Ep. 103- The Most Powerful Non-Verbal Message We Can Give Our Kids with Ralphie Jacobs

by | November 3, 2021

Ep. 103- The Most Powerful Non-Verbal Message We Can Give Our Kids with Ralphie Jacobs

by | November 3, 2021

The Fresh Start Family Show
The Fresh Start Family Show
Ep. 103- The Most Powerful Non-Verbal Message We Can Give Our Kids with Ralphie Jacobs
/

LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE

On the Fresh Start Family Show this week Wendy has a conversation with Ralphie Jacobs who has transformed thousands of homes through her positive parenting centered organization, Simply on Purpose. Wendy and Ralphie share the transformative power of positive parenting they have witnessed in each of their lives and the families they work with. 

Walk away from this episode learning:

  1. How we can show respect for our children 
  2. Recognizing the importance of body language in our parenting
  3. The MOST powerful non-verbal message we can give our children

Mama, are you are sick and tired of relying on hand-me-down parenting tactics like spanking, threatening, intimidating, and using harsh punishments that create a total relationship strain (and aren’t effective at all!!)

Join me for a free one hour live workshop where you’ll learn three steps to building up a firm and kind compassionate toolkit that works with kids of all ages.

I cannot wait to support you at class!


Episode Highlights:

  • Ralphie’s childhood struggles & background
  • The transformative power of positive parenting
  • How to show respect towards our children
  • Non-verbal messages we send our children
  • compliance vs “wanting”
  • The importance of connection
  • Connection as a parenting ‘vitamin’

Resources Mentioned:



Not able to listen or want to read along with us?

Here is the episode transcript!

Wendy Snyder:
This episode is brought to you by the firm and kind parenting blueprint, a fresh start family program that will teach you four steps to setting strong limits and sticking to them with consistency and kind firmness. You can learn more firmandkindparentingblueprint.com. Well, hello listeners. I’m so excited about this conversation that I am bringing you today with the Ralphie Jacobs from Simply on Purpose. You guys, I can’t tell you how excited I am about this episode, because I have been looking up to Ralphie for so many years.

Wendy Snyder:
She is the most incredible educator and encourage her and just light in the world. And she’s just doing such incredible work. So when I reached out to her to see if she wanted to be on our show, and she said, yes, my heart just smiled big time. So she is going to be talking to us today about the most powerful, non verbal message we can give our kids. And I wanted, I wanted to bring you this episode this month, because this is a month where, you know, we’re starting to kick off the holidays. It’s November and, you know, very quickly things can kind of get overwhelming, but Ralphie is so good at helping us just simplify and slow down and prioritize connection over correction in our home and what better month than as we embark upon Thanksgiving here in America.

Wendy Snyder:
And just the holiday season where we really want to make sure we are prioritizing connection and that we remember what’s most important in our families and in our parenting walk. And so I just know you’re going to love this episode so much. And as you’re listening, if you love this conversation, that Ralphie and I have one of the best ways to say thank you to fresh start family for producing these free episodes for you is to simply take a screenshot and share over on social. Over on Instagram, I am at fresh shirt, Wendy and Ralphie is at simply on purpose. And so if you’re listening and you love this conversation, go ahead, take a screenshot and then share it to your stories on Instagram.

Wendy Snyder:
We would love to connect with you over there and it would just be so, so appreciated another great way to say thank you to us. If you love this episode is to head on over to iTunes and take three minutes to leave us a quick review here at fresh start family. The more reviews that we have, the more we are able to get seen in the iTunes world. And the more we are seeing, the more families we can serve and support and encourage with our messages of hope and positive parenting and family life coaching that we love to bring you through our fresh start family podcast. So guys, thanks for listening and thanks for being here. Enjoy this episode.

Stella Snyder:
Well, Hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dads podcast. The fresh start family show. We’re so happy. You’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean Jesus and rock and roll and believe deeply in the true power of loving kindness together. We hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools and strengthen your family. Enjoy show.

