In this episode, Wendy & Terry discuss how you can move forward when you are feeling alone in your parenting journey. Whether it’s because your spouse isn’t on board (yet), you are a single parent, have extended family who thinks you’re nuts, or are just feeling resistance to new parenting techniques or self-growth – they want to support you!
What if you could be an effective, firm & kind parent WITHOUT relying on fear, force, bribery & rewards?
Imagine learning a new way of firm (AND kind) parenting so you can end painful generational parenting cycles and create family legacies & memories YOU are proud of?
All while getting your kids to cooperate with your rules and boundaries with ease.
IMAGINE …
Parenting your kids with calm & confidence each day in a way that causes them to do what’s asked of them because they WANT to (not because they HAVE to) … because you’re helping to build essential life skills that have them behaving well & being respectful when you’re NOT looking!
Episode Highlights:
- How we can spread the message of positive parenting to people in our lives who may be skeptical
- How to be creative and find supportive people in our lives instead of focusing on feeling alone on our journey
- What it means to have an “emotional/relational” accountability buddy
- The importance of finding a supportive community of people who are aligned with how our heart is guiding us to live a life of deep connection with others
- How to get on the same page with a skeptic by making a list of common long-term goals
- How to tackle some common fears that someone who is unsure about positive parenting may face, and what long term goals this lifestyle shift supports
- The benefit of being honest and simply asking for the support we want & desire
- How to have patience with our loved ones who aren’t on board … YET, while remaining faithful to this lifestyle
Resources Mentioned:
- Redirecting Children’s Behavior book by Kathryn Kohls
- Jesus, the Gentle Parent book: Gentle Christian Parenting by L.R. Knost
- The Joy of Parenting Course with Susie Walton
- Key to Personal Freedom book: How Myths Affect Our Family Life by Susie Walton
Not able to listen or want to read along with us?
Here is the episode transcript!
This episode of the Fresh Start. Family Show is brought to you by our Firm and Kind parenting Blueprint, where you can learn all about our signature four step process to setting strong limits and following through with firmness and kindness in your parenting walk. You can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind to learn more.
Wendy:
Families. are you ready for an OG Fresh Start Family Show episode? Do, you know what that means? It means it’s an original great episode because we’ve gotten such great feedback about it and we believe it has such rich educational content that it makes it timeless.
So I’m really excited for you guys to listen, but always remember that what we discuss and teach about on the Fresh Start Family Show, we do a deep dive inside of our Fresh Start Experience full support program. That is where we have our complete Foundations Course as well as our complete Bonfire support program, which is kind of like a Netflix for positive parenting, but then add an insane level of support, weekly coaching and access to a staff of positive parenting coaches certified in the Fresh Start Family approach. Just, just waiting to answer questions that you have about real life application of the strategies that you learn inside of the Fresh Start Experience.
So you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/experience to learn more about our full support program. But it’s a great place if you wanna take a deeper dive into any of the subjects we teach about in any of our Fresh Start Family Show episodes, but especially our OG episodes that are very educational and just strategy based where we’re just doing a ton of teaching. So without further ado, you guys enjoy this episode and make sure you go check out the Fresh Start Experience at freshstartfamilyonline.com/experience.
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll, and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together, we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.
Wendy:
Hey there, families. Today we are talking about what if you don’t have a supportive spouse. We’re gonna go over five tips that we think you should keep in mind and things that might help you if you are just feeling really alone in your parenting journey right now, or your life journey.
Terry:
And this is so important because there, you know, there’s a lot of ways to get information these days through podcasts, you know, books, tv, internet, everywhere. So it’s like, you know, bringing home some way of altering your lifestyle and then having somebody else be skeptical, skeptical of it, I think is very common. So this is just, you know, some, some real talk around how can we help spread the, the, the voice of positive parenting to people that maybe are a little skeptical.
