today.
1:18:25 – (Wendy): And then also get you on the waitlist for the full mastery program, where we are going to have special discounts and bonuses for parents who are on the waitlist who decide to join me in the full mastery program. Again, this is a very small cohort of parents who I will be personally mentoring and guiding into full mastery over a seven month, just beautifully intensive support program that gets you to that place where not only are you confident in the skills, yourself, not perfect, I will repeat that, confident, not perfect in the skills.
1:19:06 – (Wendy): But it’s like not only are you like, wow, I’ve strengthened my own family to a crazy degree, but you also are so oftentimes called to then spread that light and be a conduit of light out into your communities and the world. And I think that’s where my heart is really starting to go the most as it evolves. My newest favorite book, by the way, is by Sarah Bessie, called Notes for the Wilderness. And the way she puts it is like she talks about evolving faith and that’s really what I kind of have identified with the last few years. But as I evolve in my purpose and my mission and what I want my legacy to be, both with my family and with myself, but I really am starting to settle into like I’ve always wanted to be a conduit of light. Specifically for me, it’s Jesus’s light.
1:19:59 – (Wendy): But I really am settling into, like, I want to spread this message from the mountaintops and I want to do it through families who also catch that itch and decide they want to go on and spread the light, too. And so there’s all different types of way to spread light. But I’ve just recently been really jazzed on that of just really equipping parents equipping parents and sending them out into the world to advocate. Because we just need you guys. We need you. We need you to do the work in your home.
1:20:36 – (Wendy): But we also need you to have the confidence to feel like you can respond when the mother in law challenges you or you see the creepy, twisted book sitting on your church childcare area shelf, or you see the opportunity in your school system and you’re like, wow, it would be so beautiful if we had more powerful, influential, firm and kind type influential tools for our kids in this school system, right? Like, I just have this dream that, yes, every family in the world will understand they’re at choice with how they parent and hopefully choose powerful, positive parenting one day, but also that they are able to become spreaders of this work. So thanks for listening, guys. This felt like a very vulnerable one for me because again, when I come off, freedom to be, my heart is just so tender and open. So I just thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and join the full mastery waitlist. And then also, it is time for a live workshop, you guys. March 26 at 09:00 a.m. And 05:00 p.m. I’m offering two times for you to choose from, but I’m teaching a live workshop.
1:23:11 – (Wendy): It’s called master your positive parenting skills and it is going to be amazing. And I want you to come join me. Come spend an hour with me. Get into the classroom. Let’s engage live. Let’s talk about some of the things that might be holding you back and just really kind of peel the layers back of the artichoke, so to speak, and just be together. So you can head to freshartfamilyonline.com/masteryworkshop to learn more and save your seat.
1:23:42 – (Wendy): Or you can shoot me a DM over on Instagram with the words mastery workshop, and I will get you registered that way, too. So either or whatever floats your boat. I’m @freshstartWendy on Instagram and I can’t wait to see you there. So I will see you next Tuesday. And lots of love. Thanks for being here. Please share with a friend if this episode has blessed you or share with your spouse, that’s another great one.
1:24:08 – (Wendy): Friends are good. You can text them the link or share on social media and tag me. I’m @freshartWendy on Instagram again. Or just at least share with your spouse. All right, families. Thanks again.