Wendy Snyder:
Well, Hey there, families and welcome to a new episode of the fresh start family show. I am so excited and humbled and honored to be sitting here this morning with Ralphie Jacobs, who is the founder of simply on purpose. Welcome Ralphie.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Thank you, Wendy, for having me on.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes, you guys. Ralphie is incredible. She’s going to be talking to us today about the most powerful nonverbal message we can give our kids and I’m going to wait. I’m going to make you guys wait for it because first I want to introduce Ralphie proffer properly and have her tell you guys a little bit more about herself also. But like I said, Ralphie is the founder of simply on purpose, where she writes about parenting family culture and living with purpose. She has an audio course that has, that has changed thousands of homes. And she normally, when it’s not COVID right travels across the country, speaking at live workshops on positive parenting.

Wendy Snyder:
And you’re very active over on Instagram. Is that right? Ralphie?

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah, that is that’s my jam. That’s where we hang out.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes. You have so many incredible pieces of wisdom. And I know you put so much effort into creating some really bite sized, but such profound pieces of wisdom for parents over there. So I love it. Well, tell listeners a little bit more about you. How did you become a parenting educator? How did you get into this space? Why are you so passionate about serving families in this capacity? Tell us more.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Wow. That’s such a good question. Well, Wendy, I grew up in a large family. I have six brothers and I’ve got two sisters and my father was diagnosed with Ms when I was really little. And so I have a little memories of him being able to walk. So my mom went back to school and she has two master’s degrees and a PhD. And she just always surrounded herself with the naughty kids. Like the kids that were really struggling. They were always in our home. If there was a naughty kid, she wanted a buyer so that she could help the families out. And so my entire life I’ve grown up with a great respect for human struggle, both physically and emotionally.

Ralphie Jacobs:
And then I went to school to get my degree and started teaching preschool. And I loved that and it was so much fun and it’s still truly is my passion. And I feel like if I had the choice, I would still be with the three-year-olds, but the calling was different. The calling was like, you need to teach parents because that’s where the long-term change happens. And so I totally shifted the way that I thought my life was going to look like I was all ready to start my own preschool. And I started teaching parents in my community and it just kind of was like wildfire after that. I think that because of how quickly our society is changing and how we continually are pushing down adulthood into childhood and that kind of loss of childhood, and also the different elements that are coming at parents, we can no longer rely on the environment to raise our kids.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Kind of, it’s more like a, it’s a negative and not even a neutral anymore. So they’re just grasping for tools and strategies and ideas. And it’s just this huge need that we’re seeing right now. I know you’re seeing it too. So I’m grateful to have a platform I’m so grateful to be able to teach and because it’s blessed my lives and it’s my life and my children’s lives are our family. And I it’s just so rewarding. It’s just like the most rewarding thing to do to help break generational cycles.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes, it really is. Right. And it’s, it’s such a blessing to be able to teach because we’re always reminding ourselves of what we need to do, right?

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. Or I’ll teach something where I’m like, oh, I should talk about that because I need a little brushed her up for that or, or something. My house had just happened recently where I was like, oh, that’s a great bad example. I’m going to use that.

Wendy Snyder:
I do the same thing. I get so excited now it’s so much easier to laugh at myself. I remember when I first started teaching, I was like, oh my God, who am I to teach this stuff? Like, people are going to find out that I’m just this fraud, you know? And then,

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah.

