Join Wendy, Terry and Fresh Start Experience Community Coaches Amy, Courtney & Cayla, as they discuss the power of ‘Becoming a Parenting Coach’ in this episode of the Fresh Start Family show. You’ll hear Terry share about what an impact Wendy’s coaching career has made on their family & hear the Fresh Start Experience coaches share their own journeys of transformation, especially in regards to how it has positively impacted their own families.
Discover the importance of FULLY living out the principles of powerful positive parenting and how it can empower families and bring more peace into the world. If you’re considering becoming a parenting coach or just looking to become fully fluent in powerful positive parenting, this episode will inspire and encourage you to take the next step through!
Ready to Be the Change You Wish to See in the World?
Become certified as a parenting coach in the Fresh Start Family Approach
& help your own family thrive while building a purpose driven career!
Episode Highlights:
- Becoming a parenting coach is not only a professional pursuit but an investment in one’s family and a means to significantly improve personal relationships.
- The notion of mastery in parenting includes the willingness to continuously learn and grow, rather than being perfect from the outset.
- Confronting and overcoming impostor syndrome is a common part of the process when considering a coaching role.
- Personal development as a parenting coach has ripple effects that reach beyond the home, contributing positivity to the broader community.
Resources Mentioned:
Apply today for the Become a Parenting Coach Full Mastery Program!
Freedom to Be Personal Development Course
Not able to listen or prefer to read along? Here’s the transcript!
0:00:34 – (Wendy): Well, hey there, families, and welcome to a new episode of the fresh Start Family show. Terry and I are here today to chat with you about the long term effects of powerful, positive parenting. Terry, are you pumped to chat about this today and bring this episode to our listeners?
0:00:50 – (Terry): This is one of my favorite subjects because we’re down the road here a little bit, and I think this is almost like the time travel thing of like, you’re like you’re a parent. You’re trying to figure out your way with parenting and your relationship with your kids, and you’re saying, okay, well, if only I could see down the road. How does this work out? Did this all quote unquote work? Was it the right thing to do?
0:01:22 – (Terry): Did I do it the right way? We’re on the other end here in the future, looking back to say yes. So if you get nothing else from this podcast, yes, that’s it.
0:01:39 – (Wendy): Yes.
0:01:40 – (Terry): You did good.
0:01:41 – (Wendy): It air quotes works.
0:01:43 – (Terry): You did good.
0:01:44 – (Wendy): Stay the course and remain committed.
0:01:47 – (Terry): That was a great episode, I think.
0:01:49 – (Wendy): Thanks for tuning in and props to our friend Travis Goodman at therapy for dads. We love Travis. Travis has been on our show. Terry was on Travis’s show with a really great episode, but Travis had brought this idea to us and he said, I really want to have you guys on the show to record about this subject. And we’ve been trying to make it happen for a while and just haven’t done it yet. So we will be on Travis’s show to record on this subject. But this really gave me the idea of recording on this and making sure I bring you guys this really important message. Because I know in the beginning when you are just starting to learn the strategies that we teach here at fresh shirt family, there’s just so much opposition in the world that will just tempt you to doubt the work and to just be fearful of, like, what if it doesn’t work?
0:02:43 – (Wendy): And what if I’ve drinking some Kool Aid and there’s just a lot of really weird, creepy messages out there that challenge you to like, have you started following the like, I know there’s reels where they’re like, it’s a cult. Gentle parenting is a cult. And it’s, like, not biblical. And really, you’re going to totally screw up your children if you offer compassion and firm kindness. And it’s just so weird how much opposition there is in the world.
0:03:14 – (Wendy): And it’s just so thick, whether it’s your mother in law or parents or cousin or friend from Bible study or your pastor’s wife, or sometimes it’s your own spouse within your home, right? That is just like, I don’t know about this. This feels permissive. And we’re just here to tell you that it is the most incredible thing to be on the other side of it. Now, our kids are 13 and 16 and we’re not done with parenting. We never will be done with parenting.
0:03:43 – (Wendy): That’s the cool thing about this work, is when you have such great relationships and such a thriving family dynamic in your home, your kids will always want to come home. They will be in your life forever and ever. There’s never going to be losing contact with our kids where we see them once a year. That’s just not going to be a thing for us. And it won’t be a thing for you, too, as long as you really are committed. Right? And that’s my biggest hope for you all this year in 2024, is to inspire you just to really commit to becoming fluent in this work.
0:04:17 – (Wendy): And so this episode today is meant to inspire you and to help you just stand really firm in your intuition that this is a great, solid investment of your time and energy. And investing in education in this area will be one of the most important and pivotal decisions you will ever make in your life. We’re here just to tell you a little bit today of what it looks like to have teenagers and how that looks.
0:04:48 – (Wendy): All right, well, we want to tell you about. I think we have. What do we have, Terry? We have five different areas that we’re going to talk about today. We have six different areas today. We’re going to talk about when it comes to long term effects of positive parenting. So just in case you’re new around here, just to refresh, Terry and I found the work of positive parenting, which, again, I’m starting to play around with the term powerful parenting.
0:05:15 – (Wendy): So now I’m just saying, powerful, positive parenting. Because people, when they hear the term positive parenting or gentle parenting or conscious parenting, again, there’s so much doubt or fear that it’s permissive parenting, which it just couldn’t be farther from the truth. It is a style of parenting through where you are choosing to influence and teach your kids important life lessons through connection and firm kindness.
0:05:44 – (Wendy): And powerful parenting just really seems to encompass that because you become way more powerful and effective at influencing your children to cooperate and listen. But it’s not through jacked up tactics like fear force, threats, bribery, rewards, punishment, intimidation, all that kind of stuff. It’s through actual powerful connection and influence.
0:06:07 – (Terry): I definitely follow that train of thought in this new rebranding because I think it’s people’s often misconception that this strong, kind of, like, I’m putting in air quotes again, like, strong parenting, obedience, fear force, that. That is powerful. But actually, I see some of the people that go down that road, and they seem so actually powerless. They have one thing to go to and one thing to go to only, and once that isn’t getting them what they want, they have nothing.
0:06:54 – (Terry): And also, over time, there isn’t a relationship that’s formed to where that you can actually do life together. It’s a very separate feeling and form of parenting. I would also like to point out, too, that the people that we know that are deep in this work, and especially some of our mentors that we found early on, are some of the most badass people and badass kids ever. So these are not very soft people. These are people. There are game changers out in the world. I mean, Wendy’s mentor is one of the most powerful, you know, in our.
0:07:39 – (Terry): Then, you know, she raised NBA players, and it’s just are. This is badass work. So, yes, I agree. If there’s some sort of notion that this is soft, there’s nothing wrong with having soft connections. And actually, it’s great to have soft connections in your relationships. But as far as the overall power of the work is not soft. It’s anything but soft. It’s a game changer. I like your rebrand.
