On this episode of The Fresh Start Family Show, join Wendy and her community coach and podcast manager Amy to discuss how ALL of us are capable of becoming a calm parent (yes even you!)
It might seem that some people have it and others don’t. With some intention, tools and time, we can all begin to calm our nervous systems, access responsiveness and influence our kids & partners / spouses to do the same.
We are capable and CAN cultivate the calm we want to see in our lives!
When we go first, everything falls into place so much easier.
Raising A Strong Willed, Intense or Sensitive Child? If yes, I have a FREE gift for you!
This free bundle comes with an extensive learning guide & FREE workshop with me, where I’ll teach you ways to build connection & methods to work WITH your strong willed kids instead of trying to MAKE THEM change.
Inside this FREE learning bundle I’ll teach you:
*Firm & kind strategies to navigate challenging behavior with firm kindness & connection (vs. fear, force, yelling, threats & bribery)
*Ways to build connection instead of pushing your child away w/ heavy handed “hand me down parenting tactics”
*How to work WITH your kids instead of forcing them to comply or trying to MAKE them change
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Episode Highlights:
- There are many reasons we aren’t calm and it can come out in different ways to different people
- When we use yelling or fear and force, it’s actually a signal that we have a lack of self-control & are feeling powerless
- Awareness AND self-acceptance is at the beginning of the journey toward changing up old patterns
- Calm does not mean weak or permissive – it can be firm about situations and in control of ourselves
- It takes self-awareness AND self-acceptance as we work to change to calm
- Creating space between stimulus and response helps keep us from reactivity
- Self care is essential to be able to access our calm so we’re not running on fumes
- When we can bring calm to a situation, we help a situation de-escalate much more quickly – calm is contagious!
- Checking our diet for contributors to anti calm is important to cultivating calm
Resources Mentioned:
FSF Show Ep 157 The Power of Community Part 2
Jesus the Gentle Parent by L.R. Knost
Not able to listen or want to read along with us?
Here is the episode transcript!
This episode has been brought to you by the Fresh Start, family Live Fast Track Cooperation Workshop happening on Saturday, April 22nd from 8 to 11:00 AM Pacific. I’ll be teaching you all about how to hold a strong boundaries with connection and compassion, and providing step-by-step guidance on my Signature Firm and kind framework so you can create a rhythm in your parenting walk that creates cooperation and respect instead of disconnection and stress. Learn more and save your seat at freshstartfamilyonline.com/cooperation.
Wendy:
Well, hello listeners and welcome back to a new episode. I’m Wendy Snyder. I’m your host positive parenting educator and family life coach, and today we’re talking about our ability to cultivate calm in our life.
Even if you feel like you were born with a hot temper, or maybe you grew up in a home where reactivity was really modeled a lot to you and you just feel like you might snap or you have a short fuse, or you aren’t the most patient one in your friendship group or your family, whatever it may be, we’re talking today about how you really can become whoever you want to be, so calm can be cultivated. And today I have one of my just cherished team members with me. Her name is Amy Sheira, and she is both one of my community coaches inside of our Fresh Start Experience, and she’s also our podcast manager.
She was originally for the first time on episode 67 of the Fresh Start Family Show where we talk about the power of community to help you thrive as a parent. She told her whole story there of how she came to know Positive Parenting. She was actually one of my founding members here at Fresh Start Family when I first launched my membership program. So it’s just so special now that she works for me and it’s just such an integral part of our team and our community. But that was a really great episode where we just talked about how being inside of a community really helped her in her growth journey, going from a very reactive mom where she was stressed out all the time and leaning on traditional punishments and trying to make her boys comply and into this very just incredibly self-regulated, peaceful, empowered parent who just has so much joy and confidence as a mom.
So that was episode 61, and then the second time she was on was episode 157, which was another episode about the power of community to help you thrive as a parent, but it was part two. So we just kind of rift a little bit more during that one, again, about all the positive effects when you are, you know, part of a community to help you thrive. So Amy’s awesome. You guys are gonna love hearing from her today. I adore her, and we’re just gonna have a great conversation. I want you guys to leave this conversation feeling empowered and really just with an ability to Get, get out of that victim mindset that all of us fall into sometimes where we feel like we can’t be calm because of our kids, or we have to yell because otherwise our children won’t listen.
Whatever it may be. That’s just, you know, a version of a victim mindset that puts you in a dis disempowered state and really causes you to believe that you’re incapable of creating a family legacy of your dreams or creating a peaceful home or a calm home, whatever it may be. I want you guys to listen and leave this episode just feeling wildly empowered and full of hope. So without further ado, help me welcome Amy to the show. And as always, please share if you guys love this episode. If you have any ha aha moments while you’re listening, take a screenshot, hop on over to Instagram and share in your stories and tag me, I’m @freshstartwendy, shoot me a DM. Let me know what felt really encouraging to you, what you’re excited to do, all of that good stuff.
I love connecting you with you guys in dms. So, all right, well enjoy this episode.
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll, and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools, and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show!
Wendy:
Well, hello there families and welcome to a new episode of the Fresh Start Family Show. I’m really excited to be here with my amazing team member, Ms. Amy Sheira, who you guys met in episode 157 of the Fresh Start Family Show when we talked about the power of community. But Amy is one of my in just incredible coaches inside of my Fresh Start Experience program, and today she’s back to talk to us about cultivating calm and finding true influence within our families. Welcome back to the show, Amy.
Amy:
Thank you so much, Wendy. I’m so glad to be here.
Wendy:
Yes. And I love the way this topic came about, Amy, because I think we were on a live stream, we were on a coaching feed one day, right? And I forget exactly what I was coaching on, but you had just dropped in the the comments. I love how like you bring in just this, like, I love having you supporting me in our live streams because I just feel your presence of, you bring in a lot of comedy a lot of times, and you bring in just this lightness and this relatability. So what happens families is I’ll be hosting live coaching feeds and my coaches will be in the comments answering side questions from our community members or dropping in links when we need them.
And Amy, at one point you had, you had dropped in a comment, you said, remember, calm can be cultivated because do you, do you remember exactly what, what you were talking about at that time?
Amy:
We had, we had a member who was saying like, I just can’t be calm or, or like, I’m just not a calm person. Something that’s wouldn’t work around.
Wendy:
Yes, yes, yes.
Amy:
And it’s, it’s something I didn’t think was possible either, but it is like, it is calm can be cultivated, it’s just, it’s just something we work on. It’s a muscle we build like any other skill.
