Tune in for this dual teaching episode by both Wendy AND her daughter Stella:
Wendy discusses the importance of speaking truth over our kids through encouragement vs. praise, as well as compassionate discipline vs. punishment.
Stella (Wendy’s daughter) delivers a special kids lesson (with her friend Aubrey) that will lead your whole family to be inspired to believe in themselves!
During the kids’ portion of this episode, Stella talks with her friend Aubrey about what a personal “I am” statement is, how to develop one, and when they come in handy. Make sure to tune in with your kiddos to listen to that part.
Your kids will learn four ways to use an “I am” statement when your kids are doubting themselves or feeling challenged (LOOK, READ, BREATHE, BELIEVE!) & you’ll be inspired to speak truth over your children through unconditional love, even when they’re misbehaving & after they’ve made mistakes!
What if you could be an effective, firm & kind parent WITHOUT relying on fear, force, bribery & rewards?
Imagine learning a new way of firm (AND kind) parenting so you can end painful generational parenting cycles and create family legacies & memories YOU are proud of?
All while getting your kids to cooperate with your rules and boundaries with ease.
IMAGINE …
Parenting your kids with calm & confidence each day in a way that causes them to do what’s asked of them because they WANT to (not because they HAVE to) … because you’re helping to build essential life skills that have them behaving well & being respectful when you’re NOT looking!
The Firm & Kind Parenting Blueprint is your step by step plan & video training to help you build the family of your dreams. Click HERE to learn more now!
Episode Highlights:
- Practice speaking truth over kids in their best AND worst moments
- Their inner voice can become an inner critic or an inner cheerleader
- Praise is judgment based & focused on the past while encouragement is rooted in acknowledgement & focused on the future.
- Compassionate discipline builds missing skills while, punishment uses external controls & misses the mark on building intrinsic motivation and positive change
- Practice daily I am statements as a great logical consequences to keep our kids grounded in who they are
- What “I am” statements are and how to come up with your own personal “I am” statement
- How an “I am” statement allows kids to become grounded by helping them identify both who they want to be and who they truly are, deep down inside.
- The benefits of having a personal “I am” statement and some great ideas on how to come up with your own attributes
- The importance of thinking before you act instead of acting before your think
Resources Mentioned:
Free Quick Start Compassionate Discipline Learning Bundle
Not able to listen or want to read along with us?
Here is the episode transcript!
Wendy:
This episode of the Fresh Start Family Show is brought to you by our Quick Start Learning Bundle, how to build a compassionate, firm and kind discipline toolkit that works with kids of all ages. Head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to grab your Quick Start Bundle so you can get going today on building up a strong Compassionate Discipline toolkit in your home.
Well hey there listeners, I’m so happy you are back for a new episode of the Fresh Start Family Show. I’m your host, Wendy Snyder positive parenting educator and family life coach. And today is a special episode that I’m kind of bringing back, so to speak from a bit ago that my daughter recorded.
So my daughter Stella, that if you happen to be a private member inside of my Fresh Start Experience, you know, Stella is just such a gift to our family, to the world and is such an integral part of our educational work that we do here at Fresh Start Family And also my story, she’s the reason why I became an educator and a family life coach and she just is an angel I think to so many families in the world because she really is the reason why so many of us like step into learning a different way is because of her stories. Because of our story. I found this work when she was about three years old. Her little brother had just been born And I, thought I was gonna lose my mind.
She had been blessed with a beautiful strong will from birth and I just was very confused on what to do with her once she became a toddler, and I decided to stay home full-time with her and my little boy because life was just not going well and her beautiful strong will was just causing our days to be a very difficult and everything that happened from that point forward, once I found the work of Positive Parenting and really started learning and growing and expanding my toolkit as they say the rest is history. And here we are 13 years later, Stella’s now almost 16 years old and she’s been teaching the kids in our program, in our private Fresh Start Experience support program.