0:08:13 – (Wendy): Okay. All right, we’re going with powerful parenting. It just flows off the tongue a little bit more than powerful, positive parenting, but we’ll just refer to as powerful.
0:08:23 – (Terry): At least for this episode.
0:08:24 – (Wendy): Let’s just try it on, babe. Let’s just see how it goes. But Taryn and I found powerful parenting. When Stella was three, Taryn had just been born. He had colic just like Stella had as a baby. So the baby years were very tough for us. And, man, it was just a rocky start to life and everything from, like, we joke that Stella had her strong will from birth, but we really do believe that God gifted her with this incredible strong willed spirit from the moment that she was conceived.
0:08:58 – (Wendy): I really still think to this day that it’s one of the reasons why she survived that awful, traumatic birth, where it’s a miracle her and I are still both alive. And she was just like, hell, no. I’m meant to be on this earth, and I will come and be on this earth and really help change the lives of so many families now across the world through her story. But we could feel it from birth, from the second she was a baby that just always held her head very high, very fast.
0:09:29 – (Wendy): She was strong when you held her. She was like, kind of a muscular baby. We had friends who you hold their babies, and it was like we say it’s like holding, like, a tub of butter. They were just, like, jiggly and soft, and Stella was just, like, firm and muscular and just a really strong baby. And you would take her to a party. I remember being at a Christmas party at my old boss at reefs. Remember Jim Gerson’s house? And someone was like, oh, they came at her and they were like, hi, baby. And she was eleven months old, and she just gave them this stink eye, like, don’t you even touch me. Don’t touch me. She didn’t like to go with, like. She just was so strong and not shy about letting you know what she was thinking and her strong opinions from very, very early on. So once we hit the toddlerhood phase of life and we had our second baby, who, again, had colic, just like Stella did, and he was crying nonstop, we kind of started to lose our mind a little bit. And as in we. I mean, I.
0:10:29 – (Wendy): You were pretty steady throughout, but maybe you have a different memory, but I just became so stressed out. And thank God we got the invitation to go to a powerful parenting class at Stella’s preschool, which is where we met Susie Walton, our beautiful friend and mentor, who taught us all we know on the parenting front. And that’s when things really started to change for our family and we were able to start bringing more peace and joy and connection in our home. After a season where there was a lot of failed attempts to master traditional jacked up things that stupid books told us to do.
0:11:10 – (Wendy): Everything from, like, hold her down when she tantrums till she submits to change the locks on her door and locker to room hot sauce.
0:11:17 – (Terry): We were close to the hot sauce.
0:11:19 – (Wendy): We were close to hot sauce. I tried spanking a few times. She flipped the f out. Thank God she raised the red flag on that. I mean, timeouts. After timeouts, after timeouts. Oh, my gosh, we had so many people tell us, just hit her. Oh, use this. Buy this book. You can use this switch to hit her and make her obey. And it was just such a creepy season of, like, this is not working. And thank God we got offered this beautiful class. It’s one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about offering free resources through our podcast, through the quick start learning bundles that we do and the free cheat sheets that you can download to get to know our work. But is because we got introduced to this work through a free class. And so that’s when everything started to change. And as soon as we started to implement these tools, things like, the light started to come back to our days and all the things. So before I go on to that, Terry, if my memory serves me, you didn’t seem as stressed out in that season as I was. Or were you just stressed out because I was stressed out.
0:12:32 – (Terry): I was definitely stressed. I feel like I was tired. I was also. I was. I was driving to Orange county every single day. This is before, like, hybrid work was like. Was a joke. That wasn’t a thing. So, five days a week, I was driving over an hour each way to Orange county, and that’s if there was no traffic. So I was working on my career. We were definitely challenged, and, of course, I felt what you’re feeling. We feel each other’s stuff. And then.
0:13:13 – (Terry): No, it was unsettled. I was probably drinking too much. And just, like, I think we were just kind of. Just a lot. And I think we knew we had this beautiful challenge in front of us. We just didn’t know what really to do with it. And I think you’re just like. So you’re hoping that the decisions that you make are good for the long term, but you’re just trying to get through that week or just trying to just get some sort of.
0:13:56 – (Terry): Yeah, it was a. Yeah. Yeah, it was a.
0:14:03 – (Wendy): Yeah. And as we decided to kind of follow this route and start implementing these tools after we. So I went in and took a powerful parenting class, and then I asked you and your mom, it’s amazing because we’re at your mom’s house today recording, and she’s always been so supportive of us. Always in life, but especially since she moved here to be with us in San Diego 14 years ago, 13 years ago.
0:15:13 – (Wendy): And so I went to class, did the full program, and then you and your mom, I asked you, would you be willing to go to the class and do the full program? And you were like, heck, yes. And she was very present, still is, but has been in our children’s lives, too. So having her kind of trained in these tools and strategies and mindsets also was just kind of the best case scenario. And it’s just such a blessing to have all that come together.
0:15:39 – (Wendy): But then as we took home the tools, and I know, I remember just being so excited. I was like, this is it. This is the future. I could feel stuff shifting so fast. As soon as I would change, then I would watch Stella just instantly, almost like within days, change her behavior. After I changed my behavior, then obviously things really expedited when we started to go to deep weekend workshops, when we started to go to freedom to be workshops, which is now a program that we teach here at fresh start family, which our live one, by the way, is March 15 through 17th. You can learn more at www.freshartfamilyonline.com/freedomcourse.
0:16:17 – (Wendy): But everything started to really fall into place. And along the way, there were definitely times when we were like, okay, is it working? Oh, my gosh, is it not? Are we sure we’re still wanting to follow this? And you just have to stay the course, right? And so that’s really, like, now here we are all these years later, where we’re just like, thank God. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. But I just want you all to really make the commitment because that, I think, makes all the difference. When you’re not wishy washy and you’re just like a hell, yes.
0:16:50 – (Wendy): In this work, then it no longer becomes an option to go back to the old way. Yes, you will have the thoughts, and that’s why it’s so important to have a mentor and a community like we provide here at the fresh start experience, at fresh start family and what we had for all those years in our mentor, Susie. But you want to have that community in place for the days when you doubt the work. And you’re like, maybe we should just go back to spanking, or maybe we should just punish this time, right? Like, no, don’t do it. Stay the course, get support, get coached, ask a question, and then you, too will benefit the long term effects and results that we’re now seeing. So beautiful.
0:17:28 – (Wendy): All right. With all that said, let’s dive into the long term, incredible, sustainable results that this work, I think when I first had the idea to record this episode, is actually when Stella wrote you a note for your birthday. So a few months ago, she had written this most beautiful. And she writes the most incredible cards, which is so cool because a lot of our strong willed kids, SteLla is the know they can have a bit of a cactus exterior, right? We joke that you really need to learn how to work with this beautiful not breed of human, but what’s a good word for it?