Wendy Snyder:
And then as time went on, I was like, okay, I understood that. That’s not the way it works when you’re a parenting educator. And I, and now I like, it’s easier to laugh at yourself and you, I usually am like, oh my gosh, I can’t wait to tell the community about this one, because this is what I was feeling when I did that. Or when I yelled or when I slammed the door and this is going to help so many people because we’re able to break it down.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. I love that. I, I say all the time, I used to think that parenting experts in parenting educators have the most obedient, robotic little children, but the truth is the children don’t change. We change like our perception of what’s happening in their behavior and being able to kind of pick it apart and figure out why and not take it personally. It’s all about a parent’s behavior completely.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes. I love your quote. I saw the other day actually just shared it, but let’s see if I can get it right. You said parenting is about parents. That’s why it’s called parenting.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. It’s not called filtering. Yeah. It’s so funny. Isn’t it? It’s so frustrating too. At the same time, like I remember one lady I started, I did a workshop and I always have a little survey at the end for people to fill out. And she’s like at the beginning of the workshop. Cause when my first thing that I talk about is like being in control of yourself and learning to like, you know, be the adult in this situation. And she was like, as a first, I was like, oh, it’s me. Like, this is so frustrating. And then she’s like, by the end of the five hours, she’s like, oh, it’s me. Like I have power to change myself. Like it’s actually empowering to realize like, oh, it really begins with me.

Ralphie Jacobs:
I’m the decisive element. And I can change myself. That’s something I can do.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes. It is so much more empowering. Right. And I do, I love that shift to where I just got an email a few days ago from a client where I could sense that tone in her that she was like, dang. I now realize she, I think her words were something like, I wish I would have realized sooner how much I was contributing and all this stuff that I was doing to cause a lot of this. But then she also, she’s picked up from, you know, working with me over the month. I think she’s been a member for maybe six months. Now you could tell she had compassion for herself. And she was like, but this is such great news because the future is so full of hope. And I can see in just a short amount of time, how much change is possible when I am the gentle observer and I’m able to see, and I’m able to shift and I am now at choice because you and I both knew, we all know it’s we can not control other human beings, but we can absolutely control ourselves.

Wendy Snyder:
Even though it seems impossible some days it’s, it’s a fact we can.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. And that’s a wonderful realization to think, oh, I don’t have to be in control of my child’s behavior. All I can do is make as many decisions possible to increase the probability that they’ll behave. Well, that’s all I can do is like give them all the opportunities possible to be doing well. And, and then once you’ve done that your job is done. I mean, even like the best parents in the world have children that misbehave. So

Wendy Snyder:
Yes, exactly. Oh, I love it. So you have four beautiful daughters, is that right?

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah, I do. And they are beautiful. Amazing.

Wendy Snyder:
Oh, I love it. And was there a point, so you were, you know, you were involved in the preschool and, and you started to, did you start to have kids and realize, gosh, this is really hard and I need support or were you like, oh my gosh, I’m, I’m applying everything that I’ve learned in my career to my parenting. And I want to help parents with it. Like, was that, what did you find parenting, you know, a lot harder than you thought it was going to be,

Ralphie Jacobs:
Oh, 100%. I it’s different when it’s your own children. Even if you have all of the resources and all the training possible, it’s completely different because you’re so emotionally involved in their success. And it feels like it’s an immediate reflection upon yourself. You’re there like little mini MES, you know, that you’re projecting yourself onto them. And so if they’re misbehaving, there’s something wrong with you. And it was, it was very difficult. And when my oldest was starting to get up into that preteen, I was like grasping for every possible solution, reading all the books and just feeling really inspired by this path of positive parenting.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Just like why doesn’t everybody know about this secret? You know, more people should know. And that’s when the fire lit is I just couldn’t get enough of it. And just thought it was just the most amazing opportunity to share with other people to just change homes and to realize that there it’s meant to be that way brains are made in a way that we’re supposed to be able to use being positive to discipline our children. I thought it was just such an answer to so many problems that the world is happening right now.

Wendy Snyder:
Well, Hey there families, I’m pausing this episode to tell you about a very special offer. We have this month to celebrate small business Saturday here in America. The weekend after Thanksgiving is when a lot of families take time to intentionally plan out and purchase holiday gifts for their loved ones and sneak in a present or two for themselves because remember parents self care is smart, not selfish. We deserve a little treat here and there just as much as our kids do, especially when it comes to education. So now through Saturday, November 27th, at midnight Pacific, you can grab any of our bundles or a private session with me, yours truly for 50% off, just head on over to the fresh dirt family shop page by clicking freshstartfamilyonline.com and click the shop tab tab at the top.