She’s been teaching them since she was like eight years old. She’s been building lessons, she’s been filming videos and doing meditations and now to this day she still does a monthly lesson and resource pack for the kids of our program. And it’s just awesome to see what she’s done and also how she has soaked up this work like a little sponge, right? Like obviously me being an educator owning Fresh Start Family, doing what I do, we breathe, you know, eat, breathe and whatever that saying is like we, we live this work out on a day-to-day basis for sure. And it’s just been such an honor to like watch her now as she’s this young adult.
She really just embodies this work in the world, in her friendship groups, in her sports environments, like in her school, all these types of places she just really embodies and represents like everything that we teach her so well. Now that doesn’t mean that she’s not a firecracker. She is a spicy little thing and she still is my cactus child, right? Like she is just more pokey I’ll say, right? Like we, I always joke that not everyone can be this like soft, gentle, fragile orchid of the world. You know, like orchids are beautiful but so are cacti and Stella is just more of like a, a firm, you know, I don’t know at the the best way to put it, but she’s just got a little bit of a hard edge.
And I freaking love it. I love it about her and I’ve grown to love it over the years. ’cause when she was three I was struggling. I was struggling with her strong will, I was struggling with her air quotes, hard edge. And now thank God thanks to this work and all of the life coaching and all the things we are just thriving now that she’s almost 16 and it’s just really cool to look back at this episode that she recorded for the kids when she was 11 with her dear friend Aubrey. And this week is actually her birthday. We are headed to Disneyland with her best friend and her little brother who turns 13 this week and his one of his best friends.
And we are going to Disneyland, which is so special. That is where I used to take Stella when she was little. Her and I went for many years just her and I when she was like 3, 4, 5 years old. And so I am just so excited to celebrate both of their birthdays this week. But in this episode they were talking about the power of I am statements and what that can do for you as a kid to help you, you know, be who you truly are, to avoid temptation, to keep you rooted in behaving and acting and communicating in ways that are like really going to honor your true self. And so this conversation is just really precious and I’m excited for you to listen. But I also thought I would just give you guys a little bit more about why this is so important when it comes to our children being able to speak truth over themselves in their great moments, right?
But also in their worst moments, so to speak, and I think a lot of this comes from the way we parent them. And yes, you can teach your kids all day long how to create their own I am statements and how to speak truth over themselves when they need courage or when they’ve made a mistake and they need to give themselves self-compassion. You can teach that all day long, but if you’re not living that out and you’re also not speaking that kind of truth over your kids, that will come out in what we call unconditional love – again, in their worst moments when they make a mistake, when they push their brother, when they roll their eyes at you, when they refuse to make their bed, whatever it is – then that lesson will fall flat.
Okay? So let’s talk for a minute about how important speaking truth over our kids is. So remember this, our children’s inner voice can become their inner critic or it can become their inner cheerleader. So I know for me personally, and maybe some of you can relate, I know some many of you can relate to this, but for the last decade of my life and especially the last three or four years, I’ve become very cognizant of just how much rewriting I need to do of my inner voice. I am incredibly hard on myself and I’ve known this for a while.
And, I think God puts me in different seasons where I work on different things like in depth. And right now it’s just a season where I am really working on building my self-compassion for myself. And I know from not just experience but also from the research and the science that when you build your own self-compassion, you are able to change your behavior so much faster and easier than if you think you beating yourself up is gonna make you a better person tomorrow. It just doesn’t work that way. And again, researchers have proven that shame is unhelpful. It does not make you behave differently or better tomorrow.
But I have noticed just how gnarly my inner voice is and it is definitely an inner critic. It has taken a lot of personal development and healing to build it into being an inner cheerleader. And I continue to work on that to this day. But you know, just know that there is a difference between, and we’ll, and let me just lemme talk to that for a second. So, so speaking truth over our children in their worst moments, remember that the things you say in their worst moments often will become their inner voice, which is often their inner critic. Okay? So that’s one thing. The next thing is speaking truth over your children about their capabilities is really important.