0:18:15 – (Wendy): Just this personality type. You really want to make sure you’re prepared and understand how to handle it with care because if not, there’s a good chance you’ll get bloodied hands and have like a miserable experience, like handling your cacti for 18 years. But once you learn how to. But anyway, so she can be like hard edge sometimes. And she’s just got this beautiful spirit about her that’s like intense.
0:18:39 – (Wendy): And she’s a bit of a badass, right? And then for the past few years, I feel like. And really quite some time now, she writes these letters that are so beautiful and just expose her tender, incredible heart that she’s always had and that she has deep, deep within there, but just gets expressed in different ways and let’s say her little brother, who is just more of the more mellow personality, right? But this letter that she wrote Terry, I’ll read it to you guys.
0:19:09 – (Wendy): But when I read this, I was like, this is the perfect example of a deeply connected father daughter relationship that most fathers would say, this is the dream. Yet so many fathers are practicing a way of parenting that will prevent them from ever having this. So this is a bit of an inspiration just to remind you that fathers, mothers, whatever it may be, you get to have this, too. And you need to put in the work that Terry’s put in for the last 16 years.
0:19:39 – (Wendy): So she says, dear dad, happy birthday. I still can’t believe you are my dad. Like, what? Is that not like the coolest thing ever? You are the funniest, kindest, most caring guy on this planet. And everyone who knows you is so blessed to have you in their life. Being able to call you my dad makes me so proud and happy because you are the best. It’s a fact. Thank you for always supporting me in life, in sports, etc.
0:20:11 – (Wendy): Because I would not be who I am today without the world’s greatest mentor, aka you. And mom, I love you so much and I cannot wait for so many more adventures. Love Stella. And this is just like one of the notes she’s left, right? Father’s day, birthdays, christmases. And so can you speak to what it’s like to have such a deep connection with both your kids, but especially this strong willed, fiery little firecracker of a daughter?
0:20:45 – (Wendy): And I really think you’ve had this since birth. I know when she was a baby, used to joke that you and her could read each other’s minds, but from the way you have chosen to raise her and discipline her and guide her and mentor, you now have this ultimate trust, respect and connection. So speak to that and what it’s like on your end, please.
0:21:10 – (Terry): Yeah, I think with her it was an intention that early on was just that we’re going to do life together. We’re in this together. There’s no, like, I’m the parent, you’re the child. There’s no me versus you. While I have more life experience. Yes, you can’t ignore that, but there’s no, like, I’m greater than her or something like that. I think we had to recognize early on that through all of this we were going to learn and she was going to teach us so much.
0:21:57 – (Terry): I had to recognize early on that I didn’t know everything. I certainly didn’t know much about parenting. So wasn’t doing life with her and going through all of this a way to make me the parent that I’m supposed to be and to form our relationship versus this idea that somehow I knew the way things were supposed to go, she needs to listen. This is the way you do it. Fall in line and that’s how it’s going to go.
0:22:31 – (Terry): So I think it was just this idea that she and I were going to make each other better by doing life together. And even just like her sign off there of adventures, that’s what life is. And an adventure has high points and low points and everything, but we’ve done it together. We’ve done it together. And I just always wanted her to feel like we were right there with her and that she was understood. And, yeah, I just can’t encourage, especially dads, enough that it’s like, I don’t know, there’s this fear of your teenage daughter down the road or this thing.
0:23:27 – (Terry): I think such a cultural thing. That’s like. I think I had to remove that pretty early on in my parenting, too, that this was all something that we could look forward to. And then having you read that or getting that, receiving that on my birthday is just like, that was like the evidence that I always hoped would be out there that I felt was possible. And it is. It’s like she and I, we definitely are just so connected.
0:23:59 – (Terry): So I’m just so thankful that this would not. With that particular personality and that child, if we had chosen a different way of parenting other than what we did, our relationship would not be what it is. Plain and simple for a fact.
0:24:20 – (Wendy): Absolutely. And that’s the most important thing. Right. It’s like, because you made a choice to trust and follow this work. That’s why you have what you have today, right? Like your parenting or this way of parenting or the tools you chose to teach her and mentor her over the years, strengthen that relationship instead of hurt it. Right. But do you have memory? I don’t know. Back then in that season where we were trying to go this other way, remember all those books we read about, oh, this is how you make this strong wheeled child. Listen, in that season, did you feel just this disconnect of, like, this is not who I am. Do you have any memory of that?
0:25:04 – (Wendy): I specifically remember her holding her down in her bedroom and making her submit. And it was both of us. Many of our stories are like us. Like me. It’s me. Right. But that one was like us. And that just feels like it goes so against. Because I hear you saying from the moment you basically came in a deep relationship with God outside the emergency c section hall and connecting to your daughter in this profound way, I can just picture that that’s when your relationship started with her and this commitment and then those years or that season in her toddlerhood, when we were trying to figure out what to do, we just got off track.
0:25:45 – (Wendy): Right? We just got off track. Do you remember feeling like, this is not who I am, this is out of line. This is not pouring into this relationship like I want it to, or is that just like, a faint memory now.
0:25:59 – (Terry): That when I go to think about it, the feelings come back and I think, like a lot of new parents, you think, okay, there’s all these things that you’re going to get for the baby shower and all these preparations that, okay, this is the order that you do things in and you just do it, and then it somehow is going to set you up for parenthood. And I think what we found was a, we were blessed with a child that was going to challenge the status quo, thankfully.
0:26:34 – (Terry): And we also are the type of people that also are typically like, f. The status quo.
0:26:40 – (Wendy): Yeah.
0:26:41 – (Terry): Because usually, I think the reason why status quo is like, I don’t know, there’s something about culture that accepts and normalizes a lot of things that are just kind of, like, so lame. Not what you’d want for your one beautiful, amazing, wild, messy life that you have while you’re here. It tries to make things shortcuts and easier and self focused and how am I going to get mine and all these things? And you’re just like, when it comes to parenting and relationships, you’re just kind of like, okay, quick fix, self centered, totally just takes this beautiful new life that you’ve brought into this world out of the equation. It’s like, no, how do I get my life back? How do I get my sleep back?
0:27:41 – (Terry): Are you going to respect my authority? How are you going to respect me? And you’re like, is that why you chose to have a family and have kids? Is that this kid that is going to be the next leader of this world?
0:27:55 – (Wendy): Something?
0:27:59 – (Terry): Is that why you’re doing this, so that you can just get yours back? Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think so. So I think it took recognizing that, and I think it was. Yeah, it was a couple of years. You got to reach some awareness and maybe some breaking points here and there to be like, wait, this just does not feel right at all. And like you said, trying some of these things. You’re like, this doesn’t seem right.