Wendy:
Yes. That is so funny. I do remember now. Yes. It was like this idea that that’s just not who I am. I’m just not that person.
Amy:
Yes.
Wendy:
And I remember when I first met you and really started to get to know you after you were really in our programs for a few years and I started to, you know, we started to talk about maybe you coming on board here at Fresh Start Family, and I started to get to know you. I, I love to learn that you actually behind closed doors were not always calm. And I know that sounds funny, but I get this like sense of relief when I meet people that from the outside, like, you just have this, you know, you’re so like sweet and like put together and adorable. And then to hear behind closed doors, you were like reactive and did not feel like you were bringing calm to these chaotic moments.
Amy:
Right.
Wendy:
And I just always think it’s so funny because we assu we make these assumptions about other people and we kind of a lot of times think that we’re the only ones that have these reactive tendencies behind closed doors or who have these kids that are struggling with this type of behavior. And then you realize like, it’s just not true. Like, it doesn’t matter how put together we are or how calm our personalities may appear when we’re in public Yeah. When we get triggered. Yeah. So many of us go to that un-calm place. So in, in a way it’s like, it’s, it’s the, I think the unhealthy way of looking at that is like misery loves comfort, right? Or what is
Amy:
Company
Wendy:
Misery loves company, that’s what it is. Yeah. But that’s not the, you know, it’s just, it, I think it’s just feels good to know that you’re not alone. That even someone who, like I said, comes across as so calm, actually struggles to not be calm too. So that was the beginning of your journey where you really stepped in and realized that you did wanna get some support building these muscles, and families, Amy tells her story back on that episode 157 if you wanna hear her whole story. But tell us just a little bit more in a nutshell to review like you, what are some of the behaviors that you had when you realized that you weren’t in a place where you were able to be calm and present throughout challenges and you realized I do wanna build these muscles?
Amy:
Yeah, I think I was challenged by my kids not listening straight away. Like all, probably, like all parents have, we, we get this hand me down idea that our kids are supposed to listen on the first time. And you know, there’s, there’s very short amount of space between when we ask something or what, you know, if they argue back, just whatever it is, there’s something that comes about as triggering that just gets everything out of us that isn’t meant to be coming out.
Wendy:
Yeah. So what was your, like what was your back then, I mean, were you a yeller or were you just a reactive, like, like stop it or like what were your some of the the things, because when I look back to that season when I realize like, holy smokes, I am the opposite of calm. Right? Where, and and, and I look back now and I realize that I hang out with my beautiful mom now and I love her so much and I realize that she never stepped into this work, right? And here she is in the seventh decade of her life and she never stepped into this work and she still has a lot of the behaviors that I look back to before I committed to positive parenting and, and this work that we do together.
I, I was having similar behaviors, so I felt like I was like always on edge. I was triggered very easily, but I was startled very easily. So I had like a nervous energy about me. I felt like my body was very unsettled if the milk were to spill. I just remember having like such, and this took years and years for me to cultivate this calm that we’re talking about, which I nailed it yesterday in the car ride. We’ll tell that story at the end, and I know you have a really good story to tell too at the end of this episode, but yesterday, 12, 12 years after I started this work, I was like, dang, I am fully calm and present and like not freaking out here.
And it just felt so good. But when I look back, like I was just so easily startled for so long. Like if the milks spilled, there was a very fast like, oh, what am I doing? Like correction. Yes. So for me, when I look back at that period, there was a lot of yelling, like I would probably call it raising my voice back then, but it was yelling, screaming, threatening. Like if you don’t, even if it was, if you do, if you do not go pee, like what seems so innocent now, like peeing on the potty, right? If you don’t go pee on the potty, you you will not get that jelly bean. Or if you don’t stay in your bed, you will not. Like, it was so fast, the threats came out so fast for me that it was, that was very reactive and did not feel calm for me.
I often had a tendency to like panic and jump to conclusions or catastrophize when Stella would have behaviors. Right. Like, it just, it seemed like it just came very fast. Right. And I, I see my mom’s still struggling with that to this day, like a very panic type of, it happens fast for her. I know some people retreat, which I, I actually like, even though it almost can come across as calm, it’s not calm inside your body, right? Like you’re panicking inside your body a little bit. And even though that wasn’t the way that it showed up for me a ton, I did have definite times more in my marriage back then before I became fluent in all this.
Where re retreating was just like the instant go-to it was, it was the strong reaction that was not calm and like, I’m safe to stay in this conversation. It was like, I gotta get outta here. And then scolding and shaming was definitely like a reactive tendency for me back then. What’s wrong with you? What were you thinking? And then fixing it was definitely there too. So like, just get, just give it to me, I’ll do it. Right. So when you think back, like what, what was some of the reactive tendencies that did not represent calm for you back then?
Amy:
Right. So I, I have learned, you know, through all the work that you’ve presented and, and from going through freedom to be, and yeah, just that yelling is a way to try to control and it’s a way to communicate some, you know, it’s communicating a tone ineffectively. So my dissatisfaction with whatever they were doing was coming out as, as yelling, screaming, like to the point where like glands swell- like feeling like tightness in my throat and just like, oh my gosh, like a complete psycho, I promise you. Like it didn’t feel possible.
Wendy:
Like I don’t believe you
Amy:
that, that I was this like, you know, that I was capable of that because I, I always thought I was such a, I was such a calm, chill person before kids, and this is just what kids do to you. And it’s ho it’s just a horrible feeling to like go around thinking that you were gonna be this amazing mom and then you have kids and now you can’t just keep your stuff together. Like, it’s just, you just feel triggered easily. And I think what happens is we just end up hanging out so much in the fight flight, freeze mode that that’s all that comes out of us. There’s just, there’s no grace for anybody and we, there’s just constantly trying to control through a very broken method.
Wendy:
Yeah. Have you ever, have you ever, listeners, this is a good one. Have you ever, have you ever screamed so loud at your kids that you made ’em cry? Have you ever done that, Amy?
Amy:
Oh yeah. Oh, Zane ca Caden, not so much. He definitely tends to like, put that front that protected. Like I’m, I’m tough, strong enough.
Wendy:
Yeah. Stella.
Amy:
But Zane, Zane would definitely, and that’s a horrible feeling too, right? That’s why we wanna work on our stuff because our kids don’t deserve that. And it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right in our bodies either. We know that that’s not who we wanna be. Nobody wants that.
Wendy:
Yes.
Amy:
You know? Yes. We just want, we want, we want what we want and we wanna control it in a way that we learned growing up, working or not. Yeah.