Wendy Snyder:
You’ll see our bundles listed there as well as private session info. Just enter the code SMALL50 at checkout to save 50% on any of our lesson bundles or a private session with me. Some of our most popular lesson bundles include the more cooperation and listening today. Lesson bundle, which includes a fantastic pack of four lessons or one of the other most popular lesson bundles includes the helping siblings get along bundle. There’s also the effective grace based discipline lesson bundle as well as the rules plus relationship equals respect bundle and the how to be a cool calm parent lesson bundle.

Wendy Snyder:
So just remember this offer is only good through November 27th at midnight Pacific. When the coupon small 50 will expire happy Thanksgiving month. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting Freshstart family. We are a family run small business with a tiny but mighty team who cared deeply about the families we serve around the world. When you support us through any purchase, you are also supporting the families of our staff, including four coaches, a bonfire, community manager, a programs director, and six contractors. When you invest in your family with our programs, please know how grateful we are. Thanks for celebrating small business Saturday with us and congrats on scoring such a great deal.

Wendy Snyder:
Okay. Back to the show. Yes. Yes. Beautiful and Ralphie. Normally, do you travel across the us across the world because a lot of your, you have your audio course, but a lot of your work is in-person events, right? Is that correct?

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. Yeah. Like you said before, COVID I was doing, I think that year 2019, I did 22 workshops. So wow. Traveled to like 12 different locations and did workshops live workshops. And those are my favorite because you can see in people’s eyes and you can see the light bulbs and you get to share parts of your personality that you don’t really get to share on Instagram and make people laugh. Like I love making people laugh and, and people cry too. Just the range of emotions, emotions teach us things that we sometimes we don’t get that on Instagram. And then we feel like we’re friends too. I don’t just want to feel like a teacher, but I want to feel like they’re my best friend.

Ralphie Jacobs:
And I would, I would do anything for these people because we trust each other. We were bonded because of the knowledge and the love that we share for our children. So it’s, it is, it’s a great, it’s a great opportunity to meet people in person.

Wendy Snyder:
Oh, that’s incredible. I bet you’re so excited to get back

Ralphie Jacobs:
To it. Oh, my word. I am so, so excited. It’s the, the lights there at the end of the tunnel.

Wendy Snyder:
It really is. It’s hard to tell when to start planning though, you know, because it’s like, you know, you think, okay, maybe spring of 20, 22, or maybe fall of 2021, who knows, it’s hard to like put the dates on the calendar and book the halls, you know, it’s like, but we’re going to do it. We’re going to be brave. We can do this.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. Have some faith. I

Wendy Snyder:
Love it. Well, good. Okay. Well, let’s, let’s reveal this secret sauce here because you know, this is w a lot of times my episodes that can include so much information, which is great. And today I was like, oh my gosh, this is going to be so beautiful just to have Ralphie featured on our show and just to have one simple, beautiful golden nugget of a takeaway. So tell us when it comes to the most powerful nonverbal message, we can, our

Ralphie Jacobs:
Kids, what is it Ralphy? Well, I think it’s, like you said, it’s so fun because it’s so simple. And that’s like, my favorite thing is to teach them things so actionable, so doable, and it is just simply getting at their eye level. I think that when we talk to parents, when we talk to our children, as parents, it’s so easy to kind of be domineering. So we’re looking down upon them and that’s kind of, you are my subject and I am a ruler type of a message, but that non-verbal message of we’re working on this together. We’re collaborating, we’re connecting, we’re communicating and there’s mutual respect here for you to get it, their eye level.