Wendy:
Absolutely. Yeah, that’s a great way to put it. Alright, so number one, if you don’t have a spouse that’s, that’s supportive, or maybe you are a single parent or whatever it may be, I want you to really think of who is supportive in your life. There’s got to be one or two or three people that you could call and just say, you know, I feel alone, or, you know, I just need someone to listen or gimme some ideas here. Or, you know, share excitement about finding a new program or something that has really helped you. So just think of somebody that know that could be your friend or your neighbor or a colleague or someone that you’ve met through your local moms group or at preschool.
But sometimes when you don’t have that supportive person in your life that is co-parenting with you, it takes a little bit of just really getting creative in your brain because there are people out there that wanna support us that we’re just not calling on because maybe we don’t need ’em at this point in our life, but really there are always people who are willing and wanting to support you.
Terry:
Now, these people don’t have to be like in the nitty gritty of every single like parenting tip you’re learning, and they don’t necessarily have to be like, you know, signed up for everything. But I think if they can just at least be bought into your goal to have a more positive day-to-day experience, stronger relationships with your kids, and a long-term goal of just that kind of harmony in your life, I think there’s, everybody should be able to find someone in their life that can just agree to those kind of top line things and that you’re pouring into something new to accomplish those long-term goals.
Wendy:
Yeah, and a lot of times that’s, you know, we o we oftentimes we’ll think of people that already have kids, right? To be there for us to be a sounding board, to be a support system, when a lot of times I would almost encourage you to think of the people in your life that maybe don’t have kids right now, or that are a little bit younger and have a fresh perspective when you come to the table and say, Hey, I’ve started listening to this podcast, or I started reading some new positive parenting books and I’m trying to figure this out, but it’s, it’s hard. And what do you think about this? Like, I don’t know what to do when I try to talk to my toddler instead of yelling at ’em. And sometimes it seems like it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Like sometimes the people who don’t have kids right now in their life or, you know, before they’ve had kids, maybe siblings that are still in college or babysitters or even like, you know, grandparents who are not your parents, but are in a later stage of life who aren’t in the thick of it right now.
Those type of people can be wonderful sounding boards, but not necessarily, you know, ones to tell you that you’re doing something wrong or give you advice that’s not in line with the root that you’re trying to take with your kids, if that makes sense.
Terry:
Yeah. And I mean some of the, the things that we’ve done through different coursework and, and through Wendy’s Foundation’s course is having an accountability buddy. And that can sometimes not even be your best friend. I mean, that can be somebody that you’re just like, Hey, let’s, let’s do this thing together. Let’s, let’s be that sounding board for one another so that we can go through this together. you know, people,
Wendy:
That’s a great idea. Yeah.
Terry:
People have success with that through exercise. This is kind of more like emotional exercise or relationship exercise to where, you know, finding that accountability buddy or you know, a community like through the Bonfire community that Wendy has. you know, there are people that are, can start off as perfect strangers or somebody that you don’t even have in your, your, your life, your physical life, but through, you know, through communities and there’s so many people that are ready and willing to support you if the person sitting right next to you right in that moment isn’t quite there yet.
Wendy:
Yes, exactly. So yeah, that’s our point number two is really find, actively seek out a group who is in line with what your heart is guiding you to do with your kids or guiding you to do in your own life if it comes to personal development or growing in any certain way. So, as Terry mentioned, yes, sometimes that means having the courage to reach out to a friend who, you know, is also in kind of the trenches of parenting or life right now and saying, Hey, I heard about this new program, or, you know, this new company, Fresh Start Family, or a book that I found at Barnes and Noble, would you be willing to do it alongside of me? Or at least subscribe to the email list or start reading through this, you know, this certain workbook or whatever that you can get on Amazon.
But sometimes just reaching out and asking someone to do it with you is a great way to find support. And then of course, that point number two is just reach out and find a community. There are so many communities now that are both paid and unpaid that you can get yourself into. There’s so many Facebook groups on Facebook that you can find. There are local groups in most communities nowadays that you can find positive parenting support groups. And of course we have the Bonfire membership program that is just such an incredible community of families from all over the world that are real about true challenges going on in their homes and just really dedicated to learning and growing alongside their kids.