This is something that we teach inside of the Fresh Start Experience, our full support program, and it’s called Praise versus Encouragement. And we teach parents to use encouragement in their communication and parenting versus praise. Now praise is like the traditional, you’re a good boy, you’ve done such a good job, I’m so proud of you and, and this is dicey for a few different reasons. Now I’m not saying that it’s like a bad thing to say I’m so proud of you to your child. It’s not bad. And I will tell you that when you consistently make the choice to use encouragement versus praise over the long term, it does wonders for your children’s self-confidence to help them remember that they have the ability to act, think, and communicate all because they are empowered themselves, they are naturally wired to behave well.
They are naturally designed and have the gifts within them to be able to do whatever they set their mind to, right? And when they do that, when they act and communicate and think in line with their values, with their faith, with their moral compass, their heart, then they feel proud of themselves. They, we actually use a word, we use the word inspired here within my family and within the Fresh Start Experience, I don’t even actually use the word proud anymore, I say they will be inspired by themselves, I will be inspired by them. Inspiration versus praise is like, it breeds more like, in my opinion, more acts more, more like life changing, world changing thought patterns.
Like if I say to someone, you just inspired me, it usually means that I am then going to take that inspiration into my day tomorrow and make AdChoices or learn something new or spread kindness or say something really encouraging to someone, right? When I just say to someone, oh, I’m really proud of you, it’s more of a judgment. It’s like, okay, well I’m letting you know that I approve, I approve of what you’ve done. And, I am, really proud of your actions. And the opposite of that is like, you know, I am not proud, right? So praise is, this is what I want you to know about this. Praise is rooted in judgment.
Encouragement is rooted in acknowledgement. Acknowledgement and inspiration and motivation. Praise is rooted in judgment and really the past. Okay? So when we use encouragement on a consistent basis with our kids, like, wow, you did it. I’m so inspired by you, how did you do that? You know, tell me what you were thinking when you made that choice. You know, how did it feel in the moment? How do you feel now? How are you gonna celebrate? Like wow that’s amazing. Like that type of stuff versus like, wow, you’re such a good boy, I’m so proud of you. Wait till daddy finds out you’re gonna get ice cream tonight.
It kind of goes hand in hand, praise goes hand in hand with bribery and rewards, which by the way, always for the most part goes hand in hand with fear and force. If families are using fear and force in their home, they’re usually using bribery and rewards because it’s all externally based. I will make you, I will coerce you, I will, you know, use external methods almost Like I, imagine like a little puppeteer to cause you to cooperate versus using encouragement, inspiration that is like really builds up children’s intrinsic muscles to cause them to want to behave well, to be able to teach them how to tap into like that inner system that acknowledges, it’s like a form of embodiment almost, where they acknowledge like, Ooh, that feels good when I operate as a team with my family instead of like bickering and arguing all day long when I operate as a team and just get the darn chore done, that actually feels good.
It feels good when we high five. It feels good when we go to bed laughing at night versus crying and fighting, right? Like let’s teach our children what it feels like from the inside out versus the outside in. Okay? Now the other thing I wanna say about when it comes to teaching our children to really believe in themselves and be able to really practice these I Am statements that sta, that Stella and Aubrey are are teaching the kids in this, in this episode is the importance of compassionate discipline in homes. Okay? So what happens when we use traditional punishment is no. And you need to know this punishment is rooted in retribution and paying the price for your mistake and the past and just really making sure a child knows that what they did was wrong, right?
Like we always say like it’s bizarre, but like where do we get the notion that in order to make a child behave better, we must first make them feel worse? And that’s really just what we do with punishment. It’s not a secret, it’s what you do. If you can get a child to feel bad about what they did, then they’ll behave better tomorrow, right? Well, it’s actually false, it’s not true. If you keep the fear and force up and if you’re measuring like getting them to behave well tomorrow because they’re scared of you or scared of a consequence and you’re not like actively measuring their inner self-confidence and the long-term effects, then maybe you could argue that it works in the short term.
But really punishment has detrimental long-term effects on human beings. And it also in my experience, usually only works in the short term. Usually when a child is smaller, they have less power. As soon as they become tweens and teens, they become really smart at outsmarting punishment. They learn to hide, they learn to be secretive, they learn to lie. And then many times, once they’re teenagers, like my brother did once he was six three bigger than my parents and could do whatever the heck you wanted, they just totally rebel. So again, the long-term effectiveness of punishment is not not effective.