Ralphie Jacobs:
You’re sending a message that what’s important to them is important to you enough to move in a physical way, which believe it or not, that matters a lot and sends a very strong message. And then also that you can see things through their point of view. You can see what their reality looks like, and you have respect for that. And there’s so many different ways that we, we can respect our children. We can, we can respect their time. So we are, we’re not like doing long monologues while we’re talking to them about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. We can, we can respect their struggle and, and not like, throw it, cast it aside and say, oh, you’re fine. Or, you know, you, you, it doesn’t matter.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Why are you so worried about getting the pink cup? You know, but, or we can re respect their reality or their growth. Like you are making progress and I’m going to have growth mindset for you and, and their interests, but all, all of that, like that physical message that we send with our body language, that how we feel about them and how, and how we feel about our lives with them. Sometimes our body language says things like this is monotonous and I I’m so tired. I’m so tired being your mother. I’m so tired with what’s going on. And I think that sometimes all parents need to do is just to change their body language a little bit, to square their shoulders up, to get down to the child’s level and to have a soft smile rather than a frown.

Ralphie Jacobs:
It’s really just such a simple thing to do. And I know that that’s kind of a new thought or a new generational thought is to have mutual respect. I was just talking to a friend the other day who, who thought that the way to teach a child respect is to dominate and to like physically make them respect you, you know, like spanking or whatever, but it really is important to understand that there’s a difference between compliance and doing things out of fear and being good and wanting to connect with you because of that mutual connection that you have with each other. Yeah. Such a big difference, right?

Wendy Snyder:
Yes. What’d you say, you said compliance versus wanting to respect you.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. Yeah. Such a big difference. I think that when they say I want them to respect me, you think, well, no, that’s not respect that’s fear. Yeah. That’s the different thing. And respect is, think of the people that you truly respect. And it’s those people that usually are just peacemakers. They’re mild, they’re just wise. And they, and they guide you in a gentle way that you want to follow them. It’s it’s that wanting it. And that’s, that’s what I think is so unique about this way of positive parenting is that we understand that children who are taught strictly obedience and obedience focused, they actually avoid responsibility.

Ralphie Jacobs:
They avoid, you know, taking ownership of their problems because they’re so authority driven and it feels uncomfortable for them to be able to make decisions and to make choices and, and to own their life and be in control of who they are, because they just are so used to being told what to do and how to do it. And we really want our children to feel like they’re centered and feel like they, they love who they are. And they love that family unity that they they’re in. I just think of connection as almost like a vitamin. It’s just a, it’s like a proactive am way to parent because, because we’re full, right.

Ralphie Jacobs:
We like, as parents, we just devalue our role so much in our child’s lives parenting. It’s so easy to surrender our time because we just don’t think that it’s as foundational as it is that relationship between parent and child. And I, I think that if we understood the importance of it, then we would value that time more. And yeah, seeing that connection as that good behavior, vitamin really proactive and preempt a preventive Tivoli, supporting, and parenting your child in a way that they feel centered in that knowledge that you belong and you are loved. And if you feel that way, then you’ll act that way too.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yes. Since that’s so what’s so strong about it.

Wendy Snyder:
Absolutely. Connection as a vitamin. Oh my gosh. That is your next Instagram post.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yeah. Okay. We’ve got it. When we know what we’re doing now,

Wendy Snyder:
Get the team on

Ralphie Jacobs:
It. Content plan.

Wendy Snyder:
I love it. Yeah. A lot of times I think I’ve heard my students say this. And then I also think it’s sometimes too, it’s like it to move in a physical way, right. To actually get up from what you’re doing to go sit down on the next to the couch or kneel, especially now that I have like 90 year old knees, I’m 43 years old. And both of my knees are like shot. I’m like, what is happening to me? I thought, for sure, they’d make it until 60, but anyways, but to meal down and get on a toddler’s level or whatever, it may be a lot of times, you know, I think our ego can take over and we’re like, oh my gosh, well, we shouldn’t have to do that. Or that takes so much energy. Right. But it actually doesn’t because energy, I think can be from the feelings you have in your body.

Wendy Snyder:
It can be physical too. But actually a lot of times just getting up and going over instead of like yelling from the kitchen, you know, or that’s what I always think about. Like, I’ll try to challenge myself at dinner time. Instead of being like, guys, dinner’s ready to actually like go in, put my hands on my kids, look them in the eye and say, Hey, dinner’s ready. And this, I have to, I have to practice this all the time. Like, it’s, I’m like, when is this going to stick? But it’s still, I like to do it because it just reminds me it, it takes just as much or more energy to yell from the other room that dinner’s ready than it does to like, actually go and have that moment.