Wendy:
Yeah. I don’t, it’s funny, I don’t remember the exact, it might’ve been the time I screamed at Terrin about the bubble bath. Why would remember us to buy this organic? What, what is that brand? I love honest bubble bath and like, I had bought the big one, you know, because you like save money if you buy the big one. And I remember Terrin just poured it all out and he just loved it. Like, it was like this obsession my kids had back then with like, they would put all the bubbles in and I just screamed so loud that he just started crying. And I just remember my stomach sinking and being like, oh my gosh, like, what’s wrong with me? Yeah. And like, why is parenting so hard?
Wendy:
You know? This is just the way it is.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
I tell this story a lot within the Experience. I know you’ve heard it, but it’s like, I went into my bedroom, I had a good cry, and then I came back and I was like, I’m so sorry you didn’t deserve that. Like, I don’t even remember, like, I was like that, that I just, that’s not okay. I don’t, you know, I’m just, I just was feeling angry or I was scared about the bubble bath being gone or whatever it may be. And he just looked right at me. He was probably like, I think he was like four. And he said, it’s okay, mama. Everyone makes mistakes. I’m doing something right.
Amy:
So sweet. It’s that you have so much grace for us. We’re, you know, it’s sometimes it’s hard to find that compassion for ourselves, but I just knew I didn’t want to keep passing that down. It, it, it yelling had become my next progression out of spanking. So it’s like, I definitely knew I didn’t want the corporal punishment anymore, but yelling is just as damaging if not more. Right. Because you, you’re more likely to be yelling every day versus spanking every day. And you just create this tendency to let that go be your go-to. And what, what you, what I really experienced was that when my kids starting yelling back and then you end up in that power struggle of I’m yelling and you’re yelling, well, that’s not working.
I need to be modeling something else healthier. And I have to, it has to start with me because the parent has to have the most, you know, higher level of emotional literacy and then teach it to our kids. We don’t wait for the kids to be able to do it. And I know we’ve talked about this before, a lot of parents who don’t have the skill don’t, like they, they still expect that kids will be able to do it when we can’t even do it yet. So we have to just all be learning it at the same time. And so thankful for this work that our kids are learning it so young that they won’t have to go through the same, you know, decades of, of just angst that we did.
Wendy:
I know, right? It’s so good. Yeah. Yeah. So all great examples of what not being calm looks like, but all of these kind of behaviors families are, like we said, we’re, they’re just kind of the opposite of calm, but they are what we call inside the Fresh Start Experience and at Fresh Start Family closed down behaviors or protection behaviors, which we teach extensively about inside of our freedom to be weekend life coaching course, which at the time of this airing will have just have finished up at the end of March in our beautiful san sunny San Diego here. We’ll have another one in the fall. So that’s always a really great place to kind kind of take a deep dive on like the root causes of these type of closed down or protection behaviors.
But over time, when these keep happening, these opposite of calm behaviors when they keep happening, we just end up feeling like living life, feeling stressed and more like a victim to our circumstances, than empowered to create the home environment we want and influence our kids with integrity and success. So just remember that it’s like no matter what the root cause of our anti calm behaviors are, you know, most of the time, as you said Amy, it’s like, you know, or you mentioned it’s like a desire to have control, but it’s actually a signal that we have a lack of self-control.
Which is so fascinating, right? Especially when you look at a behavior like yelling, like we puff up, it’s like an attempt to show, look at us, look at us, we have control, but it’s really at the same time we’re claiming to be powerless. Like, if you really look at it like it’s usually happens when it’s like, no one is listening to me. I have no power right now, so I’m gonna puff up. I’m gonna get big in an attempt to get control and have power when really it’s not a sustainable long-term method. And in the end, especially if you have strong-willed kids, it actually doesn’t even work long-term. And we end up training our children to only listen when we get, get to that point, right. Instead of listening to us when we are calm.
Right. So that’s, that’s just a crazy realization, right? Is that we, we train them to only listen when we’re not calm.
Amy:
Yes.
Wendy:
And we have the ability to train them. I know that’s like a weird word to use, but we train people how to, to treat us. We really do like so many of the things that we don’t like that are happening in our lives by our kids, our spouse, whatever it may be. Like realizing I remember that was a really deep realization for me that I have trained people to treat me a certain way
Amy:
Or conditioned. If you wanna think about that
Wendy:
Or conditioned. That’s a great, yeah, that’s a great way to rephrase of it. Right? But let’s just, let’s just riff on this idea of like the lack of self-control a little bit. Yeah. So we’re like, it’s like a false, it’s like a false representation that we have control when we really don’t.
Amy:
Right? Yeah. I I remember at some point almost having this like outer body experience of watching myself basically have a toddler tantrum, right? Like you’re, you’re an adult throwing a fit trying to get your way, and it just, it it starts to feel ridiculous. It starts to look ridiculous. If you see, maybe you have a spouse who’s still completely flies off the handle and you, you see them ranting and, and screaming in the other room at your kids. It’s, it’s just so apparent that this is just somebody who’s not having any amount of self-control and, and like you said, feels puffed up, feels this is powerful. But what you, you just end up with kids who don’t really respect you. You, you can’t respect that kind of authority.
I would watch these shows with my kids when they were little like Daniel Tiger and Curious George and like the, they were so calm and Oh, George, you poured out this entire bag of flour. Guess we’ll get started cleaning it up. You know, or just, and I would think Yeah, right? Like nobody reacts that way to their kids. Yeah. Like, you don’t see this giant mess and just be able to do that. You know, I was like, this is just, you know, for TV and as I worked on myself, I really became that parent. I was able to pause Yeah. And respond and have an appropriate amount of response to something not feeling like everything was this giant emergency.
It’s really not. And, and we stopped looking at how to teach kids what skill they need in that moment. And we just, we get very focused on how to prevent any kind of problems or mistakes so that we don’t have to deal with it. That’s not really life. That’s not real. I think I, I found so much more satisfaction knowing that I was teaching my kids how to be calm in any situation versus how to prevent any kind of problems or mistakes or messes.
Wendy:
Yeah. I love that. And, and I, I like that you brought up the, that idea of you look at someone who’s so calm and like detached and just handles the situation and in, in parenting, like when you’re not in that space, it does feel like it’s impossible. Like, that’s so fabricated or
Amy:
Fake.
