In this episode, Wendy and Terry talk about lying! Instead of jumping to traditional methods of fear, force & punishment – how can this misbehavior be looked at as a way to create a deeper connection & more honesty between parent & child?
Dealing with lying can actually bring about mutual respect & trust when parents use it to teach their children that they can do things differently the next time and that they can repair relationships with others. If we can embrace mistakes like lying with compassion and grace, they become opportunities for growth. This leads to children who are more likely to tell their parents the truth in the future!
Specifically, Wendy & Terry dive into three main points if you want to raise kids who tell you the truth:
- Don’t nail your kiddo when you find out that she lied
- Focus on rebuilding trust & repairing the relationship instead of becoming reactive over the lie itself
- Dig deeper to see what is motivating your child to lie – fear of being lectured, scolded, punished, or causing worry?
- When your child does fess up to a certain misbehavior or mistake or accident, thank her, for telling the truth!
- Teach your child to listen to himself
- Remember that mistakes are a beautiful way to learn
- Allow your child to build up his own intuition & moral compass by reminding him that he is safe to tell the truth and fully process the feeling of lying and/or making a mistake
- Eventually your child will have strong intrinsic motivation to be honest because he will understand that it feels better in his soul
- Teach your child the lesson you want her to learn, later, in a calm time
- The lesson can still be taught & the misbehavior doesn’t need to be ignored, but the child should not be shamed
- Instead, listen to the circumstances of the lie/misbehavior, ask questions, and allow your kiddo to assess how they felt before, during, and after the mistake
- Encourage your child to think of you as a trusted person when circumstances in their life are going great, and also, when they aren’t going so well
- Teaching our children how & why to make better choices should be the motivating factor when is comes to dealing with lying or any other misbehavior
- Model honesty & confess your own mistakes to your children
Mentioned in this Episode:
- Fresh Start Family Online
- Fresh Start Experience – parenting education & support program
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