So start doing some Google searches, find more, you know, learn more about the Bonfire community, but really do the work to see what your options are out there instead of just kind of sitting back and thinking, oh, I’m so alone because you really aren’t, I promise you, I know it feels like it, but you aren’t alone. I know Terry, And I will tell you up and down how, you know, seen and admired each and every one of you who are just even taking the time to listen to this podcast are you’re, you’re doing incredible and you deserve to be supported.
Terry:
Yeah. I, our our positive parenting journey started off, you know, in separate classrooms, you know, Wendy started in a classroom and then I eventually to get on board, took my mom to a class, you know, and so it’s, and my mom, you know, was a bit of an accountability buddy to me, and I’m sure I was to her and, you know, at first it, you know, that might be a little bit of a leap of faith for, for you guys, but I, I can say being on the other side of it and now, you know, many years into it, it’s incredible to, you know, see that the people that were, you know, willing and ready right then, you know, wonderful.
But then it sometimes takes a little bit longer for some people just to kind of, you know, soften and get on board, but don’t let it stop you. you know, I think you’re, you know, you know, if you, you know, your heart is in a position to, to, to take on, you know, a a lifestyle, you know, filled with connection and relationship with your kids and your family and there’s, you know, somebody that’s just not quite on board with some of the, you know, the, the minutiae of it yet, give them time. Like Wendy said, join the Bonfire community. Join something, find somebody that’s, that’s ready to do it with you so you feel supported.
Wendy:
Yeah. And you had a great idea, Terry about if you are trying to get your Spouse or somebody on board with you, is really kind of pointing out what you guys have in common as far as your long-term goals. And, I, love that idea you had, because a lot of times when people aren’t supportive of this work, they’re just scared. They’re just fearful of like, you know, And, I. I can relate because I remember back in the day, especially in the early years when I was learning this work and applying the work, and then when I started to become a teacher of it, I had moments where I, the fear would creep up. And I would think to myself, oh my gosh, what if this is all crazy? Like, what if you cannot raise kind kids by being kind to them?
What if you really do have to scream at ’em and hurt them? Like, but as a teacher and someone who was so entrenched in this work, I would still have moments where I thought like, oh my gosh, I, what if I’m crazy? Like, what if this doesn’t work? And I raise children who are like monsters and to like fail outta school and steal from people and think that the world revolves around them?
Families, I have a question for you. Would you love to be able to set really strong boundaries and rules with your children and then follow through with consistency and firm kindness? If yes, listen up. I have a program called The Firm and Kind Parenting Blueprint that I would love for you to go check out.
You can learn more over at freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind inside of this quick easy to finish program. I’ll teach you four steps to really setting those strong roles, but then following through in a way where you’re using connection and firm kindness. And what I’ll teach you will actually cause your children to want to cooperate with you because they truly respect you and value the rule and the boundary and understand how it serves them, not just something that they have to do or else. And it’s just an incredible feeling when you go to bed at night knowing that you followed through on the rules and the strong boundaries in your home without relying on hand me down parenting tactics like fear, force threats, yelling, harsh punishments that really create usually fear in your household, right?
We want our children to listen to us because they respect us and because they understand why being part of the team cooperating, well, respecting rules, all those things, why that feels good as a human being. We wanna do those things in ways that cause our children to want to respect us, not just because they’re scared of us or a consequence. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna teach you inside this program. So again, head on over to freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind to learn more, but in under an hour, this program will teach you some really effective strategies on how to create agreements with your kids instead of compliance statements, which is where a lot of parents go wrong and why their children don’t end up respecting the rules or the agreements that they’ve made.