Wendy:
or like fake. Yeah. But then when you really do look at, like, people who have jobs in the world where they’re like, they’re in a life or like, I always think of like an ambulance driver or a fire truck driver, firemen, firewomen, like EMT people. And when they come to the scene of an accident, like they truly handle like really gnarly stuff in a calm, detached manner. And that’s what creates success. Like, that’s what saves lives. So I think it just feels impossible to us and fake because we’ve witnessed so much of it and feel like, you know, that it won’t work if we, you know, we just think that it’s gonna be some nonsense tone and that our kids won’t respect it.
Right. When really, as w you and I both have grown and we see, you know, all these members in our community who are c creating these muscles too and seeing the success stories that they share, like it really does give you more power in your children’s lives and it just keeps you more settled. Yeah. And like in your body. But just remember, you know, families, it’s, as Amy and I are talking about this, it’s like if you have these reactive tendencies and you’re to the point where you become aware of them, like you’re at, you’re in a great place and there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing broken, it doesn’t mean that you’re not enough. It just means that you’re at the beginning of your journey to learn the life skills you need to become that calm parent.
Right. To be able to cultivate calm. And it really is, it’s, it is a journey, right? Like, and it also just remember that calm, it isn’t always like calm can still be firm calm, does not have to be per calm, isn’t permissive calm is calm is really strong.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
Like calm can be firm. You can absolutely split up a, a sibling, you know, fight where they’re hurting each other or step in and prevent a child from running in the road or whatever it may be. You know, like speak to and handle a child who’s been disrespectful or you find out they’re lying or realize that they’ve made a mistake at school or with their best friend, whatever it may be. Like calm doesn’t mean permissive and it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna get walked all over. It just means that you’re in a powerful state of like staying basically in control in a healthy way, not in an unhealthy way.
Amy:
Right. And it, it also doesn’t mean happy all the time. And then our goal isn’t happy all the time. It’s not gonna bring you more happiness. It will bring you more peace. You know, you can still be disappointed or feel hurt or sad. You di you dip into anger less. I feel like there you save your anger for those really important things that anger was meant for versus, you know, spilled the milk or, or didn’t come when they were asked or took too long to get ready for school. Now you’re late. You just really get to slow down and be intentional in those moments in a way that just brings so much closeness and connection from your children. Cuz they feel safe. Oh, you’re not constantly triggering their amygdala telling everybody there’s a fire all the time when there isn’t, everybody starts operating from a different part of their brain that just feels safe.
Wendy:
Mm. Yeah. Yeah. You get to teach from a place of like, this is important and we will learn this life skill in our house versus danger for alarm fire. Yeah. If this isn’t learned immediately, like you’re gonna be hurt, you’re gonna be hurt, you’re gonna be hurt. Like, it’s just such a, a different space. And so our children become eas, you know, learned more easily.
Amy:
Right.
Wendy:
So yeah. So let’s talk about some of the skills or let’s talk about some of the ways we can build these skills because again, just like, you know, if we all were like, if I wanted to go fly an airplane tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I would literally crash the plane, right? Like right. Because I just, it’s not because I’m dumb or I’m not enough or I’m never meant to be a pilot, it’s just because I haven’t learned the skills yet. Right. So you just gotta show up. You gotta learn the skills, you gotta practice the skills you have to get yourself into an environment with mentors in a community or at least a friendship group or whatever it may be, where you’re allowed to fail.
Where failure isn’t seen as this like, horrible thing. It’s like failure is just unfinished success. And in order to build life skills or to build any type of skillset, you have to be willing to try and not have, you know, perfect application the first time, second time, third time, ninth time,
Amy:
900th time,
Wendy:
900th time and just keep going back. Right? So, but, but just know that awareness really is such a good place to be because many of us, before we really stepped into like a commitment of this work, there was just no awareness. Like it was all blame, it was all blame. The reason why I yell is because of them. Right. The reason why I scold and shame you is because you are being bad. Right? Like, so the awareness part means that you are in, you are farther in your journey than you think you are. So it’s, it’s good. Now we, we teach here at Fresh Start Family that you have to have a high level of self-acceptance in addition to the self-awareness. Cuz self-awareness is what everyone gets fast when they come inside of their Fresh Start Experience, our membership program.
And they’re, they’re like, oh gosh, they realize fast. Like I’m doing, I’m doing quite a bit of things that are contributing to the chaos in my house, right? Like, oh, okay, I realize why punishment is actually making things worse. I realize why my reactivity, I realize why, how I’m engaging in the power struggles, how I am using fear and force, how I am using external all the things. But you just can’t stay there. It has to be matched with compassion, which is a self-acceptance side, which is like, okay, makes sense why how I got here. Lots of years of cultural conditioning, family of origin probably modeled this really well.
It makes total sense how I’m doing the only thing that I know how to do, right? So now I’m gonna continue learning. I’m gonna be have grace with myself. The more grace I have with myself, the more grace I can give my children. And we just realize that we’re together in the journey. And that’s just a really good feeling, right? But from that place is where you can actually start learning the life skills that you need or the building up the ways in order to, to hatch, to show up in this way that is actually calm and detached where you’re handling business like a total boss.
Amy:
Right?
Wendy:
So some of the things, maybe you can touch on some of the things that we teach inside of the Fresh Start Experience and you know, not to go totally into them, but just, you know, mention a few of them Yeah. And how they can help us stay calm in those moments.
Amy:
Yeah. One of the first things that I learned from you that was so helpful, it was just creating that space. The whole Victor Frankel “Man’s Search for Meaning” concept of the more space you put between what just happened and what you’re gonna do about it. Like the more in control of yourself that you can be, the more you can come from that calm space. And I think I just got really committed to creating as much breathing space as I could to keep me from that. Like, you know, that knee jerk, like fly off the handle short fuse. So the pause button, put your hand on your heart and take a breath, think about what that moment needs and, and these are the, these are the things that you can let your brain focus on instead of how mad you feel or how triggered that was or how much you wanna just nail your kids right now for whatever happened in those moments If we use our brain to f to to breathe and to center and to decide what the moment needs, we can just come from such a different, you know, from a, such a different place.
Yeah, for sure the, the pause and the heart connector and then self-care I for sure was guilty of putting myself back burner. And anyone who neglects their needs consistently and operates out of, you know, their, their amygdala nonstop will, will have trouble being calm. It’s, it’s not a mindset thing then it’s physically I need more sleep, I need less caffeine and you know, I need exercise. I need a break from the kids without feeling guilty that I asked my spouse, you know, to hang out and watch while I go for a walk or whatever. Those, those are huge. Getting enough water and nutrients, like those are just, those are just basics that we often neglect and have such a huge impact.
So just making small changes, like paying attention to those things are powerful.