0:28:29 – (Terry): Okay, this doesn’t seem right. This doesn’t seem right. And I think the beautiful thing about powerful parenting, as we’re calling it right now, was like, it challenged you, but it didn’t challenge you at the expense of snuffing out somebody’s whole being or their will or their personality or who they were going to be. It didn’t have to be this. Like, I win, you lose.
0:29:05 – (Wendy): Yeah.
0:29:07 – (Terry): It kind of removed you from this whole game that for some reason, parents and culture plays. It was like, hey, how about actually we just practice being in relationship with one another? How about we understand one another a little bit more? How about we see misbehavior as communication and acknowledge, instead of her disrespecting you, acknowledge that young human beings haven’t had a chance to communicate the way that we have, or actually acknowledge, too, that we actually have some jacked up ways of communicating. And even though we’re older and wiser, we’re still on the journey. We’re still on the path. We still can evolve.
0:29:49 – (Terry): We don’t know it all yet. Would you like to take this as an opportunity to all level up together and do this together? Or do you want to just continue to be me versus you.
0:30:00 – (Wendy): Yeah. And, yeah. So many little moments, right? Where when you think back, it’s like, okay, this is off. This is off. And I remember getting so pissed off one night, but now I look back at it with such different eyes and such gratitude because your mom was over for dinner when she first arrived in San Diego, and we had this newborn, and we were just in hell. It just felt like this hellish season where all the Taryn, who’s now 13, just cried nonstop, especially between the hours of four to seven, which is when everyone wanted to come have a meal.
0:30:29 – (Wendy): And so I remember you were on the bouncy ball with the baby in a baby pack. I remember trying to eat rice with a fork and bouncing on the yoga ball because it’s the only way that the baby wouldn’t cry during those hours and trying to entertain. And then Stella was, like, throwing a fit, doing something. And so at the time, we didn’t know what else to do. So we were like, I probably flipped out, like, heavy handed. You’re in time out.
0:30:57 – (Wendy): And then I think around the same time, we had the glorious idea, probably from some stupid book, to reverse the locks on her door. So we went up and we locked her in her room, and she was freaking out, pounding on the door. And your mom just got up and she was like, I am so sorry, but I am really uncomfortable, and this just doesn’t feel right. And she walked out the front door or something. And I just remember being like, what?
0:31:21 – (Wendy): Really? Just my little sassy. But now I’m like, hell, yes. Nothing was right about that. Nothing was right about that. And it’s not about right versus wrong.
0:31:33 – (Terry): It’s like, remember, the pressure was.
0:31:39 – (Wendy): Okay.
0:31:40 – (Terry): The pressure was also because I think we needed to feel like that this dinner had to go well, that our daughter had to sit there and sit and perfectly eat this meal and not get up in the middle of the meal and not like, yeah, the expectations. Yeah. And, wow, what a false. My mom didn’t need that. No, we were putting on, like, a performance or something that it was like, here’s the new baby, and the new baby is going to be good, and here’s the toddler, and she’s going to sit and look, she’s going to eat, and she’s going to eat all her stuff, and she’s not going to get up and go run around and dance around. It was like, who cares?
0:32:31 – (Wendy): Yeah.
0:32:32 – (Terry): But yet we held that thing, and then what did we do? We made it even ten times more uncomfortable by how we were going to deal with it, show her who’s boss.
0:32:43 – (Wendy): Which I’m sure was my big idea. I don’t know. But, yeah, that was a situation and an example of realizing this is off and this is not who I am, because it’s just so clearly who you are that you so deeply wanted to be connected to your kids from such an early, from the beginning of their life. And that was just examples of stuff that was getting in the way and taking us off the route that we just needed to come back to who we truly are. So now you just do live such a deeply connected life to your kids, as do I.
0:33:17 – (Wendy): And I will say that a lot of the deep connection that we have comes after the messy moments. Right. You said something about that, but so many times it’s like there will be an argument or a disagreement. And again, is this the same thing that when the kids were little, like six, seven years old, and when they’re now, it’s all the same concept. Like, the messy moments are uncomfortable, we’re triggered, they’re misbehaving.
0:33:42 – (Wendy): We might use a tone or get angry. And then later on, you have a full night’s rest and you wake up and you’re like, oh, okay, that didn’t go as planned. And we have the ability to now make amends, repair the relationship, teach the important life lesson that we want. Take responsibility for what? Or the actions or the things we said that weren’t the way we wanted them to be. And then that creates such an incredible place of connection that you can trust one another, which we’re going to get into in a little bit. But the connection after the mistakes is just so important. And then you really do care about what they care about, which we both has created such deep senses of connection. So with the. The connection we have with our kids around shared common interests. So music and sports and the ocean and volleyball has been so big for Stella.
0:34:32 – (Wendy): And just having that open communication, which, again, is on our list to talk about. So deep, deep connection. All right, number two, as far as the long term effects of raising children with powerful parenting, is mature, skilled kids and adults. And so what’s so cool about this work is you create consistent learning patterns for both kids and adults. So when you’re not focused on punishment or making, like, forcing, we talked in last week’s episode about going into 2024 with more of a relaxed, trusting state of being and vibe. But when you’re no longer trying to force your children into submission through hand me down tactics, then you’re teaching your children, the life skill. So everything.
0:35:25 – (Wendy): When I coach our private, Fresh Start Experience students, when we’re looking at misbehaviors, pretty much everything is around. How are we going to teach the life skill that this child is missing? A lot of times it’s emotional literacy. They don’t have the ability to process an emotion with integrity. This shows up a lot with revenge, misbehavior. They just are stuck in a pattern of when I feel hurt, I must hurt back often because that’s what’s been modeled to me.
0:35:50 – (Wendy): But the emotions is huge. But then also, everyone gets really good at recovery competency skills, right? Like, we feel capable of cleaning up the mess. You no longer brush things underneath a rug. And for me, growing up in a home where that was the way, like, they’re dropped down, drag out fights. I had an older brother who was five years older and just really struggled in life. Super strong willed personality, just was intense. Watching him grow up, so many fights in our home.
0:36:23 – (Wendy): But we never ever had a conversation about what happened last night and what we learned from it, how everyone in the family can take responsibility, ask for forgiveness, focus on something that we’re going to try to do differently tomorrow. It just never happened in my 18 years of being in that house, and I just find that wild. And that is one of the most coolest things about this work. And what we teach our students inside the Fresh Start Experience is we become such badasses at the recovery that it’s okay to be imperfect. There is no perfection. You’re never going to have a kid that’s perfectly compliant if you’re not using fear and force, which, please don’t.