And then I’m gonna teach you how to use empathy. I’ll teach you how to engage your kids’ critical thinking skills when you tell ’em to do something and they say no. And then I’m also gonna encourage you to understand how to empower your children. When children feel empowered, especially strong-willed kids, they will cooperate a whole heck of a lot easier. Okay. So I want you to go learn about this program and let me know if you have any questions. Freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind.
Yeah. Did you ever have those fears?
Terry:
Oh, for sure. And I. Think, just to give you guys perspective too, it’s like we tried several things before we landed on, you know, this is a lifestyle for us, so it’s not like, you know, we aren’t these like Kumbaya parents that just like started off day one with like, oh, this is how it’s done and oh, we’re so calm and peaceful about connection with our kids. Not at all. It was not like that at all. We tried many different things in the spectrum of books.
Wendy:
Remember the magic 1, 2, 3 book, oh, the result, and this will be magic. Just threaten ’em three, two,
Terry:
What, like a bomb. And we’re not here to talk down on other people’s things.
Wendy:
No, of course.
Terry:
But I do want to acknowledge though, we tried a lot of those things and it’s, it most of the, the, the common themes was, is it wasn’t forming more connection with, with your kids. And it, and it, it just, so many of ’em too were just to get what you wanted right there in the moment. And it wasn’t looking at what this point number three is, is these long-term goals. If there’s somebody that’s not quite on board or not on board at all, I think going back to what I started to mention earlier is like, you know, list out some of these things that you have as a goal for, for you as a mom or dad and for the relationships in your family.
And, I think if you can just state some of those broad goals and say this step that I’m taking into, whether it’s taking learning more, learning more, you know, taking a course, joining a Facebook, you know, community, investing in family. I think if you just connect it to those long-term goals of wanting either more peace in the home or wanting more long-term connection with your family, things like that. I think people all of a sudden their guard starts to go down instead of saying like, okay, this week instead of doing this, we’re getting rid of the sticker chart and we’re placing it with this and all this stuff.
Terry:
And you know, some people just aren’t ready for that.
Wendy:
We have to stop spanking today. Yeah. Because it’s gonna ruin our kids.
Terry:
And yeah, I mean there’s some serious fears that people have and, and you know, I mean also I think, you know, you know, you know, faith and religion does come into it too, where people are like, oh no, you know, let’s, let’s, let’s check the Bible on that, or let’s check with, let’s check with granddad on this one. And you know,
Wendy:
Which is why we built the Jesus Guided Parenting course. So fa families who are wanting to make sure it’s in line with their faith can really have a valuable easy to digest resource that shows them like, yes, this is so in line without Jesus taught this is, this is, this is in line. Yes, you can count on this type of curriculum to fill your heart with, you know, faith-based resources to teach your kids.
Terry:
Yeah. And if you have, you know, any of those fears in you or your spouse, those were fears that we had going into this too. And those are also fears as, you know, Wendy as a teacher had when she wanted to then share the good news with our church community. And boy man, people have been blessed and people have been, you know, I I I’ve seen so many people through the courses that you’ve led in, in our church, really just kind of dissolve these, these feelings that the only way is through fear and force and that there are so many things that you can do that are in line with the heart of Jesus and that can stay in touch with these long-term goals of just having a strong relationship in your family.
Wendy:
Yeah. Let’s lay out some of those. Yeah. So like, let’s give everyone some examples of what we’re talking about with within our own family unit, right? So like, we’ll, I’ll just go and then you go one and we’ll see how many we can come up with. But, so one of mine is to raise children who have strong internal or intrinsic control. So. I wanna raise kids who do things not because they’re being made to do them, but because they are driven by their moral compass, their heart, and that they do things because they know it feels good that it’s the right thing to do, that it’s just a way to be a good human being because they’re internally just kind of just practiced in doing that instead of doing things just because I said so.
Terry:
Yeah, I mean, I, I would love to have children that at this stage in life as young adults and then into adulthood would have ways to have peaceful conflict resolution so that when they’re, when they’re pressed hard on something or they’re in, in a heated moment, that they can, they can feel like they have power in that moment without having to overpower somebody else physically or, you know,
Wendy:
Verbally.