Wendy Snyder:
Because to actually look in your child’s eyes, like when you do that, it’s yes, it is preemptive. It, all the things you said, right? Like a connection. And, and it also is go so good for our soul to like, look into our children’s eyes and remind it almost like stops you in your tracks and reminds you, oh yeah, I’m raising a human soul. And like we’re in this together. And like, this is a moment in time. Like, we don’t know what tomorrow brings. This is a moment in time. And I think it’s just such a, a joy builder for us too. And misbehavior decreaser those are technical words, misbehavior decrease, or for us to,

Ralphie Jacobs:
Oh, it is. It totally is. I completely agree with that. There’s something about kneeling down that changes the part of your brain. That’s working in that moment. And I think that, like you were saying any kind of movement, if you put your hand on your heart, or if you breathe more slowly before you say something, or sometimes I’ll like, touch my head, be like, okay, think, think, think, think of the right, the right frame of mind or kneeling down. Oh, it just moving your body makes such a difference. And if you think about it, I, if, if, if my favorite celebrity crash, I don’t even know who have whatever.

Ralphie Jacobs:
But if they like wrote

Wendy Snyder:
Me a letter, I want to know now I want to know,

Ralphie Jacobs:
Oh, I know what it is. It’s low-key from the Avengers. I just love him.

Wendy Snyder:
Oh, I love it. Okay.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Like he’s not an Avenger and I’m a, yes, he’s an Avenger. He’s in Avengers anyway. So I just, I like if they wrote you a letter or if they came up to you and touched you on the shoulder, you would be like, oh my goodness, I’m so special. That’s how your kids feel when you do that, you are their north star. You are their celebrity crash. And if you move to be close to them, if you walk up to them and touch them and say, thank you. Or if you look into their eyes and you smile and you say, I just feel lucky to be your mom.

Ralphie Jacobs:
It feels in their cup. Like nothing else, those simple, simple things. It’s all as it always about the simple things. I think that we’re just such a, a time in this like generational, like technology. It’s just so information driven and we’re overwhelmed with information. But going back to the basics, always going back to the basics and realizing, you know, it really doesn’t have to be complicated. These things are hard, right? Like you said, oh, I have to remember all the time and not yell across the room, actually have to walk over and touch them and make sure that they’ve heard me.

Ralphie Jacobs:
But it really is simple. It’s not complex. There’s not a huge long formula. First, you say that. And then you say this, and then you move over here and you do a little dance and then you snap upside down. And then you say, it’s really just simplicity because that’s where our children live in. They live in that world of simplicity. And that’s how we speak to them. We use a child’s logic to speak to a child. And if we have slowed down and we get closer and we do safe touches, and we look in their eyes, they learn so much faster. Their brains are firing and those neurons are connecting more quickly. If we keep the technology at bay and we let them play longer, all the things that are just come so natural, those are the things that are there for a reason.

Ralphie Jacobs:
They’re natural for a reason. And we just have to remember that, that it really is important. Those little messages that we sent to them in matters to get down at their level and say, I see you and you don’t have to be a fate of me. So let’s talk about this. Let’s connect together. We’re working together as a team to figure this out. Let’s let’s collaborate.

Wendy Snyder:
Okay. Another quick pause families, because I am so excited to tell you about the special promotion. My friends over at Gabb wireless are running this month on their phones and watches for kids. They are giving our community a fresh start family show listeners, 50% off using the code fresh start. Now, you know how much I love being an affiliate for Gabb wireless, because I am just so dang passionate about keeping iPhones out of kids’ hands as long as possible, because I’ve seen firsthand just how fruitful this strong limit is for kids and families. Both of my kids have gab phones instead of iPhones out in the world.