0:37:09 – (Wendy): And you’re never going to have parents that never lose their stuff. So the recovery and competency skills is so cool. And that’s for kids and adults, right? Like, we get to share in it and then just courage. There is this development of courage because we talked so much about strong willed kids here, but there’s also so much we do around when our children are not feeling incapable of doing something. So our son has a tendency to struggle with anxiety a little bit. So when he was little, years of separation anxiety. But the traditional hand me down way is more of a rescue.
0:37:49 – (Wendy): I’ll do it for you. And we practice and we teach families how to come at it from an empowerment angle with patience, knowing that your child will create. You will be able to go to preschool and leave you one day or will be able to stay with the babysitter one day alone, but just developing the courage to not do it for your kids. And that also comes in the form of how compassionate discipline works. Right? So many families who come into our work, the initial six months is really rocky because when you step into this work fully, you’re basically letting your children know that I’m no longer going to do it for you.
0:38:32 – (Wendy): You are going to learn how to self regulate on your own. I’m not going to come in and yell, threaten, humiliate, shame. You threaten to take away your iPad or threaten to spank you. You have to be the one to develop the ability to play with your sister or your brother without hurting them. You have to be the one. You will be the one to develop peaceful conflict negotiation skills or the ability to walk away when you’re annoyed at the rule of no tv after 08:00 p.m. We no longer do it for them by coming in hot with the overpowering tactics.
0:39:07 – (Wendy): And so they learn these incredible skills that aren’t possible when you have that autocratic overpowering method. And then I’ll tell one more, and then I want to hear your thoughts on this. Terry is there was a video shared within our group, our private freshwater experience group, that was so cool. It was a member who I know was just awesome at consistently showing up to teach her children all this stuff.
0:39:34 – (Wendy): And her little three year old girl, she filmed her, and she was on the ground. She came in and she was on the ground with our win win template, which is our peaceful conflict negotiation tool that we teach that you designed, terry. And she’s got this print out, and she’s got all of her little bath toys, it looks, like, lined up. And she’s got this cute little three year old voice. And she’s like, her mom’s like, I’m trying to think her name right now. It’s not Harper Arden. It’s Arden. She was like, arden, what are you doing? And she’s like, I’m doing a win win with my hippo because hippo stepped on my feet and hurt me. And she’s like, oh, what is the win win? And she’s like, basically, like, was practicing with her toys how to ask for what she wanted and set a boundary with this hippo that had stepped on her foot.
0:40:30 – (Wendy): And she was basically saying, I’m not okay with you stepping on my foot, and I need you to step away and respect me. And she was three years old. Three years old doing peaceful conflict negotiation. Like, if that is not a mature, skilled freaking kid, I don’t know what is. And so what are your thoughts on the fact that this work, like long term sustainable results, is that it develops skilled children and adults.
0:40:58 – (Terry): Yeah. I look back at some of the things that were introduced early on or just that I wasn’t aware, weren’t helping that maturity. And then giving our kids life skills, bribery was a big one to remove because that wasn’t doing much to help them learn the life skill. It was just kind of like giving them something right in front of them to almost just force them into a situation. I think about what I learned about the communication style, or learning style, too, of our kids.
0:41:41 – (Terry): When I think about Taryn, you described him as holding some anxiety. Our way of working through some of that stuff was know. At first it was like, oh, he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, okay. He doesn’t want to leave us at this point when we are dropping him off at the front and then he has to walk back. He’s very uncomfortable with that. And day after day, that was tough. At the beginning of kindergarten.
0:42:15 – (Terry): I feel like this style of parenting and learning, it helped us to get more curious about what was going on with that and to learn and be more empathetic with what was going on in his mind at that point and also how he learned, because fast forward to the solution was he’s scared of what happens from the time when mom or dad lets go of his hand. And then once he gets in that door of his classroom, we figured out drawing.
0:42:48 – (Terry): He needed a plan. So we drew, like, a little map that was like an overhead view that he could understand that. Here’s the gate, here’s where we say goodbye. Here’s the hallway, here’s the door. And beforehand, mom and dad are then going to walk over and there’s going to be the fence on the outside where moms and dads watch their kids play before they go into class. And that’s where we’ll be.
0:43:13 – (Wendy): He needed to be empowered.
0:43:15 – (Terry): He needed to understand that. And I think what happened was it allowed us to understand how he learns. It gave him, I think, a sense of himself, how he learns. Even though he was really young, that was really big, because otherwise it could have just looked like, look, do this, kid. You’re going to get some skittles after school. I’ll take you to target or what’s wrong with you? Or do this, or you’re punished, or there would have been so much, I feel like, unhealthy negotiation just to get what we wanted in that moment, but gave him no sense and us no sense of the life skill that he needed, which was a plan.
0:43:59 – (Terry): He likes to plan it out. He likes to see a map. And, man, that shows up for me. I think also this idea that you should share with your kids what you’re struggling with and what you’re going through, I think there’s this idea. The parents, yes, you are modeling for them, but it’s as much modeling by what you’re either nervous about or struggling with or can’t decide this or that. It shows them that you’re in it together with them versus this. Like, moms and dads know everything.
0:44:38 – (Terry): They just tell me what to do. Sometimes they get angry when I don’t do the thing. They tell me what to do. I don’t always know why. And that’s just how life is.
0:44:47 – (Wendy): And eventually they’ll make me. Yeah, and they’ll yell at me or they’ll give me candy and I’ll do it. Or they’ll threaten to take away my iPad and then I’ll do it.
0:44:56 – (Terry): Right. So I think going back to this deep, deep connection that we talked about earlier, and then I think fast forwarding into open communication that we’ll talk about in a little bit was this idea that you should actively communicate with your kids of what you’re going through, too, and things that you struggled with, mistakes that you’ve made or ways that you’re going to clean it up and just put it out there so that they can see that.
0:45:22 – (Terry): That was a big turning point for me.
0:45:25 – (Wendy): So cool. Yeah. And I remember that specifically was also such a source of connection for you, too, because I remember you. We were sitting down, we were kind of like working through a limiting belief cycle, which is something that we do in a deeper format in our in person freedom DB workshop. And you having this memory of going to camp and having those same feelings that Taryn was having and this fear of being left alone at this know. And just that sense of connection that happens when you are able to see how you either experience something like your child is struggling with, and even if that’s like punching his brother, it doesn’t always have to. This softer stuff, I feel like it’s like, oh, it’s easier to look at. But no.