Terry:
Or verbally. I mean, but I should put a disclaimer in there. It’s like your words can be very strong while still not being threatening or overpowering or overly violent. Yeah. So, yeah,
Wendy:
I love that one. I would love to raise both my kids, but especially a daughter who takes her desire to feel powerful and feels proud about that, and not shameful that she’s bossy or feels like it’s, that she’s, something’s wrong with her, that she wants to be in charge all the time. I would like to raise a, a young woman who embraces that And really sets out into the world to, to change the world in her own unique way by embracing that strong desire, she has to feel powerful.
Terry:
Yeah. And in a similar but different spirit. I’d like to raise a son that feels that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that there’s strength in vulnerability. And that having feelings that might feel like you want to keep beneath the surface, that it’s okay to talk through them and not have those come out in a, in a totally different way. So that, you know, it’s, it’s not shameful to, to, to feel.
Wendy:
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I wanna raise kids who are well practiced in listening to others without interrupting them and without feeling like they have to be heard. Like, I want, I wanna raise kids who really understand the power of listening to other people be, you know, without making judgments or trying to make them see it their way, but just the power of listening.
Terry:
Yeah. That’s awesome. I would like to raise kids that, that know that they don’t have to use their, their hands to, to get what they want. That, that there’s again, so much power in, in patience and in tactfully, you know, asking for what they want.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Terry:
Versus forcing somebody you know, to, to get what they want.
Wendy:
Love it. I wanna raise kids who have a relationship with God and just really trust in the power of Jesus in their lives.
Terry:
Oh, that’s awesome. I I want to raise kids that know it’s okay not to know it all, and that while mom and dad know a lot, it’s okay for us not to know it all too. And that we can constantly be in a state of learning together and still respect one another even though neither one of us knows it all.
Wendy:
I love that. I wanna raise kids who are well practice by the time they become adults in responding to really challenging situations instead of reacting like a volcano.
Terry:
Oh, that’s a super good one. I I want to raise kids that see that we’ve, we’ve had a healthy level of transparency with them through our journey that they feel like they can come to us, tell us things, be honest with us so that, you know, we can, we can support them in those tough years where normally they’d feel like they were either on their own or they only had their their friends to, to lean on.
Wendy:
Love it. I wanna raise kids who are honest and tell us the truth and take responsibility for their own actions. Hmm. That’s a good list. That’s good. We could keep going forever. Yeah. But I mean, that’s just an idea, you guys of, of things that, and you can make your own list of like, what I think it’s, it’s really helpful, like Terry said, to look long-term wise as far as like, how do you see your kids as adults one day? And a lot of those goals are going to be totally the same as your spouse. And then of course you guys gotta figure out how to get there and you know how to get through the next 18 years together with your kids. But it’s, it’s, it’s a way of uniting you guys and seeing that you really are on the same page.
‘Cause you have a lot of the same goals to raise great Humans who turn respectful, kind, incredible adults. So write those down. Alright, so number four, ask for what you want. I love this one because there’s so many times where, I don’t know, I think especially as girls, we kind of do this like mind trick where we’re like, you should know what I want. And I shouldn’t have to tell you But, it’s, it’s kind of bs, right? I mean, you’ve got to learn to ask for what you want. And I always say if it’s your birthday or Christmas, it’s like an extra wonderful time to ask for what you want because you can ask for a course like the Foundations course or a membership into the Bonfire community, or even a book, the Redirecting Children’s Behavior book or Jesus guided, or Jesus the Gentle Parent, or, you know, the Joy of Parenting book called How Myths Effect Our Family Lives.