So, but here’s what you need to know about punishment versus compassionate discipline is punishment. When we do those things, timeouts, spankings, threatenings of spankings, yanking their phone away because we know it will sting. We know how addicted they are to that phone and that iPad and YouTube channel or their E-bike, whatever it may be. Like we know they’re gonna freak the heck out and we yank those things because we’re like, look at me, right? Like I know we don’t do this logically you guys, but it’s really, if you slow down and really look at what’s happening, punishment or punishment is just revenge tactics. It’s like grownup revenge tactics. Like you think you can roll your eyes at me, you think you can disrespect this family rules, I will show you because I am bigger, I am stronger.
And I will lay the smackdown so hard that it will sting to the point where you will beg for mercy. And again, that comes out in different ways. Whether you’re threatening to hit your kids or you’re threatening to take away their beloved iPad or iPhone or whatever, the goal of punishment is really to make sure a child feels the pain of their mistake. And with that, you have to understand comes a message, it comes a tone of like what’s wrong with you when you mess up? You are bad when you make mistakes, you are unworthy of love and you must experience pain. You must experience suffering when you have mistakes make you naughty.
Mistakes make you disobedient. Mistakes mean there’s something wrong with you. Like all this stuff is standard messaging that comes along with punishment. And you have to know that even if you may not be saying that to your children, you are naughty, you are disobedient. What’s wrong with you? Like you should know better. Trust me, the tones we give out when we’re doling out these type of punishments, you don’t have to speak those things aloud. Your child is absorbing those messages. So then you come to an episode like this and you’re like, hey, let’s teach our children to believe in themselves. I am kind, I am capable, I, am loving, I am strong, I am brave, I’m courageous. And it’s like, huh? How are you gonna teach a kid to believe that when a kid is human and a kid’s gonna make mistakes and every time they’ve made a mistake, they’ve been given this message that they’re not good, they’re not strong, they’re not brave, they’re actually broken, right?
Like so it just directly negates what we actually wanna speak over our children. And so that’s when we bring, that’s why we wanna bring in compassionate discipline, which just focuses on teaching. It focuses on teaching with connection. Kiddo, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are human. Yes, you are going to be tempted to smack your brother when you get frustrated. I was little, I remember fighting with my little brother, I remember being annoyed. You’re nothing wrong with you and here’s the boundary, here’s what we’re gonna do to teach you the life skill that you are missing, right? Whether, it’s avoiding temptation. Whether it’s learning how to communicate when you’re angry or hurt, emotional regulation and literacy.
Whether it’s, you know, being able to ask for what you want instead of use your hands to grab toys from people at the park or your siblings, right? Like there are so many life skills that our children are learning as they’re growing up, just like they’re learning to ride a bike just like they’re learning how to read and write or do math problems. They are learning to communicate. They are learning how to feel really strong emotions like anger and hurt and scared without hurting people, right? They are learning, especially from us how to do life. And so when you bring in compassionate discipline and you teach them, hey, in the moment that you mess up, there’s nothing wrong with you.
You are brave, you are kind, you are loving. This is who you really are in this moment. You just got off track a little bit. Every single human being makes mistakes. That’s all this is. And you will be held responsible for your mistake. I am your biggest cheerleader. I will never leave you. You have unconditional love. It doesn’t matter what you do in this home, you will always be loved and therefore I will teach you, I will teach you the missing life skill. I will not leave you, I will not give up on you. And here’s the best place, best way to teach compassionate discipline. You’re alone. A lot of the parents I work with, they are struggling with the missing life skill usually just as much as their child is.