0:46:12 – (Wendy): Often when we were little, we also were so annoyed with our older or little brother that we wanted to punch him in the face. Right. But that sense of connection that I think you found with him by revisiting some of your memories from childhood and specifically the time when you just were a little nervous to go to camp and what you would have loved to have happened back then and how that helped you then parent your child. So I think, Terry, you highlighted just the idea of the reason why this work produces such beautiful maturity in life. Skill creation for both child and adult is because when you’re entrenched in this work and committed, you are open to seeing where you need to develop the life skills to. So us deciding to stop drinking alcohol this last year when we saw our daughter was starting to experiment with substances of any kind, we were like, oh, here we are, expecting this kid to be able to live life and process a hard day or go to a party and have fun without substances, and we’re not living that life at the time. I just remember being like, there is literally no way I could go to a wedding without two or three glasses of wine. It’s literally impossible.
0:47:26 – (Wendy): And then here we are. It highlighted for us, like, hey, this might be something you guys want to look at. I feel like God spoke that to me, whispered that to me, actually shouted it at me. And here we are a year later and just thriving, health wise and connection wise. And it’s all because that life skill that we developed, which we have gone to a wedding, we’ve gone to freaking Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, on vacation without margaritas.
0:47:54 – (Wendy): Massive, massive life skill. But it was all because of a misbehavior and a missing life skill that our beautiful daughter presented in her humanness of what it looks like to be a teenager that we all got to develop life skills and learn, and then that formed such a deep sense of connection. So. Love that one. All right, let’s move on to trust, safety, and having a settled nervous system. Terry, so what is your thoughts, and how have you enjoyed raising kids in an environment where there is an absence of fear?
0:48:29 – (Wendy): So not just physical fear, but also emotional? Right. I think so many listeners grew up in homes where not only some people had many people, I will say, had the traditional model where it was autocratic, which is like, if you don’t do what you’re told, then there is danger. You’re going to either get spanked, sent to your room, punished, grounded, which, again, this is, like, the current mainstream model still is, like, 100%.
0:48:59 – (Wendy): I’d say 95% of people still use that model. But there was fear of that kind of stuff and physical hurt, harm, humiliation, pain, suffering. But then there was also fear of embarrassment and fear of disappointing somebody. Right? Like that. Fear of, like, if I mess up, then there’s going to be a price to pay, and there’s just going to be this really uncomfortable situation that I have to deal with. And so the idea that fear, like using fear, is one tactic, but then the way of life with a powerful parenting model is just helping your kids understand that there is cause and effect in the world, and they can know what to expect when they make a mistake.
0:49:45 – (Wendy): Mistakes don’t make you bad. Mistakes are a great opportunity to learn, and there will be learning. There will be learning. There’s often tightened boundaries. There’s a whole thing that we teach when it comes to compassionate discipline, but it is not reliant on fear. And so how has it been for you to raise children in an environment where your kids are not scared of you, and I mean, specifically your daughter? Right. Like, I think so many families, and especially fathers, either they don’t know a different way, or they’re just, for some reason, so scared of stepping into this model, and so they continue to scare their daughters into submission or to respect them, and it just is heartbreaking. Right, so how has it been for you to not rely on that with your children?
0:50:39 – (Terry): I just want to be as connected as possible with my loved ones, and I think on a very real level. And imposing some sort of fear as, like, a control tactic, I think, would just put a wedge right in between that. And I want her to be able to call me on when the best thing happens in her life, but I also want her to be able to call me when something really difficult is going on. And I want her to feel like she can tell me anything.
0:51:18 – (Terry): I want her to feel like that I would be right there with her to help work through anything. And fear, like I said, I think it just would say to her that I’m not a safe space. I demand some sort of perfection or guidelines. And when things don’t go that way, well, in effect, what I’m saying is hide it from me or try to play it off as everything’s going well. I don’t know. I don’t want to do it that way.
0:51:57 – (Terry): I want something much more personal, much more connected. I just think fear has no place in that. I don’t think that’s what God wants for us. I think he placed love in our lives so that we could trust one another, not fear one another.
0:52:29 – (Wendy): It’s so true. And speak to the power feeling of that. Like your confidence to be able to influence Stella, our strong willed child, and Taryn, too. But let’s just say Stella or both the kids, but your confidence in the ability to influence them without needing to threaten, harm, or emotional humiliation. How does that feel? For you to live that way of.
0:53:03 – (Terry): Life, oh, it feels amazing because I think that they’re seeing more of my true self instead of me thinking I have to do something, that I have to impose some sort of fear to get something from them. They get to see who I really am. They can be who they really are. We can trust one another versus this idea. Know, you have to follow some set of guidelines because I said so and I hold some sort of thing that’s going to hurt.
0:53:43 – (Wendy): Like, you know, if Stella’s about to get behind a wheel soon of a vehicle, you feel really. I mean, tell me if I’m right, but I know I feel really freaking confident that I can influence her to do what I want behind that wheel. When it comes to her riding an ebike out in the world, I feel really confident that I’m going to have a kid. And we’ve seen this pan out the last three years, who will buckle her element and abide by the safety rules of the road based on how we’ve parented and how we’ve compassionately disciplined. And I feel so freaking confident of our ability to influence our children, and that feels so powerful and there is no fear mechanism there. But it’s just like, you know, so, like, whether your kids two, 3610 16, the fact that you. I mean, this sounds wrong, but you can get them to do what you want, that’s power.
0:54:36 – (Wendy): And it’s not from a creepy manipulation standpoint, which is so in my face right now with the Santa Claus thing. I had a conversation around the bonfire last night that I was like, oh, great, here’s Wendy, the parenting. Like, I just could not laugh at it. We’re recording this right before Christmas, and we had a block party, and a friend is joking about how he’s using the elf to make the girls scared that if they misbehave that this elf is going to report back to Santa and they’re going to get in trouble. And so they better be good, right? Like the classic Santa Claus model. And then he said, a friend called today and it was so fast and I had to, like, everyone was kind of laughing, and I’m at this point where I cannot laugh anymore at it. But he was like, yeah, my friend called. And really fast, I had to pretend I was Santa Claus because he was basically saying, like, I’m calling Santa Claus right now, and if you don’t stop it and do what you’re told, then Santa Claus is not going to bring any gifts. And our friend sitting at the bonfire basically was like, ha ha. To quickly pretend to be Santa.
0:55:47 – (Wendy): And I’m just like, that is so freaking creepy. Why are we doing this? And I just couldn’t laugh, so I was, oh, oh, okay. And I was, like, asking for clarification, and he’s, you know, he wanted me to. And I’m like, oh, yeah, like, manipulation. And it was just such, like, it was like, record scratch. And everyone, you know, is like, I could just feel like, oh, Wendy the Parenting educator is present at the bonfire. But I’m like, what are we doing, people?