Wendy:
Yeah. And I, you know, self-care, gosh, it’s like self-care it’s like totally. You’re right. Does contribute so much to our ability and it’s just, there’s so much we can do, right? Like, I know we think of like things that require time and effort and they, and they do. But what you, what what, what you pour into it really comes back tenfold when it comes to like filling up your own buckets, you know? And, you know, I’d add on top of the nutrition and the meditation and prayer and exercise and making sure you’re really like getting yourself out in nature. Those are, those are great things.
And just the investment in like either therapy or life coaching or program, like the Fresh Start Experience, it’s amazing what that does for your spirit and your soul, right? It’s like prayer and, and support on that front is just such an important part of self-care that I think so many moms especially go without for so long and they don’t really realize how much their spirit and their soul is not getting like, poured into because they don’t have that support system. They don’t have a place to feel like they’re not alone to ask questions, to get guidance and to hel have someone help them redirect their thoughts that just run rampant in their mind that are often scarcity based thoughts.
But that is a way to take care of yourself is to, is to find a place that, or, and a, a mentor and a support system mentors and support systems that can just help your mind stay healthy. Right? It’s just kind of all kind of all gets wrapped up into there.
Amy:
Definitely.
Wendy:
But yeah, but it’s a practice, right? That’s, it’s a, it is a practice daily to, to strengthen these muscles to work on creating that space to find those like healthy intentions instead of the the unhealthy intentions, which we go to so easily when we could catastrophize and panic and all the things. But when, when we’re not practicing, so many of us end up reacting to a trigger and then we end up joining the chaos instead of leading them to our calm. Because again, the compassion side of this, so many of us were never shown what it looks like to bring calm to the chaos, right? Yeah.
L R. Knost has that very famous quote, I should probably look it up so I know exactly what it is, but it’s something, I’ll look it up right now just for fun. Bring calm
Amy:
When little people are having big emotions
Wendy:
Do you know it by heart?
Amy:
I’m pretty close when, when little people are having big emotion, it’s our job to be their, calm, not join their chaos.
Wendy:
Yes. Ab that’s something almost perfect,
Amy:
Almost there when,
Wendy:
When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos. So L. R. Knost Is one of,
Amy:
It’s so true.
Wendy:
It’s so true. L. R. Knost is one of our favorite authors here at Fresh Family. She, gosh, she, I think she has six books, which she also wrote a book. Jesus The Gentle Parent, which is just one of my favorite books of all time. But yeah, just knowing that like we have such power to dissolve the, the, the struggle in our home just simply by the way we walk into the room and when we match it, everything escalates. Like the fuel gets thrown on the fire.
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
But when we bring in the calm, that’s like where the power comes in, right? Like you, it fe culture, cultural conditioning will make you feel like, well this kumbaya vibe ain’t gonna get them to stop hitting each other. Well actually it freaking does.
Amy:
It really does. It does, it does. It just naturally downloads our calm to them or you know, we set the, the vibe and the energy in the house that when mom is able to stay calm, like maybe I don’t also need to freak out and, and make it bigger than it is. And, and I think kids move on from things so much quicker than we do that when we take the time to not freak out, we don’t realize it’s like how quickly things could be over and done with. Yes. So many of, so many situations between my boys when I just trusted them to, once I, once I was teaching them, you know, tools to use for peaceful conflict resolution and things, but just stayed out of it and stayed back instead of coming in, you know, quick with that blame or that judgment, they would just fix it, move on and be done so much faster than if I had gotten involved and just, you know, trust them so
Wendy:
Well. I love that, that you’re talking about the not getting involved, right. But it’s also the fact that you are like the calm that you have that they can handle it. Right. This is where we, this is the journey we all go on once we’re in this work is like most of us start off with like, ah, the kids are fighting. Like we have to break it up. We have to be the referee, all the things. And then we move to what you’re talking about, which is like, we empower them to work out their own issues. Yeah. We teach them how to work out their own issues. We don’t just throw ’em in the ring and say good luck. Like Right. We teach them peaceful conflict resolution strategies, but it’s you not getting involved. But it’s also you just holding that energy and that calm and it just, it spreads.
And that’s like the co-regulation side of things where you’re like, oh, watch me. You’re not saying watch me, but you’re like, watch me. Look at me. I’m regulated right now.
Amy:
Yeah. I’m not looking out. I might hear something from the other room and come in, put my hand on my heart, sit, you know, sit on the floor and just slow breathe as I’m listening, as I’m, as I’m watching the interaction. And I’ve watched it so many times where it started to feel heated and if I come in and I just, just be that calm presence, it’s, you know, it’s like turning the temperature back down on the stove. Like you just watch it naturally come back down. I know it can be cultivated. I know it doesn’t have to stay the way we were. And it took a while for my kids to trust that, that I wasn’t going to scream at them. You know, when, when I was frustrated or mad or not getting my way.
Cuz so much of the not getting our way is the problem, right? Like we want, we want everything to be how we say instead of giving up some of that control, that perfection, that need to, that need to be right. Just backing off a ton was so good for my mental health and just stop being involved in so many of the details and letting them do it their way. It’s, it’s not wrong. It’s just another way.
Wendy:
So. Amazing. How are, how old are your boys again now?
Amy:
They’re 11 and 13.
Wendy:
11 and 13. You officially have a teenager. It’s amazing.
Amy:
I know up to high school soon. So. I’m still learning from you. Thankfully you’ve got all of the, the time in with yours ahead of time, you know, ahead of all of us so that we’re learning from you just in time.
Wendy:
We are all, all still learning Right. And we’re all still like, we all are always are continuing the like, building of our legacy. Right. And we all know that yelling and chaos and fighting and reactivity is not the legacy
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
That we want. Right. And just knowing that like, it really does take a commitment to change and it doesn’t require perfection. That’s the cool thing. Like I am, so like, again, I’ve been doing this for, I think it’s almost 13 years this year of like when I really stepped into my first positive parenting class. And then that got me into the life coaching side of things and then I became an educator and then I became a life coach and then I founded Fresh Start Family. But it’s, we’re going on 13 years now and I mean, I still have moments like I think this year has been a lot less, but like even last year, the year before, I would have some of these moments where I, I would get to the point where I was like, oh my gosh, look at me.
Like afterwards I’d be like, haha. Right? I could like start to laugh at myself. It took me a long time to be able to like not take everything so seriously when I wasn’t perfect. Right? Like, and that’s why I love being an educator is because I get to like just come to the table and be like, look guys, I did this yesterday. And it like, isn’t that fascinating? I still have this wiring, I’m still learning to not lecture. I’m still learning to like not say a shaming statement or, or slam the door, right? Like it just does not require perfection. It just requires a commitment to change and also to like really take responsibility and stop blaming. Like that’s the big commitment that has to be there.