You could ask for those for a present for Christmas or your birthday. But really just saying to your spouse, Hey, I really would like to ask you to support me on this. I’m going to be going through this course, or I’m reading this book, And I would like to ask that you give us, you know, two months to, to, or three months or really a year to implement some of this work. So we can see, we can plant some seeds and see what kind of fruit and flowers blossom from our seeds. But I really need your support. And I would like to ask you if you could support me on this. I don’t expect you to, you know, be on board with everything and do everything that I do. I would just like to ask you for your support. Would you be willing to support me as I learn more And, I start as I start to experiment with these tools in this curriculum that is truly based in kindness and respect and compassion and firmness.
You know, remember so many people get the work of positive parenting, a little mixed up and think that it’s all soft and permissive when really we teach families how to be firm and kind. It’s really finding that middle road. And so it’s important that you ask your spouse for their support in advance. Can I, can I count on you to just support me? I understand that you’re, you’re not gonna be on board with everything, but can I count on you just to support me as a human being? We’re all adults, right? We have free will. We should be allowed to educate ourselves in whatever way we see fit, especially as we’re Raising young human souls, So, I think it’s something no one can knock you for. And asking for support from your Spouse is, is just a big deal.
Terry:
Yeah. I mean, that’s a big reason why I’m sitting in this chair right now is, you know, the positive parenting journey. you know, I don’t, I don’t know that I, I would’ve done all that I’ve done if Wendy hadn’t have asked for what she wanted. And then especially in, in some of the, the personal growth arena too. I remember Wendy asking me, Hey, I need a weekend to go take this weekend course. Would you do that for me? Would you watch the kids for that weekend? I’ve really been told by, you know, a mentor that this is something I really need to do.
And, you know, and it costs some money too. And, you know, her conviction, conviction in that and you know, her sharing what you know, her intended goal was. I mean, it was an easy decision for me, even though I didn’t completely understand it at the time. And then in turn, she said, okay. I mean, it went incredibly well, and we will talk about that in another episode. But yeah, asking for what she wanted, and then she said, and then you’re gonna get a chance to, I’ll give you a chance to go do another course through the same group a few months from now.
Wendy:
It’s called Your Infinite Life. And we’ll talk so much about it in this podcast,
Terry:
And I at the time, I was like, well, I don’t know what I need to do. I don’t know, I’m like, what’s, what’s, what’s on my plate that I need to do? But I was like, okay. And seeing her journey through that by just her asking for what she wanted, she did it. She came home a, you know, a changed and involved, you know, wife, mom, friend, everything. And then by me just trusting and then going into that weekend course a couple months later, I mean, it’s just Domino’s going down into just such a beautiful direction for both of us. And it all started by asking for what she wanted.
Well, hey there, families, this episode is brought to you by the Freshstartfamilyonline.com/free online masterclass: what to do when your Kids Say No. Five Positive Parenting tips to help gain cooperation and dissolve Power Struggles with Integrity Families. This is one of my favorite topics to teach on. We’re going to cover how to gently guide your kids towards action even when they don’t want to move or do what’s asked of them ways to see kids who push back a lot as incredible blessings and future leaders, I promise they really are. The importance of paradigm shifting with thoughts and beliefs about power seeking misbehavior, and how to implement a pause button or a heart connector to ignite creativity and model self-control.
You can head to www.freshstartfamilyonline.com/powerstrugglesclass. That’s freshstartfamilyonline.com/powerstrugglesclass to save your spot. I will see you at class.
Our last, our last one, number five is to have patience and just remember that you go first. So this is this idea that, you know, it’s forcing somebody to see it your way or do what you want just doesn’t work. you know, it’s, it’s just not a great way you’re usually gonna need to use fear or force or bribery or rewards with, which is what so many end up doing with their kids to get them to do what they want, right? But it’s just not what we believe in throughout this curriculum. So find a way for you to get the courage to just go first and then have patience.