0:56:11 – (Wendy): What are we doing? It’s so jacked up. That erodes trust and safety, and it’s just fear. It’s just fear, right? Where, like, trust me, you have the power to learn how to influence your kid, to clean up their room, put on their shoes, and stop punching their sister. Like, you have the power within you to learn a different way. And relying on this made up, fear based elf is like, don’t do that. Trust me. Come learn with me. But we know that friend I’m talking about will never come learn with us, so it’s a different story for another day.
0:56:45 – (Terry): Yeah. Listeners, who out there appreciates mind games? Nobody. So why is that the go to for parenting? Like, psychological mind games, lying and fear and empty threat. Write that above your front door as you walk into your house.
0:57:13 – (Wendy): Yeah.
0:57:13 – (Terry): Doesn’t feel right. Right.
0:57:16 – (Wendy): It’s not safe.
0:57:17 – (Terry): It doesn’t create what it is.
0:57:19 – (Wendy): Yeah.
0:57:20 – (Terry): Fear, bribery, mind games, manipulation. It’s what it is. And I can just say there’s no judgment. No, but I think once you start to see it, because at first, I was very abstract to me. I’m like, wait, what do you mean? The skittle that we put on the chart or the sticker that we put on the chart? We’re not supposed to do that anymore. It’s like, no, we’re not supposed to do that. I couldn’t understand that at first.
0:57:49 – (Terry): And then you start to unpack it a little bit, and then you realize how closely the bribery is related to the fear, and then you’re like, oh, what’s wrong with the elf on the shelf? We’ve participated in all of these things, so there’s no sainthood here. But I think once you start to look at it a little bit and you’re like, oh, is that forming a closer, genuine connection with me and the kids, or is that just helping me avoid doing some other relationship work that I could be doing?
0:58:26 – (Terry): And I think you’ll find that you’re not helping the relationship by introducing fear into your parenting toolkit, so to speak.
0:58:39 – (Wendy): Yeah. And, yeah, we can sense, again, talking about the long term effects of this work. Trust and safety and settled nervous systems in the face of imperfection is a big deal. And I really can sense that in our children and in our home. And there are still moments of imperfection. Like, there’s something I want to talk to Taryn about tonight that I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to him about, that when I approach him, his nervous system won’t go into a full shutdown.
0:59:13 – (Wendy): Still, he might have his heart beat a little. Like, I’ve noticed that. But there is no. I always preface with the kids, like, hey, you’re not in trouble, and we need to talk about this, and we need to do some learning because this is a life skill that you don’t have quite developed yet. And also, here’s where I see I probably don’t have it developed, so I’m right there with you. But it’s just such a safe, trustworthy feeling that feels so good to have in your home, because I didn’t have that growing up. It was not a safe place.
0:59:44 – (Wendy): There was danger around every corner, whether it was, like, a jerk brother who was going to mess with me when I walked around the corner or punishment or shame that was going to get thrown out. When there was imperfection, there was not safety.
0:59:58 – (Terry): And let’s be real, your kids will just end up hiding things from you.
1:00:01 – (Wendy): Yeah.
1:00:01 – (Terry): And I’m here to tell you that.
1:00:03 – (Wendy): That’S a good point.
1:00:04 – (Terry): That same girl that wrote that letter, she also is the first to, like, if she has withheld something from us, it just eats at her. She ends up telling us everything.
1:00:16 – (Wendy): And also because that’s what we taught her, that’s inside of her. That’s how the body is designed, that God designed our system. But we’ve also taught her about that is the most important thing is, like, the honesty and the trust, and you will not be in danger when you tell the truth. Right. So that is a result.
1:00:34 – (Terry): Yeah, she’s chosen. I mean, anytime that we’ve ever had to just like, hey, look, we’re just going to put it all on the table. She’s done it. And especially in the last year, I’m just so blown away with how she’s been able to be so transparent with us on things that I knew it was because she trusted us enough and we hadn’t used fear over and over again to where she was just going to lie her way out of it.
1:01:07 – (Terry): She’s very honest with us. And that’s something that it just means a lot to me. So I feel so good about the absence of fear in my parenting walk.
1:01:21 – (Wendy): Yeah. And the safety and the trust it’s created in our home. Okay, let’s move on to talk about personal responsibility and humility that this work creates, like, just a natural thriving in this area. And I really believe that humility is a superpower, and it has such immense power and strength and it really does wonders to influence children. And the cool thing is, once you start practicing it as a parent again, like looking at misbehavior every time it comes your way and having the self awareness to say, oh, if my child is struggling with this, there’s a good chance that I might be struggling with it too.
1:02:06 – (Wendy): Let me humble myself to share with you, child. I might be responsible for teaching you some of this and then teaching from that standpoint of, hey, kiddo, you’re not alone. You’re not an alien, you’re not broken. And this is a very firm boundary and rule that we are both going to learn how to do this in a different way. It just creates such connection, but it also just works so, so well. There was a few weeks ago, or a few months ago, I was in the afternoon carpool, which seems to be, like, my most triggering time right now because it combines this feeling of feeling rushed and having to get kids to sports at different times and, like, a very tight window.
1:02:45 – (Wendy): Everyone’s been tired from a long day of school. Everyone needs a snack. I’m trying to wrap up work for the day. And we were in the car, and I had left to go pick them up too late. Then I remembered last minute that Taryn needed a surfboard picked up from the ding repair place. And it was just like this. Everything stacked, and I was, like, picking them up, realizing, like, oh, great, Stella, you’re actually going to be 20 minutes late to your beach volleyball practice. Taryn, you’re probably going to be late to surf practice. And I was just grouchy and bitter and annoyed, and I was just feeling short. My nervous system was feeling frazzled.
1:03:23 – (Wendy): And then all of a sudden, I was just like, hey, just look at where you contributed to this and how this is a result. Because my inclination is to blame, I go very fast to blame, and I get to really use my tools to back myself out of blame and just take personal responsibility for it. But as I was pulling myself off the ledge, so to speak, because they were bickering, they were fighting, everyone was on edge because I was kind of leading the way. And then I switched into, like, you know what, guys?
1:03:56 – (Wendy): I’m not mad at you, and I’m not trying. Like, I’m coming across right now as super irritated and annoyed and frustrated. But really what’s happening is I’m kind of beating myself up because I did x, y, and z, and I really should have gotten out of the house earlier and gone to get the truck, which was across the street, because the road was being repaved. But I just took responsibility, and I was like, right now, I just need to be quiet and help myself through this, because I’m trying to show myself compassion because I know that beating myself up is not going to help us at all.
1:04:29 – (Wendy): And just give me a minute to work through this because this is my fault, right? Like, I’m the one who chose to do this, and that’s blah, blah, blah. And it was so wild how fast they shifted their entire tone. They completely were like, mama, it’s okay. Don’t worry. We’re in this together. We can do this. It’s okay. I’ll go to a later practice. Taryn’s like, don’t worry, mom. I’ll just wax my board when I get there. Instead of whatever. They just all of a sudden started to move into this creative, connected tone versus before, they were on edge and they were bickering. But the point of the story is my humility and my ability just to say, hey, I’m responsible for this afternoon.