I see this all the time. I just had a private session last week where we started off the call and this sweet mama was saying to me, she said, I’m just so frustrated. My oldest one has like been so reactive lately and he’s just flying off the handle and you know, it’s just frustrating. And, and she’s like an advanced student of mine, she’s like been with me for many years. And so she knows, she says, you know, I know I have to look at the modeling first. She says, but I don’t, the thing that’s confusing is I don’t know where it’s being modeled. Like I can’t see it. And it’s, and she actually said it’s not being modeled their reactivity. And it was about 10 minutes into our private session, her And I were both cracking up because the example she gave, which was actually an example like challenge she was having with her spouse that we were working through the example showed in that moment exactly how her spouse was very highly reactive, using like loud, strong, hurtful words.
And she was very reactive when she gets triggered and is not getting what she wants, still right loud, hurtful, you know, aggressive words or whatever, and sometimes actions. But it was so funny and we were like dying because it’s amazing how blind you can be to it. How much like cultural conditioning will make you believe that it’s the kid that has the problem. But really Like I said 9 outta 10 times when I work with parents who are humble, vulnerable and really open to doing the work, we’re able to pull out pretty fast where it’s being taught to the kids directly from us. And so then you get to go on this beautiful journey of telling your children like, you are not alone.
I’m right there with you and I’m learning this life lesson of self-control and self-regulation just as much as you’re, you’re learning this life lesson. And we will do the work that we need to do in order to learn it, right? So in our Compassionate Discipline, we have a free bundle that’s in beautiful, incredible. It comes with a a downloadable guide and a free workshop. If you wanna learn more about that, you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline. But inside of that, we teach families that you know, you really wanna start with connection. You wanna start with making sure you’re understanding where the life skill that’s missing is, but also just know that the, the connection is going to be what gives you the power when your child doesn’t feel like an alien when they feel like they belong in the home.
Which by the way is one of the core needs that children are always fighting to fill. The need to feel powerful, the need to belong, the need to, did I say powerful, the need to feel powerful, the need to belong, the need to feel valuable, the need to feel unconditionally loved. And so when you come beside them and say, Hey, nothing wrong with you, you’re not crazy. We both are learning this. All of a sudden they feel like they’re part of the team, they don’t feel like they’re out on an island, the black sheep of the family, and then they receive your teaching a lot better. Does that make sense? But within that learning bundle, that quickstart learning bundle, we just, we go over lots of different strategies that you can use to teach important life lessons and logical consequences where you’re actually practicing what you have taught them is a great way to do that.
And when it comes to I am statements that Stella and Aubrey, you’re gonna hear them talk about I am statements, makes a great logical consequence. So instead of going on Saturday morning to the park or watching cartoons as soon as they wake up, the requirement is that we do a logical consequence as a family and we make our I am statements, right? Like we’re gonna sit down and we’re gonna remind ourselves who are we not just in our best moments, but this is who we are in our worst moments too, right? This is who we are, even when we mess up, even when we make a mistake and smack her sister, even when we say something that we later regret and we have to do a makeup or something to make amends and repair the relationship, which by the way is also an example of Compassionate Discipline.
So I am statements can be a logical consequence. They’re really powerful and just absolutely beautiful. But we do want our children to be able to believe in themselves and to be able to stand tall with who they are instead of just matching those around them. And as your kids get older, you’re gonna see that it becomes easier and easier for them to just mold and become like others, right? Like because the need to belong is so strong families, it’s just something that every child is gonna be actively seeking to get met as, especially as they become tweens and teens. And so you want your child to feel like they’re part of the family and to really belong with themselves.
And so this process of pouring truth over them and reminding them every day like this is who you are. Yes, sometimes you get frustrated, yes, sometimes you get angry and make a mistake. And really you are kind, you are brave, you are loving, you are strong, you are creative. I have so many different little examples of I am statements that I’ve done with my own kids and they’ve done with at their elementary school over the years. And it is powerful. I just can’t say enough how powerful this activity is. Okay? And by the way, you guys, it’s not just a parenting thing. This exercise of using I Am statements and speaking truth over yourself is used in a a lot of really incredible groups and people in the world.