Wendy Snyder:
And it gives me the ability to call them when they’re at a friend’s house. And I want to say goodnight, and I love you. Or if maybe I’m late to pick them up from volleyball or skateboarding, it helps me to feel like they’re safe. If they’re riding their bike to school. And it just gives me the peace that they can contact me or I contact, I can contact them at any time, but it only has text and voice capability. So they are kept safe from the dangers of untethered access to the internet, social apps and online gaming plus all the other stuff that comes along with regular smartphones and trust meet parents. There are many the addiction. So many kids have iPhones and the awful stuff.

Wendy Snyder:
So many get exposed to from such a young age. It’s something we can all prevent. If we can just find the courage to be different and go gab. So head on over to gab wireless.com and make sure you enter our special coupon code, fresh start at checkout to get this incredible deal. Now through the end of November, just know that they often do sell out of devices during sales. Do you guys so act now, if you’re interested, trust me, this will be one of those stocking stuffers. That you’ll be so happy you invested in okay. Back to the show.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Yes. And, and knowing that that really does feed into their sense of belonging and their sense of value, their sense of unconditional love.

Wendy Snyder:
And you know, when I teach, I always believe that when those things are filled up, when those buckets are filled, our kids will misbehave less. Yeah, love it. Yes. Well, Ralphie, will you give us just a few more last parting words before we say goodbye, and I want you to tell listeners where they can find you and where they can get ahold of all your incredible resources, but for the parents who are like, cool, that all sounds great when like, things are groovy. But like when my kid is freaking out and has pulled the dogs Hale and his tail smacked his sister bit, his brother or whatever, it may be like, you know, the get at their eye level. Like it just, you know, you hear my tone, like for the, for the parents or just in that, that feeling right now that just their kid literally just had a tantrum and had this big misbehavior before they walked out the door to put their earbuds in, to listen to this.

Wendy Snyder:
Just some encouragement there that this is possible in those moments too. It may feel harder, but it is still possible and wildly effective.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Oh yeah, it totally is. But first of all, that perspective of if there’s chaos and you stay calm through the chaos, even though it still is chaotic, you are in my book, as long as you’re safe and you’re confluent, it doesn’t matter what is going on with their behavior, because your model speaks louder than any words, any limits. And you rules any punishment that you will ever give is that model of staying calm, even throughout chaos. If you can try that, just breathe and just walk into your room. That’s a part of protecting yourself too. I mean, your job is to protect everyone in the household.

Ralphie Jacobs:
That includes you. So, but yeah, there, there’s this wonderful research that says that if you’re calm that 98 out of a hundred times, if you give the calm directive by the third directive of the child complies, that means that if I say, I know what’s so good. If I say, I understand you’re really upset right now, but this is what I need you to do. And then they still yell and they still scream. And like, I know it feels really big right now. And you’re trying so hard. I need you to do this. Let’s go and take care of that. And they still scream and they still yell. And you call back to that. Remember, we’ve talked about this before.

Ralphie Jacobs:
We’ve worked it out before and we’re going to practice it again. So let’s go practice it again. They comply by the third time. So just know, just even if you don’t do it exactly to that, not standard, it just shows you how important you holding space for your child and holding on to that piece, allows them calm down to, okay.

Wendy Snyder:
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. And you become more confident each time, right? Like, oh, just had, yeah. I just had a member email me this, or she’s posted a success story this morning saying she’s new to five months in. And she says, I’m in our membership group. And she said, last night, her daughter freaked out. I think there, she, I think she said there was biting, there was throwing there’s all these things. And she’s, she was so excited because it was the first time her and her husband had never not reacted or hurt the child back. And it was just so moving because it’s like, I knew what a powerful unleashing of a moment that was to like, have everyone go to bed and to have her be able to be that calm and the chaos and to be able to look her child in the eye and probably for her child, maybe possibly for the first time to feel completely unconditionally loved and safe, no matter how gnarly and out of control she got, I was, I mean the whole community this morning was like, oh my gosh, like, this is a really big deal.