1:05:13 – (Wendy): I led the way on this. This is why we’re in this situation. This is why everyone’s bickering and frustrated right now, and I’m going to change. And then, you guys, I have confidence that you’ll follow suit. So it’s just incredibly effective. And I do feel that we hold that sense now of humility in our home. We are fast to take responsibility, and we just see it so fast in our kids. Like, just in the last two weeks, I can think of multiple times where Stella and Taryn came to us.
1:05:43 – (Wendy): Me, I’ll just use me as an example and was like, mama, I am so sorry about, like, that was really my. Like, I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. And I think what was happening is I was just scared of this or that. And you’re so right. We should do this. Or I think it happened, like, three times in just the last two weeks, but that is because the parents are leading the way, right? And then that translates out into the world where a child is in.
1:06:14 – (Wendy): Our kids are in middle school and high school now. But that’s how they interact with their friendship group or their teachers. Right? Like their teachers, they’re going to hold that sense of humility, but with empowerment, and it just works so well. So do you see that in our house, too, as one of the long term effects of this work?
1:06:30 – (Terry): I could give so many different examples like you just gave, but I think yours was awesome. I would just say, think about it this way. Parents, us included, are looking for so many different, especially when we’ve got very confident kids. It’s like, can you just humble yourself for a second? Yes, but find an opportunity today to humble yourself before your kids. I’m not saying make something up. There’s probably something that’s actually going on to where practice humility with your kids and see what happens. Because I think it’s yet another example of that’s not their go to thing, is because we often have practiced so well what it’s like to be defensive, what it’s like to justify what it’s like to say why you’re right and somebody else is wrong.
1:07:27 – (Terry): Practice it the other way, see what happens. I don’t think we give our kids enough practice on actually showing them what it looks like to be humble, truly humble, and so find a place to do it.
1:07:39 – (Wendy): Yeah, it’s so true. And it just feels so good. I just feel like this could be a ten hour episode because it’s like so much of what we’re talking about. When you see your children then acting that way, it’s just the wildest thing because you’re like, it worked. It worked, right? I just remember so many times where I was like, oh, my gosh, is this working? Are we taking crazy pills? When we decided to go against the system of public school testing and homework, and after we watched the movie the documentary race to nowhere, and we were just like, you know what? We’re not going to buy into this intense system.
1:08:22 – (Wendy): And we’re going to let the teacher know that we’ll sometimes bring back a homework packet. It might be 60% finished, but we’re going to choose to put our kids in the tree at night and have them in nature and have a full meal. And if homework turns into tears, then we’re just going to let it go, right? Like, that was one example, to be countercultural and embrace this work, especially with the science that the race to nowhere documentary put in front of us. But I remember thinking like, uhoh, are we drinking the kool aid? Like, what if our kid never learns to read? What if they never become proficient? In math, because we chose to do this.
1:08:59 – (Terry): Raising the jungle, kids.
1:09:00 – (Wendy): Raising the jungle. There were so many moments. Or when Taryn made a mistake and pushed our friend’s little boy off a play structure. When he was excited, he wasn’t even angry. He was excited. They were playing tag and he really hurt his wrist. I remember back then thinking, oh, no, what are we doing? Should we just go back to threatening? And who knows? Is this the type of thing where you should definitely spank your kid and there’s just all those moments of doubt where you just have to trust us that the long term effects of this stuff is insane and it just feels so, so good. So our last two points were open communication and true power. But I really think we covered all of that. So we’re just going to wrap it at that.
1:09:48 – (Wendy): But, yeah, you guys stay with the course. It is just the best feeling in the world. And just remember that you will need to be countercultural and a bit of a black sheep. Many of you who are doing this work are first generational cycle breakers. Like, you are the first people in your family who are saying, actually, we’re not going to use a fear enforced model anymore to create kids that listen and cooperate. We’re going to try something new. We’re going to actually be a family who has conversations and open communication when things get messy. We’re not going to brush things under a rug anymore.
1:10:27 – (Wendy): We’re not going to eat our emotions or drink our emotions away anymore. But those of you who choose to prioritize this work and really become invested, you are breaking painful generational cycles that will get handed down in your family when you just kind of go along with what’s always been done. So be a black sheep and have confidence in that. I know there’s a really cool book called, like, I think it’s called the regrets of the dying.
1:10:55 – (Wendy): And I don’t remember exactly who the author is right now, but it’s so she’s. I think she was a hospice nurse. Brawny ware is maybe her name, but it was so cool to see her write about, like, she interviewed all these people on their deathbed and was like, hey, what are your regrets? And, yeah, the regrets of the dying. I think the biggest regret of the dying is you can google that book. And a lot of them said, I worked too much, right? But one of the biggest things that they said is, I wish I would have lived a life true to myself and what I wanted, not what other people wanted.
1:11:33 – (Wendy): And so just remember that. That’s a big deal. That people who are at the end of their life as they move along from this earth say, if I could go back, I would have done things my way. And I know that that’s what you’re doing when you feel called to not only follow this work, but actually commit and become fluent in it. And in just a few weeks, we are having such a wonderful opportunity to really put your flag in the sand, so to speak, and commit to this way of life. And that is our new year kickstart five day free challenge where you’re going to get mini lessons delivered each day to your email inbox and there’ll be a private group to really help you implement the tools and the strategies and the mindset changes that I’m going to teach you in the five day challenge. But it’s a wonderful way to kick start the new year and just declare that this is what you want.
1:12:34 – (Wendy): Many of you have toddlers or early elementary school kids to declare, this is what I want long term for my family. I want to have a thriving, connected family with open communication where humility is a superpower in our home where I have true power with my children, where we have a safe trust, like mutually respectful and mutual trust filled home with settled nervous systems. I want to have mature, skilled kids and adults and I want deep, deep connection with my kids. Like, I see you, we see you, we admire you and we are over here cheering you on and supporting you every step of the way.
1:13:16 – (Wendy): So we’ll make sure we put all the links in the show notes and make sure you’re following along on Instagram. I’m @freshstartWendy. I’m going to be talking so much about the New York Kickstart challenge where registration is going to be opening up very soon, as soon as it does grab your spot, and then we do have a vip implementation track this year that’s going to be pretty phenomenal. For those of you who want to experience the community, the power of community and also the power of coaching in your parenting life, that’s going to be part of the vip track this year. So thanks for being here, Terry, thanks for always having the best conversations with me. I love you so much and I’m excited for this new year ahead.
1:13:54 – (Terry): Loved it. And love.