Cause as long as you’re in a place where you’re, you’re not blaming and you’re really committed, then you can have these moments where you’re like, dang it, I just screamed or I slammed a door or whatever I did, or grabbed a wrist too tight. Look at that. Like, or I came into the room and I freaked out when they’re fighting out fighting and later realized, gosh, that wasn’t a four alarm fire. Right? Like, but you just get to be like, huh, isn’t that interesting?
Amy:
Right. And curious.
Wendy:
What’s underneath of that,
Amy:
Right, curious like, what, what am I missing? What am I, what do I have an unmet need? Is it my time in the month? Is it that I just need a date night with my hu you know, with my honey? It’s like, there’s a lot of things that often come out, especially once we step away from, from yelling or whatever our tendency is and we see it come back. It’s like a, it’s like a red flag. Okay, let’s check in and see what, what is it, what’s been going on if I’ve been, you know, skipping on my self-care or you know, not watching my, my intake of caffeine things. That for me, that was huge.
Wendy:
Yeah. Talk to, talk to us a little bit about the nutrition side. I know you and I geek out on the nutrition side of things.
Amy:
Yes.
Wendy:
Quite a bit. I’ve been on such a journey over the years to like really honor my body and the way that I know it operates in like this effortless state is like, I’ve learned so much about what it likes and what it doesn’t. And recently I’m like, dang, I got some addictions. I wanna get rid of all these things. But talk to us about what you’ve learned because that is a direct correlation to your ability to cultivate this Amy.
Amy:
Absolutely. Yeah. One thing we learned as we were on a journey of a discovery with my youngest sensory differences was the effect of wheat on, on all of us and our family really. Some people have gut issues, some people have mental fog, it can cause inflammation in the brain. Like it can, it can has these triggers, same like dairy and alcohol and sugar and different things. So when we were cutting back, kind of doing a reset to help him out, I noticed that taking wheat out of my diet at least primarily seemed to really help my efforts of cultivating calm. It was, it was something that seemed to be contributing to just, you know, shortness and irritability.
Same like caffeine. When I was doing a lot of the learning with you, I was still up in Alaska and as you know, we have like these crazy dark periods and everybody supplements with lots of extra coffee. And it, yeah, it was like killer on my system. I, I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me, but I just became more triggered, more easily reactive on ca on too much caffeine. And so really cutting back to like one a day made a huge difference. And then switching to water the rest of the day, or green tea or, or whatever. It just, it’s calming to your system. We don’t need to over vamp it with, you know, external stimulants. We have enough other kind of things triggering and, and starting us up.
So the more, the more we can do to support our system to stay in parasympathetic mode, you know, accessing the calm part of our brain and just letting our whole system know that we’re in, we’re safe, there’s no emergency, like we can do this, then we really can put in those practices of the pause and the breathing and see them work because we don’t have all this other stuff inside of us working against our efforts. So that was huge. But yeah.
Wendy:
How about like processed food and like sugar and stuff? How are you these days? Like what is your protocol? Are you,
Amy:
When the boys were much younger, we were much more rigid. And now that they’re tweens and teens, like they, there’s definitely more flexibility, but they, they see their results, they know how they feel after they eat that way. We, we don’t make it such a harsh no that it becomes so much more enticing. So there’s a lot of bending earth parameters this ages. But we, we try to help instill like a balance, you know, we’re gonna meet these requirements in a day for our body of nutritional needs and, and we’re a vegetarian family, so we watch a little bit more, you know, our intake, getting our needs met, you know, our nutritional needs that way. But yeah, they,
Wendy:
Yeah, but the teenager I love language is definitely like junk food. I’m like, dang it.
Amy:
I know. So I know I love it. But this is the age, this is the age where they burn it so fast. It’s especially boys. I mean, I see like they just constantly can eat and, and and just burn it off. So as long as we’re balancing it in the other ways, then I’ve, one of the ways I’ve been able to stay calm with stop being so rigid about all my dang rules that made so much sense to me. But we’re causing everybody so much grief and misery.
Wendy:
Yeah. But for yourself. Yeah, limiting the caffeine and then
Amy:
Limiting the caffeine, taking out wheat for the most part and a lot, you know, just a lot more water.
Wendy:
And so for you, is wheat different than gluten?
Amy:
That’s an interesting question that we are still discovering. There’s a fine line between like what, what’s coming in and affecting this or that. But no, we haven’t quite nailed down and I know that we could do probably a test and, and, and like an allergy test and see if there’s sensitivities to one or the other. But
Wendy:
Yeah,
Amy:
For us, the, the big was just taking it out in general.
Wendy:
That’s cool. And then lastly, talk to us a little bit about your, you, you guys, you taught your boys young, how to like do tapping, right? I I’ve been wanting so much to get into this, but I never have yet. And maybe when you’re visiting you can, we can like do it together all and you can just be like, Wendy, we’re gonna do it right now. But talk to us because tapping, I am sure has helped you cultivate calm.
Amy:
Yeah, I, I I think in, from a kinesthetic standpoint, it was something that worked really well for me. I, I really adore meditation and I know you do TM and like there’s something just very settling when we just get very still and mindful and, and you know, focused that way. But tapping is something that I learned years ago. There’s actually the, the author of the one I of the book I had read is something I’d love to have as a guest for the show to just kind of go through it, it, but it’s like working out these different p pulse points through your body as you’re processing the, the situation going through.
And it’s just can be very, it’s kind of like closing the stress cycle, like from that Burnout book, there’s just moving, moving these energies and these thoughts and, and whatever is going on like through your body so that it can be released and it’s just, it can be very calming. I don’t know. I’d love to do it together. But I taught the boys breathing and meditation and tapping from pretty young on as a way to just give them tools to access whenever they felt like they needed. I mean, it was, it was like I was needing more to access my calm, but I was teaching them tools thinking, well I’m gonna teach them how to be calm. But honestly it was something I was needing to work on myself more or wanting to work on more myself.
Wendy:
Yes. That’s how we get the best results when we do it together with them or when we allow them to like invite our own journey of healing and growth and all the things. Oh, so good. Yeah. Awesome. Okay, well gosh, that’s, that’s so much good stuff about cultivating calm, but I thought we, we could finish off by just telling a story or two of how we like have grown and you told a few stories in the past month or so, but one of my favorites was when you were making a birthday cake for your son. You can tell that story. And then there was another one in the grocery store that was really, really awesome.