Wendy Snyder:
It’s a really big,

Ralphie Jacobs:
It’s so beautiful when that happens. What a beautiful payday for that long to just feel like, you know, it just, it’s so empowering to you as a person to feel like you, you can be that safe place for your child, even when they’re. So this storm is raging. And I really think that that’s our role. We have to kind of look at it that we have to kind of look at it differently that it’s just our job to let them be children and to just have a safe place for them to land when they make mistakes, not if, but when, and then to be that guide for them, it’s just a totally different way to look at parenting.

Ralphie Jacobs:
And I love that she had that success. Parents don’t give themselves nearly enough credit. I find that I’m in time again. They’re just so down on themselves and self degrading and, you know, trying to make the best of things, they feel like they’re just doing a bang up job of it. And I just, I just want to honor all of your listeners out there. You guys are triers and that’s all we can ask for is just keep plugging in and keep trying and keep listening to those good people like Wendy, who are just your fighters for you. We honor you so much in all the work that you do and in your homes and you belong there, you belong in that home. Most children need you and you’re doing the best you can.

Ralphie Jacobs:
That’s all we could ever ask for.

Wendy Snyder:
Oh, I love it. Ralphie. And yeah, those mamas like that, they’re making it through the storm and thank God they have educators like you and all the wonderful, positive parenting educators out there in the world that remind them, this is not only like pivotal moments where you’re learning to be the calm in the chaos, but watch it fricking works. Long-term just you do that. You do that 5, 10, 15, not even three, six times in a row. Oh, just wait. The other effectiveness gets unlocked. Right. That’s what we know as educators. And that’s what,

Ralphie Jacobs:
It’s more satisfying to parent that way.

Wendy Snyder:
Yes. So thank God. Like I know you have so many students that have gone through your courses that can testify to that. And you know, these families out there now have those families that have gone before them that get to say, yes, you can be the calm in the storm and not react and, and it’ll work. So Ralphie, thank you so much. Your wisdom is so profound, your spirit, your heart, thank you for all the work you’re doing in the world for the light, you are spreading. Tell our listeners where they can find you. What’s the best way to get more information about your programs and all that good stuff.

Ralphie Jacobs:
Oh, you’re so sweet. So yeah, simply on purpose. That’s my handle on Instagram. It’s also simply on purpose.org is my website. And on there I have so many free resources. I try to give as much free as possible. Lots of wonderful things to like boost your family culture, help your family be stronger. In fact, there’s a whole rest of this year, I’m doing a project called the strong families project where I just give free things and I just give free information and resources. And we do a theme every month about those attributes of a strong family. So, and then my courses is the audio course called parenting that make a difference in a day and it’s all based on positive parenting.

Ralphie Jacobs:
So you can find that on my website as well.

Wendy Snyder:
I love oh, well thank you again for being here. Ralphie. I hope you have a great rest of your day and listeners go find Ralphie today. Give her some love and just enjoy her beautiful wisdom in your life. Thanks for coffee. Thank you

Stella Snyder:
For more information, go to fresh start family, online.com. Thanks for listening. Families have a great day

Wendy Snyder:
For links and more info about everything we talked about in today’s episode had a freshstartfamilyonline.com/103. Well, Hey there families. If you loved this episode today and want to jump in to one of our fresh start family programs, I cannot recommend our firm and kind parenting blueprint as a starting point, highly enough. So head to firmandkindparentingblueprint.com, and you can learn all about this simple affordable program that will get you started with learning our four steps to setting strong limits and sticking to them with consistency today.

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at [email protected] or connect with me over on Facebook @freshstartfamily & Instagram @freshstartwendy.

 

Learn more about how Positive Parenting Curriculum can transform your life through these Fresh Start Family programs

Want to see what Positive Parenting looks like #IRL? I love to stay active on both Instagram & Facebook, giving you guys a glimpse into my real family life!

Hey Momma!

So great to meet you! Want to get notified when new Fresh Start Family Show episodes drop? If yes, pop your email in below & I'll send you weekly encouragements! Plus ... I'll send you our most popular FREE learning guide download "How to Raise Strong Willed Kids with Integrity" ... let's be friends!

You have Successfully Subscribed!