Because by you going first and you bringing home the book from the library, or you ordering, you know, a workbook on Amazon or in with, you know, when you invest in the Foundations Course and diligently do it every week for a month while you’re sitting in bed next to your spouse. And when you courageously try new things with your kids, even though you feel like there’s judgmental eyes watching you, it matters. And that’s how people get the courage to do it themselves, even though they’re scared, but just expecting them to do it because you told them to is just, we find not a great way to do things. So I recently was just in a weekend course with a dear friend who, you know, had thought maybe her marriage was dissolving.
And she said, you know, I don’t know what to do. And I said, come to your Infinite Life Weekend course. We had a wonderful weekend together. But she, like many other people during the course, thought, gosh, here I am doing all this work, like, you know, working on myself doing personal development, like really caring about what I can do to help save this marriage. And he’s just over there doing nothing. Like he’s not willing to do anything, right? And so she had a great weekend, very transformative, just so beautiful watching her learn and just digest all the concepts and the beautiful love and light that we learned through those courses. And Monday she called me and she said, oh my gosh, this is crazy.
All of a sudden I came home and now he wants to go do all this. And he says that he wants to do more personal development and he wants to save our marriage. And what the heck, And? I’m like, yeah, that’s how it works. Yeah. Like, you go first and just not make them feel bad for you going first, but you just say, Hey, look, I’m an adult. This matters to me. My heart has been spoken to, and this is something that I’m passionate about pursuing, at least educating myself about, and then have patience, right? But it. It takes a lot of courage. And one more story is, I’ll never forget being in a little local cafe here in Encinitas once, and my kids were probably about the age of, I guess like two and five.
Two and five, right? Yeah. Three years apart. And this was, you know, during the years when I was still just having a rough time many days, but I was a few years into the work by that point. And there were so many days that I would lose my patients and yell at ’em in Target or, you know, revert back to threatening them or whatever. But on that day, I had found the patience and the courage to treat them with respect and be patient with them in this little cafe. And I, forget what had happened. I think Stella had probably asked for like the same cookie 15,000 times after I said no, or spilled her juice or whatever happened. But I remembered to apply the curriculum, I took a deep breath, I did a heart connector, I found a healthy intention, And I really spoke to them with respect.
And this young girl came up to me that was, looked like she didn’t have kids yet. And she said, can I just stop you for a moment and let you know how amazing it was to just see how you just spoke to your kids? She said, I don’t see that a lot out in the world, And I just wanted to let you know how moving it was to see how kind you were to them. And I was like, oh my gosh. And in that moment I thought, oh my, like, somebody sees how hard I’m working. And, but the truth is, like there were people that had been watching me for years, But it just, you know, just one girl had told me, and it meant the world to me.
But there are people who are watching you everywhere you go as you’re learning and applying this work and having the courage to do something different and break cycles that you feel like are important to you. And even if your mother-in-law’s not supportive, or your Spouse or your sister thinks you’re crazy, she’s watching, and you better believe that in a few years, she’s gonna come looking after she sees what kind of fruit and flowers blossom from the seeds that you are planting. So just stay diligent, stay the course and just have faith that people will come around if you just don’t re, you know, don’t force ’em, don’t make ’em feel bad, don’t judge ’em.
Just stay away from all that. And then they will naturally usually come behind you.
Listen up parents, I want to remind you that although this podcast is loaded with tons of encouragement, motivation, and inspiration when it comes to positive parenting and family life coaching, the real action is when you step into learning with me through our free quickstart learning bundle. Just pop in your email at freshstartfamilyonline.com/free, and you’ll get instant access to a downloadable learning guide about how to raise strong, build kids with integrity without losing your mind. And then also an invite to join me for my free Power Struggles online workshop, where I will teach you five positive parenting strategies to handle pushback with firm kindness and connection versus yelling, force and threats.
You can grab your free quick start learning bundle at freshstartfamilyonline.com/free. Okay, back to the show.