And then I have a, a story about Stella and taking her to volleyball practice the other day. But share, tell us about the birthday cake and how it, you felt amazing like a boss as a calm detached.
Amy:
Yes, yes. Well, I, I realized there was a time where I feel like my kids didn’t think that I made mistakes and it’s like I just wasn’t pointing out when I was making mistakes and they were sometimes very critical of themselves or, you know, judging themselves for things. And I think by being vulnerable and showing them, Hey look, I am, I’m human too, you know, I just spilled something when I was cooking or I made mistakes while I was playing that piano piece or whatever. Then they, they, I’m humanized and I’m able to be relatable and anyway, so I’ve made a, I’ve made a practice now of pointing out when I make mistakes to them just so that they normalize mistakes.
So I was baking a cake for my son recently, my youngest, and took it outta the oven and got one of it, it was doing a double layer cake. So I took one out, put it on the stove, took the other one out and burned my finger and dropped it, you know, just out of that reaction went on the floor and upside down of course. And so I’m looking at this thing and I’m just like, well I guess we’re gonna just, you know, deal with that. And I scooped it up with a, you know, with a spatula or whatever got it back in the pan and, and put it out and the kids are like, what are we gonna do? I’m like, we’re gonna dust it off and use it because you know what, it’s okay.
It’s okay. We’re just gonna, we’re just gonna make it work because you know, just one of those things that happens in life sometimes. So
Wendy:
I love the germa, the germophobe are coming out of their skin. You’re like, eww.
Amy:
It was a freshly mopped floor. I will say that probably that had a little influence on my ability to just go with it. But yeah, just rolling and then rolling with things being light.
Wendy:
And then you decorated that thing, you showed us a, oh my gosh, picture our team got to like, celebrate with you. Just how like there was such calmness and detachment from perfectionism. The boys got to see that it was not a big deal. It’s not a four alarm fire the day went on, but like I’m sure you still felt the trigger happen when you dropped it. Right? And so the way you handled it became a choice, not a knee-jerk reaction. Right,
Amy:
Right. And I’ve been able to see that in my oldest See him stop and choose in a moment. You’re like, you get at this crossroads and it’s like, am I gonna freak out? Am I gonna take a breath and just go with it? And I’ve been seeing so much more where he gets to that point and he’s able to just continue down the calm path because that’s what I’ve been choosing to model for him.
Wendy:
Oh, so good. Okay, tell us one more story, Amy, about, there was a, there you shared it in the, our Fresh Startort Experience private group and it was so beautiful. But you were in the grocery store and the boys were bickering, right?
Amy:
Yeah, so it was after school and of course everybody’s tired and not at their best right after a long day. Nobody is. And so they agreed to go pick up a few things at the store for, with me for dinner. And I mean, maybe five minutes into it they’re, they’re just kind of picking at each other and it starts getting a little bit loud and I just, I just stayed calm. I just didn’t join and I just did my, you know, my calm breathing and I just listening so that I don’t assume who’s wrong or who’s right. There’s no right or wrong. They, everybody has a perspective of why they’re right. I said, is there any way that we can talk about this respectfully and work this out or do you need to take a calming break cuz you can always choose that.
And so I can’t even remember now, I think it was Zane walk, walked off to go breathe. Like he went down a different aisle to go breathe and you know, Kaden kind of turned and was still with me, but just a bit off and from behind me, I hear this woman’s voice,
Wendy:
Oh my God.
Amy:
Testing you. They’re testing you. Oh. And I just, I didn’t even turn around and I, you know, probably a few years ago I would’ve just melted into the floor with shame and embarrassment over, like, look at my kids acting up in public embarrassing me in front of strangers. Like, and it just, it’s not who I am anymore. I could but,
Wendy:
But stay in there for a second. Like, yes. I don’t know if you had these tendencies, but when you had the shame and stuff and the, oh, someone’s judging me. Then you snap at the kids. Sure. You’re like, ge, stop. Like, it’s just all Yeah.
Amy:
You have to show the adult that you know how to get them in line. Yeah.
Wendy:
Yeah. We just, we had a student remember just other day, right. She literally, this happened to her and she’s fresh in the work, right. She’s just heard her journey. She’s not where you are. So the story didn’t end like it did for you, which you’ll tell us the end of the story here in a second. But, and she ended up spanking her kid. Right, right. Like, and thank God she came to the group. And our group is such a shame-free place where it’s come as you are, we’re gonna love on you, support you so you can make a different decision tomorrow. But it’s wild how the, the anti calm trigger flares up so fast when someone is like, you think they are judging you, or they say comments like that, total strangers. Yes. But it often will not only cause us to feel the shame and guilt and like, oh God, what’s wrong with us?
What’s wrong with our kids? But then it actually, we choose to snap at our kids or do this heavy handed approach all because of that trigger. I just think it’s so fascinating. Okay.
Amy:
So no, it totally is.
Wendy:
Keep going with it. So, so yeah, in the past you would’ve,
Amy:
You know, I, in the past I would’ve probably shamed them or tried to put them in line in front of her to let her know, okay, I’ve got this, I do, you know, I’m not gonna let them get away with this. Right. I’m not gonna let them get away with this. I just, I didn’t need, I didn’t feel the need to justify, explain, I didn’t feel the need to even comment to her. It, it was taking just everything I had to just stay in my calm channel to like, just go to that place of intention and what does this moment need? And I’m gonna fuel the fire and probably make a giant thing, you know, happen. We’ll have this, this giant fight if I, if I get involved. So I just stayed calm and didn’t even turn around and look at her, honestly.
I just pushed my cart and walked away quietly and Kaden walking with me and we went and found Zane and we just, you know, we finished our couple of little things and they helped me check out. And before we had our foot out the door to leave the store, I think Kaden went first and he’s like, you know, Zane, the way I spoke to you wasn’t okay. I’m, I’m feeling overstimulated and I’m hungry and I just wanna go home. And, you know, Zane just auto automatically too because he’s in this work is, you know, I’m sorry too, what can I do next time? You know, so that what I said wasn’t what could, you know, causing this? And they just, they were like, you know, skip into the car by the end of, you know, all of 10 minutes that it took for this to happen.
And it’s just such a beautiful thing when we can hand that legacy to our kids, a calm legacy where they will be that kind of parent to their kids, to my grandkids. Like they’re gonna know how to handle stuff even in public, even when you’re afraid of how it’s gonna come across to strangers. You know, we just don’t have to live that way.