So the Navy Seals actually do this training and their exercise. I’ve had some friends who have had Navy Seal sons and it’s pretty incredible the amount of mindset training they do. They call it the gift of the full benefit mindset, and they train their soldiers to have elite level curiosity even during failures. And to be able to do that, you really have to believe in yourself. Like if you’re dipping down into being your own self critic and you’re doubting yourself when you’re like in these massive missions, like that will not fly, right? So I just think it’s so cool that even the Navy Seals use this type of stuff to make them stronger and more effective at what they’re doing in the world.
So I just wanted to preface this kid’s episode with that, all that information, I hope that blesses you today, gives you things to think about. And without further ado, enjoy this sweet little short episode that my daughter Stella and Aubrey recorded her friend Aubrey recorded for you. Stella I think had just turned 11 when she recorded this and she’s now almost 16. So enjoy this little time capsule mini episode, and thanks for listening you guys. Thanks for being here. As always, your reviews help us grow this podcast So, if you have just one minute to pop over to iTunes and leave a quick review, it’s really easy to do. And even if you just say something, Like I love your podcast.
Thank you. That will help us get seen in the iTunes world. When we get seen in the iTunes world, it helps us grow and reach more and more families all across the world who could really use this encouragement, inspiration, and motivation that we put out into the world to support families. All right, enjoy this episode.
Stella:
Well, hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast, the Fresh Start Family Show. We’re so happy you’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus, and rock and roll, and believe deeply in the true power of love and kindness. Together we hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools, and strengthen your family. Enjoy the show.
Wendy:
Hey there families, and welcome to our very first Fresh Start Family Show Groms episode. This one is just for the kids’ parents. It’s hosted by my daughter Stella Snyder. She is chatting with her dear friend, Aubrey today about how to make I am statements, which is a really impactful tool that everyone in your family should know about. So I think you guys are really gonna enjoy this episode, especially the kids make sure they’re with you when you push play. And Stella is such a blessing to the world. She has been a, you know, exposed to this work of positive parenting and all of the concepts that we teach our families for the last decade of her life.
So she’s almost 12 years old and we started this work when she was about two and a half, three years old. So she has heard, breathed, spoke this language of positive parenting for a long, long time now, and she’s just incredible the way she teaches the kids within the bonfire membership program and also within the foundations course. It’s just really cool, we hear all the time how kids are just so inspired to move forward with using these types of tools in their own life when it comes to social emotional intelligence and relationship building skills because they watch Stella teach them.
So when we find that when kids teach kids, it’s often super impactful and really just encourages and influences their little hearts with such effectiveness. So enjoy this episode. We’re gonna try to bring these to you consistently, maybe once every month or two, but make sure you get your kids to listen to this one and then see how it goes. I want you guys all to be making I am statements in your house. It’s so important for everyone in the home to have I am statements or I am charts. Alright guys, enjoy.
Stella:
Hello everyone. Welcome back to the Fresh Start. Family Show. I’m your host Stella for the Groms episode just for kids. And today I’m going to be talking about a I am statements, what they are and how you can use them. Today I have a special friend on and her name’s Aubrey Kelsay. Hi Aubrey.
Aubrey:
Hi Stella.
Stella:
I’m so excited to have you on. Can you tell us three things about yourself?
Aubrey:
I love skateboarding and animals and, I love inn & out.
Stella:
Wow, that’s great. Can you tell us a little bit more? How many animals do you have?
Aubrey:
I have one gecko, that’s my pet. I also have a parakeet. My sister has one too. We have about 25 fish and six chickens.
Stella:
Wow, that’s so cool. How many siblings do you have?
Aubrey:
I have two sisters and one brother.
Stella:
Nice. Do you have a giant skate park in your backyard?
Aubrey:
Yes, I do. That’s so cool.
Let’s chat for a hot sec openly and honestly about what your discipline toolkit looks like in your home right now. If you’re anything like most parents, you’re relying on the hand-me-down set you inherited timeouts, spankings, threatening of spankings, taking iPads away, 3, 2, 1, countdowns, groundings, taking away toys e-bikes, iPhones, any or all of those kind of tactics that create a total relationship strain and don’t even work long term to end your child’s misbehavior for good. Meaning you might spank your child or send them to timeout today for being air quotes mean to their sister or disrespecting you.