Terry:
Yeah, I think planting seeds is a great analogy. you know, there’s, there’s this thought, I think with, with so many of us, especially when we’re out in public, that was amazing that that happened to you out in public. That you know, the moment your kids are being inconvenient or they’re just being kids, really, you feel all these eyes watching you and it’s like, you gotta do something, you gotta do something right now. Yeah. And it’s gotta be drastic and you gotta show, you know, the public that you’re not, you know, Raising some kids that are just like rolling all over you. But in that moment, I, I think that’s so beautiful that you exercise the patience that you did, you treated them the way you did, and that there was somebody that was watching you and said something because I, you know, and it’s not all about getting recognition, but let’s be honest, you know, we feel, we feel it both ways.
You feel it when somebody judges you in one way. Well, it’s nice to see when somebody says, you know what? That wasn’t the easiest thing to do and that, but that was the right thing to do. And I think, you know, that’s, that’s what I’ve found mostly in life is the right thing to do. Usually it is using patience is, it does take a little bit more time. So, you know, I I just encourage everybody out there just to, yeah, just ask for, I think number four and number five there, asking for what you want is sometimes patience, especially from the spouse that might not be on board, is, is, can I ask you that we take a break for one month from A, B and C, whether it’s the, the typical form of, of discipline that maybe the spouse is, is used to that’s, you know, not gonna blend well with, with what you’re learning, you know, or the way that they, you know, speak to, you know, you or the children in a certain situation that just has become a pattern over time that you’re like, Hey, this just doesn’t feel right.
This isn’t in alignment with, with who we are, who I am, who I want us to be for that, that long-term goal. you know, ask, ask for, ask for your spouse to take a break for a certain amount of time so that you can exercise that patience. Because, you know, you might see that some things do happen immediately, but so many of these things take a little bit of time, not just for us as parents, but your kids sometimes, they need a little time to adjust too. I mean, I know when, when we first, you know, brought some of these, you know, these things home, especially with Stella, she was kind of like, what the heck is that?
Yeah. Like, wait, oh, we’re supposed to fight now. Like, we’re supposed to do this. And, and when you And I kind of approached it a different way. She was kind of, she was pissed at first. Yeah. So it took some patience over time that if there was a spouse that wasn’t on board judging and saying, look, see, it doesn’t work. She’s, she’s getting worse now.
Wendy:
Yeah.
Terry:
You gotta ask for that patience and you know, look your spouse in the eye and just say one month or whatever the time is, what, whatever you can give me, these are my long-term goals. This is what I’m trying to do. I believe in it and, and just please, please, let’s do this.
Wendy:
Yes. And you can count on always coming back to this podcast and of course the Foundations course and the Bonfire membership program where I really share so many stories of seeds that were planted that we had to water. you know, sometimes you only water ’em for a week, or sometimes seeds pop up like instantly in this work, and then other times you really do have to water them and have faith that they’re going to work. And that is something that you can always come back here to get filled up on, is we are always going to fill you up on the faith that those seeds are going to blossom.
I promise you, you can count on using things like love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in your life to create a beautiful garden. One of my favorite scriptures, Galatians 5:22, right? I mean, those things are things that we should have total confidence and faith in will create beautiful gardens in our life. And. I know, it can be so hard when you have people telling you that you’re crazy for thinking that, but we are here to tell you that you’re not okay. So have patience with them. Ask for them to have patience with you. You are so seen and admired, and just keep coming back here for support and we promise to keep giving it.
Thanks so much for listening. Alright, families, that’s a wrap. I hope you loved today’s episode as much as I loved recording it for you. If you are wanting to learn more about what we teach at Fresh Start Family, one of the best places to start is by heading over to freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind to check out our Firm and Kind Parenting Blueprint, which is our simplest, easy to finish program that’ll teach you all about our signature four step process to setting strong boundaries and following through with firmness and kindness. Again, that’s freshstartfamilyonline.com/firmandkind. But otherwise, thanks so much for listening. And I can’t wait to see you back next time for another episode.
For links and more info about everything we talked about in today’s episode, head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/190.
Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