Wendy:
Amy, that story is so beautiful. Oh, thank you so much for sharing those.
Amy:
Oh, of course.
Wendy:
Well, and my story is just happened two days ago. Yeah. It might have been yesterday where I was with my 15 year old and Stella and we’ve just been on this beautiful journey with her about just in like teaching her how to like stand on her own two feet, right. In high school, make her own decisions even when there’s peer pressure to do, you know, certain things, like be her own person. So we had been having a conversation about that and she confided in me and told me something that I had asked her about point blank. Like, Hey, how’s it going this week? What’s going on? And she just was super honest and shared with me something that I was in the past would’ve been like, what?
Amy:
Right?
Wendy:
We’ve talked about this, what? Like, I don’t get it. Like, you know, it would’ve been much worse than that. Of course it would’ve showed up different when she was little than she was when she was a teenager. But I just, I just wouldn’t have been calm. I would’ve been like, I would’ve been panicking in my head. I would’ve been like, oh my gosh, what does this mean? Doomsday, blah, blah blah. And also just like, you’re not listening. Like, I’ve taught you better. Like, what were you thinking? Like this makes no sense and I could just feel this like, calm over me. And, but I did feel the trigger first, I did feel the, like when I asked her and she said, when she answered and it wasn’t the answer I wanted, I was like, I could feel it.
It was like,
Amy:
Okay.
Wendy:
And in that moment I was like, okay, we get to choose here. There’s no four alarm fire. We’ve got a full 20 minute ride. And it ended up being the most beautiful conversation. Yeah. And it was like, I ended up listening to understand instead of fix or respond. And I just learned so much more about what she goes through on a normal day when she walks into the high school doors and goes to the bathroom in between classes. Like what is that like, like what’s going on for her in her mind as she is learning to be confident in her body and be this young woman who is very different but also has such a strong desire to belong.
Right. I mean, don’t all teenagers, right? Like, and just hear what she’s working on with her own therapist that she confides in me and just, it was just so beautiful and it was just so calm. Yeah. It was so calm and I felt like I was able to teach and mentor in those 20 minutes, but not too much. Right? Like, cuz with teenager, this
Amy:
Is a fine line. Oh, it’s, you have
Wendy:
Little kids like, so
Amy:
You’re like, what is
Wendy:
You really like, it becomes an art, especially if you’re the life coach mom or name, you know, positive parenting mother. It’s an art and you have to, to learn how to not mentor too much, but I was able to mentor and just give these little wi pockets of wisdom and then also trust
Amy:
Yeah.
Wendy:
That she is fully capable. She’s gonna figure this out. Yeah. It’s not gonna be some doomsday like, oh my gosh, this means it’s the end of the world and she is gonna become this person that it’s like she is so strong and capable and she just needs her mom and dad to continue to hold space for her. She needs support people around her, which she now has and she just needs people to trust her that she’s got this. It’s not, and it’s not a, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. It’s like, it’s not that big of a deal. So that felt really, really good. Yeah. And as I dropped her off, I was just like, oh my gosh, I’m doing it. I’m doing it. It’s taken me 12, 13 years to get here. But,
Amy:
And the reason that she is confiding in you and feels safe to do so is because you’re not a rageaholic, you know, screaming and flying off the handle. You’ve, you’ve been able to come from a calm place with her consistently so that she knows that it’s safe to share with you. And the reason that you’ve gotten probably to that point is from investing in, you know, your life coaching and in self-care and just all the things. So it’s, it’s step by step and we’re not gonna have it all in one day. It takes, it takes months and years of consistency and showing up with that intention that this is what I want. I wanna close my mouth even mid scream and I wanna commit.
I’ve done that so many times when I was learning to stop just close, shut your mouth literally, like, you, you will, nothing gets your, at your kid’s attention. Like silence after you were in the middle screaming.
Wendy:
Yes. It’s so true.
Amy:
So just commit to it, walk away, breathe whatever you need to do in those moments that just redirects and retrains your brain to a different, you know, a different way. But
Wendy:
Yeah. And get into the Experience. Right?
Amy:
Get into the Experience.
Wendy:
Yes. When you find joy in the journey, like you, the, the mistakes or the hardships or the tough days or the moments, right, or the mis mistake, like all the things, like, it just becomes part of the journey that you can even find joy in learning from those things, right? Yeah. So like, but the consistency you’re talking about, like, when you get yourself into a consistent practice and you show up and you commit to building these muscles and cultivating calm in your life, like you will need support. And the Fresh Start Experience is just such a great place to provide that level of support with amazing parenting educators. Yeah. I mean, our team, you and Courtney are just incredible. I mean, we have everything under the sun that you could ever want to stay in that committed, consistent cycle of learning and healing and connection, practicing and staying connected.
Like it’s just a practice. But you gotta, you gotta keep at it. So remember, families Calm does not always equal happy 24/7. Calm just means that we’re in control of ourselves no matter what the external influences are doing. And we want, we want to let our calm energy be contagious to help others stay calm. I loved what you said, Amy, that you know, you just, you you, your internal dialogue you said at one point was, I just wanna stay in my calm channel. Like, and I’ve never heard you say that before. I love that. But it does. It starts to feel so good you guys in our homes, when we practice calm, when our families are at ease, we work together better and we just enjoy this press precious time on earth that we have together more easier when we’re all cultivating calm.
Okay? So calm influences so much more powerful and has way more longevity than yelling and freaking out and externally controlling with hand-me- down tearing tactics. So as always, you guys, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. Head on over. If you’re interested in hearing more about the Fresh Start Experience, freshstartfamilyonline.com/experience. You can learn all about what the program looks like and what it entails. But Amy, love you. Thank you for being here today. This has been a great chat.
Amy:
That was so fun, Wendy. Thank you.
Wendy:
All right, families, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I loved recording it for you. Now that our conversation has wrapped, I want you to head on over to freshstartfamilyonline.com/cooperation to sign up and save your seat for our April 22nd live workshop all about fast tracking cooperation in your home. Tickets are only $19 and everyone who registers will get copies of the replay. So if you can’t attend the whole time, that’s okay. You will have this event yours to keep for life. So head on over to freshstartfamilyonline.com/cooperation to learn more.
And I cannot wait to see you at this live event on April 22nd, where remember at the end I’m going to do be doing an extensive Q&A as well as providing live coaching during the event. So this is gonna be a very special workshop and I can’t wait to see you there.
For links and more info about everything we talked about in today’s episode, head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/168.
Stella:
For more information, go to Fresh start family online.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