But then three days from now they’re repeating the same misbehavior which causes you to flip your lid because you know they know better. I want to help you learn a new way so you could end the vicious cycle that’s keeping you stuck as a parent and causing you to feel super frustrated that nothing is working to get your strong-willed stubborn child to behave better. My team, And I have recently completely refreshed our compassionate discipline quick start learning bundle to help you learn a new way to teach your kids important life lessons, a new way to help your children learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. You can just DM me the word shift over on Instagram.
I’m at Fresh Start Wendy and I’ll personally send you a message with a link to download this free bundle. I’m going to help you shift out of a punishment mindset and into a compassionate discipline. One where you fully trust that connection based firm and kind discipline tools are all you need to be a strong leader in your home, who holds your kids responsible when they misbehave, but does it in a way where they are learning the vital life skills they are missing when they mess up. So again, just DM me the word shift over on Instagram. I’m at Fresh Start Wendy. Or you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to grab your free Bundle. Now, I am so excited for you to shift out of feeling guilty and shameful when you lay your head on your pillow at night and shift into feeling confident and proud of the way you handled yourself as a parent, even when you were wildly triggered and upset about the mistake your child made.
Okay, I’m excited for you to dive into this free resource. I’ll see you in my dms and inside the free discipline bundle.
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Aubrey:
So let’s talk about I am statements. What are they?
Stella:
I am statements are things or truthful statements that describe who you are, reminding yourself of how you really are.
Aubrey:
Wow, that’s a great explanation. That’s what I was thinking too. And how do you make an I am statement?
Stella:
First, ask your parents for a piece of paper. It does not matter the size at the top write “I am” and then put a colon, then write three things that describe you on your best day. This is for if you’re older like me over 10. You can choose one of those words to be something you are working on, like patient calm and more. You can also draw a picture and decorate it, which is really fun. You can laminate it with tape or special laminating paper. And here are some ideas for words that describe you. Perseverance, which means you don’t let things stop you, you just work through them.
Stella:
You can do easygoing, flexible, kind.
Aubrey:
This a great,
Stella:
There’s also happy, trustworthy, loyal, responsible. And remember all of these, all of these things that describe you are always, you can always be them and these are who you really are. And for an example, when I was about in third grade or second grade, I made an I am statement And I said I am artistic, loving and responsible, and Aubrey made one. What was yours?
Aubrey:
I did athletic, energetic, and happy.
Stella:
Wow, that’s great. We also have some more words. We also have loving artistic, athletic, energetic, cool. There’s brave fierce, which means you’re just so into it and you really feel powerful.
Aubrey:
Yes, powerful.
Stella:
So there’s also positive and funny. And remember, you don’t have to use these words exactly. You can use some of them and make your own. Yes. And how to use them. You can use them when you’re stressed, you can look at them. What I do read is look, read BREATHE and believe.
Aubrey:
Yes, those, that’s a great, that’s a great way to do it.
Stella:
You can also use it as a bookmark and tape it to your wall or bedroom mirror. But make sure to ask your parents.
Aubrey:
So when should you use them?
Stella:
You can use them when you’re feeling like you’re not good enough or when you’re doubting yourself. Also, an example is a math test. Maybe you haven’t studied enough or when you feel people are better than you or smarter or more skilled, when your friends aren’t including you, you might worry that they don’t like you. That’s another way that you might doubt yourself. When friends get mad at you, you can totally go back to your I’M statement and say, BREATHE, look at it, read it, say I, am, blah blah, blah.
Stella:
And then you just gotta believe you are those things and go back to those and really be those.
Aubrey:
It really helps.
Stella:
Yes.
Wendy:
I have one more important thing that I wanted to be sure to communicate to you today for all of you who are interested in grabbing our free Compassionate Discipline learning Bundle, but also just haven’t taken action yet to do so. I wanna share a quick note. I got from a parent who downloaded the free Bundle and attended the workshop last week and is already feeling so much better in their heart and their home. She DM’d me on Instagram saying this. I’ve used the pause button, which is one of the concepts I teach in this bundle and in the workshop as part of the most important element of compassionate discipline in our homes. But she says, I’ve used the pause button and honestly when I woke up this morning, my anxiety, which has been through the roof lately, felt manageable thanks to your workshop.
It’s only been a half a day so far, but I can honestly say it’s been a good day when my husband asked tonight, I will be watching your replay again tonight and looking into the Fresh Start Experience. Thank you for sharing this gift. So look, I know so many of you who are struggling to feel joy when your day is filled with hand-me-down punishment tactics. I want you to get the support you deserve. I want you like Hoa, that’s that sweet mama’s name who shared that message with me. I want you to look at your spouse when they get home after a long day and they ask you, Hey honey, how was your day? And I want you to be able to look at them and say, good it. It was really good. I want you to learn how to soothe your own anxiety and stressed stress nervous systems simply by teaching your kids important life lessons with grace and dignity and connection and firm kindness.
So don’t wait another day to quick start your learning and shift out of a punishment mindset into a compassionate discipline one. Okay, just head to Instagram, I’m @FreshStartWendy and DM me the word shift and I’ll personally send you the link in a private message to download the free bundle or just head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline.
I thought recycling was making a big difference until I learned this. Hear me out. You know those recycling symbols on plastic containers, the technical term is resin identification numbers and they can be misleading. Did you know that this doesn’t always mean the plastic will actually get recycled?
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Go to earthbreeze.com/freshstart. That’s earthbreeze.com/freshstart for 40% off. Earthbreeze.com/freshstart.
Stella:
You can also use it when you feel like your bubble is going to pop or explode. So that means this is called the balloon concept and to think before you act instead of acting before you think. So basically what you wanna do is when you feel like you’re so mad, like give this example of why you could be mad.
Aubrey:
Like if your friend told a lie to you, then you might get really angry and not wanna forgive them.
Stella:
Exactly. Like if someone like wrote on your paper and threw it all over and it’s all crinkled now, every time something happens like that, your balloon gets bigger and bigger and bigger until finally if it gets too big, it’ll pop or explode and you’ll just feel so mad and you’ll wanna freak out.
Aubrey:
Yes.
Stella:
But what you can do to really stop that from happening is look at your I am statement and instead of acting before you think, which means you’re just choosing an action before you actually think about what you’re doing.
Aubrey:
Yeah. You wanna think about it before you act ’cause it could affect you or other people badly.
Stella:
Yes. And this is just such a great concept to know that you have a your own balloon and it could pop or you could stay calm and look at your I am statement and really just look at those things that you are and remember who you want to be and who you are. We will make sure to include a picture and a template of an I am statement and the one of the show notes page for this episode. I had so much fun today, Aubrey, did you? Y
Aubrey:
es. This is really fun. Yes, it’s so, it was just amazing.
Stella:
And did you guys have fun? I hope you did. Are you gonna come back? I hope we’ll see you next time. Alright. Bye everybody.
Aubrey:
Bye.
Alright, listeners, that’s a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it for you. As we wrap up here, don’t forget to DMM me the word shift or head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline To grab your free discipline, Quickstart Learning Bundle. You’ll get immediate access to download our extensive learning guide where I’ll share five ways you can ditch the old school hand-me-down punishment, mindset, beliefs and thoughts that are causing you to react like a volcano instead of respond like the firm, kind, respectful teacher you are at your core. And then you’ll also get immediate access to my on-demand workshop where I’ll teach you our three core fresh start family strategies that make up a strong compassionate discipline toolkit, as well as my favorite logical consequences that not only work with kids of all ages, but do wonders to unite you with your child and strengthen your relationship even in your kids’ worst moments.
So pop on over to Instagram right now and just shoot me a DM with the word shift and I’ll send you a personal link to download that bundle right away. Or you can head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/discipline to get access immediately. All right, thanks for listening and I’ll see you inside that free bundle and also inside the next episode.
For links and more info about everything we talked about in today’s episode head to freshstartfamilyonline.com/198.
Stella:
For more information, go to freshstartfamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families, have a great day.
